Anyone have experience with post stroke family/friend?

[Tuffcookie]

This is very painful right now.

DBF (of 17 years!) had a stroke last Nov. He actually called me while I was at the beauty shop with perm rods in my hair and said he wasn't feeling well. I called the paramedics from there (why he didn't call them first, himself, I'll never know!) and he went to the ER in his local, community hospital. He wasn't sure if his insurance covered him if he got admitted at that hospital so he had them release him. They did, but with orders to get an MRI, CAT scan, and a bunch of other tests and see his regular doctor asap. I took him home with me so I could keep an eye on him. His dr's appt came around and I took him there and got all the meds he was prescribed. Tests were scheduled for a couple days away. Almost immediately after leaving the doctor he took a turn for the worse. He had trouble walking, his speech was slurred, loss the use of one arm/hand, and was very emotional. I'm glad I was with him because I called the paramedics again. They came to my house and told him he had no choice, they were taking him to the hospital. (Luckily the hospital he is covered thru, has an excellent stroke center)

He was in the hospital for a little over a week. (It was a basal stroke). When it came time to be released, I took him home with me, to recouperate and visiting nurse came for physical therapy.

He has made a remarkable recovery! I was so glad to see him regain use of his arm, his speech cleared...The only problem I saw was a loss of short term memory. By all eyes, he appears to be back to normal.

I thought this ordeal would bring us closer together but since he went home from my house I have noticed little things about him that make me wonder if part of his brain was affected.

He is the dearest person in the world but now he is showing a mean streak! It doesn't happen all the time but he has said some pretty insensitive things.

Now the topper: July 28th was my birthday. Youngest DS and I were going to be down at WDW for my birthday so DBF and I celebrated my birthday before we left. I got a card that said: "I love you!".

Every day we were at WDW he would call me and tell me he loved me.

The very next day after we got home he called me and says "We have to talk". (You know where this is going!)

It seems he thinks I'm fat (I'm 5-1, 125 lbs), he is attracted to someone else, and he wants to end our relationship! He has always been over weight but I never considered that criteria for our relationship.

I gave him a week. I called him yesterday to see how he was doing and to see if he was feeling regretful (after 17 years I feel I needed to do that) and he seems so cold and distant. He told me he is still going to pursue this other person (at this point he tells me it is at the flirting stage).

I told him I still love him and miss him. It didn't faze him in the least.

He said something about calling me in a couple of weeks (probably if the flirtation thing doesn't go anywhere)

I don't believe he will be receptive of me suggesting he see his doctor about his personality change. He would probably deny the stroke affected it.
WWYD??? His kids are all grown and live their own lives far away.

I did a goggle search and discovered that alot of people are affected by changed behaviors in a friend/family member who has suffered a stroke.

It is such a shame to see this happen to my best friend!

Has anyone here had any experience with a post stroke family member or friend?

TC

 

[Tinijocaro]

Could it be that this is not a personality change due to the stroke but a man who genuinely wants to break it off with you? I know this is not the scenario you want to envision, but that's kind of what it sounds like to me.

You really haven't mentioned anything that says "personality change". Have there been other things that you didn't put in your post that indicate personality change?

 

[Tuffcookie]

Thanks for your opinion. Maybe he does just want out and it has nothing to do with having the stroke, but there have been other incidences of rudeness with others.

TC

 

[CathrynRose]

UGH.... this is hard for me to type to you.

My g/f's ex b/f - years ago - was in a road rage incident. He got the crap beat out of him. He doesnt even remember how it happened, or what incited it, as his memory was shot from getting smacked in the head with a 2 by 4 (according to witnesses)

He was unconcious for awhile, came out of it, was mean and nasty - but the doctors blamed it on head injury.

Long story short - after my g/f stayed by his side exclusively (his family consists of his mother and she had a serious drug problem) he broke it off with her. Said a lot of things like you mentioned.

Now - they ended up getting back together after a year or so (and then finally breaking it off for good about 2 years after that).

My g/f said she felt like he 'faced death' and realized life was too short. They had been together about 8 years when it happened, and while 'content' they weren't "OMG, I'm so in looooooove" blissfully happy.

I dunno. This might be the case OR maybe he's acting strangely due to what happened? I dunno. I think when death experiences happen like that it can change your thinking on everything, don't you think? Even if you've done nothing wrong, or anything.

 

[java]

In my personal life it's only been women that have had the strokes but I can say that YES their personality changes.

But I also want to add that my friend's husband is sick*terminal kind of sick. And he's 50. I think it all pushed the mid life crisis thing into full on shock. He cheated on her and is now wanting to move out of state to start a new life with her?
I think that he saw his mortality and got scared. Like is this all there is? Kind of scare.

I am so very sorry this is happening to you right now. But perhaps it's for the best. It could be the stroke. Or it could not. You'll never know. But I can tell you that post stroke my Grandma did some wacky things and my nasty aunt became suzie sunshine. It is a brain injury.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Cindy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I dont have any advice, I will just say some prayers for you and of course I can say that there is no way you are fat! Boy I wish I looked like you!! You are such a sweet and kind person and I am sure you treated dbf the same way. I pray this will all get straightened out, it may not turn out the way you expect but God is with you. Also hope you had a very happy birthday!! Blessings to you always.

 

[Disney Doll]

A stroke is a brain injury. As such, it is tough to get out of one without some residual effects. Your boyfriend sounds as if he has made a pretty good physical recovery. His mental/emotional/cognitive recovery lags behind, and may always do so.

With regard to your current situaiton, I am going to guess that it is a combination of residual brain effects from the storke and the "slap in the face" of "I could have died, so I have to live life".

What to do? I think you have to let him go. Let him find himself. It may bring him back to you and it may not, but you can't keep him if he doesn't want to be there with you. If he has a relative you can talk to, you might want to mention his behaviors that concern you (you said something about a couple of "incidents" that seemed out of character) so that they know what to keep an eye out for.

If you would welcome his friendship back again, then let him know that, but I'd be cautious that you don't become his "fallback" girlfriend.

I'm sorry

 

[Mom2Nick]

I am sorry this is happening - but there is nothing you can do. If this is the stroke or his emotions nothing you can say or do is going to change this. He is who is is regardless of why he is this way.

 

[Abbigator]

I'm sorry that your loved one has suffered a stroke. I work with folks every day who have had strokes, many at young ages. It is a very devastating event, even when it is a mild one. Often the cognitive effects of a mild stroke are very subtle and only the ones close to the person will see the changes. A basal ganglion stroke specifically can cause personality changes, lack of impulse control, things that did not bother a person prior can trigger anger or sadness after a basal ganglion stroke. Search basal ganglion stroke and personality changes. I found this: http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/PatientEd/Materials/PDFDocs/dis-cond/stroke/BasalGangliaStroke.pdf You will likely have difficulty convincing DBF that there is a problem, however. And psychotherapy or other treatment may not change things. Good luck.

 

[Hillbeans]

TuffCookie -

My Father had a TIA Stroke the day before his 75th Birthday last October. He lost feeling down his right Shoulder into his arm, and still has slight loss of sight and weakness in his right arm. It really is surprising how the body heals after a stroke, we are surprised at how much he got back.

Anyway, he was living with us at the time, widowed since 2003. He had been dating someone for 3 years and 2 months after the stroke he proposed and they got married in May. I think the stroke had a lot to do with the change of heart and made him make some decisions about his future. I don't think it changed his personality but now him and my Step Mom are talking about retiring for good and moving to Delaware.

What you are going through is not fair and almost cruel since you nursed him back to health, I hope you can navigate your way through this and find happiness however things turn out.