Anyone have advice?

[amandaluvsgoofy]

We were planning on going back to Disney in December, but now my DH is worried his work won't give him 2-3 days off.
DH works at a prestigious prep school here in the area and he is fearful if he asks for the time off his job will be in jeopardy. I have known at least one of his colleagues taking a day off to watch the Rangers play in New York a few years ago (could have possibly justified as a coach's need ). Anyway, DH has hardly ever taken time off. He even went to school last year when he was horribly sick (ended up with Pink Eye!!). I guess a lot of people feel this specific school wants you to be there EVERY DAY unless you are ill or have a family emergency. We haven't been able to take vacations during school holidays much because DH was working on his PhD. I just wish I could help him get the confidence to strongly ask for those few personal days (which in my opinion are greatly needed) and not think they will fire him if he does

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We were planning on going back to Disney in December, but now my DH is worried his work won't give him 2-3 days off.
DH works at a prestigious prep school here in the area and he is fearful if he asks for the time off his job will be in jeopardy. I have known at least one of his colleagues taking a day off to watch the Rangers play in New York a few years ago (could have possibly justified as a coach's need ). Anyway, DH has hardly ever taken time off. He even went to school last year when he was horribly sick (ended up with Pink Eye!!). I guess a lot of people feel this specific school wants you to be there EVERY DAY unless you are ill or have a family emergency. We haven't been able to take vacations during school holidays much because DH was working on his PhD. I just wish I could help him get the confidence to strongly ask for those few personal days (which in my opinion are greatly needed) and not think they will fire him if he does

A vacation is not worth losing your job over.

If your dh cannot take a vacation during the holidays because he is working on his PHD, then just put off Disney until he is done.

I would never encourage my DH to put his job at risk for Disney.

 

[McKelly]

Does he have personal days built into his contract? Is he able to group them together?

I do know our school district frowns heavily on teachers/support staff taking off as well. The school day just goes easier for the kids when all the "regulars" are there.

It's right in the contract that days for vacation will not be granted. Only days off for special family events like graduation, marriage, etc. will be granted.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would trust my DH judgement when it comes to how he handles his job. There is no way I would try to push him into taking time off if he feels that the absence would place him in jeopardy.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

We were planning on going back to Disney in December, but now my DH is worried his work won't give him 2-3 days off.
DH works at a prestigious prep school here in the area and he is fearful if he asks for the time off his job will be in jeopardy. I have known at least one of his colleagues taking a day off to watch the Rangers play in New York a few years ago (could have possibly justified as a coach's need ). Anyway, DH has hardly ever taken time off. He even went to school last year when he was horribly sick (ended up with Pink Eye!!). I guess a lot of people feel this specific school wants you to be there EVERY DAY unless you are ill or have a family emergency. We haven't been able to take vacations during school holidays much because DH was working on his PhD. I just wish I could help him get the confidence to strongly ask for those few personal days (which in my opinion are greatly needed) and not think they will fire him if he does

First you really do not know why or how the other employee received his 1 day off. You are talking 2 or 3.

I think your husband is not lacking in confidence but has an abundance of reality/responsibility. Give him a break, reschedule the trip or go without him.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

What is the policy at his school on time off?

 

[anniemae]

I totally understand how your dh feels, he feels a responsibility to his job. I think teaching jobs are kind of hard to get and he probably knows it. I would also feel guilty taking time off like that if I worked at a school. It seems like it isn't a common thing or your hubby wouldn't feel obligated to work without time off. Also, it's not the schools fault he is tied up with getting his phd during the school breaks.

I always wondered how they handle time off for teachers. Do they get to take a week off, or a personal day, or do they just have to use the time off built into the school calendar, like Christmas break and spring break, and use after school time for personal appointments?

I don't think the trip would be much fun for him if he is fretting about losing his job the entire time and feeling guilty.

Could you maybe take a trip during a long weekend when he has a Monday off? It stinks, but its also one of those jobs that you kind of have to be there during the school year, unless it's an emergency or something.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would trust my DH judgement when it comes to how he handles his job. There is no way I would try to push him into taking time off if he feels that the absence would place him in jeopardy.

This.

There is no way that I would push my DH to ask for days off when he was sitting there telling me what you have said. His job is way more important than two or three days off for Disney.

 

[HM]

I agree with the others. Hold off on your Disney vacation until a time comes when you can do it during his holidays.

Even if he were able to get off, you can almost be sure that he'll have a hard time having fun if he's worried about his job status.

And as a parent to two kids who have had frequent substitutes, I applaud his dedication. Having a sub is very disruptive to the learning experience and daily routine.

 

[Princess Dolly]

A vacation is not worth losing your job over.

If your dh cannot take a vacation during the holidays because he is working on his PHD, then just put off Disney until he is done.

I would never encourage my DH to put his job at risk for Disney.

I would trust my DH judgement when it comes to how he handles his job. There is no way I would try to push him into taking time off if he feels that the absence would place him in jeopardy.

I agree with these posts. It's also important to take adhere to the corporate culture if you want to ascend the ranks.

 

[Colleen27]

I would trust my DH judgement when it comes to how he handles his job. There is no way I would try to push him into taking time off if he feels that the absence would place him in jeopardy.

He's the one working there every day, and he's the one familiar with the workplace culture. And it is that culture - not contracts or official policies - that matters when it comes to possible consequences of taking the time.

 

[Patience]

I would trust my DH judgement when it comes to how he handles his job. There is no way I would try to push him into taking time off if he feels that the absence would place him in jeopardy.

I agree with this 100%. Pick a different time for your trip. Your husband is acting responsibly for the benefit of your family.

 

[kneedeep]

Like others have said, I would trust your husband to read his work environment. You're right that there may have been other factors with the other teacher being allowed one day off. (Coaches put in countless additional hours away from their families for a paltry or even no additional stipend- maybe the day off was considered "comp time.") Plus that was a few years ago and the expectations may be different now. I imagine that even if your husband managed to get the time off, he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy your vacation if he felt his job was at risk.

My DH and I are both educators who have worked at public and private schools and I have seen a difference in how employee absences are perceived in the two environments. In a more prestigious institution, expectations are higher for students and for faculty. Parents don't pay the big bucks for their children to be taught by substitutes, so the school tries to minimize the number of days teachers are out. At his current prep school, my DH has never taken vacation leave outside of school holidays. At his previous school, he was in a non-classroom position and students weren't affected by his absence, so he usually took one "personal" day per year.

While it is understandable that your DH's PhD work has made it hard to travel during school breaks, that was a personal choice and doesn't really mean the school should encourage him to miss school for a vacation. (Pink eye, on the other hand ...) Just think, when he's done with his degree you'll have your school breaks back and can plan to travel during those weeks much further in advance than some professions where people can't request leave that far ahead of time.

 

[mickeyboat]

Like others have said, I would trust your husband to read his work environment. You're right that there may have been other factors with the other teacher being allowed one day off. (Coaches put in countless additional hours away from their families for a paltry or even no additional stipend- maybe the day off was considered "comp time.") Plus that was a few years ago and the expectations may be different now. I imagine that even if your husband managed to get the time off, he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy your vacation if he felt his job was at risk.

My DH and I are both educators who have worked at public and private schools and I have seen a difference in how employee absences are perceived in the two environments. In a more prestigious institution, expectations are higher for students and for faculty. Parents don't pay the big bucks for their children to be taught by substitutes, so the school tries to minimize the number of days teachers are out. At his current prep school, my DH has never taken vacation leave outside of school holidays. At his previous school, he was in a non-classroom position and students weren't affected by his absence, so he usually took one "personal" day per year.

While it is understandable that your DH's PhD work has made it hard to travel during school breaks, that was a personal choice and doesn't really mean the school should encourage him to miss school for a vacation. (Pink eye, on the other hand ...) Just think, when he's done with his degree you'll have your school breaks back and can plan to travel during those weeks much further in advance than some professions where people can't request leave that far ahead of time.

 

[Janepod]

I just wish I could help him get the confidence to strongly ask for those few personal days (which in my opinion are greatly needed) and not think they will fire him if he does

DON'T encourage him to do this. It's his workplace and his career. If he doesn't want to ask, I doubt it's because of a lack of confidence. Trust him and his read on the situation. If he thinks it's inappropriate, it's inappropriate.

Why do you think a few personal days are greatly needed? When I was teaching, personal days were really only used for emergencies (I don't mean, like, ambulance emergencies, but like funerals, an out of town wedding you have to travel for for ONE day, that sort of thing.) And thinking back to my days in private school, I literally do not remember ever having a sub. It is just not done in some schools, and if your husband wants to succeed there he will have to respect that. What other teachers do, that's their business.

Not for nothing, I know teachers work hard (I'm a former teacher and literally every female in my family - mom, aunts, cousins, ALL of them are teachers) but he has 185 days a year that he *isn't* working -- probably even more in a private school. Even with the PhD, he must be able to pull together four or five days here or there to take a vacation?

 

[diznygirl]

I agree with the others. Hold off on your Disney vacation until a time comes when you can do it during his holidays.

Even if he were able to get off, you can almost be sure that he'll have a hard time having fun if he's worried about his job status.

And as a parent to two kids who have had frequent substitutes, I applaud his dedication. Having a sub is very disruptive to the learning experience and daily routine.

Not to mention, those substitutes have to be paid for out of the school's limited resources. I think that's what makes principals more nervous about their teachers taking days off than anything else.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with the other posters---I think it is abnormal for a teacher to take time off for a vacation during the school year. Possibly a day or two for a close family wedding but that is about the only reason.
I think your husband is correct not to ask for the time off.

I'm sorry you are limited on when you can travel between work and the PhD, but I think that is a sacrifice many have to make when going back to school while working. I think that is just something you have to expect your situation--and it is not the responsibility of the school to give you more time off than the scheduled vacation time that both students and teachers have off to accommodate the studies.

 

[Hannathy]

Like others have said, I would trust your husband to read his work environment. You're right that there may have been other factors with the other teacher being allowed one day off. (Coaches put in countless additional hours away from their families for a paltry or even no additional stipend- maybe the day off was considered "comp time.") Plus that was a few years ago and the expectations may be different now. I imagine that even if your husband managed to get the time off, he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy your vacation if he felt his job was at risk.

My DH and I are both educators who have worked at public and private schools and I have seen a difference in how employee absences are perceived in the two environments. In a more prestigious institution, expectations are higher for students and for faculty. Parents don't pay the big bucks for their children to be taught by substitutes, so the school tries to minimize the number of days teachers are out. At his current prep school, my DH has never taken vacation leave outside of school holidays. At his previous school, he was in a non-classroom position and students weren't affected by his absence, so he usually took one "personal" day per year.

While it is understandable that your DH's PhD work has made it hard to travel during school breaks, that was a personal choice and doesn't really mean the school should encourage him to miss school for a vacation. (Pink eye, on the other hand ...) Just think, when he's done with his degree you'll have your school breaks back and can plan to travel during those weeks much further in advance than some professions where people can't request leave that far ahead of time.

Exactly.

You have chosen to use his vacations for something else so you can't go to Disney, that isn't the schools decision or choice.

If he feels he can't take time off he can't take time off. My DH works in Maintenance for a manufacturer. Do you know when they do big maintenance projects? yep on holidays when everyone else is off. He has worked almost all the major holidays and the day before and after. but that is part of the job just like your DH knew when the school year was when he took the job.

As hard as jobs are to come by now and especially teaching I wouldn't push him to do anything he isn't comfortable doing.

 

[Minnesota!]

Like others have said, I would trust your husband to read his work environment. You're right that there may have been other factors with the other teacher being allowed one day off. (Coaches put in countless additional hours away from their families for a paltry or even no additional stipend- maybe the day off was considered "comp time.") Plus that was a few years ago and the expectations may be different now. I imagine that even if your husband managed to get the time off, he wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy your vacation if he felt his job was at risk.

My DH and I are both educators who have worked at public and private schools and I have seen a difference in how employee absences are perceived in the two environments. In a more prestigious institution, expectations are higher for students and for faculty. Parents don't pay the big bucks for their children to be taught by substitutes, so the school tries to minimize the number of days teachers are out. At his current prep school, my DH has never taken vacation leave outside of school holidays. At his previous school, he was in a non-classroom position and students weren't affected by his absence, so he usually took one "personal" day per year.

While it is understandable that your DH's PhD work has made it hard to travel during school breaks, that was a personal choice and doesn't really mean the school should encourage him to miss school for a vacation. (Pink eye, on the other hand ...) Just think, when he's done with his degree you'll have your school breaks back and can plan to travel during those weeks much further in advance than some professions where people can't request leave that far ahead of time.

Just wanted to say I love your user name, kneedeep! One of my most fave songs ever!

OP - if DH thinks his job would be in jeopardy, I would quit encouraging him to ask for the time off. Disney will be there when the PhD is done.

However, I am shocked at all the people saying teachers never should/would/get time off. We had subs, A LOT, growing up, my kids have subs frequently, now. My BFF is teacher and she just got back from a 5 day vacation to watch her hubby do a triathlon. She takes 5 days off in February, too. My older son has already had 2 or 3 subs this year. Doesn't even faze me. Teachers have personal lives, too, and should get the same entitlements other working people get, as well...vacation and personal time included, IMO.

 

[amandaluvsgoofy]

OP here.

I truly appreciate everyone's response. My DH's job is very important to him (as it is to me) and I wouldn't want him to risk his position. Honestly, a part of me was upset because he is "assuming" his job would be in jeopardy, he hasn't asked for the few days off yet.
I hope I didn't sound like a brat (looking back at my post it might have read like it), I haven't slept well the last few nights and needed to vent a little.
I also taught in the school system and felt "mental health" days were necessary and kept me better equipped to teach. Just MHO.
Again, thanks everyone for your replies!