Anyone else having trouble getting excited about anything?

[TLSnell1981]

I've been having a rough several months.

COVID is only part of it. I was accepted to a dream degree program, and I just threw the acceptance letter in the trash. It doesn't matter, and no one cares, because all anyone cares about now is COVID. My husband's business was ripped to shreds. And how absolutely awful and vicious this pandemic has turned everyone - and I mean everyone. If I see one more vitriolic "wear a ^$&*ing mask you [horrible expletive]" on my news feed, I'm just going to deactivate. I've already cut my screen time down to about 30 minutes a day. I feel like I don't really like anyone anymore. I've just been shown all their true colors, and I don't like what I see at all.

The other part is my dad. He died in March, and I've hit the lonely part of grief. Where it was long enough ago that no one wants to hear me talk about it, but I'm feeling new effects every day and have nowhere to go. More than once, I've thought "oh man, I can't wait to tell dad--" "I wonder what dad thinks about--" "I need to ask dad about--" "I can't wait to hear dad's opinion on--" only to have the very sudden, crushing realization that I can't tell him. I can't ask him. And I never will again.

I find it very hard to get excited for anything. because every time I've been excited for something this year, it has been swiftly dashed. I truly feel like life isn't worth being excited for anymore. I hope I don't feel like this forever, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I agree with the bolded. It’s sad how vivacious and nasty some have become. I don’t like the “Us vs. Them” mentality.

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time.
I recently lost my Dad and totally understand how you feel.

 

[AlohaNow]

I’m not sad or scared anymore at this point like I was early on. We passed the acceptance phase in late May and know that this is our current situation and that life will need to be lived around the virus for a while. We got away earlier this month and it was wonderful! We have two nights at a campsite booked for next month’s meteor shower. We’re also looking at going back to the same resort that we just returned from over fall break. There are ways to travel safely during all of this if no one in your party is at-risk. My son’s birthday is in two weeks and I just ordered some party stuff and he’ll have a few friends over for pizza and a water balloon fight. My older son is graduating this December. I’m excited about these things because the world is still turning and the sun comes up every day!

But I’m reading all sorts of bad things on here. Some folks are in very dark places and frankly you have me worried. For everyone who just feels hopeless day after day, I’d suggest getting some counseling. At least a one-time phone call to a local telehealth service to get your feelings out with a complete stranger who is trained in mental health. There are also coping strategies online. Please try to take care everyone!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

So have I. MUCH worse. TRAGICALLY worse. Life right now is a breeze for me, if it was about me. But it's not. My depression comes from the uncertainty of the world my grandchildren are growing up in. In addition to events that are many people's worst nightmare, I've lived 56 full and rewarding years. I've experienced so many things and had such a full life. But will my grandchildren ever have that? I don't know, and that leaves me feeling helpless.

I think we feel similarly, but I don't feel helpless or hopeless about it. I think things will work themselves out, as they always have. Not saying there might not be some tough times in between, but that ultimately, things will be ok. That's how I see it, anyway.

So sorry to hear about your Dad, @TLSnell1981

 

[tvguy]

Aww, I’m sorry. I know how much you’ve been looking forward to that.

Thanks. But after 4 months of working from home, it is sooooo much less stressful. And sadly, with the spike in cases, and the gradual plan to put employees back in the building, there is a very real possibility that 10 months from now when I hope to actually retire, I will still be working from home.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Yup. I think the problem is that there is no end in sight. This could go on for a long time. All of our lives were ripped out from under us. Kids were in school one day home the next, trips have been canceled, jobs lost, stores closed, masks, quarantine, worried about contracting the virus etc.

Things we looked forward to for months were cancelled. Like the pp's I am counting my blessings, but it is hard to not be sad for all we lost. Even if it is silly things like vacations, outings to the mall, going to a restaurant without fear, going to a concert etc. Basically our Pre-Covid life. It's like you have to almost mourn it. We are trying to make plans for next summer but then it's like, "why? who knows if things will be better."

This exactly! You saved me a lot of typing. It is like the stages of grief.

And while I'm definitely making the best of things and enjoying the small pleasures and all that, I'm still just not ready to plan ahead right now.

 

[choirfarm]

Well, I bit the bullet and booked a three night stay at Pop Tuesday night, and it was the best thing I have done in a long time. No waiting and wondering if something is going to work or not. It’s all the waiting and wondering that has been getting me down. Time will tell if it was a wise or foolish decision, but if you can do some sort of local outing, like @kimblebee is doing with the escape room, it just feels like something special. And the more spontaneous the better! Just don’t forget the pesky mask and hand sanitizer as you head out the door . . .

And people like you are part of the reason I feel even worse. I would love to do that, but I refuse to endanger other people for fun. Makes me sad and angry because I want to get away.

OP. I completely feel the same way, but not about trips but for my kids. Me daughter had a crappy bend of senior year and who knows if she will ever get a normal college experience. Who knows when I can hug my friends or sing in a choir again. Yeah, nothing to look forward to at all.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

And people like you are part of the reason I feel even worse. I would love to do that, but I refuse to endanger other people for fun. Makes me sad and angry because I want to get away.

OP. I completely feel the same way, but not about trips but for my kids. Me daughter had a crappy bend of senior year and who knows if she will ever get a normal college experience. Who knows when I can hug my friends or sing in a choir again. Yeah, nothing to look forward to at all.

No need to feel worse or FOMO for people who are literally putting themselves and others in danger.

 

[Snowysmom]

I totally understand your feelings. I had to adjust how I feel over the past few months. It seems like every day is the same and sometimes I don't even know what day it is. My hours were cut by 40% while a large percentage of the people in my company got laid off or furloughed. I work from home 4 days a week and miss seeing my coworkers. I had a Disney trip for May canceled. We canceled our August family Disney trip with the kids and grandkids which I was so excited about. My anxiety and stress have been on the rise after I spent so much time last year getting it under control. So I decided to change my out look a bit. I make sure to exercise every day, we walk 2 miles in good weather or I do walk aerobics. I have a calendar on the wall near my desk at home so I know what day it is now. A coworker let me know that she is the manager for a friend's condo in the next state. I rented a week and am now looking forward to just chilling out for a week. Our states don't have any quarantine issues with each other. I am back to meditating a few times a week. I also avoid the main stream news media which are only fear mongering and have negative outlooks. That in itself has been very freeing. I read the headlines online from a local station and can pick and choose what I read. I don't fear covid but have a very healthy respect. For me fear is not living. Being rational, reducing the news noise, and using common sense gets me through. I hope everyone finds what they need to get through this time. It will get better.

 

[KayKayJS]

Yes. I have a 10 month old and this is just not how I envisioned her first year or two or parenthood in general. We had disney trips planned, disney cruises... I'd like to be able to take her to eat in a restaurant and ENJOY it (not be stressed about her touching things) or travel somewhere or visit friends. No big first birthday party... It's just really sad.

Even if we go and do something safely, it's not fun because there is the whole process of masking up, sanitizing everything, and worry. I'm 100% pro mask and know this virus is a big deal (we have had two deaths in our circle - one being in their early 40s.) but it doesn't take away from the grief of missing regular life too.

On top of ALL of this crap my husbands mother passed away in June (unrelated to COVID)... 2020 is just horrible.

 

[choirfarm]

No need to feel worse or FOMO for people who are literally putting themselves and others in danger.

No, but Tuesday is my 30th anniversary and we always take a big trip on the fives. My church had a choir for 4th of July (smaller, socially distanced) but I still don't think it was safe so I didn't participate. I've been singing in church choirs for over 40 years and directed some as well. The pain in my chest as I watched them, knowing it may not be safe to do that for 4-5 years if that. I am a HUGE planner. After living for my kids and husband and getting severely depressed, I finally had plans for me and Covid shot them to hell. I have 5 years of hunkering down which sounds like eternity and then who knows what society will be like. Planned to do tons of mission work. Nope and many of our friends and colleagues are dying in 3rd world counties. I don't even know how to plan to minister to people. I've been calling senior citizens, taking baked goods to shut ins and donating money to food banks, but it isn't enough. Do many people will be suffering either physically or financially and I can't fix it. No. People want to go to Disney to kill others while I sit at home helpless. No power. No plans.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

No, but Tuesday is my 30th anniversary and we always take a big trip on the fives. My church had a choir for 4th of July (smaller, socially distanced) but I still don't think it was safe so I didn't participate. I've been singing in church choirs for over 40 years and directed some as well. The pain in my chest as I watched them, knowing it may not be safe to do that for 4-5 years if that. I am a HUGE planner. After living for my kids and husband and getting severely depressed, I finally had plans for me and Covid shot them to hell. I have 5 years of hunkering down which sounds like eternity and then who knows what society will be like. Planned to do tons of mission work. Nope and many of our friends and colleagues are dying in 3rd world counties. I don't even know how to plan to minister to people. I've been calling senior citizens, taking baked goods to shut ins and donating money to food banks, but it isn't enough. Do many people will be suffering either physically or financially and I can't fix it. No. People want to go to Disney to kill others while I sit at home helpless. No power. No plans.

That 100% sucks. I missed having a celebration for my 40th birthday, and I haven't seen my baby niece since November.

 

[texaslover]

I'm in Texas and have experienced the exact opposite. No one wears masks to walk in our neighborhood or at our neighborhood park. We have 4000 homes in our subdivision so that's a whole lot of unmasked people going about their day outside.

But why does that bother you? When I'm outside at the park, or trail, or neighborhood sidewalk I never come within 10 yards of anyone! Why should I feel bad going down to our little fake lake and feeding the ducks without a mask when no one is within a football field distance of me? I thought the rule was wear a mask when you can't keep a 6 foot distance and now, in Texas, when you are inside a public building (store, restaurant, etc.). This is what makes me just stay inside.

 

[AustinTink]

But why does that bother you?

Did I say it did? I'm not hiding in my house. I'm out walking with my mask on.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

No, but Tuesday is my 30th anniversary and we always take a big trip on the fives. My church had a choir for 4th of July (smaller, socially distanced) but I still don't think it was safe so I didn't participate. I've been singing in church choirs for over 40 years and directed some as well. The pain in my chest as I watched them, knowing it may not be safe to do that for 4-5 years if that. I am a HUGE planner. After living for my kids and husband and getting severely depressed, I finally had plans for me and Covid shot them to hell. I have 5 years of hunkering down which sounds like eternity and then who knows what society will be like. Planned to do tons of mission work. Nope and many of our friends and colleagues are dying in 3rd world counties. I don't even know how to plan to minister to people. I've been calling senior citizens, taking baked goods to shut ins and donating money to food banks, but it isn't enough. Do many people will be suffering either physically or financially and I can't fix it. No. People want to go to Disney to kill others while I sit at home helpless. No power. No plans.

I hear your sadness and frustration, but I think this [bolded] is harsh.

 

[disneychick0412]

That 100% sucks. I missed having a celebration for my 40th birthday, and I haven't seen my baby niece since November.

I missed the same thing! Happy 40th birthday to us!!!

 

[mommasita]

I've been having a rough several months.

COVID is only part of it. I was accepted to a dream degree program, and I just threw the acceptance letter in the trash. It doesn't matter, and no one cares, because all anyone cares about now is COVID. My husband's business was ripped to shreds. And how absolutely awful and vicious this pandemic has turned everyone - and I mean everyone. If I see one more vitriolic "wear a ^$&*ing mask you [horrible expletive]" on my news feed, I'm just going to deactivate. I've already cut my screen time down to about 30 minutes a day. I feel like I don't really like anyone anymore. I've just been shown all their true colors, and I don't like what I see at all.

The other part is my dad. He died in March, and I've hit the lonely part of grief. Where it was long enough ago that no one wants to hear me talk about it, but I'm feeling new effects every day and have nowhere to go. More than once, I've thought "oh man, I can't wait to tell dad--" "I wonder what dad thinks about--" "I need to ask dad about--" "I can't wait to hear dad's opinion on--" only to have the very sudden, crushing realization that I can't tell him. I can't ask him. And I never will again.

I find it very hard to get excited for anything, because every time I've been excited for something this year, it has been swiftly dashed. I truly feel like life isn't worth being excited for anymore. I hope I don't feel like this forever, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am so sorry about you losing your Father. Grief truly adds another level to this pandemic. i spent the first few Months isolating everyone, even by phone, FB, I mean via blocking them.. simply for no reason. Me, my grief, it is there, ever present, I have slowly realized this is SO not good for me in any way shape or form, and am working on it. Please be patient and kind to yourself, it is so early. We have a wonderful board here , Coping and Compassion, if ever and whenever, please stop by ❤

Also, congratulations on Your degree program ! That is amazing. It matters, people do care. I am elated for you, you should fetch that letter and keep it. The world has changed sadly, but it isn’t permanent. i wish you love and light, I know it isn’t easy.

 

[tcufrog]

I’m not sad or scared anymore at this point like I was early on. We passed the acceptance phase in late May and know that this is our current situation and that life will need to be lived around the virus for a while. We got away earlier this month and it was wonderful! We have two nights at a campsite booked for next month’s meteor shower. We’re also looking at going back to the same resort that we just returned from over fall break. There are ways to travel safely during all of this if no one in your party is at-risk. My son’s birthday is in two weeks and I just ordered some party stuff and he’ll have a few friends over for pizza and a water balloon fight. My older son is graduating this December. I’m excited about these things because the world is still turning and the sun comes up every day!

But I’m reading all sorts of bad things on here. Some folks are in very dark places and frankly you have me worried. For everyone who just feels hopeless day after day, I’d suggest getting some counseling. At least a one-time phone call to a local telehealth service to get your feelings out with a complete stranger who is trained in mental health. There are also coping strategies online. Please try to take care everyone!

I agree. Right now 3/4 of my family are in counseling. DS9 started in April at the recommendation of his school counselor who had been meeting with him since school closed. Around that time DS13's psychiatrist prescribed for me some anti-anxiety medicine. It's stressful paying for all of this but I don't know how my family would cope without it right now. Please find a way to get help if you need it.

 

[mommasita]

I agree with the bolded. It’s sad how vivacious and nasty some have become. I don’t like the “Us vs. Them” mentality.

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time.
I recently lost my Dad and totally understand how you feel.

I am very sorry to read about your loss.

 

[Farro]

My mom was in hospital last few weeks for breaking femur. She's 81 and has memory issues. She called crying everyday wondering why no one wanted to visit her. That was hard.

I got a paycut that lasts through November and its hurting.

But....our zoos opened, we are visiting, museums open next week. We are planning a small trip and then WDW next year.
We are enjoying working from a home and spending time with our cat.
We plan to adopt two kittens!

So I feel there are still things to look forward to.
I annoyingly always have hope. I try to quell it but it won't go away! Things will get better.

 

[mommasita]

Sorry to hear about your Mom @Farro . I hope she heals quickly, That is not easy.
It will get better, we have to get stronger I believe, it is a tough time, But we will get there,