Anyone else have a child who just will not listen?

[lw49033]

I honestly never needed to do it with my first 3 children. Maybe a couple times with my first, did it one time with my second (he kicked my prenant belly and got his leg slapped--he didn't do it again). I'm not debating whether I could have avoided using it that time--just relating the situation. I truly NEVER had the need with my 3rd child. He's 12yo now and don't think NOW I haven't thought about it.

My 4th child has been my test in parenting and before him I would have been the one arguing that spanking was never needed. The best thing about Jake was that he has truly been a humbling experience and just when I thought that I had the answers he gave me a whole new book of questions.

We all have different experiences. I never seriously considered not using spanking as a punishment, regardless of what kind of kids I had. I never saw a reason to try to avoid it because I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

The reason I talk about it and not other methods is because there is no shortage of people to tell everyone about those methods, but there IS a shortage of people to defend spanking, and there IS a misguided hesitancy of people to use it.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We all have different experiences. I never seriously considered not using spanking as a punishment, regardless of what kind of kids I had. I never saw a reason to try to avoid it because I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

So with a child like my 3rd child, with TRULY never a reason to spank, you would have done it anyway? He had one temper tantrum as a preschooler and I was shocked since it was so unlike him. We were at a mall and I brought him home and turned out he had a fever and was sick, I just hadn't realized it. That was the only time he misbehaved in public.

He really was an angel until he was 6yo and then it was VERY minor stuff that wouldn't have come close to being stuff that would get a spanking--forgetting set the table the first time I asked, but doing it the second time, and that was rare--he would normally ask what his chores were first thing in the morning before I'd had a cup of coffee.

The "perfect angel" finally disappreared when he was 11yo because he finally got sick of his older siblings calling him a perfect angel. But even now at 12 1/2yo his idea of acting up is SO minor--he's still almost a straight A student, does his homework on his own, plays baseball, very active, etc, etc.

You know the ironic thing? The reason I wanted to have a 4th child is because the 3rd was such a delight. Thankfully Jake is 6yo now and is really starting to come around. Thank goodness!!!

 

[lw49033]

So with a child like my 3rd child, with TRULY never a reason to spank, you would have done it anyway?

Maybe not, I was just saying that the thought that there could be a kid like that never crossed my mind. It may also be partly that we don't consider all the same things spankable offenses. What you would consider minor, maybe we would consider correctible. I don't know if that is the case, I am just saying it might be part of it.

You said you don't spank kid #3, but have you ever done anything else like time outs, corner time, early bedtime?

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

McKinley-- Don't be too hard on yourself. You are obviously a caring parent. I'm sure you'll figure something out. I'm in the same boat with a 6 year old boy.

I don't want to turn this into a pro/anti-spanking thread. From the Original Post it sounded like McKinley had tried spanking and it didn't work. I know that's been my experience. I tried it and it made my son act worse. It also made me feel terrible. Spanking is fine for some kids and some parents, but it's not for everybody.

 

[lw49033]

I don't want to turn this into a pro/anti-spanking thread. From the Original Post it sounded like McKinley had tried spanking and it didn't work. I know that's been my experience. I tried it and it made my son act worse. It also made me feel terrible. Spanking is fine for some kids and some parents, but it's not for everybody.

True enough. But you don't know if it could be the missing ingredient until you really give it a try. It's not a magic pill, it's something that has to be applied over a period of time as part of a well-thought out discipline strategy. Even so, you are right, it's not for everyone.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Maybe not, I was just saying that the thought that there could be a kid like that never crossed my mind. It may also be partly that we don't consider all the same things spankable offenses. What you would consider minor, maybe we would consider correctible. I don't know if that is the case, I am just saying it might be part of it.

You said you don't spank kid #3, but have you ever done anything else like time outs, corner time, early bedtime?

#3 is now almost 13, but when he was of the spankable age, I don't recall ever needing to send him to bed early, time out, etc. He really honestly never did anything wrong. If he had of been my first child I would have thought that I was a wonderful parent. Of course being my third I knew that I was lucky. Of course if I had of been smarter I might have had my tubed tied.

And it's true that it doesn't need to be a pro/anti spanking thread.

 

[lw49033]

As far as spankable age--I was 17 the last time I got spanked and it was stated in no uncertain terms that when I left home I would no longer be spankable age, lol. Not saying you're wrong and my mom was right, just giving some perspective on it.

 

[Daxx]

I have 13 of them ... all age 5-6 ... my students!!!! They have been on Spring Break since February! I cannot get them to listen and pay attention for anything lately!!!!

 

[VernRDH]

I have a soon to be 6 year old daughter. I am having the worst trouble getting her to listen to me. It just keeps getting worse all the time. She really hasn't listen to me ever. I don't really like to spank her. Nothing seems to work, i just get so frustrated i usually end up screaming at her and giving up before its over. I bought a suprise box with lots of different things to put in it and when she was good all day before bed she could get into it. About a week ago i told her that if she listened to me each day she could earn $3, that didn't work neither. I have begin to think that i need Super Nanny!. My child acts just like some of them children. Anyone got any suggestion

McKinley-
I know where you are coming from. I have a 6yo DD and we are adopting a 5yoDD who just came to live with us. We went through this stage with DD6 where everything was "why". We get down on her level and talk to her. We also encourage her to make the "right choice". She knows now that if she makes the right choice, there is a positive reinforcement/reward but if she makes a poor choice, there is a negative consequence (loss of privileges, no dessert etc). She is learning that by making good choices, she will be able to do the things she likes (play leapster, go outside, watch TV) instead of sitting in the corner in the naughty chair.

We are trying to instill this in DD5, but it will take time. She has been living with her grandfather (age 85) and he has overindulged her and not disciplined much. It will be a challenge.