Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?

[cornflake]

I don't tell him he can't have a drink, I just point out how much all of the drinks add up, lol. He drinks, eats, buys all he wants, we don't tell each other what to do, and in general, both of us can laugh at me when I act like that. But it's the fretting about it that I'm tired of. I'm the only one being driven crazy by this and I want to stop.



Some of it is hobby. If we won the lottery tomorrow I would still look at each expense. But I do think I have a problem with splurging on myself moreso (DH consults me on money decisions, but he wouldn't let me control him, even if I wanted to). For ex, my DH threatened to walk in a store and buy a purse for me the other day b/c I've been wanting a new one forever and couldn't make myself do it. The only reason I got it was b/c I knew he really would do it and he'd pick out something terrible, so this was in a way the cheaper option to go. But I was still sick about it.

For the pp who said I don't want tips, I'm not asking for anyone to help me uncover deep, psychological problems! I know what my issues are and I can guess why I have them, I'm just wondering if there are any tips for overcoming the reluctance to spend money even though you have it...Like the tips on letting DH pay for everything (may work, if I can stop the mental math, will definitely try this) or getting the DDP (at $200 or so a day for the 5 of us, this would kill me ) In other words, has anyone been like this and found something(s) that helped them to let go of these hang ups?
Thanks for everyone who did share tips!

If you'd really like to stop this you can.

First, figure out why you're doing it, that is, what you're getting out of it.

If you have more than enough money, sufficient savings, etc., you're not doing this for any practical purpose and even if you were, you know it's too far and too consuming.

What you said about the purse and ipad and mad money made me wonder - you say you'd never have mentioned an ipad. I wonder if you maybe do mention this stuff a bunch, but don't, perhaps realize how much you do.

Ask your family and friends if you do mention how you're not buying things for yourself or you would like X but... if you are, maybe that's a clue.

If you're not, then what're you getting out of this? What is the feeling it gives you that's the reward? Control? Sacrifice? There's something.

When you identify it, short circuit it.

Modify your behaviour. Try a band on your wrist that you snap, hard, when you have a thought about the drinks or etc.

If that doesn't work, make it more painful. Money is your thing - get a jar and every time you have a thought like this, stick a dollar in the jar. Every Friday, you MUST take ALL the money in the jar and do something that tortures you. Buy lottery tickets, give it to your kids to buy full-priced candy or do whateeeever they want, stand on the corner handing it out to strangers, whatever. You'll stop.

 

[jgreco]

The title is "Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?", then we get people on here accusing others of making the thread about themselves and bragging about their bank accounts. If someone wears ripped shorts and has nearly $1m, I would say she is qualified to add her story as "being overboard". There is no reason to be ugly and run someone from this forum that appears to have been a positive contributor for a long time.

Spending $6000 to attend a wedding sister or not, millionaire or not is ridiculous. I spent less than that on my entire own wedding including food, cake, dress and honeymoon. I would think due to the nature of this board, I am not alone. Your sister is making her wedding "about her" as it should be, good for her. It is possible, she is having a destination wedding to avoid having too many guests, and sending your regrets would not be the end of the world for her.

QVC shopper, I do hope you come back at least once in awhile, there are very good ideas and plenty of positive people to keep you company (when you are not having fun with your family of course!).

P.S. Budget tip- Don't throw the shorts out, make em into a dust rag!

 

[hrslvr142]

Haven't read this whole thread so this may have been covered already. OP congratulations on being so financially responsible. Only thing I will add is that life is too short to not enjoy it on occasion. I lost my dh after almost 36 years of marriage at age 54...yeah I would happily let him have a drink at a meal. I urge you to let go every now and then. Best of luck in whatever you decide

 

[Tiger926]

This will be my last post on the disboards. I have been thinking about leaving and this is the final straw. I don't know why you feel the need to say such mean things. I have mentioned previously about my mortgage, but this was the first time I ever mentioned a number. I didn't mean it as bragging, I just like talking about money and I can't do it in real life. People seem to find it rude and uncomfortable, but I find it interesting. It's a hobby of sorts. I put it in there this time to show how ridiculous I'm being lately.

To the other poster about deorderant, my oldest is seven. She knows we are not poor, that came up during a conversation when her classmate told her that she was poor herself. Half of the school gets free or reduced lunch. That's why I'm trying to help so much there. I am in charge of all of the fund raising through boxtops, labels for education, target, food stores, etc. as well as the finances. No one else wanted the job, so I volunteered. Cutting out 10,000 little box tops is very luxurious, isn't it?

As for the power issue , I'm an overweight SAHM who loves her hubby and kids and works in her basement at night. I'm no better than anyone else, but I do try to help others by giving and serving to my community. It's a fact, not a brag. I do wish other people would help more, though, as it seems to always be the same 10 people at every single event.

Today, I wrote to the travel agent and threw out my shorts (which ripped about a month ago from constant washing and wearing), but I'm not buying more because I'm sick and tired of being overweight. And I did not say I wasn't going to my sister's wedding up above, I said it was extremely hard for me to spend that kind of money on a trip. It's going to cost $6k, probably more, which is probably double what we've ever spent before. And my brother is not going, and he makes more than me and my hubby combined and has two less kids.

So, on that note, good night. Instead of reading the disboards, I'm going to spend my time doing better things like playing with my kids more and exercising.

Oh, and the lady on the no-buy was Tigger something. She was nice.

I am sorry you felt it as being mean, but that is not what it is at all. You absolutely have the right to contribute to the thread, but you have done so in such a detailed way that we haven't seen the OP back. That may be unrelated to your posts, but I am not sure, so that is why I addressed your posts and tried to shed some light on why you may be struggling in those areas. When you have millions of dollars in the bank, yet seem to be struggling with spending a few thousand on a sibling's wedding, then there seems to be more going on. If you don't think so, then why bother posting in a thread about struggling with overbudgeting?

It certainly feels as if you are struggling with issues, which is why I said this thread seems to have become cathartic for you in a way. You saw a similar story in OP, and you felt a connection to that story, which is what a discussion board is all about.

No need to walk away from the DISboards just because someone questioned your intention or posters made comments about your statements. That is what a discussion board is all about.

I wish you luck in the areas that you have presented that you are struggling in.

The title is "Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?", then we get people on here accusing others of making the thread about themselves and bragging about their bank accounts. If someone wears ripped shorts and has nearly $1m, I would say she is qualified to add her story as "being overboard". There is no reason to be ugly and run someone from this forum that appears to have been a positive contributor for a long time.

Spending $6000 to attend a wedding sister or not, millionaire or not is ridiculous. I spent less than that on my entire own wedding including food, cake, dress and honeymoon. I would think due to the nature of this board, I am not alone. Your sister is making her wedding "about her" as it should be, good for her. It is possible, she is having a destination wedding to avoid having too many guests, and sending your regrets would not be the end of the world for her.

QVC shopper, I do hope you come back at least once in awhile, there are very good ideas and plenty of positive people to keep you company (when you are not having fun with your family of course!).

P.S. Budget tip- Don't throw the shorts out, make em into a dust rag!

I haven't done any such thing. If she has chosen to walk away, that is her choice to do so.

You seem to share similar viewpoints and that is ok, but most of us don't agree that spending that money to attend a sibling's wedding when one has millions of dollars in the bank (she pointed out this fact), is in fact an issue, and is about more than the money itself.

That is what a discussion board is for - helping others. If QVC didn't want help or comments about her statements, then don't give out so many personal details on a discussion board.

I wish OP and QVC both luck in their financial journeys.

Tiger

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I am sorry you felt it as being mean, but that is not what it is at all. You absolutely have the right to contribute to the thread, but you have done so in such a detailed way that we haven't seen the OP back. That may be unrelated to your posts, but I am not sure, so that is why I addressed your posts and tried to shed some light on why you may be struggling in those areas. When you have millions of dollars in the bank, yet seem to be struggling with spending a few thousand on a sibling's wedding, then there seems to be more going on. If you don't think so, then why bother posting in a thread about struggling with overbudgeting?

It certainly feels as if you are struggling with issues, which is why I said this thread seems to have become cathartic for you in a way. You saw a similar story in OP, and you felt a connection to that story, which is what a discussion board is all about.

No need to walk away from the DISboards just because someone questioned your intention or posters made comments about your statements. That is what a discussion board is all about.

I wish you luck in the areas that you have presented that you are struggling in.



I haven't done any such thing. If she has chosen to walk away, that is her choice to do so.

You seem to share similar viewpoints and that is ok, but most of us don't agree that spending that money to attend a sibling's wedding when one has millions of dollars in the bank (she pointed out this fact), is in fact an issue, and is about more than the money itself.

That is what a discussion board is for - helping others. If QVC didn't want help or comments about her statements, then don't give out so many personal details on a discussion board.

I wish OP and QVC both luck in their financial journeys.

Tiger

I have to say, I have an issue with your tone as well. It may be that what you're trying to say doesn't translate well to print, but I can understand why QVCShopper decided to bow out.

First of all, QVCShopper said she had $1M in the bank--not millions. She also stated that this was mostly in retirement and college savings. I'm in the same boat--college and retirement are really, really big expenses, we have no idea what's going to be available when these expenses roll around. Believe me, I don't feel "rich". I'm just not going to mortgage our family's future for that next deluxe Disney trip, which seems so common around here.

I can also understand having a tough time swallowing the cost of someone else's dream destination wedding. Of course, most people would want to go, but a ot of times, it seems like the bride gives no consideration to the cost and logistics of such a choice. It's not unreasonable to be conflicted about this kind of expense.

I agree that the OP, QVCShopper, and I probably all have money "issues". While it may not be popular on the DIS boards, I maintain that under-spending is probably a healthier issue than the over-spending that's so common here--how many times to we see people in foreclosure or unable to afford school supplies, yet still going to WDW? There needs to be a balance.

 

[blueiis99]

I have to say, I have an issue with your tone as well. It may be that what you're trying to say doesn't translate well to print, but I can understand why QVCShopper decided to bow out.

First of all, QVCShopper said she had $1M in the bank--not millions. She also stated that this was mostly in retirement and college savings. I'm in the same boat--college and retirement are really, really big expenses, we have no idea what's going to be available when these expenses roll around. Believe me, I don't feel "rich". I'm just not going to mortgage our family's future for that next deluxe Disney trip, which seems so common around here.

I can also understand having a tough time swallowing the cost of someone else's dream destination wedding. Of course, most people would want to go, but a ot of times, it seems like the bride gives no consideration to the cost and logistics of such a choice. It's not unreasonable to be conflicted about this kind of expense.

I agree that the OP, QVCShopper, and I probably all have money "issues". While it may not be popular on the DIS boards, I maintain that under-spending is probably a healthier issue than the over-spending that's so common here--how many times to we see people in foreclosure or unable to afford school supplies, yet still going to WDW? There needs to be a balance.

well said!

I got out of it that they were seeking advice on how to be able to loosen up a little...not bragging at all. Just asking for assistance for themselves, as they don't like spending alot on themselves. There were no marital problems complained about, however i did see some posters makes statements referring to their own personal feels about their relationship...that is fine.

I believe the OP, and QVC were just asking if there was a way or an idea that they can possibly use to help themselves feel alittle better in giving to them selves with out feeling guity for the small personal gifts....its a tough balance when your trying to change learned behavior.... I applaud both of them for their dilligence, and smart financial choices, at times i wish i were more riggid with my own.

 

[Tiger926]

I have to say, I have an issue with your tone as well. It may be that what you're trying to say doesn't translate well to print, but I can understand why QVCShopper decided to bow out.

First of all, QVCShopper said she had $1M in the bank--not millions. She also stated that this was mostly in retirement and college savings. I'm in the same boat--college and retirement are really, really big expenses, we have no idea what's going to be available when these expenses roll around. Believe me, I don't feel "rich". I'm just not going to mortgage our family's future for that next deluxe Disney trip, which seems so common around here.

I can also understand having a tough time swallowing the cost of someone else's dream destination wedding. Of course, most people would want to go, but a ot of times, it seems like the bride gives no consideration to the cost and logistics of such a choice. It's not unreasonable to be conflicted about this kind of expense.

I agree that the OP, QVCShopper, and I probably all have money "issues". While it may not be popular on the DIS boards, I maintain that under-spending is probably a healthier issue than the over-spending that's so common here--how many times to we see people in foreclosure or unable to afford school supplies, yet still going to WDW? There needs to be a balance.

well said!

I got out of it that they were seeking advice on how to be able to loosen up a little...not bragging at all. Just asking for assistance for themselves, as they don't like spending alot on themselves. There were no marital problems complained about, however i did see some posters makes statements referring to their own personal feels about their relationship...that is fine.

I believe the OP, and QVC were just asking if there was a way or an idea that they can possibly use to help themselves feel alittle better in giving to them selves with out feeling guity for the small personal gifts....its a tough balance when your trying to change learned behavior.... I applaud both of them for their dilligence, and smart financial choices, at times i wish i were more riggid with my own.

We will have to agree to disagree then.

Tiger

 

[Granny square]

This will be my last post on the disboards. I have been thinking about leaving and this is the final straw. I don't know why you feel the need to say such mean things. I have mentioned previously about my mortgage, but this was the first time I ever mentioned a number. I didn't mean it as bragging, I just like talking about money and I can't do it in real life. People seem to find it rude and uncomfortable, but I find it interesting. It's a hobby of sorts. I put it in there this time to show how ridiculous I'm being lately.

To the other poster about deorderant, my oldest is seven. She knows we are not poor, that came up during a conversation when her classmate told her that she was poor herself. Half of the school gets free or reduced lunch. That's why I'm trying to help so much there. I am in charge of all of the fund raising through boxtops, labels for education, target, food stores, etc. as well as the finances. No one else wanted the job, so I volunteered. Cutting out 10,000 little box tops is very luxurious, isn't it?

As for the power issue , I'm an overweight SAHM who loves her hubby and kids and works in her basement at night. I'm no better than anyone else, but I do try to help others by giving and serving to my community. It's a fact, not a brag. I do wish other people would help more, though, as it seems to always be the same 10 people at every single event.

Today, I wrote to the travel agent and threw out my shorts (which ripped about a month ago from constant washing and wearing), but I'm not buying more because I'm sick and tired of being overweight. And I did not say I wasn't going to my sister's wedding up above, I said it was extremely hard for me to spend that kind of money on a trip. It's going to cost $6k, probably more, which is probably double what we've ever spent before. And my brother is not going, and he makes more than me and my hubby combined and has two less kids.

So, on that note, good night. Instead of reading the disboards, I'm going to spend my time doing better things like playing with my kids more and exercising.

Oh, and the lady on the no-buy was Tigger something. She was nice.

Don't let strangers scare you away. I'm sorry of I offended. I was just trying to say that you probably want your kids to be there for each other and example is the best way to show it is important.

You want them to feel they are worthy, and to be kind to themselves, so being kind to yourself again is the best example.

Take care!

 

[tzeitel]

The title is "Anyone else go overboard with budgeting/saving money?", then we get people on here accusing others of making the thread about themselves and bragging about their bank accounts. If someone wears ripped shorts and has nearly $1m, I would say she is qualified to add her story as "being overboard". There is no reason to be ugly and run someone from this forum that appears to have been a positive contributor for a long time.

Spending $6000 to attend a wedding sister or not, millionaire or not is ridiculous. I spent less than that on my entire own wedding including food, cake, dress and honeymoon. I would think due to the nature of this board, I am not alone. Your sister is making her wedding "about her" as it should be, good for her. It is possible, she is having a destination wedding to avoid having too many guests, and sending your regrets would not be the end of the world for her.

QVC shopper, I do hope you come back at least once in awhile, there are very good ideas and plenty of positive people to keep you company (when you are not having fun with your family of course!).

P.S. Budget tip- Don't throw the shorts out, make em into a dust rag!

 

[Ccann]

I can relate to overthinking and budgeting. I work from home and often find myself start thinking of money and what everything costs. (making 3 different budgets a week)
Then I find it easier to spend money on my kids and DH before myself. So our Disney Vaccation is not only for the family but really for me.

I too add up all the money my DH spends on Beer and how he must always have a drink at dinner. ( which prompts me to order something cheaper) to make up for it.

So my plan of action for Disney, can't tell my DH not to drink its his vacation to. So each one of us I have gotten a Disney Gift card to use. Each child will have $50 to spend on whatever they wish, my husband has $200 to spend for golfing and beer if he wishes, and I budgeted around $150 for me. All on Gift Cards do money is already spent.

We are doing to DDP and I plan on eating what ever looks great. Not going to worry about the price since I included it in our trip. Then we are bringing cash for tips and any other extras we may want to get. Around 1000 for a 7 night stay.

I budgeted a set amount so we will relax and enjoy this trip not worried about money, like I have on so many other trips and the trips ended up not relaxing bit I felt like I was working. We will have fun until the money is gone. Since food is paid for already if we run out of money then we will still have full Timmy's. LoL..

But I feel that because I over think and over plan everything even how much to spend for lunches during the week etc. that doing the DDP and Giftcards will help me to not think of how much everything really cost. I know that I could do Disney for far less money which was hard to swallow at first but since the trip is completely paid for now, I am just excited. It really helped this mom who almost has anxiety about everything feel at ease with this trip.

So my Tip is to make your Vaccation feel like it is an all inclusive trip. Either with Disney CC or gift cards, and even adding a dinning plan..

My advise for the woman who is having a hard time dealin with going to her sisters wedding. It will be a great trip and one your kids will enjoy, to get back at your sister plan an extended family Vaccation where you pick the place. I did a cruise with my Mother, sister and brothers families plus mine we had a blast with the occasional sibling fight LOL.
But I think you might regret it if you choose not to go, this will be a one in a life time event for most. But it is a lot of money and if you can do it, then go and just remind her paybacks are heck LOL.

 

[rnorwo1]

OP here, I wasn't scared away! I live in LA and we've been dealing with Isaac, which is why I had time to start this post Now that it's passed, we've just been busy cleaning and fixing things!

I wasn't offended by QVCshopper's posts, in fact I found it helpful to hear about hers, and so many others', stories. That was my very intent in posting this question... looking for how other people handle similar issues, and even looking for others to empathize and make me feel a little more normal. I will also add that I think this issue and other financial ones are completely independent of how much money you have or don't have. I don't have anywhere near 7 figures in the bank, but if I did, I don't think I'd be any less neurotic. I have been grateful for everyone who has posted their stories and their suggestions for how to change. Tiger926, I also understood you trying to focus the thread and keep the guidance going, and I hope that QVCshopper is around to read the apology

So, I've been doing a LOT of thinking about everyone's comments and have some more thoughts to add, thanks to some really insightful thoughts and suggestions... beware of the long post coming!

I have people in my life that will say "your lucky you have it, go ahead and spend". I can't afford to think like that because I personally think that's the attitude that has gotten so many of us in trouble in this country. It's a fine line.

This is So true, and my DH and I talk about this all the time. We are surrounded by friends and family who are constantly talking about what they deserve, and they will make fun of us for not running out and buying anything and everything we want. I usually just ignore those comments, but sometimes I'll respond nicely about us deserving financial peace instead of "stuff." That has been our mantra for so long, I think that I now equate buying anything with that self-indulgent/irresponsible attitude. It is a fine line, and I need to accept that we are not in any danger of going over it... we've lived frugally and responsibly too long, I cannot imagine us sliding down that slope, or if we did we would prob recognize it quickly enough. If I go buy a new shirt with cash, I need to not think I am caving into that attitude. So I'm going to work on that. Thanks for pointing out that, that was a dysfunctional thought of mine I didn't really realize, ha! I know others are still on that ledge of sliding that slippery slope though, so I think that's also important for many to keep in mind.

If you'd really like to stop this you can.

If you have more than enough money, sufficient savings, etc., you're not doing this for any practical purpose and even if you were, you know it's too far and too consuming. What you said about the purse and ipad and mad money made me wonder - you say you'd never have mentioned an ipad. I wonder if you maybe do mention this stuff a bunch, but don't, perhaps realize how much you do. Ask your family and friends if you do mention how you're not buying things for yourself or you would like X but... if you are, maybe that's a clue.

If you're not, then what're you getting out of this? What is the feeling it gives you that's the reward? Control? Sacrifice? There's something.

When you identify it, short circuit it.

Modify your behaviour. Try a band on your wrist that you snap, hard, when you have a thought about the drinks or etc.

If that doesn't work, make it more painful. Money is your thing - get a jar and every time you have a thought like this, stick a dollar in the jar. Every Friday, you MUST take ALL the money in the jar and do something that tortures you. Buy lottery tickets, give it to your kids to buy full-priced candy or do whateeeever they want, stand on the corner handing it out to strangers, whatever. You'll stop.

I'm assuming that you meant do I moan and complain with a "poor me!" attitude? Sometimes I do feel like "poor me", especially when my DH has no problem (responsibly) treating himself. Like another poster, I find myself self-sacrificing to compensate for his spending, which is always reasonable. I'll catch myself (not very often) saying "well that must be nice" sometimes, and my DH always says "It is, you should try it sometimes!" So you got me to thinking if I do this out loud, so I asked DH, and he looked at me like I was crazy... said he wished I did so he would know what to buy me for gifts! I think what I do say often, though, if a friend is talking about something they want, is "I just can't justify that." With the iPad, I never said anything b/c I knew he would go get it, and I really just didn't see the point. We have a computer, the kids have iPods, I'm too cheap to pay for books (get them all at the library), so why would I need an ipad? But now that we have one, I LOVE it. I knew all along that I would enjoy it, but my enjoyment is not enough for my justification of the expense I guess.

So all of this led me to think about my values, because obviously that is what helps me to justify. I may sound like a hypocrite because we do have some really nice things, but this is what I've figured out over the last few days: Some of the things I value, among many others, are my family's happiness, memories/experiences with family and friends, my time (when not valuing it takes away from my family,other times my time doesn't mean as much), and my career. So anything that falls in one of these (and others not mentioned) categories, I do not have any problem spending on. Because cleaning all day on saturday takes away from time spent with my family, I happily spend $75 every other week to have someone help me with some cleaning duties. Spending on vacations is no problem for me (although I spend a lot of time getting the best deals) because of those memories and experiences. For all of those who mentioned life is too short, my dad died at 38 and my mom at 50,with a full bucketlist of things never done. So this I believe with all my heart and have no problem with. Food, on the other hand, is not important to me... I enjoy good food, but it is more about sustenance or the social aspect of it, and not an experience in and of itself, like it is for my DH. I also value healthy eating (my worst fear is my DH dying from a heart attack!) So that's a really rough combination for me... paying for something like a drink at dinner is both a waste of money and calories for me. If I'm going to drink calories, it will be on something a little more intersting than tea or coke! We eat well at my house, I cook a lot, but I don't spend a lot on the ingredients. However, if we are having guests over, I'll go all out and spare no expense and feel good about it... b/c hospitality is very important to me.

BTW, a few pp have asked about if I micromanage in other ways, and the only other area I can think of is food. Again, it's about the fear of my DH dying early from his unhealthy eating habits, but I DO cross the line with him on that sometimes. But that's for another thread

It seems logical then that I have such a problem spending on myself b/c I don't value myself, but I really don't think that's the case. I'm not the most secure person on the planet, but I do think I know and appreciate my worth. I think it's more that I believe everything has to have such a high value before I'll commit to buying it. I guess I need to reframe that and include simple pleasures in the valuing of purchases. I don't mind letting my kids get frozen yogurt for a treat one day, but I would never stop and do that just for myself b/c I can live without it, even if I know I'll enjoy it.

I mentioned early in this thread that I was just looking for tips and not psychoanalysis, but looks like I really got some good therapeutic advice (for free!!) I don't think my issue is over, but you all gave me some really good tips and it's just something I'll have to continue to work on. I am going to start with some little things and just force myself, hopefully after doing it a few times it'll lose the sting for me.

Oh, and last night I made that Y&Y reservation again and I haven't canceled it yet! Hopefully I won't. I just keep telling myself, so what if it's not the most amazing meal ever, it's only $100. And for the pp's who talked about the freedom of the dining plan, it's not very freeing for me because now that I spent the money on the plan, I have to make sure I max it's value out! When we've had it in the past, I became a nazi about which snacks my kids could have and I had to order the most expensive entree even if it really wasn't what I wanted (I told you I was a nutcase!) But I do think the gift cards would work for us.
Thanks again everyone!

 

[tzeitel]

Oh, and last night I made that Y&Y reservation again and I haven't canceled it yet! Hopefully I won't. I just keep telling myself, so what if it's not the most amazing meal ever, it's only $100. And for the pp's who talked about the freedom of the dining plan, it's not very freeing for me because now that I spent the money on the plan, I have to make sure I max it's value out! When we've had it in the past, I became a nazi about which snacks my kids could have and I had to order the most expensive entree even if it really wasn't what I wanted (I told you I was a nutcase!) But I do think the gift cards would work for us.
Thanks again everyone!

Don't cancel it even if you second guess it (again ). If you find a time you like it might not come again - been there done that...twice! I booked for lunch then decided dinner then wanted lunch again and it was gone. Then decided to change AK days and could not find a good time - now I am super happy I found a 5:45pm and the park closes at 6pm. I am hoping on the way out we get some cool shots of the empty park

 

[ilovemk76]

Don't cancel it even if you second guess it (again ). If you find a time you like it might not come again - been there done that...twice! I booked for lunch then decided dinner then wanted lunch again and it was gone. Then decided to change AK days and could not find a good time - now I am super happy I found a 5:45pm and the park closes at 6pm. I am hoping on the way out we get some cool shots of the empty park

 

[MouseloverJD]

This is So true, and my DH and I talk about this all the time. We are surrounded by friends and family who are constantly talking about what they deserve, and they will make fun of us for not running out and buying anything and everything we want. I usually just ignore those comments, but sometimes I'll respond nicely about us deserving financial peace instead of "stuff." That has been our mantra for so long, I think that I now equate buying anything with that self-indulgent/irresponsible attitude. It is a fine line, and I need to accept that we are not in any danger of going over it... we've lived frugally and responsibly too long, I cannot imagine us sliding down that slope, or if we did we would prob recognize it quickly enough. If I go buy a new shirt with cash, I need to not think I am caving into that attitude.

So all of this led me to think about my values, because obviously that is what helps me to justify. I may sound like a hypocrite because we do have some really nice things, but this is what I've figured out over the last few days: Some of the things I value, among many others, are my family's happiness, memories/experiences with family and friends, my time (when not valuing it takes away from my family,other times my time doesn't mean as much), and my career. So anything that falls in one of these (and others not mentioned) categories, I do not have any problem spending on. Because cleaning all day on saturday takes away from time spent with my family, I happily spend $75 every other week to have someone help me with some cleaning duties. Spending on vacations is no problem for me (although I spend a lot of time getting the best deals) because of those memories and experiences. For all of those who mentioned life is too short, my dad died at 38 and my mom at 50,with a full bucketlist of things never done. So this I believe with all my heart and have no problem with. Food, on the other hand, is not important to me... I enjoy good food, but it is more about sustenance or the social aspect of it, and not an experience in and of itself, like it is for my DH. I also value healthy eating (my worst fear is my DH dying from a heart attack!) So that's a really rough combination for me... paying for something like a drink at dinner is both a waste of money and calories for me. If I'm going to drink calories, it will be on something a little more intersting than tea or coke! We eat well at my house, I cook a lot, but I don't spend a lot on the ingredients. However, if we are having guests over, I'll go all out and spare no expense and feel good about it... b/c hospitality is very important to me.

BTW, a few pp have asked about if I micromanage in other ways, and the only other area I can think of is food. Again, it's about the fear of my DH dying early from his unhealthy eating habits, but I DO cross the line with him on that sometimes. But that's for another thread

It seems logical then that I have such a problem spending on myself b/c I don't value myself, but I really don't think that's the case. I'm not the most secure person on the planet, but I do think I know and appreciate my worth. I think it's more that I believe everything has to have such a high value before I'll commit to buying it. I guess I need to reframe that and include simple pleasures in the valuing of purchases.

Thanks again everyone!

I totally understand. I also have difficulty spending on myself. Usually it's because I am afraid of whether it is being wasteful. I am surrounded by ppl who constantly complain about not having money for necessities but have blown it on "wants" so when it comes to spending on myself I am always conflicted because I wonder if I am being like them.

I have been dealing with this by consulting with my older sister. She is a bit more freer with her spending but doesn't go overboard. So I will run a big purchase by her before committing myself. I think she gives me good advice. I don't always agree with her but just discussing it helps me work through my issues.

For example, she talked me into getting an iPad for Christmas. It was one of the best purchases I ever made because I enjoy it so much. At the time I was running around picking up presents for my family members but believed the iPad was too extravagant a gift for myself. She just reminded me of how hard I was working, how I deserved to treat myself and how i could afford it. It wouldn't hurt my pockets to purchase it.

Currently dealing with the same issue about an upcoming Disney trip. I would love to stay at POR in the royal guest rooms but have booked POP. I can afford it, but just wondering if it's worth paying that much more for a stay for a few days. As you say, there's always an evaluation of the value to me.

OP, Glad you were able to come to some resolutions and good luck on following thru with your vacation plans.

Sorry for the long post.

 

[2girls4me]

Worrying about drinks for meals 6 months away is the sign ofa problem.

I say that with no snarky-ness at all. Really, your worried about him having a beer or whathaveyou at dinner 6 months from now?

I plan out how much we can save from each paycheck, but not meals and whatnot. And we are on a budget too.

Talk to someone about this.

 

[PattySwind]

I do consider myself to be frugal. I'm pretty concervative with the electic, water, and grocery bills.I order water when I go out to eat. I don't buy new clothes. But.... when I go to Disney, I allow myself whatever I want. If I want to sit at the Rainforest and have a $9 drink while I relax and take in the atmosphere then I'm going to do it without any guilt. Ghiaradelli for a $8 hot fudge sundae, you betchya!
I couldn't imagine pre-planning every meal on a spreadsheet waaayy in advance of my trip.
My friend just lost her mother and 4 mohths later she lost her 41 year old husband. Both to cancer. Life is short, please enjoy it..

 

[disney1990]

I have come to the realization today that when it comes to saving money, I am nuts. Not extreme cheapskates nuts, but still a little off the deep end. We are in pretty good shape financially, thanks to my tightwad ways.... Not wealthy by any means, but no debt other than small amount left on mortgage, on track with retirement, and decent savings. I enjoy saving money on things we buy and planning/budgeting it, and I think that's ok. I also think that no matter how much you have, you still need to be mindful of how you spend it. What I'm worried about is that I don't know how to "let go" sometimes, when we can absolutely afford it.

Today I planned out our meals for our upcoming trip for the 15th time (mardi gras vacation... Yes, 6 months away and I'm still obsessing over this). I have every single meal on a spreadsheet, ones we can eat in the room, ones we can split, ones we can eat off-site, etc. I have poured over the menus and am already trying to convince my DH that he doesn't really need to order a drink at each meal. I've made an ADR at Yak and Yetti and canceled it several times... I've always wanted to eat there, but just seems like it'll be a lot for a meal that sounds like the same type of food we can get at home from PF Changs. I really want to try the dessert wontons, but I keep asking if $100 plus for the whole meal is worth one dessert? I totally see the flaws in that reasoning, but I can't stop!

We have a very healthy vacation savings account, we have the money for all of this, and our financial lives would be no better off in the grand scheme of things if I saved a couple of hundred on meals over the week! And I know divorce will be a budget buster if I don't let go of adding up the costs of all my DH's drinks at meals seriously, what is wrong

It's not just vacations, I can list several other areas of my life. And I'm not just talking about having fun shopping for bargains, which I will always love and do. Does anyone else have this problem? Any tips on how to let go and enjoy???

You are not alone. I can tell you, within $100, what we will spend when we go on our Disney vacations. I budget every meal, every gratuity, etc. We cruise in October and I have been working on our spreadsheet for over a year.

 

[DisneyFansInLINY]

We are budgeters but we spend. We just try to buy everything we need at the lowest possible price. I kinda drive DH crazy with my coupons, bargains and negotiations lol. I would never tell him he couldn't have a drink on vacation because he works hard to support us and vacations are the only times we splurge. I do my best to earn gift cards and get great travel deals etc. For my birthday last week, DH wanted to take me out to a nice restaurant but I chose a moderately priced one and used a coupon for $15 off the bill! I had an alcoholic beverage because it was my birthday. We only drink water and didn't order dessert because we had a cake at home. My birthday gift was $10 worth of lotto tickets. I don't want to be cheap on the gifts but DH feels that we shouldn't give gifts to one another just to the kids, relatives and friends. And DH said that our birthday and Christmas gift this year is 9 nights at Disney for Christmas so I guess I can't complain. But we are saving for a house so there is a reason for our overboard budgeting.

 

[HarveyOakwood]

Hi everyone. I personally can speak from experience on this subject. I've been a "penny pincher" for years, and it does (and continues) to pay off. I've saved thousands and thousands of dollars throughout my life on every day items.

1. Be accountable for your spending. Keep a record of EVERY cent you spend. Do this for at least 30 days, so you can see where your money is going and break that down into categories. You can get a better understanding of what you are spending yoru money on.

2. Actively look for deals. Don't be lazy, do a little research. I promise it will be worth your while. Especially when you start saving money.

3. READ READ READ READ READ. Did I mention read?

I just finished a book called "Money Saving Tips: A Poor Man's Guide to Prosperity". It's an easy read. You can find it on Amazon. It was only $3


4. Couponing. Keep your eyes open! Look for deals!

5. Look on craigslist. Check the "for sale" section. Look under "free".
People are giving away stuff.

6. Shop at thrift stores.

7. Be resourceful, do your own repairs, make your own things.

I could go on and on. You get the point. The internet is very resourceful. If there is ANYTHING you do not know how to do, just look it up.

I hope this info was helpful! Good luck to all and may you be prosperous and healthy!

 

[Granny square]

Did you even READ the thread?