Anybody get grief over only having one child? (Inspired by cats7494)

[NMAmy]

Anybody with only one child getting tired of people constantly asking why you don't have more kids? DD is 13 and I still get this all the time. I've always told them that she's so great, no other kid could possibly compete.

I don't know why people think this is a legitimate question. I can understand from parents and in-laws but not from casual acquaintances. I've had people tell me my child will be lonely and how sad not to have siblings. Well, she has 3 step-sisters and a half sister at her dad's house, she's perfectly content to be an only child and have Mom's total attention at home.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My dd is only 3, but she'll most likely be an only child. I get grief at times, even though I'm not even in a relationship right now! She'll have a half-sister (due next month I think) at her dad's house....that's good enough. She also has a cousin (who's also an only child right now) who is 11 months younger than dd and the two of them are closer than sisters. Some people should just mind their own business.

 

[cats7494]

Wow - we have inspired each other! lol

Seriously, I feel your pain! I do not comprehend why people feel so strongly about having children or not or how many children couples should have - it really is not any of their business!

People just do not like it when other couples make different choices then they do. They do not understand it - so they assume it is a wrong decision.

People just keep on being people, don't they?

 

[SC Minnie]

DD10 is an only child and I get asked the question all the time. I usually tell them I found out what caused it the first time and took care of it. Or I say 'Not with this husband'. DH has a snip several year ago.

 

[birdiesunshine]

Yes!! I have a 21 month old DD and people always ask me when we are having another baby. Why can't people understand that just maybe DH and I want to give the baby that we already have all our love and attention while she is still so little. Maybe we will have other kids, maybe we won't, but I want to nurture the one I have now before I have another child. That's just my opinion on the subject. DH is an only child and he grew up just fine. I'm not saying we won't have another child, I just know it won't be for a few more years!!

 

[MickeysMommy]

I am an only child and when I decide to have a baby it will only be one. That's all I want...with my parents I'm all they could have. My dad always says that it took them 17 years of practice to get the perfect kid

 

[Chrissi Pooh]

I CHOSE to have my tubes tied after my DD was born and I have several people that say they don't agree and don't I want my dd to have someone to play with? Well to them i say "You have another one" I love my dd but 1 is enough for me. She is perfect in everyway and I can spoil her if I want.

Yes I have also been told I am selfish.....so what?

And by the way I'm an only child too!!!

 

[TINKTWINS]

cats7494

Seriously, I feel your pain! I do not comprehend why people feel so strongly about having children or not or how many children couples should have - it really is not any of their business!

So true! It goes for those of us who have several kids. Ive got 5, the last two being twins, you can imagine how many comments have been thrown at me!! And I constanly hear " hey you need a few more!" or hey shes pregnant again! (im not) but this time with triplets. Ya HA HA HA HA UGGGGGG mind your bees wax!!

I always wondered what it would have been like with only one. I bet its nice, comming from an exhausted mother!

 

[aprincessmom]

All the time. But I say something equally as inapropriate and insensitive to the person asking me and it usually does the trick.

 

[Pooh93]

I don't think people are ever satisfied. Once you're dating someone, people want to know when you are going to get married. After you're married, they want to know when you're going to start a family. After you start a family and have one, it's are you going to have another one? If you have two dd's or two ds's, it's always, are you going to try for...... (opposite of what you have). I'm 42, have 2 dd's and people continue to ask me if we're going to try for a boy. My response is "I took care of that permanently, so there will be no others."

 

[Buzz2001]

We used to but not too much anymore. I just used to say she was such a handful she was like having 2.

 

[robinb]

I tell people "One is enough!" and roll my eyes. I love my daughter, but she has always been a challenging child. I could not begin to imagine having another one.

 

[Kimberle]

I know people who cannot have children, even in these days of "modern medicine". I consider myself very very blessed to have been able to have one.

These "people" who ask these "questions" have no idea how much they can hurt.

I am not "bothered" by friends and family, but for those unsensitive, nosey people who do ask, my response is:

Why do you ask?

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I get it all the time for not having any kids.

IMO, people should really think hard about how many kids they have. If you can afford a big family fine. But I know so many people who have 4 and 5 kids and I see them struggling to pay the bills. I'm sure their kids are great and well worth it. I'm not saying they're not. I'm just saying that children are expensive and I personally would not want to have a child, until I was fincially secure enough to know I would not have trouble paying the grocery bill.

I love children. But I'm a single 28 yo and in no financial situation to have a child. Women in my family tend to ...how can i put it... have their childbearing time run out very early.

If I wanted a kid, without a lot of help from treatments I would probably have to have one within the next 5 years. And I can tell you right now that is not likely to happen. And my mother is not very happy about it.

I am also very happy with my relationship I am in and have been in for several years. The man I am with does not EVER want children.

As much as I love kids, I love him more. So if I ever decided I wanted a kid, I'd have to leave him and find someone who did. And I have no intent on leaving him. I'm happy with him and since I'd have to make a choice - have a baby and leave him, or stay with him and not have a baby , I choose stay with him and not have a baby.

So when I start to explain to people that the reason I don't have kids is because I do not have the time or money, they get all mad and totally flame me and say well money doesn't buy a happy family etc. etc. etc.

I KNOW THAT. I'm not saying people have to be loaded to have a family.

But money does buy food, college tution, clothing, health care and all the other things a happy, healthy child needs. Why would I want to have a baby when I could not provide those things for her/him?

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Chrissi Pooh

Yes I have also been told I am selfish.....so what?

I have no kids (by choice) and I have been called a lot worse things than selfish. It's amazing what people think they can say to you because you choose not to have kids. I swear, some of these folks think you are worse than the devil for not having kids.

I say, people should have whatever size family they want and can afford.

 

[Disney Doll]

The response to any insensitive, nosey, none-of-your-business question is an incredulous look followed by the statement "Why on earth would you EVER say something like that?!" or "Why on earth would you EVER ask such a question?!".If the person persists, you are well within your right ot say "None of your business."

 

[elemusing]

Yes I get so sick of the "when are you going to have another one" question!!! ugh. I prefer one child and it sure makes vacationing easier for us and less expensive. To each his own!!!

Angie

 

[coliebird]

I HATE this question. My daughter just turned two and all I hear is "you should have another one now" "you want them to be close in age", etc. etc. It is so irritating. I haven't even decided if I am having anymore. When I get asked, I just say "When I am good and ready" and that usually shuts them up.

 

[cats7494]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
I have no kids (by choice) and I have been called a lot worse things than selfish. It's amazing what people think they can say to you because you choose not to have kids. I swear, some of these folks think you are worse than the devil for not having kids.

I say, people should have whatever size family they want and can afford.

I think that is absolutely horrible, EsmereldaX! Obviously, it is YOUR choice to have or not to have children and I respect you very much for your decision!

And on the other hand, there are many people who do have children - who should not have them. (ie.. abuse, neglect...)

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by cats7494

And on the other hand, there are many people who do have children - who should not have them. (ie.. abuse, neglect...)

Yup. Like my downstairs neighbor who has 4 kids from 4 different fathers, whose toddler I often come home from work to find playing in the street in front of our house ALONE , unsupervised wearing nothing but diapers on hot sunny days.

My philosophy of people should have as many kids as they want and can afford does have a subtext and that subtext reads : AND CAN AND ARE WILLING TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF.