Anybody else (w/o kids) have an issue with hubby not helping with household chores?

[sk!mom]

I don't want to get flamed but speaking from experience, I think husbands "help" because we put ourselves in charge and set the standard for how and when things should be done. This was a big issue for DH and I for the for the first few years and then I realized what I was doing to contribute to the problem.

We sat down and had a rational discussion about who would do what. DH chose vacuuming and dusting and the yard. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen and mop the hallways. I, also, do the laundry and cook. He does the dishes. Last one up in the morning makes the bed. Other chores get done by whoever is bugged by the fact that it's not done. I don't ***** about how or when he does it and I don't do it myself. This has worked great for 15 years or so- once I gave up control he took more responsibility. We don't ever argue about the house and there is no more "helping"- we both live here. Now if we could just get our kids to work!

If this weren't working then I would hire a cleaning service to come in once a week. To be paid from joint household money. It's crazy for one person to spend every week-end cleaning while the other plays.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH and I share responsibilities. Took alot of "negotiation"(yelling, fighting, etc..) but we are finally in the groove.

Exception....we are decluttering basement. (it is bad) Having garage sale today and tomorrow. There has been some yelling.

 

[Pin Wizard]

That drove me nuts when I was married. DH wouldn't lift a finger unless I left it and let it slide. Tossing clothes on the floor annoyed me no end. Huge difference from the way I grew up. My dad never threw clothes on the floor...knew where the hamper was. LOL! He helped my mom all the time...dishes, washing floors, windows, everything! DH was the opposite. I sometimes think the big difference was my Dad's time in the military! Those guys are trained!!!! A friend of mine will also help out around his house...military. Hmmm...I'm seeing a definite pattern. All contributes to my looking for a military guy the next time around.

 

[Keli]

I think that you should do as some other posters have suggested and hire a cleaning service. Even if they only come once every two weeks it will take a big load off of you and free up some of your saturdays. I guess I don't think it's likely your dh is going to change at his age so I would change the other circumstances so that in the end you get what you need--more free time.

 

[BC]

I didn't think I would get this much response. I have mentioned hiring someone and even laid around ads for cleaning services, but he just said that was crazy to pay someone to clean up our mess! I guess he does think it is crazy since he has a built in maid already! I said I am particular, but I really would be willing to accept however he does it. Actually, he is meticulous about certain things he cleans, like his boat!! Even when he does do something here in the house, he is very through. I wish I could get him to read these posts, but he would just get irritated that I asked such a question. Guess the truth hurts, huh?

 

[robsmom]

You have to just stop doing it. Its sounds like a messy house really bothers you so start with the things that wouldn't be as noticable to others besides your husband.

1. go to the grocery story and only buy what you want need, like he does. do something really obnoxious like buy toilet paper and put it in a hiding spot that only you know about. then when he runs out of paper, ask him why he didn't get himself some when he went to the store. Don't tell him you have any!

2. Do only your laundry. Leave his in a hamber/closet out of the way so that your house isn't a mess but dirty so he can't wear them.

3. as suggested don't cook. go out with a friend or make a sandwhich just for yourself.

When I was a kid, my mother went on strike for a week or so when things go too bad. It worked. When we started reverting back she would threaten to go on stike again or do a mini day or two strike and we would be right back in line. I don't have this problem, in fact I think my DH might want to join this thread to complain about me!!

 

[shortbun]

Asking men to "help" around the house is kinda like asking
Dads to "babysit." My DH does what needs to be done when
it needs to be done. He's not great with BIG cleaning like deep
cleaning stuff but he was never taught as a child and he does
not see the need. He's gotten the routine now but it's still hard
for him to get started. I could suggest one thing. If you expect
a man to "help", don't make it HAVE to be on a specific day. Men
are a little more spontaneous about cleaning in general. The Saturday or Thursday thing was originally a bone of contention
around our house. I figured out fast that if DH dusted and swept
on Tuesday-it was all good.

 

[poochie]

Wow, I am lucky my DH, shops, vacuums, dusts, cooks, does laundry, mops floors etc. When we were first married, he made only one mistake by saying. "That is not how my mother does it" (Ony child ) Well from that point on, he learned it took a few loads of pink underwear in laundry But finally he came along.

Now we work as a partnership, yes I even shovel snow and rake leaves. He will not give up the lawnmover though. We have been married 24 yr this Sept. I guess you need to train them in the beginning.

As for your lazy !@#$% DH, I suggest you go out with your friends for dinner, a show, a weekend trip and leave the mess for him. You need to get out for yourself. Turn a blind eye on the mess for a while if he complains, ignore him, after a while if he wants something he better do it becuase it's the "maids day off". Shop for food for only you, maybe he will catch on. Talk about a spoiled brat. Maybe after a few days like this he will be willing to sit down and work out a solution.

 

[Mskanga]

Don't get me started, dh tried to get out of things like you wouldn't believe and when I had baby #1 I fell for it, until she was a year old. From that point on , I put my foot down and made him share the duties.
When baby #2 came along dh had duties from day one , he has had a honey do list since. I have to tell him what to do , and he does it, so I add things to the list as they need to be done.
I mow the lawn at home, truthfully because I like it and also because I have more time than he does, but I tell you one thing, if one day I feel like just vegging, I do , and he knows better than to ask me why something didn't get done.
Also in the winter I am the one who cleans up the snow 95% of the time, mostly because when it snows he's at work and because it takes me 15 minutes to do the driveway with the snowblower , but if it snows on a weekend, he's the one to do it. All cars and house maintenance is HIS JOB , and he does it.
But he is an excellent husband, father and provider for his family. I have learned that if I let him get out of things he will, but when asked to do something he does, so I will take the good with the bad.