Any non-AP parents out there??

[WeCantWait]

We have two boys.

They both slept in a bassinet in our room until about three months. They then slept in a crib in their own room. The only time they are in our bed is if they are sick or when they wake up in the morning for cuddle time.

Both were breastfed for about 9 months.

No slings were used.

I have never spanked.

This is what has worked for us.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to add something as someone who is AP -- Not all of us who consider ourselves AP are the die-hard kind! For example, we didn't circumcise, we co-slept and I still babywear, but we also vaccinate, and use disposible diapers. My kids also have plenty of alone-play, I just don't like using a playpen. Ha, and they also watch way too much TV! There are all levels of all kinds of parenting, and, indeed, different kids respond differently to different kinds of parenting. In our family, we tend to go with our gut on certain things, (ie, i just don't feel right letting my kids cry it out, so we don't use that method).

What's important is doing things that are right for your family. And to respect other peoples' parenting choices.

in training

So true. I never heard of AP until last year on the dis when I was on a thread about breast feeding. So I started reading about it. I found I leaned that way, with out really knowing it or the label. I did always like Dr. Sears though. I was also raised by a rather conservative/hippy christian mom in the 70's so that helped. She has always been more AP then me, but didn't know the term. I also always think of Annual Passes when I hear the term AP.

While I identify with AP style of parenting. Many who really feel they are would not think I am. In fact in many ways I am as much or little as many other mothers on this thread.

For example:

I am a very strong supporter of breast feeding. My girls both were until they self weaned at around 2 years old. I love hearing about new mothers that do, but understand that not every one can. My heart breaks for mothers who try so hard and have to give it up when they didn't want to. I do like to help those who would like to (by both encouragement and info.) I am the most AP in this way I think.

My oldest child did not co sleep at all. It rather who she was (and is) and what worked for her. In fact when she did fall asleep in my arms, she would often wiggle to try to get out. My youngest did co sleep. She had her own place, but wanted to be in the bed with us. Often we would try to move her back to her crib and end up with her back in bed with us just a few hours later. We did it because it was the only way to get any sleep. She sleeps in her own bed most of the time now (she is almost 3 years old.) Different kids, different needs.

We do vax, I am not fully comfortable with it, not comfortable not doing it. We did delay youngest DD's some, who had an egg allergy. I think I would delay a new babies even more with what I know now, but don't think I would skip vaxes all together. I don't think they are the root of all evil (a few mothers on an AP site I go to seem to think so.) I do believe they have done a great deal of good too. I am concerned about how many we have now, and how fast they give them. I would like them to be made and given in a safer way.

I don't spank anymore, but have. I don't think it helped. It mostly made things worse. I just feel better when we handle things a different way. Once again, different kids, often different needs. I do think if you can be just as effective with out it, why not? Spanking can be used effectively and can be used to make things worse. It can be a fine line that can be difficult to balance.

I have girls. I don't know if I would ciric. Before learning about AP I think I would of ended up doing it, not liking it but not really knowing why. Now I am not sure, I might, but I would also have to take DH opinion into account. I would look into it more before deciding.

I never considered cloth diapering at the time. My girls are potty trained now. If I had a new baby I think I would give it a try at least now. There are some really nice ones out there, much better then when my used CD on me. I have a friend who does who really likes them.

Love to baby wear. My oldest didn't like it, youngest did, but not in a sling. Once again, ever have another baby, I am going to give slings more of a try.

Not a personal fan of Cry It Out. This does not mean every peep and cry needs jumping on, but I don't like letting a baby cry for long periods when you want to go to them. Listen to your heart and what feels right.

HS is not for me, I was a preschool teacher. I am too relaxed at home. My oldest does go to public school. She was at a catholic preschool, it was just a school I liked. Not because it was private. My youngest will go there next year.

I seem to fall somewhere in the middle, as most parents do I think. I have enjoyed learning and reading about AP parenting, and feel I am a better parent by doing so. I am not a follow one method only type of person.

Parenting styles often evolve over the length of being a parent. I seem to be getting more crunchy (both AP and natural living) as time goes on.

No.. to be honest, it wasn't really defined correctly.
I don't know if anyone else beat me to the punch (didn't finish reading all of the posts) but AP is about following your children's cues.
Some AP parents homeschool, some use public schools, some use private schools.
Some AP parents vaccinate, some do partially, some don't at all. Schooling and vaccinations really have nothing to do with AP.
If you want an accurate definition of AP, feel free to check out the Dr. Sears website (www.askdrsears.com)
Basically, it includes breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing, belief in the value of baby's cry (i.e. not crying it out).
It's not really a checklist, though, just a philosophy. I have a good friend who was unable to breastfeed due to some medications she had to take, but she still considered herself AP. I know it doesn't work for everyone, though.
Not trying to intrude on your thread, just wanted to clear up some misinformation

Thank you for your post, I was going to do something like that and glad to see you did. Giving more info on what AP and Dr. Sears is.

 

[bluejaygirl]

I never set out to be AP or non-AP, my kids picked for me.

DD#1 was easy going, liked to be held or set down, slept well, breastfed well until her first bottle at 6 months old and ditched me that day. She rarely cried.. if she did it meant something was very wrong..I would have never let her cry it out.

DD#2 was high maintanence, I tried everything to put that baby down. I put her blanket in the dryer to warm it before puting it in her bassinette, laid her on it, and crawled away from the bassinette... I put her bouncy seat ON the dryer ( in the kitchen) while I tried to cook. I drove aimlessly for miles. I gave up and wore that baby in a sling. She breastfed till about 15 months, everywhere and everytime she wanted, and self-weaned. She is almost 7 and STILL sleeps with me at least one night a week. She cried a lot no matter what I did but it was less if I held her.

As for the rest of it: I vaccinate, I have spanked a couple times and threatened it more than a couple. I would never homeschool, but we do read a lot together and I like to help with homework ( except 6th grade math). I probably would have circumcised a boy. I would never use cloth diapers, even when DD #2 was sensitive to every brand but Huggies.

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

I am an in between mom. I will admitt that my dd6 does sleep in the bed w/ me often (I think that is only b/c my dh is gone for two weeks out of the month) and I do on occassion use a sling w/ dd3 (just think about carrying around three 10 pound bags of potatoes and you will understand why ) but mostly I use a stroller. DD6 was breastfed for about two months and dd3 was for two weeks since she had a lot of problems at birth I really wanted to breastfeed but it didn't workout and she did so much better w/ formula. DD6 has had a spanking here or there depending but it has to be really really bad for me to go that route. I remember once when she was two we were at my mom and dads and she was doing something that my dad fussed at her for and so he spanked her b/c she wouldn't listen and too our surprise she just laughed histerically so I put her in time out and she cried histerically . My dds have been vaccinated and I will have get the new one that is out that i can't think of right now and I should know the name b/c the breast cancer gene runs in my family . I have however boycotted the flu shot, I every year except for this past year my dds have gotten the flu shot and faithfully every week literally we were in the docs office. It was making me crazy, I was spending my entire pay check on co payments and meds. My kids have been through so many antibiotics I think they are now immune to all of them . I talked w/ their peds and decided that I didn't want to give them the shot this year and see how things went well you guessed it in the past year I have been twice and neither of them were illness related . I will see how things go again this next go round but I think I will stick to not getting it. I have just gone w/ what works well for me w/ each of my kids.

 

[dfarner]

Ok, I have to get on my soapbox about the immunizations. I am a nurse, plus I have a son with autism and yes he has had all of his shots! Immunizations do not cause autism, I believe that there is a possbility that it may bring out the markers for autism, but does NOT cause autism. Or, my other theory, when we as parents received the immuniztions as children (when there was still mercury in the shots), we may have passed on the toxins to our babies, which is why researchers are thinking autism is possibly heriditary. Now, I am getting off my soapbox. Sorry, I have had too many debates with "those" that think autism is only caused by immunizations, when the fact is, nobody knows what causes it, and we need to come together to find a cure and to treat our children now and to stop fighting about this immunization debate..

Well I'm so glad you got that off your chest.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

I haven't read all the replies but here's my story.

No breastfeeding at all
Did not sleep with us unless special circumstances, ex. sick, thunderstorm etc.
Daycare since 6 weeks old (that's all we were allowed to be off work in the olden days)
Disposable diapers
Circumcised
Vaccinations
Spanking.... I wish I could still spank him sometimes but he's 21.. a little too old now.

Good, loving kid in college who has made good decisions and is self confident.

Can't see any problems not being a AP parent.

BTW when he was little I don't think "AP" was a label yet for parenting skills.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I haven't read all the replies but here's my story.

No breastfeeding at all
Did not sleep with us unless special circumstances, ex. sick, thunderstorm etc.
Daycare since 6 weeks old (that's all we were allowed to be off work in the olden days)
Disposable diapers
Circumcised
Vaccinations
Spanking.... I wish I could still spank him sometimes but he's 21.. a little too old now.

Good, loving kid in college who has made good decisions and is self confident.

Can't see any problems not being a AP parent.

BTW when he was little I don't think "AP" was a label yet for parenting skills.

Amen! ITA with everything you said and that is how we are in my house. I figure that what my parents did worked for me, so why would I read some book to find another way of doing things. Maybe if I had a bad childhood I'd be trying to do the opposite of how I was raised, but mine was a good one. Quite honestly I never heard of this AP term/label either until this thread. Before that, I only knew AP to mean Advanced Placement or Annual Pass.

 

[brandylouwho]

I am a go with flow sort of in between mom too. Parenting, like many things in life, has a learning curve. There is some give and some take. I rarely find one "method" to be the be all and end all way to go.

I have found that with my first child we leaned more toward the attachment parenting, not because of a philosophical choice but because it is what she seemed to need. The sling, co-sleeping (although not as a newborn), breastfeeding, etc. is what worked best for us to get through the day and to get some sleep at night.

Now #2 is almost the opposite and so we are going with the flow. She was in the bjorn a lot for the first few weeks, but now she is only on rare occasion, when it is convenient for us. I hope she won't be upset when we put her in it at WDW this fall. She is in her crib in her own and sleeps through the night.

Both kids are different personalities with different feelings and needs.

I do get my children immunized. I am part of the group that sees far more risks for my kids and the community at large with NOT getting the shots.

I breastfed #1 for about 11 mos and rarely was supplemented with formula. After 6 months or so my supply seemed to slow down (she was always a light eater). By 11 mos it was more of a evening ritual than a necessary source of nutrition, so we weaned. If she had really wanted to for longer I would have been willing.

#2 is only 10 weeks old right now and still breastfed, but gets an occassional formula bottle when we are out in public. (I am not against public breastfeeding, just not very coordinated about doing it myself). I plan to pump when I return to work next week, but if it doesn't work out...I am not going to feel guilty about giving her formula for goodness sakes! It is not like I am starving her. (Oh- I work outside the home and my kids go to daycare).

I do not spank, but my husband is more likely to want to do it. (He was spanked as a kid, I was threatened with spanking a lot, but rarely hit)

Homeschooling is not something I ever felt the need to do. Although I will certainly be active in their education and know what is going on/what they are learning. Education is important in my family and that is one of the main reasons I am so big on traveling. It broadens the experiences my kids will have and opens the whole world to them. Right now education means reading, reading, reading at our house.


Since I feel like I fall in the middle of these differing points of view I often feel like I don't belong on either "side". When a fellow mom asks my opinion, I tell her what I did, point out pros and cons of both & and try to encourage her to do what feels right to her. Parenting is hard enough without poeple questioning your every move. That is what mothers or MILS are for.

 

[SaraMc]

DS slept in his bassinet in our room for the first 6 weeks, then I had enough of hearing every little girgle and wierd breathing thing he did, he moved next door to his room and his crib.
I breast fed for 4 months, but the little guy would always fall asleep or eat and still be hungry after, so we suplemented with formula ( the one the hospital suggest, Enfamil A+) and at 4 months we switched to formula.
Circumsized, no. But that was our choice, nothing political about it.

Carried, yes I held him when he was a little guy and carried him in my baby bjorn when I needed to get things done but I didnt wear him. He's not an accessory.

Immunization, yes.

 

[Mkrop]

Amen! ITA with everything you said and that is how we are in my house. I figure that what my parents did worked for me, so why would I read some book to find another way of doing things. Maybe if I had a bad childhood I'd be trying to do the opposite of how I was raised, but mine was a good one. Quite honestly I never heard of this AP term/label either until this thread. Before that, I only knew AP to mean Advanced Placement or Annual Pass.

The first time I heard of it was on the Dis here on a thread of what you would want in a spouse for your child and one of the posters said that the girl her son would marry had to adhere to Attachment parenting and had to breastfeed. So even though I am married I jokingly said I would be out because after trying found out my chest was not made for such activities, so she said I would be ok because I tried but that she would have "helped" me make it work Ah I dont think so.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

The first time I heard of it was on the Dis here on a thread of what you would want in a spouse for your child and one of the posters said that the girl her son would marry had to adhere to Attachment parenting and had to breastfeed. So even though I am married I jokingly said I would be out because after trying found out my chest was not made for such activities, so she said I would be ok because I tried but that she would have "helped" me make it work Ah I dont think so.

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but.... with a potential MIL like this, I would have to think very seriously about marrying into this family. I don't think I would want my MIL "helping" me do something like this. or any other thing I did that wasn't to her standards!!!

 

[iwannbindisnee]

BTW, when I read the non-AP parenting title, I thought it was for parents that did not have annual passes, lol. Tells you where my mind is.


Haha! that is what I thought too--I think it just shows my age--never heard of that term until today, but my kids are 20 & 18, so it was a while ago when AP type of paretning would have been used!! (however, I do still love it when my dd18 comes up & sits on my lap-I hold on tight!!)

After reading what typical AP parenting was, I would have to say that we were not AP parents. As so many have said here, you really do what is good for you, each child & your family set up, some may be AP techniques & some may not!
(for the record: I breastfed DS for 1 week & then stopped (long story) so DD never breasfed b/c of that expereince; kids in room in cradle for couple months; Never let my baby, from infancy to about 6 months cry too long before holding them, held them whenever I could when they were happy or sad; after that had a monitor in the room when they had tuff time sleeping & would listen for the "sleepy" cry, "angry" cry or scared cry before deciding if we would get them; never slept in our bed-we had a sleeping bag by my husband's side of the bed they would sleep on if they had a bad dream, or afraid of something or after a "family night" of doing things, wanted to continue it to stay together, they were allowed to come in & sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag. They considered this fun & would do it until they were about 10 or so.
Yes, they have both been spanked, timed out, "grounded", been given the "I am disappointed in you speech". All depended on the "offense" & age of the child!)
I do have to say that there is so much info out there on "parenting styles" that I almost fear there is information overoad on it & trying to apply one type may be frustrating for some. It appears most people here adopted what worked for them & incorporated teh positives from their own childhood. I know I used the CMFH parenting technique alot (Call Mom For Help) when my kids where little!!

Good luck to you all who are in the early stages of parenting & those who have yet to experience this most wonderful, exhilirating, emotionally draining, frustrating, miraculous adventure!! Deb

 

[Mkrop]

I'm probably going to get in trouble for this but.... with a potential MIL like this, I would have to think very seriously about marrying into this family. I don't think I would want my MIL "helping" me do something like this. or any other thing I did that wasn't to her standards!!!

Oh I have a "helpful" MIL alright just not when it comes to breastfeeding in fact when I was struggling she was giving me grief for continuing to try because her kids turned out just fine (thats debatable) on formula but it wasnt helping matters when I went through a very difficult time as a new mom! I did eventually have to stop and do formula but it was certainly not because of her insight and opinion!

 

[mrsltg]

Well, add me to the list! I parent based on the baby, and how they and I work best together.

-I formula feed
-I co-sleep
-No circumcision
-Definite Vaccinations!!!
-Solids starting around 4-5 months
-Pick up the baby when they, or I need to pick them up
-Put down the baby when they, or I need to put them down
-A schedule is put in place beginning around 8 weeks. The schedule includes getting the baby to sleep through the night.
-I have no problem giving Tylenol to a teething baby (who needs pain relief) and honestly don't understand parents who choose not to do so. I take pain management seriously for myself, so I do the same for my kids.

I think that's it. All in all, you learn what your baby likes best. You both (or all depending upon size of the family) have to work together.

 

[PEANUT1]

add me to the NON list...
No way to co-sleeping....
i do enjoy the baby bjorn, but my baby also has free time to run around and play pen time is a must!
breast feeding until the baby wants to stop...but for me not past a year.
i have spanked my 3yr old a couple of times (for hiding in the store and running into the street)
i have girls..but would definitely circ if I had a boy
YES!!!!! to immunizations. we are going to have some serious health problems in this country if we don't.

this is what I do....but other than the immunizations, I dont' have much of an opinion on what others do. unless of course you are breastfeeding a walking toddler in the mall

 

[rgribik]

I am glad to see there are parents who are not into "any specific style of parenting". We have 5 kids and parent according to the child...All have had different needs and personalities. I want my kids to be independent and individuals. Some are gifted, some are just normal lovely kids. All are polite. All are allergy free and healthy. No co-sleeping on purpose(some nights I found a child in bed with me), we had immunizations, circumcisions, formula fed, plastic diapered, bought my baby food, gave it to them when they could sit up in a chair, never "wore" my kids(did use backpacks for the twins sometimes)---but love and hold and worry and praise(and punish) and are very proud of them. I just get upset when people try to push the idea that their way is the best or only way and if we aren't nursing, or wearing or doing the AP thing we are not doing all we can to have happy, healthy kids.

 

[chobie]

I just get upset when people try to push the idea that their way is the best or only way and if we aren't nursing, or wearing or doing the AP thing we are not doing all we can to have happy, healthy kids.

I was not going to post on this thread, but your last sentence caught my attention. That goes both ways. There are lots of comments on this thread indicating disgust toward women that breastfeed past age one, or who wear their babies etc. And all the comments about having "independent" children, are you and others implying that AP will not bring about independent children?

I agree that people should not push their ideas about which way is the best or only way, and admittedly that does come from some of those AP sites, but did not come from any of the threads here on the Dis. And that mentality of "my way of parenting is the only way" is is no way confined to just AP parents. That comes from all kinds of parents.


FTR, I was not "into a particular style of parenting" either. I did not even know what AP was until both my kids were weaned and out of our bed. Later I found out about and my style is closer to that than not.

 

[rgribik]

I wasn't starting anything. I read the AP thread before and just meant, that people who follow a specific philosophy in parenting or anything for that matter tend to be very closed minded when it comes to other styles. You don't generally hear parents with no specific title to their parenting starting threads that say "lets get together and talk about how to use formula". If you read some of the threads on here especially the nursing threads the people are adamant about their ideas and won't even entertain another opinion. I formula fed, but don't discount the idea of nursing. I didn't co-sleep, but if that floats your boat, okay. As for being independent, I have 2 really independent kids and 2 clingers(one in the middle). I don't know if I did that or it was their personality, I also can't say if this AP has anything to do with turning out an indepedent child, but that's what I want for my kids, it had nothing to do with anyone else.

 

[chobie]

I wasn't starting anything. I read the AP thread before and just meant, that people who follow a specific philosophy in parenting or anything for that matter tend to be very closed minded when it comes to other styles. You don't generally hear parents with no specific title to their parenting starting threads that say "lets get together and talk about how to use formula". If you read some of the threads on here especially the nursing threads the people are adamant about their ideas and won't even entertain another opinion. I formula fed, but don't discount the idea of nursing. I didn't co-sleep, but if that floats your boat, okay. As for being independent, I have 2 really independent kids and 2 clingers(one in the middle). I don't know if I did that or it was their personality, I also can't say if this AP has anything to do with turning out an indepedent child, but that's what I want for my kids, it had nothing to do with anyone else.

Well, if you dislike people pushing their ideas about what is the best way and making it seem like parents who do otherwise are not doing the best for their kids, then perhaps you might be equal opportunity when it comes to condemning that practice and when people make comments about BFing toddlers or the family bed you will post you comment about hating it when people push their ideas on others?


Or is it only wrong to push parenting ideas when they are different from yours?

This goes both ways and I don't like it wherever it comes from. Most of us are doing the best we can and most of us will have happy, healthy kids whether we BF or not, co-sleep or not, babywear or not, Cry it out or not, etc.


And what are people on the Ap thread being adamant about? That they don't want to wean their kids because other people are disgusted by it? Is that any different from people being adamant about wanting to bottle feed? And there is a thread on the community board from a mom that just weaned and did not know how much formula to feed the baby and another one who was concerned about which formula would be best now that she weaned to help her baby who was having constipation issues.

 

[rgribik]

chobie: I don't know where you are coming from, my posts were in general not specific and if you feel like fighting someone today---it won't be me---go have a Mickey cookie and chill out.