Any non-AP parents out there??

[dfarner]

I don't follow a "type" of parenting. I just do what feels right and works for my girls. People get so wrapped up in "following" the newest/ latest/ trendiest advice that they are more worried about keeping up with the new mother down the street than what works best for their baby! Healthwise, I've done what is healthiest for my daughters. They were/ are breastfed, they have their immunizations, and regular doctor's appointments. The way you care for your children is a very personal affair. No book, no doctor is going to be able to tell you exactly what is best for your individual child. And it should not be a competion of which style is better than the other. Each child, each family, each parenting style is different from the rest. As long as a child is loved, supported, and kept safe from harm....then your parenting style works.

This is a great post.

I think my number one goal (besides always keeping them safe) as a mother is to raise my girls to be independent do-ers and thinkers. My parenting style is an extension of my personality and personal experiences in life. Fortunately my DH and I see pretty much eye-to-eye on kid things.

I also agree w/ the PP that children do not always need to be the center of attention, their every whim be satisfied. I would love more than anything to be able to crawl around all day on the floor w/ my kids and play dress up and build castles. I definitely make time every day where I do nothing else but spend time w/ the kids to read, play, go walking, etc... But there are also times when the oldest is in her room playing or reading and the baby is in her playpen playing on her own. Letting children play on their own builds self esteem and confidence.

 

[reggiemcp]

My DS is now 3, he was in a bassinet and then a crib. He only comes in the bed when he has nightmare or some other thing, cranky sick, etc. He then goes back into his bed when he has fallen asleep. I never breastfed, did not appeal to me and I was one of 6 kids who were all formula fed and we turned out ok.

I did use a Baby Bjorn to carry him when I wanted to go out without dragging stroller, but not for any other reason. He was circumcised at birth and has gotten all his vaccinations.

I don't believe that because I have not chosen AP parenting that he is lacking in any way. My personal belief is that AP parenting is a little overboard, but again I would not criticize those who choose it. Just not my choice.

To each his own......................

 

[Mkrop]

Both DSs slept in their bassinets in with us and then in their cribs. If they slept with us it was out of neccesity. Sick, not sleeping well. DS4 was a horrible sleeper (later find out he had sensory issues) but I would have him sleep with me if that was the only way him and I could get any zzzzzs, not bc of a "parenting style".

Both were immunized and circumszed. DS9 did get the chicken pox despite the vaccine. He also had perfect attendance for two years in a row and would have had it for 3 expect with pull him out for Disney!

Breastfeeding, I tried with both, but it was a nightmare. I have/had inverted nipples (who knew they looked fine to me and DH) and I had to wear these "cones" (think Madonna) to pull them out so the kids could latch on, even pumping did not produce anything. It was not for us. But I think I get an "E" for effort after having to wear those horrible cones!!!!!

I rarely if ever spank, taking away things is much more effective. In fact I really cant think of the last time I did.

I carried my kids but not in slings and not excessive (they were little chubbos, esp DS4, so they killed my back ) Although I did pick them up when they cried, I am not for letting them cry it out.

I always tell moms to be, do what works for you and your family. Never say never. I always hear many moms to be say "I will never do this or that with my kid" and you know what you do what you have to do!

 

[kmjmom]

Another Mom here who has a strong attachment with her children. Couldn't nurse, kids had their own beautiful cribs and bassinettes in their bedrooms to sleep in and were held and carried but not in slings. My three were also vaccinated and attended Public Schools. Now, I definitely respect individual choices, but I think it is unfair to assume that one way of parenting is superior to another. Each family situation like each child is unique! My kids are now 13, 17 and 19 and they are all well balanced, healthy and intelligent people.

 

[mama4]

There are a few AP parenting threads going on here and I was wondering if there were any others out there who did not adopt this philosophy?

DS did not sleep with me as a baby - he did sleep in a cradle in my room for the first 6 months or so, but that was mostly laziness on my part. lol

DS was only breastfed for a couple of months and then I had to go back to work and he went to formula.

DS was held a lot - way more than my DM and DMIL liked - but I did not "wear" him or have a sling.

DS has been spanked. He is 4 and I've done it a couple of times and not for a couple of years, but I have done it.

Oh - and he has been both circumcised (sp?) and immunized.

I want to be clear that I am NOT bashing AP parenting, nor do I want this thread to turn into anyone bashing anyone. Every parent has the right to adopt and practice their own philosophies on parenting. I'm just curious if there is anyone on these boards who has a philosophy similar to mine.

I'm a mostly-AP parent and didn't even know it!!! Sorry, I have heard the term before but I've always steered clear of these types of labels. I just do what works for my family and don't worry about what other people think about it. It was funny though- when I began reading your post I said to myself- "Oh no- I've heard of that -I'm not an AP parent. But by the end of your post I realized I do EVERY thing you mentioned EXCEPT I do immunize my kids.
~ My youngest two boys slept with me until around age 2- dd is 12 mths and still in my bed. Why? Because I enjoy it and it makes us all feel safer and more secure. Our house is close to 2200 sq ft and my bedroom is on the opposite end of the house from my kids.Also, we have a small bed in our room and if/when (more when than if) my boys run in our room at night afraid because they had a bad dream- they are welcome to stay.
~ All of my kids breastfed until they wanted to stop- boys by age 2, dd is 1 yr and still going strong. Absolutely personal decision for everyone- would never criticize anyone for wanting to/not wanting to although I've had more than my share of people who felt the need to comment on my decision to continue breastfeeding after a year
~ Although my boys weren't held nearly as much, dd is held quite a bit and I do have a sling. I also had a Bjorn for ds 3 and 5. They were both walking by 1 yr (ds 3 walked at 10 mths) but dd is still not walking and wants to be held and cuddled WAY more than the boys did. I do it because I'm not going to deny holding and cuddling my daughter (or any of my kids for that matter). Believe me, there may come a time where they won't anything to do with being within 3 ft of you (like ds 16 for the last 5 yrs or so) so I'm enjoying it while I can. (kidding about ds16- he actually does hang out with us sometimes but he is VERY busy so we don't see him as much as we'd like)
~ Circumcised -nope but again that's personal.
~Spanking- don't do it but not totally opposed if it is used as a teaching method and not punishment and not overused. I think I tend to be angry when I think of spanking and that's why I don't do it. My kids aren't angels but I bust my @#$ trying to teach them right from wrong and we've had many complements on their behavior so I think I'm doing a good job.

 

[Mkrop]

Can I ask why some are throwing in the public school thing? Do AP parents look down on public school or something? This was not in the OP.

DS9 goes to Catholic school but I think school is another personal choice for people just like many of these parenting decisions.

 

[dbmarie]

I think I fall in the middle we don't spank and my oldest slept with us but my youngest slept in a crib. I breastfeed with both but longer with my oldest. I put my girls in childcare from the time they were 3 months old I think they are very socially adapted and I believe that maybe a result of the daycare setting. I have worried about the link between vaccines and autisum but I have gotten them immunized because the alternative can also be dangerous.

 

[loveswdw]

Add us to the list. We are definitely not AP parents. My DS3 slept in a bassinet in our room for about the first year (until he was too big) then it was on to the crib. I did breastfeed him for the first 3 months then stopped when I went back to work. I tried the pumping thing and it was horrible. In fact, I'm one of those "awful" moms who hated breastfeeding. For me, it was not enjoyable at all, I couldn't stand it. I was extremely happy when DS went on formula. And in all, HE was happier. We couldn't believe the change in his personality. He went from colicky, crying all the time little guy to happy, sleepy little guy. We'd never seen a baby who could finish a bottle in the time he could. I'm pregnant again and I'll probably go ahead and breastfeed for the first 3 months then wean again. I'll stick it out. Hopefully I'll find it more enjoyable this time but not holding my breath.

DS3 has "snuggle" time with us each night before off to bed in his own room then he gets into bed with my DH in the morning after I go to work (DH and I work different shifts so DH has DS during the day).

We do spank occasionally if warranted and he definitely seems no worse for the wear. He tends to respond better to scolding anyway. We don't do time-outs. Neither DH nor I had them--we were spanked or "switched". But to each his own.

Happy to see we aren't the only ones!

 

[MiniGirl]

I subscribe more to the John Rosemond child rearing theories (they worked great for my mom, and her generation!) than Dr Sears.

My mom gave each of her children and their spouses John Rosemond books when they were expecting their first. I love him, and find him to be very refreshing.

This is such a good thread. I am going to be a first time Mommy in January and am trying to decide what style of parent I should be. Attachment parenting doesn't seem to suit my personality. Are there any books or web sites that describe the different methods of parenting?
Thanks!

First off, congratulations!! Secondly, I personally wouldn't try to decide what kind of parent to be. I know I was going to do all these things, etc, but when the time came all I knew how to do was just love my girls the best way I could and things I had planned to do no longer made sense or felt right. I just knew in my heart what it was I had to do.

I'm a mostly-AP parent and didn't even know it!!!

I think people would think this about me to some extent if they just glanced quickly at what I did when my girls were babies. I nursed both of my girls until their 2nd birthday (give or take a few days with each one), I loved my sling, and I even used cloth diapers and handmade wipes. However, my girls were vaccinated and they never slept in our bed on a regular basis. I wanted to co-sleep though. However when the time came, I just couldn't do it. I was so uncomfortable having my dd in bed with me that I couldn't sleep, then I'd be tired and cranky, and well.... you know I was not being the best mom I could be to our dd, so I put her in her crib and took a nap. My girls have been spanked. They are 7 and 5 and I think I could count on 1 hand the times that have been spanked. (That's both of them combined.)

I dunno. I guess it comes down to what is really important to you. Nursing was important to me, and it was hard at first. In the weeks that followed my oldest's birth, I was so sore and cracked and bleeding. When she'd start to cry because she was hungry, I'd start crying because I knew just how much it was going to hurt. BUT it was that important to me, so I did it and it did get easier. Co-sleeping was just too much for me, so I let that go. For someone else, it is different and I respect that. Like I said, I think we all know what is best for our children and our families, and it isn't going to be the same for all of us.

 

[laceemouse]

Great thread!
Well, we have 2 teens and 2 tweens currently and this is how it has been for us. I never had to work outside the home so no daycare for us, and I am so happy about that. I had all 4 in the hospital and an epidural every time. I breastfed all 4, oldest self-weaned at 9 months but the others went about 18 months each until I helped them wean (basically because I wanted to get pg again and never could as long as I was bfing.) We had a cradle in the room with us for the first few months...........co-sleeping would be grounds for divorce as for as my dh is concerned!!!!!
Those sling things hurt my back and they are so HOT!! I tried a couple of different brands with the first one and hated them.
We did immunize because I really didn't know anything different in those days. I think my son may have a mild case of AS so I may have done things differently had I known.
My older girls and my son have all been IQ tested and are very bright (oldest is MENSA) but I think my youngest dd is just average, gorgeous, and happy!
We spanked very rarely, only if they did something truly dangerous!
Ours were in public school for many years but a couple of years ago we started homeschooling and we love it! We move often and it just fits our lifestyle, but each family has to decide all of these things for themselves!

 

[aangel0]

Great thread! We read so much about AP that I felt like I was in the minority to not have an AP mindset.

I did breastfeed my son for 2 years and am currently bf'ing our 2 month old daughter, but other than that, they are crib-sleepers, I very rarely "wear" my kids, we do occasionally spank (in a controlled way), we immunize, our son is circumcised, and we're headed for public schools.

Our son is now 3 1/2 and he is such a great kid. I don't think there's one right or better way to parent, but this has worked great for us!

Alanna

 

[Princess-in-Training]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to add something as someone who is AP -- Not all of us who consider ourselves AP are the die-hard kind! For example, we didn't circumcise, we co-slept and I still babywear, but we also vaccinate, and use disposible diapers. My kids also have plenty of alone-play, I just don't like using a playpen. Ha, and they also watch way too much TV! There are all levels of all kinds of parenting, and, indeed, different kids respond differently to different kinds of parenting. In our family, we tend to go with our gut on certain things, (ie, i just don't feel right letting my kids cry it out, so we don't use that method).

What's important is doing things that are right for your family. And to respect other peoples' parenting choices.

in training

 

[eeyoregon]

Co-sleeping: for us, never--we rolled over on the cat way too many times to ever risk it with a baby.

I could not agree more. I would NEVER promote co-sleeping with an infant under the age of 6 months!

A co-worker just lost her 4 week old grand-daughter because of co-sleeping. Her daughter roller over on the grand-baby and KILLED her. Sooooooo tragic and could have been avoided 110%! How do you live with yourself after something like that?? Just not worth it.

 

[Mrs Potato Head]

Another non AP-er here I guess....

Two sons, 20 and 17....

Neither one ever spent even one night in my room....they both slept in their cradle or crib in their own rooms.

Neither one was breast fed, both planned that way.

Both were c-sections, I'm happy with that choice. First was breach, second a planned c-section.

Both circumsized and immunized.

I could never carry either of them in a "snuggly" or backpack as they were both good size babies and my back couldn't take it.

Oldest is on the Deans list at college, was labeled "gifted" in first grade and soars through schoolwork. Youngest is consistently on the honor roll, was inducted to National Honor Society last year and will be a senior this year. Don't know that anything above really can be considered a contributory factor in this, as I think to a great extent their love of learning and aptitude is experience related. Both had great teachers at early ages - for oldest it was first grade, for youngest it was kindergarten and second grade. I believe these people had a huge hand in helping to shape my children. And there were many more great teachers and influences on both of them for which we are very thankful.

Both attended public school for the majority of their schooling. I was an active parent in their elementary and secondary education as a volunteer, and both boys participated in Odyssey of the Mind from middle school through high school. (Great program, they learned a lot about working with others nicely)

Both boys are truly gifts - they are well mannered, nice, and compassionate boys. They are always complimented by others and I've had strangers come up to me to tell what great kids they are because of something they've done.

For us, the only parenting book we ever read was a book titled "How to raise a son and the makings of healthy man" or something like that. It spoke about boundaries for children - "fences" if you will. Some boundary fences are brick walls, some are wood fences. As in life, in some cases, you just CAN'T do something for safety sake. For us, this book allowed us to better judge situations as the boys were growing up, and we parented accordingly.

I believe everyone should be allowed to parent their children as they see fit, as long as all children are loved and are taught to be just as respectful of other's beliefs, and feelings. No one should ever be intentionally cruel either physically or emotionally to another.

I just wish it were all that easy.....

 

[jennilouwho]

This is such a good thread. I am going to be a first time Mommy in January and am trying to decide what style of parent I should be. Attachment parenting doesn't seem to suit my personality. Are there any books or web sites that describe the different methods of parenting?
Thanks!

I read so many books before having my DS last year and realized what the others are saying is true. When they come out, you will know the best thing to do for him/her. I think having a book like "What to Expect the First Year" is great when you are trying to figure out if they are sick or not, how to give them their first bath, stuff like that, but in terms of how to parent, it will just come to you. Each baby comes with their own little personality. I don't think I could AP my son if I wanted to! He was fiercely independent and stubborn from the get go. Tried a baby bjorn once and he hated it. He's always too busy exploring. I could get another one in the future that loves to be cuddled more and then I would consider wearing them more. Just do what feels best to you and they'll turn out how you want them to Congratulations!

 

[emh1129]

Can I ask why some are throwing in the public school thing? Do AP parents look down on public school or something? This was not in the OP.

No.. to be honest, it wasn't really defined correctly.
I don't know if anyone else beat me to the punch (didn't finish reading all of the posts) but AP is about following your children's cues.
Some AP parents homeschool, some use public schools, some use private schools.
Some AP parents vaccinate, some do partially, some don't at all. Schooling and vaccinations really have nothing to do with AP.
If you want an accurate definition of AP, feel free to check out the Dr. Sears website (www.askdrsears.com)
Basically, it includes breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing, belief in the value of baby's cry (i.e. not crying it out).
It's not really a checklist, though, just a philosophy. I have a good friend who was unable to breastfeed due to some medications she had to take, but she still considered herself AP. I know it doesn't work for everyone, though.
Not trying to intrude on your thread, just wanted to clear up some misinformation

 

[Honeymooner04]

We don't follow the AP philosophy however we did use a bjorn and a hotsling just out of convenience. My daughter loved being carried and I liked having my hands, mostly, free. My daughter has always slept in her own room and we vaccinate. i don't like the idea of co-sleeping so we never did that. I also chose to bottle feed her and am happy that I did - I've gotten a lot of grief about that one but it was the right choice for our family. Formula is not battery acid and no my daughter has never had an ear infection and has only been sick one time.

I guess the philosophy that we use is just whatever works! You really just have to do what is right for YOUR family and ignore all the advice out there. My biggest complaint with people that are VERY pro-AP is the constant need to justify what they do and try and convince you to do the same. It really turns me off.

 

[powellrj]

I need to get out more!! I opened this thread thinking it was about parents whose kids weren't taking Advanced Placements Classes this semester!!

Moving along......

 

[dfarner]

co-sleeping would be grounds for divorce as for as my dh is concerned!!!!!
:

This touches on something that I've wondered about. How do parents that co-sleep have any intimate alone time? Sex or no sex, we feel like there are just places that should be special between a husband/wife, that being the bed. I don't mean snuggle time or occasional nights w/ mom and dad, but when it's every night I just wonder where parents are intimate?

 

[Mkrop]

This touches on something that I've wondered about. How do parents that co-sleep have any intimate alone time? Sex or no sex, we feel like there are just places that should be special between a husband/wife, that being the bed. I don't mean snuggle time or occasional nights w/ mom and dad, but when it's every night I just wonder where parents are intimate?

I asked my friend about this once when she was cosleeping with one of her babies and she winked at me and said "why limit yourself to the bedroom, I think things are hotter now that we dont have access to the bed" I just laughed!