Any ideas what to say when friend goes off on my spending habits?

[tiggger1]

I need some advice! I have a friend who constantly tells me that "I spend too much" or "she wouldnt pay X amount for that.. thats way too much!" I dont think she is doing it to be mean and I don't even think she realizes she does it but is really getting to me! My husband works hard and had an awesome paying job and we dont have to worry about $$.

I bought my dd7, my niece and my sister and me tickets to see Jonas brothers. The tickets came to almost $500. I was talking to another mom who's daughter wanted to go but they couldnt afford the tickets. The other mom came up heard how much the tickets cost and went off..she was shocked that I am taking a 7 year old to a rock concert and she didnt go to her first concert until she was in college and her kids would have to wait until they were 21 to go to a concert.

I am taking a zumba class at my daughter's dance school. its $7 a class and its a drop in class. I asked if anyone wanted to come with me and she proceeded to tell everyone how much of a rip off it was and that they should join the YMCA instead..because it has free zumba if you are a member. She then started saying how my daughter's dance studio is too expensive and she would never pay THAT much for a kids activity...well response to that was that my daughter's school is the best studio around and have amazing teachers and an award winning competition team, plus when you compare similar studios they are actually cheaper than most.

The one that bothered me the most is that I just bought my daughter's 1st communion dress for next year online from JCPenny's. I have had my eye on it for a while ( it looks like my wedding dress) and finally got it after it when on clearance and with shipping it was around $40. It came it the mail the last day of school, so I had it in the car with me and I was showing it to another mom, when she walked up and said" Its pretty but I wouldnt have paid more than $20 for it!" Umm its a $200 Cinderella dress.. I got for $40. I think I made out ok....

We havent seen each other since school is out but my dd wants to play with her dd and another mom's girls. I like to have them over but I am afraid she is going to make comments like how many toys my kids have or how she cant believe I spent $250 on a nook..yet her house is 3 times the size as mine, a brand new suburban and they have a huge class A camper!!!

Any ideas what to say when she starts up?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think I would stick with "Obviously I would!" said in a nice and cheerful tone. Sort of like you would reply with "Oh I love it" when someone says they don't like chocolate.
Nothing rude coming out of your mouth--but if you do it consistently she should get the hint and start to realize what she is doing. I hope so anyway.

 

[golfgal]

I am in the camp that no matter how much money you make you should always "worry" about money, meaning you are maxing our your retirement savings plans, have at least a year's worth of ready cash for emergencies and have no debt beyond a mortgage and even that should be reasonable. We operate on the "just because you can doesn't mean you should" principle. Now, that doesn't mean you can't buy nice things and treat friends to things as well but until you are financially secure that means you shouldn't waste money.

Now, having someone constantly remind you of that does get old. I had a friend that always commented on my purchase--which really were not out of line. We went shopping for some dress clothes for an office function I had to attend with my DH-it was a week long conference type deal--and I had nothing but "mom" clothes. I bought a couple suits and a formal dress--all needed and all bought on clearance. She commented on that. I didn't however remind her that her DH worked for my DH and knowing what he made and knowing that she spend at least $350 month in scrapbooking items was no where near what I was spending on clothes I HAD to have .

 

[eliza61]

I need some advice! I have a friend who constantly tells me that "I spend too much" or "she wouldnt pay X amount for that.. thats way too much!" I dont think she is doing it to be mean and I don't even think she realizes she does it but is really getting to me! My husband works hard and had an awesome paying job and we dont have to worry about $$.


I am taking a zumba class at my daughter's dance school. its $7 a class and its a drop in class. I asked if anyone wanted to come with me and she proceeded to tell everyone how much of a rip off it was and that they should join the YMCA instead..because it has free zumba if you are a member. She then started saying how my daughter's dance studio is too expensive and she would never pay THAT much for a kids activity...well response to that was that my daughter's school is the best studio around and have amazing teachers and an award winning competition team, plus when you compare similar studios they are actually cheaper than most.

The one that bothered me the most is that I just bought my daughter's 1st communion dress for next year online from JCPenny's. I have had my eye on it for a while ( it looks like my wedding dress) and finally got it after it when on clearance and with shipping it was around $40. It came it the mail the last day of school, so I had it in the car with me and I was showing it to another mom, when she walked up and said" Its pretty but I wouldnt have paid more than $20 for it!" Umm its a $200 Cinderella dress.. I got for $40. I think I made out ok....

Any ideas what to say when she starts up?

I do have a friend like that and generally it's a mild annoyance. I usually smile and just say, "Hey I'm helping to stimulate the economy, think of how many people get to keep their jobs because of me".

Alot of times I just smile and say. "that's nice".
When they comment on the price I simply say "I'm a high maintence girl" with a smile.

I don't justify how I spend my money to many people so it's not some thing that bugs me. Just like when people ask why I go to Disney world every year or say "You're going to Disneyworld AGAIN!!". I just say, yep, it's where I like to spend my money.

Pretty much I think it's rude to comment on how much some one spends (unless the specifically ask you). So if some thing comes out my mouth equally as rude, don't get offended.

 

[mojo55000]

Ya, it's none of their business.

 

[SC Minnie]

This is what I say when someone comments about how much we vacation-- 'Everyone spends there money on different things. What's important to me isn't so much to you and vice versa.'

 

[bettymae1121]

This is why for generations it's been considered "taboo" to talk about money. It's bound to aggrivate somebody eventually, as everyone has different opinions about the subject (along with politics and religion ).

Well, assuming she's othewise a good friend, you could just either decide to let it run like water off a duck's back and continue to put up with it (trying to not take it so seriously), or take her aside one day and just say that it bothers you to talk about money/finances and you'd appreciate it if she kept her opinions to herself. If you want advice on how to get the best deal from something, she'll be the first person you ask as she is just the BEST at finding rock bottom prices . Say it in a light, cheerful sort of way, so she doesn't (hopefully) feel like your confronting her or giving her an ultimatum or something. If she's a good friend she'll go along with that, no problem.

If she isn't such a good friend, then you can do either option that I outlined above and hope for the best, or decide it just isn't worth it and start to distance yourself from her, and eventually try to get her out of your life.

 

[NikitaZee]

I just wouldn't mention how much anything cost. If asked, I'd say that I really don't remember.

 

[MiniGirl]

I would say "Thank you for your concern. I'll take it under advisement." If she said something else, I'd say, "Thank you for your concern. I'll take it under advisement." I'd say it each and everytime she mentions that something is too expensive or that you shouldn't have spent your money on that or whatever. Eventually, she'll figure it out. I wouldn't try to explain anything though or engage her in a conversation about it in any way.

 

[sparklynails23]

I agree with her about the zumba classes and the jobro tickets, but you got off cheap with the First Communion dress.

 

[Freyja]

I agree with her about the zumba classes and the jobro tickets, but you got off cheap with the First Communion dress.

 

[gina2000]

Just smile and snappily say, "What would ever make you say something like that?" Continue smiling.

We spend our $$$ as we see fit. We go to concerts, plays, sporting events. That's what makes our lives enjoyable. You don't owe anyone an explanation of any type unless you are borrowing money FROM her. And even then, you really don't.

 

[SandrA9810]

Well it is her daughter's dance studio... maybe she feels justified in promoting that business because she likes how her daughter is treated there.

There's some of us that are brand loyal/store loyal because we like the product/service from that store. There's nothing wrong with that. Sure we could all shop at the flea market/yard sales/goodwill places, but occasionally we feel it's justified to walk into a big box store and give them more money. But hey, it's their money, do whatever.
If she's got all her ducks in a line, who are we or any one to judge how some one else spends money. Spending 500$ on an evening out... I just think you have some deep pockets.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is why for generations it's been considered "taboo" to talk about money. It's bound to aggrivate somebody eventually, as everyone has different opinions about the subject (along with politics and religion ).

I so agree....
I am wondering if, perhaps unknowingly, the OP is helping to create this issue by the frequency of her conversations about 'concerts', 'zumba classes', etc... etc...

I had a nice acquaintance whom, while DH and I were making ends meet, could only/always seem to choose matters of financial excess to bring up in friendly discussions. (traveling here or there, eating at Ruth Chris, new $200.00 dress, on and on and on...)

I could be wrong.... but having been in this situation, I am seeing things between the lines here.

This friend even had made the very exact comment, almost verbatim, about how her husband worked hard, etc... (Umm, like me and my husband are well educated and or hard-working enough ) Very offensive.

Let's just say she quicky ceased to be a friend or close acquaintance.

OP, if you are very open and free with your discussions of things that clearly take a higher level of financial resources than many people are comfortable with... then, you might want to expect them to begin to free and open with their responses.

Why is it okay for one person to go on and on about how much they are doing and how much it costs, but, nobody else can voice their views.

I honestly don't know what kind of response you want when you are engaging in what looks a lot like bragging.... "I bought all of us expensive tickets to the hottest concert in town, ohhhh, yes they costs us several hundred dollars - but apparantly your child won't get to go...."

I am inclined to assume that the OP is contributing to this issue, and the other woman's comments are coming from her feelings of frustration and feeling offended.

 

[dzorn]

"Well it's a good thing I'm spending my money and not yours"

Denise in MI

 

[themilesfamily]

I need some advice! I have a friend who constantly tells me that "I spend too much" or "she wouldnt pay X amount for that.. thats way too much!" I dont think she is doing it to be mean and I don't even think she realizes she does it but is really getting to me!

I had someone do that to me for a while -- she had an opinion on EVERYTHING I wore and would comment on it. "Oh, you should wear this. You shouldn't wear that. Blah, Blah, Blah."

I finally just turned to her and said, "Thank you for the unsolicited advice," and walked away. I guess she got the picture because she never did it again.

I don't think you have to justify anything about yourself to anyone. Why be a shrinking violet about someone else's rudeness? Just tell her you're sick of her comments about your purchases, your choices and your money.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"Well it's a good thing I'm spending my money and not yours"

Denise in MI

That is a good one.

If I was feeling snarky, I might say, "I will alert the media" and then laugh like it was a joke. Yes, it is a rip off from "Arthur".

OP the obvious solution is to not give her ammo. Do not say how much anything costs in her presence. If someone else asks, you can give a canned answer. I am sure they will pick up on it.

 

[ilovesugar]

There are two issues going on here.

#1. This woman is either jealous or annoyed.

#2. It seems like you might be bringing it on yourself. One should not talk about how expensive the things they have or do are. It is rude. If someone asks, that is equally rude, and should be met by an "I don't know" or "I don't remember" repsonse. It seems to me that maybe this woman is tired of hearing you "brag" about how much you make and how much you spend on everything.

 

[tiggger1]

I so agree....
I am wondering if, perhaps unknowingly, the OP is helping to create this issue by the frequency of her conversations about 'concerts', 'zumba classes', etc... etc...

I had a nice acquaintance whom, while DH and I were making ends meet, could only/always seem to choose matters of financial excess to bring up in friendly discussions. (traveling here or there, eating at Ruth Chris, new $200.00 dress, on and on and on...)

She even had made the very exact comment, almost verbatim, about how her husband worked hard, etc... (Umm, like me and my husband are well educated and or hard-working enough ) Very offensive.

Let's just say she quicky ceased to be a friend or close acquaintance.

OP, if you are very open and free with your discussions of things that clearly take a higher level than many people are comfortable with... then, you might want to expect them to begin to free and open with their responses.

Why is it okay for one person to go on and on about how much they are doing and how much it costs, but, nobody else can voice their views.

I am inclined to assume that the OP is contributing to this issue, and the other woman's comments are coming from her feelings of frustration and feeling offended.

Most of it comes up in normal conversation. It all started because one Thursday a month I go shopping at BJ's Wholesale after my son's PT session. I was running late one day because I forgot it was a 1/2 day and came right from the store to pick up my daughter. My truck was full ( diapers, wipes, toliet paper, paper towels, soap detergent and other bulk supplies. She parked next to me and made a comment about how it must of cost a fortune..And then asked how much the diapers cost.. I told her and she made a comment about how it was too expensive and how she could get it cheaper if she bought generic from xxx. I cant use generic because my son gets rashes unless we use brands.

The concert came up because another mom started talking about how she couldn't get tickets and saw on my facebook that I got them and wanted to know if I had any extra tickets..the other mom walked up and asked why I was taking a 7 year old to a concert. I told her that my dd7 really wanted to go and was excellent in school so this was her treat for doing so well in school. Another mother laughed and said she wanted that treat and told the mom what the tickets cost.

 

[ilovesugar]

Most of it comes up in normal conversation. It all started because one Thursday a month I go shopping at BJ's Wholesale after my son's PT session. I was running late one day because I forgot it was a 1/2 day and came right from the store to pick up my daughter. My truck was full ( diapers, wipes, toliet paper, paper towels, soap detergent and other bulk supplies. She parked next to me and made a comment about how it must of cost a fortune..And then asked how much the diapers cost.. I told her and she made a comment about how it was too expensive and how she could get it cheaper if she bought generic from xxx. I cant use generic because my son gets rashes unless we use brands.

The concert came up because another mom started talking about how she couldn't get tickets and saw on my facebook that I got them and wanted to know if I had any extra tickets..the other mom walked up and asked why I was taking a 7 year old to a concert. I told her that my dd7 really wanted to go and was excellent in school so this was her treat for doing so well in school. Another mother laughed and said she wanted that treat and told the mom what the tickets cost.

In your OP you said that you were talking to a mom that wanted to take her daughter but could not afford to so why would she want to know if you had any extra tickets? Maybe I am reading this wrong.