Any ideas what to say when friend goes off on my spending habits?

[tiggger1]

In your OP you said that you were talking to a mom that wanted to take her daughter but could not afford to so why would she want to know if you had any extra tickets? Maybe I am reading this wrong.

Sorry! She couldn't get them because she couldn't afford to buy the tickets plus the membership (Which is (about $300, I did the presale!) She wanted to know if I had any extras because she was joking around and asked me to take her with me because she had a crush on Nick Jonas! lol

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

"Well it's a good thing I'm spending my money and not yours"

Denise in MI

I love this! Mind if I borrow it?

 

[C.Ann]

"Everyone has different priorities.." - said with a smile..

However, in the future I would not give any further dollar amounts when asked to do so.. Easier to head it off at the pass than deal with it after..

 

[*JoGo*]

sometimes someone in my life asks me questions about how much things cost... like our Disney vacations. Last time we went, we took my mom & stepdad. I'd say something about how we got a deal by going off-season, or I don't remember, we booked it so long ago.

sometimes my mom makes comments on our spending. and yes, my husband's spending drives me up the wall. usually i tell her i don't remember. we've never borrowed money and our only debt is my car and the house.

but the difference is, i know my mom's concerned, whereas the other person is being nosey/judgmental.


if you want to end your relationship with her, you could ask her if she needs to borrow some money. kidding!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Most of it comes up in normal conversation.

Thanks for the additional info!!!

So, thinking about it, you think that she seems to be the one to initiate these incidents... Maybe I was reading some undertones of flaunting or bragging or self-promotion that are not really there. (Just based on experiences like the one I mentioned.) I wasn't trying to be harsh or judgemental, but boy, were the vibes, and even some verbatim comments, just exactly like the one situation that I experienced.

No matter what, her negative comments, especially about little everyday things like a dress and/or diapers, are way over the line.

Does she seem to be the type to be too forthcoming with her negative opinions on other personal matters? Does it seem to center on finances?

Could it be some real jealousy then, on her part. (big green-eyed monster!)

Hhhhhmmmmm????

If that is the case, it's a tough situation.
Perhaps you can take note, and really try not to say or do anything that could seem like flaunting, at all...
But, if this an issue on her part, then I don't know how you could change that.

The old saying... You can't really change or be responsible for somebody elses attitudes or behaviors... But you can only control how you react to them.

 

[tiggger1]

thanks everyone!!

I do enjoy talking to her and our kids play well together (they were in kindergarten together)

I try not to say anything that will get her going but sometimes its like she is searching to something to complain about.

 

[Christine]

The concert came up because another mom started talking about how she couldn't get tickets and saw on my facebook that I got them and wanted to know if I had any extra tickets..the other mom walked up and asked why I was taking a 7 year old to a concert. I told her that my dd7 really wanted to go and was excellent in school so this was her treat for doing so well in school. Another mother laughed and said she wanted that treat and told the mom what the tickets cost.

Sheesh, what is this about 7 y/o's and concerts? If a 7-year-old shouldn't be at a Jonas Bros. concert than who SHOULD be there. Does she think that 25 y/o potsmokers are comprising most of the audience??? What a moron...

I was 7 y/o when I went to my first concert back in the day. It was The Jackson 5 in 1971. Really, 7 year olds have been going to concerts for years.

 

[tiggger1]

Thanks for the additional info!!!

So, thinking about it, you think that she seems to be the one to initiate these incidents... Maybe I was reading some undertones of flaunting or bragging or self-promotion that are not really there. (Just based on experiences like the one I mentioned.) I wasn't trying to be harsh or judgemental, but boy, were the vibes, and even some verbatim comments, just exactly like the one situation that I experienced.

No matter what, her negative comments, especially about little everyday things like a dress and/or diapers, are way over the line.

Does she seem to be the type to be too forthcoming with her negative opinions on other personal matters? Does it seem to center on finances?

Could it be some real jealousy then, on her part. (big green-eyed monster!)

Hhhhhmmmmm????

If that is the case, it's a tough situation.
Perhaps you can take note, and really try not to say or do anything that could seem like flaunting, at all...
But, if this an issue on her part, then I don't know how you could change that.

The old saying... You can't really change or be responsible for somebody elses attitudes or behaviors... But you can only control how you react to them.

no problem!! honestly I think she is unhappy. She doesnt think before she speaks then always apologizes for being rude. One day she saw a lady in a short mini shirt and lowcut shirt coming out a the daycare at the Y and her " i hope your not the teacher! I wouldnt want my kids exposed to someone who dresses like you of course she felts horrible afterwords!

 

[tiggger1]

Sheesh, what is this about 7 y/o's and concerts? If a 7-year-old shouldn't be at a Jonas Bros. concert than who SHOULD be there. Does she think that 25 y/o potsmokers are comprising most of the audience??? What a moron...

I was 7 y/o when I went to my first concert back in the day. It was The Jackson 5 in 1971. Really, 7 year olds have been going to concerts for years.

my first concert was Sha NA Na and I was 2~

 

[ilovesugar]

no problem!! honestly I think she is unhappy. She doesnt think before she speaks then always apologizes for being rude. One day she saw a lady in a short mini shirt and lowcut shirt coming out a the daycare at the Y and her " i hope your not the teacher! I wouldnt want my kids exposed to someone who dresses like you of course she felts horrible afterwords!

NO NO NO - that is just WRONG!

I would have walked in the opposite direction of her.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

There are two issues going on here.

#1. This woman is either jealous or annoyed.

#2. It seems like you might be bringing it on yourself. One should not talk about how expensive the things they have or do are. It is rude. If someone asks, that is equally rude, and should be met by an "I don't know" or "I don't remember" repsonse. It seems to me that maybe this woman is tired of hearing you "brag" about how much you make and how much you spend on everything.

I don't see the OP as a braggart - I think the other mom has sour grapes. She probably thinks anything extra is expensive.

 

[*JoGo*]

omg the comment about the lady's clothes

i think she's missing the filter between her brain and mouth.
doesn't make her comments acceptable, but just know she's wonky.

 

[tiggger1]

NO NO NO - that is just WRONG!

I would have walked in the opposite direction of her.

She was very horrified with herself. I dont think she meant to say it outloud!!

the funny thing is is that at times she is very religious! She teaches VBS and is very strict. Her kids dont watch much tv and her dd doesnt even know who the Jonas Brother's are When her dd started kindergarten it was the first time she had been away from her more than an hour!!

 

[Bluestars]

She sounds jealous to me. I would keep repeating, "It's worth it to me." I don't think you owe her an explanation or need to be on the defensive at all.

It's your money and you can spend it how you see fit. Now if you were borrowing money from her, then she would be entitled to an input. But she's not and isn't.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[Scurvy]

To OP,

I think you need to stop thinking of this woman as a friend. True friends do not do that sort of thing to their friends. I think you need to start thinking of her as an acquaintance.

With acquaintances, you do not tell them everything. Unless you want to continually subject yourself to rude comments from this person, do not bring up money, shopping or things you have purchased. (And she is being rude, you're not doing anything that is hurting anyone, so if she disapproves she should not be saying anything. That is the polite thing to do.)

You mentioned you had a Facebook page. You may want to rethink the kind of information you post. Value your privacy, don't share everything. The poster was right who said that money has long been considered a taboo subject for discussion.

If you continue to "be friends" with her, always be honest about your financial situation, but that does not mean she needs to know everything.

I think if you stand up to her and challenge her when she makes an inappropriate comment about your spending, I think you'll find out how truly good a friend she actually is.

I agree with this. You know what she's like, and you know that she's going to make comments about your finances. So your choices are to continue to tell her these things and deal with her comments, or to stop telling her so much. Pointing out the comments that make you uncomfortable might also help, but even if you point it out she might not see the problem. If you just stop sharing so much information with her, then she can't comment about what she doesn't know. Otherwise, I really like the responses like "It's worth it to me" and the like. Don't discuss it with her, just come up with one response and repeat that any time she comments about something being too expensive. Eventually she'll likely realize she isn't going to get a real response and maybe she will stop making the comments.

 

[cm8]

"Well it's a good thing I'm spending my money and not yours"

Denise in MI

 

[Ceila]

.

I just have to ask...why do you often post something and then delete it? I've seen you do this several times.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, it sounds like this post really nailed it!!!!

i think she's missing the filter between her brain and mouth.
doesn't make her comments acceptable, but just know she's wonky.

This just seems to be 'the way she is'...
Think of that lack of filter as a neurological deficit!!!!!

Anyhow, you can't and shouldn't take it personally.

And, you are NOT her mother, and she is not an underaged child.
Really, there is nothing that you can do to insure that her comments/behavior will be appropriate.

I think you need to take a good look at just how close you are with this woman, and how much access/information you make available to her. You seem to be coming up with reason's/excuses for how she is privy to all of this info regarding everything from the dress, the diapers, etc... But, know that this is your responsibility. You may not have realized it, but it sounds like you may be way, way, to forthcoming (almost flaunting).

Your decision does not concern this woman's behavior...
Your decision, and control, and responsibility, is limited to how much time and information you seem to be sharing.

I am sorry if that is not exactly what you wanted to hear...

 

[dzorn]

I love this! Mind if I borrow it?

Please do!

Denise in MI