Any child psychologist around? LONG POST!

[BWVDenise]

My dd is 8. When she was younger (3, 4, 5 y.o.), she was speech delayed, had social delays, and was extremely hyperactive and impulsive. She started preschool at age 3 in our town's handicapped preschool where she had an IEP and received speech therapy. When she was in kindergarten, I was doing research on ADHD, autism, etc., and came across the Feingold program. I decided to eliminate red dye from her diet to see if it would make a difference. Completely different child! Her teacher noticed a huge difference in her as well. We have kept her away from foods with red dye ever since, which at times is a challenge because of school. I had always sent her lunch and snacks with her to keep her away from anything that might be in the school lunches. Well, last year, she took ALL of her money (from birthdays and what-not), deposited it in her school lunch account, and totally pigged out. She knows what foods to look out for and how to check labels, and we did not see a difference in her behavior. But we did eventually find out about it at the end of the year. As a punishment, she lost her allowance. Over the summer, I decided to let her buy lunch a few days a week this year to give her more freedom and try and satisfy the "thrill" of buying her lunch. She knew the rules: buy 2 days, take lunch/snacks 3 days. Since she has 2 brothers, I told her that I would know if she was buying lunch/snacks when she shouldn't be, and if she did that, buying would be over for her. When I sent the money to school, the form was checked for "lunch ONLY." Well, somehow those instructions were disregarded. Since school began, we have seen a dramatic difference in her behavior. We were constantly asking her what she was eating, etc., and her school work was suffering terribly. Last week, she came home and told me that her account was empty. Long to short-- she spent $29.00 on snacks since the middle of September. She told me the things she had been buying, and none of them have red dye. I contacted the school and that has been settled, but I still have the matter of what was making her behavior so bad. This morning I thought of a theory, and this is where I need someone to tell me if this is possible:
Could it be that the guilt of knowing she was lying and cheating, together with the thrill of having all that money available to spend, be what was driving her to act like she was coming out of her skin? The whole story came to light on Wednesday, so she had to take her lunch to school on Thursday and Friday. She doesn't seem at all upset about having to take lunch while her brothers get to have the school lunch. She almost seems relieved, like she is glad it is over. And this past weekend, I had my daughter back. She was so much calmer and more pleasant. She was in control of her body again. She played with my ds all day yesterday without a single fight. It was hard to believe that this was the same child.
I'm hoping that someone here can help me figure out if I am on the right train of thought, or just grasping for straws...
Thanks for reading my long post.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, please do not take this the wrong way.

But, based on your post alone. Here are my thoughts.
Noting here that I am in NO way a child psychologist!!!

First you mention the underlying issues with your DD.... including the tendency to be impulsive.
Then you mention the strict dietary controls in order to eliminate red-dye.
Then you mention how much your daughter has spent on 'snacks and extras' in the past few weeks.
Then you mention how your DD almost seems relieved with being reigned in.

Here is the picture that I am getting.
I am not so sure that she is telling the truth about avoiding snacks and foods with red dye. The restrictive diet, along with her only being 8 years old, and with having shown a tendency to be impulsive. I would be thinking that she has not been able to control her impulses, and has been 'cheating'. The fact that she has been spending so much additional extras, of any kind, shows signs of being impulsive and not being in good control.

This all goes along with the whole restrictive diet and eating-issues kind of thing. We all know how deep these things run and how hard it can be to control our eating habits. I can be HARD!!!

I think it sounds like the symptoms and behavior that you are seeing sound just like what you experienced before the dietary changes. Do they have the same 'feel' to you?

She has seen the effects that this has had on her. She knows what she has been doing and what is going on. But may have found it very difficult to conquer temptation.

This would explain the relief at knowing and learning that "Mom was right". "Maybe I do still need her to help me with this problem and to enforce boundaries". I am a firm believer that children find comfort and security and support in a parents strong and clear boundaries.

The scenario that I have drawn here would make more sense than simply a 'guilty conscience'.

Also, you know the very nature of your daughter and the effects of her diet. You also know how she acts when she may feel guilty. As the parent, I think YOU are the expert!!!

 

[Puffy2]

My main concern would be that your 8 year old daughter is so concerned with food. I see more potential for future problems associated with that than the ADHD problem.

Perhaps the manager of the lunch room and the assistant principal can work out a solution as far as monitoring more closely what your daughter purchases. But ultimately, I would immediately take all emphasis off of her and the issue of "food" and "eating" . Perhaps the school counselor could also be of help.

 

[Wishing on a star]

ITA with Puffy....

That was what I was trying to mention when I posted about the 'restrictive diet' 'eating issues' etc... (I hated to throw out the word eating-disorder)

 

[barkley]

i'm not a psychologist either, i just want to make an observation. given that she has lied recently about spending the money on snacks, can you truly believe her when she tells you what she has bought?

i think you also need to be concerned if she is getting the items she is not supposed to eat from friends as well (in the absence of buying herself). i bring this up because once while student teaching i encountered a little girl with an restrictive diet who would talk her classmates into sharing prohibited items with her-they thought her parents were "just being mean" in not letting her have certain items. ultimatly the parents and the faculty had an open class meeting with the students to enlist their help (it was done very carefuly and with alot of planning to make it a positive "helping" session).

since you've seen the downward spiral since the initial "pig-out" is it possible that there might be someother food ingredients that are now causing problems. does'nt the feingold program have an inital "cleansing diet" to start off with wherein you slowly reintroduce items to try them out? it may be that you need to go back to square one.

depending on your daughter's maturity level perhaps you can enlist her in more planning of her meals, make a master list of what she can have (vs. what she can't) and allow her to make some of the choices.

you may have also reached the point in your daughter's life where the dietary restrictions are not enough to deal with her medical issues, if you have not already you may need to seek out counseling and medical oversight.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hi, not a psychiatrist (but I used to work closely with one! ) But I was a child (and adult) therapist in a past life (MSW).

I am speaking more as a mom here.

You know your kids best, better then any psychiatrist could.

It sounds like you might be on track. Especailly since things are getting better. This is a rough road, but learning some respoinsibilty for herself and her actions is a good thing. Good old fashioned guilt is a major motovater in behavoirs and moods. Have a talk with her about her tempation, and the consequnces to over doing it (with any food, junk food even with out red dye) and how it makes her feel. Talk with her about how hard it has been the past few weeks, and adjustment to school (Is she is 2nd grade now or 3rd?) Both of those can be a bit of an adjustment too.


My DD has food allergies (she is only 15 months old right now.) but I know how it is to read every label and stick to safe foods. That can get very boring and I can understand her rebilion. Heck since I have to stick to the allergy diet too ( baby is breast feed for now.) I often am temped myself to have something off the list.

How long do you think she will have to avoid red dye foods, or will it get better as she grows?

Good luck.