Any Agony Aunt out there!!!

[kizzy212]

nevermind!!

 

[rosiep]

Maybe this reply comes a litle too late but I think the reason no one replied was because your post came off homophobic.
I didn't respond because I wasn't sure you were simply freaked out that a friend professed love for you or because that friend happened to be the same sex as you.
Anyone else who read this post agree? OP do you want to clarify?

 

[kizzy212]

I never meant the post to be like that. me and my friend are again very close. i think part of me knew she was having difficulty with her sexuality. i was just looking for advice and how i can help her.. the fact that she is gay doesnt bother me. ok she has confessed she loves me. why me! i keep asking.

from our long conversation yesturday she has tried to push this away since college... found a man. that didnt work... so had a baby. her relationship with daughter now (3) is not how can i say (loving....) i have asked her if she has ever kissed or been with a women. she says NO. so now she is asking herself what if i aint and i just have a fixation with you(me).she says she finds women extremly attractive on tv, while walking down the street. she dreams of women.
when i asked her about her partner, she said there relationship is happy/no arging.they dont go anywhere but she has got used to that. they have a £180,000 house, have no sexual relationship and he seems happy with that. he spends night after night on computer and works away quite alot.

I personal think my friend is gay. But she has lead this life for so long. I cant see where next to turn to help her..

I asked her what she wants from me and she said her dream.for me to say i love her too. to raise kids together as a happy family, and to do what families do but she knows that isnt going to happen so she is happy with our friendship not to change and she hopes i can deal with it.

Now i am fine with this...and i have said i will be her family but this doesnt help her. i dont know how to help her....i have spoke to my partner and he said that i need to tread carefully. now is that just a man with competition or man of words

I am really sorry if i affended anyone. i just needed advice and thought it would be best from a gay lady so they know where she is coming from.

x

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Yes, Rosie I am one who was concerned that the original post was homophobic, and (please excuse this) potentially artificial.

It seems as though the OP was genuine and that is a good thing.

So, if your friend seems to be attracted to you can you be honored by that? You don't have to reciprocate if that is not something you too feel (the attraction) but being honored by her attraction for you gives dignity and respect to her emotions, without compromising your position either.

She will have to come to her own decisions about her life and herself in her own time. You can remain a steadfast friend, and support her in whatever she chooses to do. {{hugs}}}

Sorry again for the misunderstanding.

 

[inkkognito]

I'll toss in some comments as a (straight) therapists who works with many gay and lesbian clients. Caution: Remember, I am dealing with limited information here so my opinion may or may not have any bearing on reality. But it almost sounds like now that your friend is acknowleding her sexuality, her mind is looking for an immediate focus. It was probably a big thing to admit to herself, and now that she's been able to do it the floodgates are open, so to speak, and you are a convenient person to focus that on. As DVC said, be honored by that and be as supportive as you can. As she gets things sorted out for herself, I think she will probably shift to seeking a partner who can return her love and build a life with her. If she would not be offended, you might even want to suggest counseling, but make sure that she chooses someone who has experience with gay and lesbian clients. This is a very sensitive time for her, and she needs support and understanding.