Any advice would be great....rant/vent

[EthansMom]

I didn't read all of the posts, so don't know if this has been mentioned yet, but even if your DS did take his buddy to court and got a judgement, he would have any way to enforce the judgement if his buddy doesn't have assets. You can't get money from someone who has none.

This "friend" had no problem living it up for three weeks on DS's dime. He should be able to scrape together something. And if I were your DS that's what I would say, "Listen, just send me $20 a month to show me that you really mean to pay me something!"

Your DS is likely going to lose both his friend and his money over this.

 

[Hannathy]

I would have died if at 20 my mommy called one of my friends mommy over a problem! You need to let your son grow up he is not a little boy. I also think it is a very unreasonable to think someone who didn't have the money at Xmas would have 2500. paid back in 5 months-thats $500 a month. if he could swing that I think he could have paid it in the first place. It may be a very good lesson to your son if he has to do without a little on this trip (he doesn't sound neglected) it may sink in that he needs to think long term on all decisions. IMO you calling the other parent will have a longer negative impression than the money, that they will work out. I do think he should be trying to pay back something by now or at least tell your son when to expect something even if it is a year from now.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

He needs to stick to his guns.

We loaned money to my mom ONCE with strings attached. She really needed the help--and the string was that any future requests for any reason would be on our terms (like we would pay the creditor directly, that kind of thing).

She asked for money this week and we had to say no. Time was of the essence and unfortunately our strings would not work for the situation. She was forced to figure it out for herself and she did (and saved $$$$ in the process).

No means no--not one dime or nickle or penny.

Honestly the friend sounds like a deadbeat. Not quite sure how long that relationship will last if he doesn't get two feet on the ground and learn proper handling of his finances.

 

[CheshireVal]

This is your son's battle, not yours. If he wants to go after the money, he will. If not, he just needs to write it off.

When my DH moved here, he sold his old car to his best friend. His friend didn't pay him any money at all for about 6 months, then he's paid a few more very small installments over the past 2 years, but he still owes. And all DH asked for the car was $800 to begin with!

I get so irritated about it, but DH is too nice, and it *is* his best friend. He doesn't want to pursue it... his choice.

 

[skyfairy]

I think that you are not the meanest person on the planet and that statement was very uncalled for. $2400.00 is alot of money and the so called best friend should not have done if he could not afford it number one and number two if I was the "best" friend that borrowed the money I would be so embarrased that I have not even given a penny that i would find away to pay at least $25 a month to let him know that I was trying. I would not do the small claims court route just yet but not because it will ruin the friendship, I think it is already ruined (lack of trust). I would give in a little more time since he now knows that you are considering taking him to court maybe he will start paying then if that does not happen then I would go forward with small claims court.

 

[wilderness01]

Well my take on this is that I also would not take this kid to court but I really question their friendship. Surely he could pay at leat $5 a week to your son since the loan to at least show good faith. Don't tell me he hasn't gone out on at least one weekend at college and at least spend $20 to get into a bar and have a few drinks, underage or not. I would chalk this up to money lost and a "friendship" that's not worth it. I question the parents allowing their 19 year old to go on such a lavish trip to Europe not having any money. Surely they tried to guide him into not doing that and explained to him that spending money that you don't have or don't forsee having for the next few years is wrong? Surely he knew he wouldn't be able to pay back this money for quite some time. Shame on him for borrowing it. Some people have come down pretty hard on the OP. To be called the meanest person you have ever come across? Come on. She just sounded frustrated. What if this was a car loan and they were repo'ing the car because of lack of payments? What then? Would the car company not be being compassionate enough? Or what if he would have taken the loan from his credit card and then not made any payment and they did take him to court? What then? Are they just meanies as well? Just because it was a private transaction, although a not very smart one with no end date specified, does not make it any less of a legal transaction than one given by a financial institution, etc. Now it has become the OP's problem if her son is asking for $ that he is owed but doesn't have because of his generous, naive spirit. Yes it is a lesson learned for all involved not to lend money out, but to want to go for this lady's throat is a little much as well don't you think? This "kid" knew he was making a bad loan promise, much as if he was cashing a check that was going to bounce. He is showing no remorse by not giving her son even $1 per week. I wouldn't feel too sorry for someone like that. It shows a lack of morals and that his word/promise doesn't mean a thing to not pay anything back in over a years time. I would say "friendship" over and move on.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

Wow... almost everyone is jumping on this mom like she is the one who did the wrong. I agree that she shouldn't take the kid to court however... let's keep this in perspective... it was the friend who is in the wrong here. He shouldn't have accepted the money if he couldn't pay it back and once he realized he couldn't, he should be working extra jobs etc and make some effort to repay the money. I would question the sincerity of the friendship if he was willing to take the money and make no effort to repay. Talk about taking advantage. Also, I realize these boys are "grown" but don't any of you have college kids who are still dependent on you at age 20? My son is in college and he works as much as he can but he is still not "grown" . And as his parent, if my son could not afford a trip like that and I couldn't pay for it, I would be strongly discouraging him not to go, I would not want him owing a "friend" that much money! However, the poster's son does sound like a mature young man she should be proud of.

And when she was referring to the grant as helping "us", I interpreted that to mean it was helping the parent's financially in regards to funding the trip since grants don't have to be repaid. Any financial aid my son receives does benefit "US". I thought the response to that was kinda mean.

Just my opinion for what it's worth.

 

[4cruisin]

I wouldn't take the friend to court. Your son was very generous with his friend and this may have been the only way/opportunity for his friend to visit/travel to those countries. IMHO, this is one of those life lessons that many of us have to learn firsthand, just don't lend money to friends or family.

Yup, what RitaZ said.

Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Don't lend money to friends or family....ever. Your son got the pleasure of his buddies company while on the trip. Let your son deal with it...you should stay out of it altogether. The boys will either work it out and keep a friendship or it will destroy a friendship...either way...do not interfere.

 

[momrek06]

OP HERE: Thanks to all who read my Thread and Posted. I do appreciate it.

As my title said "any advice would be great"! I read everyones comments whether or not they sounded mean, I really do understand and I even have learned a LIFES LESSON!

I have absolutely LOVED being able to Post on the DIS Boards and put out a situation such as mine and LEARN from it all.

Life throws us all challenges from time to time. I seriously needed your help and advice and you were all there!

 

[LadyyRedd]

My motto is - learned a long time ago - never lend money to someone that you can't afford to lose.

Kimya

 

[Marseeya]

OP HERE: Thanks to all who read my Thread and Posted. I do appreciate it.

As my title said "any advice would be great"! I read everyones comments whether or not they sounded mean, I really do understand and I even have learned a LIFES LESSON!

I have absolutely LOVED being able to Post on the DIS Boards and put out a situation such as mine and LEARN from it all.

Life throws us all challenges from time to time. I seriously needed your help and advice and you were all there!

I love your attitude!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

... let's keep this in perspective... it was the friend who is in the wrong here. He shouldn't have accepted the money if he couldn't pay it back and once he realized he couldn't

Yes this is true.

Also, her son wanted a companion on the trip and paid for it. So even though he lost out on money he was able to share his trip with a friend so it was not entirely a wash-out you know?

That is looking for the good in all this. Oh and never "lend" money, give it and don't expect it back.

 

[Steffi]

Thinking back to when I was 20, I can see myself in your son's situation. If I'd had enough money back then and really, really wanted to go on a trip like that, I probably would have offered to pay for my best, best, BEST friend to come along, too. The opportunity to take a trip like that with your best friend at that age is (sorry to use the word yet again) PRICELESS.

I would love to have memories of something like that with my best friend! It would have been worth $2400 to me, seriously. I probably would have drawn up all the promissary notes just to make my friend feel better about taking the money, but I wouldn't have been too worried about getting the money back. It was probably embarrassing for the friend to accept the money at all.

That's just my take on it, your son made some great memories that not everyone has. He shouldn't tarnish those memories over money.

Also, I hope your son enjoys his future travels, how amazing for him to get to experience all that! He must have worked very hard for it and I wish him continued good fortune.

 

[FayeW]

Thinking back to when I was 20, I can see myself in your son's situation. If I'd had enough money back then and really, really wanted to go on a trip like that, I probably would have offered to pay for my best, best, BEST friend to come along, too. The opportunity to take a trip like that with your best friend at that age is (sorry to use the word yet again) PRICELESS.

I would love to have memories of something like that with my best friend! It would have been worth $2400 to me, seriously. I probably would have drawn up all the promissary notes just to make my friend feel better about taking the money, but I wouldn't have been too worried about getting the money back. It was probably embarrassing for the friend to accept the money at all.

That's just my take on it, your son made some great memories that not everyone has. He shouldn't tarnish those memories over money.

Also, I hope your son enjoys his future travels, how amazing for him to get to experience all that! He must have worked very hard for it and I wish him continued good fortune.

I agree Steffi. We really don't know how it all transpired but to say the friend has no morals, etc is a real stretch! I remember being that age, and my BEST,BEST,BEST friend was way more important than anything. Sounds to me like OP's son really wanted to go on the trip and offered to foot the bill for his friend cause he didn't want to go alone (who would?) or miss out on the opportunity. The friend probably said "I'd love to go, but I can't afford it"; OP's son says "That's ok, I'll buy your tickets, you pay me back when you can". OP's son CLEARLY knew when he made the offer that his friend was not going to fall into a bucket of money any time soon

I still think having the friend work off some of the loan by helping with OP's son's business is a great solution.