Any advice would be great....rant/vent

[Wishing on a star]

Now, you mentioned that you son has his own business, and that he is going to be away for an extended period. Is it possible that BF could help with the business in his absence, and work off the debt that way? It might be worth it to have somebody maintaining business contacts, etc. Not knowing what type of business he has, I'm not sure if this applies.

This guy can't manage to find two nickles to rub together. He has no problem with 'borrowing' a large sum of money with no given way to repay it...
He is already very overextended timewise, and financially.

Would I give him any involvment with my business? NOT!!!

Get taken once, shame on them.
Get taken twice, shame on you!!!!

 

[Marseeya]

Sorry,

But, you would have no rights to take your DS 'friend' to court even if you wanted to.

The way I read the OP, you did not lend this 'friend' the money.
Your DS lent the money and made the agreement.
You had no right to even contact this guys parents.

You are WAY to vested in your DS life in this situation.

Let your DS handle it the way he sees fit.

If he never sues this so-called 'friend', then consider it a lesson learned.

1. Never mix $$$ with friendship
2. Never lend money that you would not write off as a gift.

I totally agree with everything here. Mom needs to step back and remove herself from the situation except to be a sympathetic ear to her son.

 

[ukdisneydreamer]

p.s. what is "sarky"!

Crete is a GRANT, so that is great for us and
U of G is a scholarship. He was hoping to use the $2400.00 as sightseeing money and misc expenditures while in both Crete and Scotland.

sorry my scots tongue - it just means sarcastic

i dont honestly think your son will need all that much for sightseeing etc, i have been to greece many times and, the same as scotland, most things worth seeing are free or very very inexpensive, but thats not the point - i do honestly think it would be better to wait, maybe advise your son to draw up a new agreement with friend stating that when he starts earning a certain amount (sorry dont know what that would be in $, i deal in the great british £) he could start paying back

 

[Wishing on a star]

Crete is a GRANT, so that is great for us and
U of G is a scholarship. He was hoping to use the $2400.00 as sightseeing money and misc expenditures while in both Crete and Scotland.

Sorry, it was not a grant for 'US' it is a grant your DS, and is great for him.
You and your DS are not an 'us'.

Sounds like the OP is not upset at her DS being taken. The OP is really upset because, since her son made a bad decision, he is asking her for money to get him thru his travels.

A heads-up for the OP.
You can beg this guys parents, take him small claims court, whatever.

You can't get blood from a turnip, or water from a rock, or whatever catch phrase you want to insert here.

Your DS can be 'hoping' all he wants. But, if his friend does not have the $$$, then it ain't gonna happen.

 

[momrek06]

Something else just hit me.

If the OP is this vested in these details of her DS life, and thinks she can just up and involve herself in his personal affairs, well, I do pity her sons future wife!!!!!

Today was the first day (seriously) that I got involved. DS just moved home Monday from college. DS was the one that called buddy today and inquire as to the loan. Buddy said he would not be able to pay DS before he left June 26th so I called his dad. DS lent the money one year ago when they bought the plane tix and made the ressies.

I will say it was a nice conversation but dad said he was aware that DS lent the money to buddy but they have fallen on hard times and cannot be of any help at this time. That was the whole conversation.

As the OP: I want to thank everyone for reading this Thread and giving me their advice and opinions.

HERE GOES: #1) We will not be going to small claims with buddy at all. As I have read I have come to realize this would be a BIG MISTAKE for all involved.

#2) and yes DS has learned and realized (as he said it today to DH & I) that he will not be lending money out again. This has been a hard lesson but a valuable one.

#3) FRIENDS ARE PRICELESS.

#4) We will move on and up and be thankful for what we have in life.

 

[Wishing on a star]

 

[momrek06]

THANKS! I love all you guys on the DIS BOARDS and knew so well if I took this to the DIS forum I would really and truly get the answers I need and I did!!!
Many thanks for all that took time to read my Thread and Post their comments.
I really do appreciate it!

 

[ukdisneydreamer]

oh and tell DS if he is ever in Dundee and needs a tour guide , drink , or whatever to call on my DH and I - we are nice really , just a bit cranky at 01.50 in the morning

 

[momrek06]

oh and tell DS if he is ever in Dundee and needs a tour guide , drink , or whatever to call on my DH and I - we are nice really , just a bit cranky at 01.50 in the morning

THANK YOU I WILL!!! He is so looking forward to Scotland. He just picked his DORM at the University. He is PUMPED for this experience in his life. Both for Crete and Scotland.

MANY THANKS!!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm glad that you've decided not to take him to small claims court. Good decision!

I agree that you should stay out of this. I know that we parents (esp moms) want to rescue and make everything right with our kids, but it was his decision to loan the money and he needs to deal with the consequences.

I also think that your son needs to think of this as a gift. Not to say that he shouldn't hope for the money back, but in his head he should assume that it won't happen (then he can be pleasantly surprised if his friend does pay him back). This is an expensive lesson, but if he truly learns the lesson and doesn't loan out money to friends/family again it's not such a bad price to pay for an important learning experience.

 

[scifihippie]

I think your best bet to see any of the money is to try and set up some sort of payment plan. Start out at $2 a week and let the best buddy increase it as he can. It's probably going to take years for your son to see this money fully repaid. He should not count on it for the near future.

I think taking it to court is the wrong way to handle it. See what the law says about the length of time you have to file a claim. If you haven't seen at least a dollar in the next year, then you might have to rethink taking it to court. I think the best bud should make some sort of effort no matter how small.

 

[kristen821]

Last June 2005 my DS (who has his own business and works very hard at it as well as going to college full-time) 20yo and his best best best (note stress BEST) buddy were planning a trip to Europe for Xmas 2005. Best buddy had NO money so DS paid for the ENTIRE trip. He had BEST buddy sign his life away with promissary notes galore for everything that DS paid for...airfare, hotels, Euro-rail passes etc...total BEST buddy borrowed was $2400.00! DS paid for the ENTIRE trip with BEST buddy promising to pay DS back as soon as he possibly could.....OKAY are you following me....the boys went for three fabulous weeks. Best buddy had Xmas money and Bday money for misc spending while there..ex.meals/souvenirs. The boys had the TIME OF THEIR LIVES. One week Paris, one week London, one week Rome!!!

NOW it is MAY 2006 and BEST buddy has not given DS one cent, not one nickel, not one dollar. We all realize Best buddy has limited income. His parents are not wealthy at all. Best buddy also attends college and works for Target and mows lawns. DS called buddy today (the usual once a month phone call since returning Jan 15th) to ask about $$$. Buddy says he has none and is very very very sorry. His car is broken and is basically walking to his jobs.

I call his Dad today. I have never stepped in before this but DS thinks that BEST buddy will not come through. They have the same conversation each month...buddy says..."Mike, I will send you some cash as soon as I can"!!!
The dad informs me that they are poor and THEY cannot even pay my DS off and get their DS to pay them back.

Now my DS leaves the USA on June 26, 2006 for SEVEN months...3 months to DIG in Greece on a fabulous outstanding Grant from DS University (on the Island of Crete) and then Sept 1st will study ART at the University of Glasgow, Scotland for a semester of overseas studies.

HERE IS MY THOUGHT/IDEA....tell me all what you think....I want to take Buddy to SMALL CLAIMS. In Ma it is only $2000.00 we would LOSE $400.00!
Should I do this. My DS is so confused about it all. He told Buddy his parents were now angry and threatening Small Claims and Buddy got REAL MAD at DS......DS thinks the WORLD of buddy. They have been friends for 6 years!

HELP me DISer's with this....what should I do....would LOVE all your thoughts. DS wanted to take this $2400.00 to Crete and Scotland!!!

THANK YOU!

I am glad you got the answers you were looking for. If you did decide to go to small claims court I don't think there would be a case since there isn't a set date the loan had to be paid back by. It was set for asap which probably hasn't happened yet for the buddy. Later down the road when his buddy does have money he may have a case, but your son will have to decide at that time if losing a friendship is worth $2400 and that is something only he would be able to decide.
I hope your generous son gets his money back someday. but my motto is don't loan money to someone unless you are willing to lose it. Good luck!

 

[Disney Doll]

Don't lend money to anyone unless you can truly consider it a gift.

 

[trip]

I wouldn't take the friend to court. Your son was very generous with his friend and this may have been the only way/opportunity for his friend to visit/travel to those countries. IMHO, this is one of those life lessons that many of us have to learn firsthand, just don't lend money to friends or family.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

It's jut like gambling -only play with what you can afford to lose - only loan money to friends and family that you can afford to lose.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I didn't read the whole thread...has anyone mentioned that you don't have a case? The kid owes YOU nothing.

Your son is 20 years old...good an age as any to stop fighting his battles.

He's learned his lesson, I'm guessing. I hope he can chalk up it to experience and continue the friendship.

 

[MidNite]

Yeah, I learned a long time ago that lending money to a friend is the quickest way to lose that friend. The best course is to give them whatever money you were considering lending them. Then, if you get paid back, wonderful. If not, no big deal and friendship is still intact. The trick, though, isn't to TELL them that it's a gift...just to consider it as one to yourself. Am I making any sense at all?

 

[DWDreams]

You said the agreement was for buddy to pay your son back "as soon as he possibly could." From what you describe, this isn't a time when he possibly could. Unless the agreement specified an end date as to when all money was to be paid by regardless, it doesn't sound like the agreement has actually been breached.

That said, I would never take a friend to claims court, or at least not if I'd want to keep them as a friend. Also, I don't even fight my 11 year-olds battles, so it's strange for me to think about a parent getting into an adult child's disagreements. I agree with those recommending you step-aside on this. Nothing good can come of your involvement in this.

 

[Planogirl]

I wondered about the parent getting involved in the son's business too. He needs to work it out himself however he sees fit. I imagine that this has been a good lesson for him if nothing else.

I hope that he has a great time in Greece.

 

[DISUNC]

How is your Son's & BEST BUDDY's relationship now???? I hope they can get over this.

I hope it is not severed. They both made a mistake. Your Son's was lending this money with no "real" payment plan in place. The "best Buddy" mistake was taking the $ knowing he wouldn't be able to pay it back.
However I understand why they did it. This was a opportunity of a lifetime. Due to their age, they were probably just to excited to go and have these great experience....and both of them NEVER thought any of this through.

When this planning was going on, and if you knew, you should have given your son advice . This was your only mistake. I understand you calling the buddies parents...I would have done the same thing.

If the BEST BUDDIE is TRULY a BEST BUDDIE...this is what I would do. I would give the friend the $2,400, and have him give it too your son as a payback. Without your sons knowledge. If you can swing it, think about this. It will give both your son & his friend relief!

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would do nothing. This is between your son and his friend. Your son knew the friend had no money but paid for the trip anyway. He needs to wait for the friend to complete college and get on his feet, then decide if the money or friendship is more important. If you son needs extra money, could you loan him some?