Any advice would be great....rant/vent

[momrek06]

Last June 2005 my DS (who has his own business and works very hard at it as well as going to college full-time) 20yo and his best best best (note stress BEST) buddy were planning a trip to Europe for Xmas 2005. Best buddy had NO money so DS paid for the ENTIRE trip. He had BEST buddy sign his life away with promissary notes galore for everything that DS paid for...airfare, hotels, Euro-rail passes etc...total BEST buddy borrowed was $2400.00! DS paid for the ENTIRE trip with BEST buddy promising to pay DS back as soon as he possibly could.....OKAY are you following me....the boys went for three fabulous weeks. Best buddy had Xmas money and Bday money for misc spending while there..ex.meals/souvenirs. The boys had the TIME OF THEIR LIVES. One week Paris, one week London, one week Rome!!!

NOW it is MAY 2006 and BEST buddy has not given DS one cent, not one nickel, not one dollar. We all realize Best buddy has limited income. His parents are not wealthy at all. Best buddy also attends college and works for Target and mows lawns. DS called buddy today (the usual once a month phone call since returning Jan 15th) to ask about $$$. Buddy says he has none and is very very very sorry. His car is broken and is basically walking to his jobs.

I call his Dad today. I have never stepped in before this but DS thinks that BEST buddy will not come through. They have the same conversation each month...buddy says..."Mike, I will send you some cash as soon as I can"!!!
The dad informs me that they are poor and THEY cannot even pay my DS off and get their DS to pay them back.

Now my DS leaves the USA on June 26, 2006 for SEVEN months...3 months to DIG in Greece on a fabulous outstanding Grant from DS University (on the Island of Crete) and then Sept 1st will study ART at the University of Glasgow, Scotland for a semester of overseas studies.

HERE IS MY THOUGHT/IDEA....tell me all what you think....I want to take Buddy to SMALL CLAIMS. In Ma it is only $2000.00 we would LOSE $400.00!
Should I do this. My DS is so confused about it all. He told Buddy his parents were now angry and threatening Small Claims and Buddy got REAL MAD at DS......DS thinks the WORLD of buddy. They have been friends for 6 years!

HELP me DISer's with this....what should I do....would LOVE all your thoughts. DS wanted to take this $2400.00 to Crete and Scotland!!!

THANK YOU!

 

[horseshowmom]

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't take him to court.

I think it was obvious before the trip that the friend couldn't afford it, but it sounds like your son wanted the company and that his friend got carried away. The friend should NOT have gone into debt over the trip, but I also wonder how your son thought he was going to pay him back (considering the friend's financial circumstances).

Basically, it doesn't sound like he's got the money to pay you even if you do win the case.

I also don't think it's his parents responsibility to pay it for him.

Best wishes to your son, it sounds like he's got a great trip ahead of him!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

you asked for our thoughts - here is mine

You are the meanest, most cold-hearted person I might have even come across on the DIS in my 6 years of posting.

Your sons best friend is in a financial bind, from what you described he is walking to work, and you want to take him to court! Then to go to his parents! UGH

Unless there is more to the story, I can only imagine the friend is embarrassed he cannot pay him back. Was there a time limit as to when the money was supposed to be paid back? I mean working at Target and mowing lawns does not sound like the money would be paid back instantly.

If this is truly the best friend in the whole wide world, I would quietly drop it. Best friends are precious (I just lost mine 4 weeks ago to leukemia at age 37).

 

[momrek06]

You are the meanest, most cold-hearted person I might have even come across on the DIS in my 6 years of posting.

).

Yes, you are absolutely correct I did ask for all your thoughts. I just want to clarify, we have done nothing at all. I was just thinking about it. I want to hear from everyone as to what direction we should go in. And the last thing I want to do is be mean and cold hearted. I love posting here I don't ever want to fall into a category as being mean.... EVER! I really and truly would like some direction in this situation.

TIA!

 

[SDFgirl]

I agree that taking him to small claims court would be a terrible idea. It sounds like, besides this outstanding debt, your son and the buddy have had a long-standing, true friendship. That is worth its weight in gold. Why ruin his credit and their friendship?

I'm sure your son is frustrated, as he has every right to be. But anyone who has ever been in a financial bind will understand that the buddy already probably feels terrible about it. Surely there is a kinder way to solve this issue.

 

[tnkbl]

I would not take the best friend to court, hopefully you could chalk this up to a bad investment. You should not ever lend a friend money for a vacation. Good friends are hard to come by, your son either needs to suck it up and not mention the money and be friends or cut all ties.
I hope your son enjoys his studies, they sound wonderful!

 

[JadenLayne]

Hes your sons best friend! Do you truly think they would ever be friends again if he was taken to court?? I know its alot of money but I would wait until the other boy graduated and got a decent job. Does he live on his own or with his parents?

 

[golfgal]

It would be one thing if his financial situation had changed since the trip but being a college student and working your way through college pretty much means you still don't have money. Yes, the money would have been nice but your DS should have thought farther in the future to see if this money was going to come back to him before this other trip. This money might not be something he will see until they graduate and get real jobs.

 

[Holly]

If I were your DS I would write that money off and consider it to be gone and lesson learned.
Don't take the friend to court and don't tell him the loan is forgiven, just sit back and hope he pays.
Taking him to court will do nothing but make it worse. If he has no money, he cannot pay your son back even if the court tells him to. The court may have him set up a payment plan, but it is usually a ridiculously small monthly amount on an amount of that size so he will not have the $2400 for his travels either way.

I hope that the friend does the right thing and pays your son back.

 

[LoveWDW]

No, don't take him to court. He honestly can't afford it. But he should be paying something back, even $10 a month- your son should ask if he could do that. If he can't even afford $10 a month, then such is life. He should never have gone into debt like this in the first place. He was too young to realize it, and as the poster said above, he got carried away. Maybe down the road he'll be able and willing to pay it back, but for now consider the money gone.

 

[momrek06]

Hes your sons best friend! Do you truly think they would ever be friends again if he was taken to court?? I know its alot of money but I would wait until the other boy graduated and got a decent job. Does he live on his own or with his parents?

Best buddy lives away at college during the year and at home with M&D in the summer.

Hey, that sounds like a really good idea. Waiting until he graduates in two years (2008)! I mean that is really do-able!

Thanks, that is what I am looking for...IDEAS such as this one!!! Thanks, Jaden!

 

[RitaZ.]

I wouldn't take the friend to court. Your son was very generous with his friend and this may have been the only way/opportunity for his friend to visit/travel to those countries. IMHO, this is one of those life lessons that many of us have to learn firsthand, just don't lend money to friends or family.

 

[mylilnikita]

Your son is grown. He needs to learn from his mistake or work something out with his buddy by himself.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry,

But, you would have no rights to take your DS 'friend' to court even if you wanted to.

The way I read the OP, you did not lend this 'friend' the money.
Your DS lent the money and made the agreement.
You had no right to even contact this guys parents.

You are WAY to vested in your DS life in this situation.

Let your DS handle it the way he sees fit.

If he never sues this so-called 'friend', then consider it a lesson learned.

1. Never mix $$$ with friendship
2. Never lend money that you would not write off as a gift.

 

[Quinn222]

Did your son ask you to get involved? From your story it sounds like something that's between them. I can't see any point in taking him to court (not to mention that since you didn't lend him any money you don't have a case to take to court). Even if it was found in your son's favour the kid obviously doesn't have the money.

I'd advice your son to write it off as a lesson learned and forget it and I'd advise you to stay out of it.

 

[ukdisneydreamer]

Best buddy lives away at college during the year and at home with M&D in the summer.

Hey, that sounds like a really good idea. Waiting until he graduates in two years (2008)! I mean that is really do-able!

Thanks, that is what I am looking for...IDEAS such as this one!!! Thanks, Jaden!

forgive me if i am wrong but that sounds like sarcasm - whats the point of asking opinions if you are going to be sarky

speaking as someone around your sons age and as one who have learnt the hard way about lending friends money - i say let your son deal with it his way and stay out - by the sounds of it you will only make matters worse and your son might resent you later for it

on another note cost of living etc is VERY cheap in crete and glasgow (i live near glasgow) so i am sure if your son can afford to lend $2000 odd out he will survive on his trip with money left over.

JMHO

 

[FayeW]

Well, here's my 2 cents...

Although an agreement that the money was a loan, and was to be repaid was made, if the boys didn't set a timeline for the money to be returned then I'm afraid your son may be S.O.L for right now, and once BF finishes college and gets a real job (other than Target & mowing lawns) they can set a payment schedule.

Now, you mentioned that you son has his own business, and that he is going to be away for an extended period. Is it possible that BF could help with the business in his absence, and work off the debt that way? It might be worth it to have somebody maintaining business contacts, etc. Not knowing what type of business he has, I'm not sure if this applies.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Something else just hit me.

If the OP is this vested in these details of her DS life, and thinks she can just up and involve herself in his personal affairs, well, I do pity her sons future wife!!!!!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I realize that you (parents) are very upset. Is your DS as angry, upset, or is he okay with HIS friend owing 2000.00? I am not trying to be mean or insensitive but your child (who is legally a adult) needs to take care of this himself.

Everyone one these boards use the word "priceless" but a true friend is truly "priceless". (I hate that word but it was the only word I could use to get my POV across).

I realize for most of the people on the dis boards I am old (51) and couldn't possibly understand. What I understand is that everyone needs to learn WHO their friends will be, and who needs to be cut, but they will only learn on their own.

 

[momrek06]

forgive me if i am wrong but that sounds like sarcasm - whats the point of asking opinions if you are going to be sarky

JMHO

No, I am not being sarcastic at all. I think this is a good idea.


p.s. what is "sarky"!

Crete is a GRANT, so that is great for us and
U of G is a scholarship. He was hoping to use the $2400.00 as sightseeing money and misc expenditures while in both Crete and Scotland.