Answering machine at a Mental Hospital (joke)...

[Saphire]

Originally posted by EROS
Saphire, I do extend such compassion to my patients. In fact, I've often commented that I view their FAITH as an important aspect of their healing.

Then why don't you extend that compassion to us?

 

[jfulcer]

Ok, I know they're not on EROS's list, but this again goes to show you people laugh at the darndest things...

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman?
It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. -- Geri Jewell
------------------------------------
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
-------------------------------------------
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
---------------------------------------
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".
No go.
So they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics".
Thumbs down again.
So they tried "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."
Still not good.
So they tried "Minds and Behinds".
Unacceptable again.
Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Queers and Rears," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," or "Loons and Moons" work either.
So they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends"
--------------------------------------------
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!"
"What do you mean?
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife.
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her.

 

[DocRafiki]

While the original "joke" made me sad, jfulcer's "joke" about the psychiatrist and proctologist is nothing less than repulsive. You just called all psychiatry patients (and there are a ton of us here) "freaks," "queers," "nuts," and "loons." Was this actually posted by an adult? Thanks for the reminder that America is in the dark ages and that the DIS is a waste of my time. I now realize it's no better than watching Jerry Springer... both are so swayed that they make me think that this country is filled with morons.

 

[EROS]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
Laura, I do see humor in your post.

Thanks for being honest..........

 

[preshi]

Originally posted by DocRafiki
I now realize it's no better than watching Jerry Springer... both are so swayed that they make me think that this country is filled with morons.

Man you couldn't be more right... I think I say that to myself 3 times a day!

 

[SDAngel101]

Laura.. i thought your joke was funny too

Eros (before you go on about how thinking this joke is horribly wrong, and how i am a bad person for thinking its funny) I have had people close to me (like my brother, and one of my best friends) with psychological problems, and i still found humor in the joke. Now you can go on and think what you want about what me or other people say on this thread, but do you really think it is nessesary for all the other people on the DIS to read it? If you think it is going to hurt another person, then just dont say it... or maybe they didn't teach you that in Med school.

 

[jfulcer]

Originally posted by DocRafiki
Was this actually posted by an adult? Thanks for the reminder that America is in the dark ages and that the DIS is a waste of my time. I now realize it's no better than watching Jerry Springer... both are so swayed that they make me think that this country is filled with morons.

Wooo hooooo! Thanks! Gotta appreciate the comments! EROS is ostracized for posting his views and I'm called a moron cause I posted the joke? Where's all the defensiveness about it being a JOKE now?

 

[EROS]

I'm still waiting for all of our laughing DISers to offer their CANCER jokes. What's the problem???? Psychiatric disorders are apparently a real "riot" around here, so metastatic carcinoma shouldn't be far behind . Or........is it simply "OK" with DISers to laugh about Manic-Depressive Disease but bad form to yuk about those with malignancies????

 

[Palmrc]

Cancer

Doctor: Well, we better discuss treatment now for your prostate cancer. I recommend hormone therapy.
Man: Are there any side-effects?
Doctor: A few. You will have a loss of potency. You might get some hot flashes. And when lost, you will have an inexplicable urge to ask for directions.

Doctor: I've got your test results and some bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Man: Boy, am I lucky! I was afraid I had cancer!

 

[EROS]

Palm, how can I get angry with you for simply being provocative???? On the other hand, there are a bunch of DISers around here who clearly get off on such jokes. Hey, you've probably got them rolling in the aisles

 

[jfulcer]

Question: "What do you call a young woman who keeps getting lymphoma over and over again?"

Answer: "A lymphomaniac."

-----------------------(and a two for one for EROS)

An Irishman named Mike O'Leary went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Mike in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have a cancer known as Galloping Leukemia and it can't be cured. I give you two weeks to a month."

Mike, who was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son, who had been waiting. Mike said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs, some tears, and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Mike's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Mike told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Leary their condolences and they all had a few more beers.

After his friends left, Mike's son leaned over and whispered in confusion, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."

Mike replied, "I am dying from cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone.

Some good reading

 

[EROS]

Originally posted by jfulcer
Question: "What do you call a young woman who keeps getting lymphoma over and over again?"

Answer: "A lymphomaniac."

Speaks for itself ......

 

[fireplug]

WOW some of the Dis community is having a bad day


Some people thought the 'jokes' are funny some didn't. Let it be.
I just don't see why it had to become a mudslinging festival.

Everyone on here finds something offensive. WE ALL DO !

If someone wrote something about a specific person that would be VERY offensive to me. I don't think the OP meant to hurt anyone in particluar and I also doubt those who were offended are being thin skinned.

As the septic tank pumper I know says" One mans P**P is anothers mans gravy" (I don't mean literally that he uses it on his potatoes either ) the point is sometimes we all say things that may have been funny at the moment and in retrospect lose a little humor in the long run.

Here's a thought, maybe we ALL should take a moment to consider if we are going to offend someone BEFORE we post. That might make for a more PEACEFUL 2003

Steve

 

[Patrick IL.]

Needless to say we all have different pressure or hot spots. It could be in regards to our feeling about sickness, Religion, politics, racism, childrearing ect... We are all not of the same mind on all subjects. Keeping that in mind I caution all to be careful what they post on the boards, knowing it could upset someone else. I also ask whenever in doubt use the report the post to a moderator feature. A joke being in good or bad taste is often a very tough call, being we all have different tolerance levels. That being said I see no reason to "stir the pot" any further as the picture back a few posts showed. This one is done folks...feel free to carry on your disagreement via pm or email to each other.