Another would you be offended question

[lauradis]

I haven't read any responses yet, but me and my sister are tight.

Tight as in I would rather have her company and if she couldn't swing going and I could I would pay gladly. or visa versa.

Her husband is being prideful period.

My sister would never hold it over my head if she paid for something and neither would I.

Same goes with my real friends.

Who cares who pays?

 

[georgina]

I've never considered giving my siblings cash like that. Of course, I am from the north where we don't do that! It would be odd in my family.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I've never considered giving my siblings cash like that. Of course, I am from the north where we don't do that! It would be odd in my family.

From the North? Wut?

 

[lauradis]

I can't see being offended, either. Instead of trying to figure out what she meant, and reading all kinds of offense and insult into it, I'd just pick up the phone and ask her.

If it were me, I would very affectionately say to my husband, "get over yourself, love, I'm sure she doesn't think you're a deadbeat", call my sister, and say "hey, sweet kind sis, got your gift....was this meant to pay for our trip to the shore? Or did you misunderstand and think I meant that cash is so tight we're eating out of dumpsters?"

Much laughing would ensue, and everything would be fine. And whatever we decided to do with the money, I would be sure to thank my sister for being so kind. And I'd do something extra-nice for her when my finances were better.

times million

 

[ronandannette]

Cash might be misconstrued, but I bet you could send her a gift certificate to a salon or something of that nature. You can even tell her you "won" the gift certificate and thought she could have a little 'me time'.

Why on earth lie? Do you make up untruths about the Christmas and birthday gifts you give too?

I've never considered giving my siblings cash like that. Of course, I am from the north where we don't do that! It would be odd in my family.

North of where? Pretty sure you live south of me...

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Page 5 and we went regional...

 

[lauradis]

From the North? Wut?

I think they are right.

I'm from the south originally and I notice a big difference in family's up north then southern families.

Not all but a lot.

Most people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them about what me and my sister do for each other. If its money we have bouncing back and forth $200 for over 10 years lol and neither one of us can remember who did it last.

last nice thing my sister did for me was take a day off from work and drive 3 hrs to pick me up from airport, because she loves me and wants to spend time with me. period.

my husbands bothers or sister would never do this for him

 

[usd2bmd]

$300 does not say " I don't think you can feed your family". $300 says "Hey sis, go get yourself something nice because I know it's not in your budget. I'd be stoked and appreciative.

I would feel this way too.

Well, if you can't talk to your immediate family about your life.. good and bad.. then that's an issue the hubby has to deal with on his own. You shouldn't have to couch what you say to your sister.

It sounds like they have a good relationship and Sis was just saying 'have some fun.' It would be the same as if she sent her a gift certificate for a full day at a luxury spa - same cost, different presentation. I bet it's the actual cash that bothered him.. not the surprise gift.

Did she get the money in enough time to make plans to go to the shore for the weekend? (If it was enough to cover it?) If it was, then I would have used the money to go to the shore.. it could have been her sister's way of saying, "I really want to spend the weekend with you."

I agree with the bolded.

 

[usd2bmd]

I've never considered giving my siblings cash like that. Of course, I am from the north where we don't do that! It would be odd in my family.

OK, I'm from the north too but geography has nothing to do with it.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I've given my siblings some cash on occasion when things have been tight for them so they have a little spending money. Why not. They've done plenty for me, it may not be money but things like helping with a move, watching their nephew if I am in a pinch, keeping the dogs company, etc.. It all evens out.

If you can't count on your family that is sad imo.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I think they are right.

I'm from the south originally and I notice a big difference in family's up north then southern families.

Not all but a lot.

Most people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them about what me and my sister do for each other. If its money we have bouncing back and forth $200 for over 10 years lol and neither one of us can remember who did it last.

last nice thing my sister did for me was take a day off from work and drive 3 hrs to pick me up from airport, because she loves me and wants to spend time with me. period.

my husbands bothers or sister would never do this for him

Okay, but OP is from NYC, she & coworker live in Philly, and this was all about a trip to Jersey Shore iirc. That's all "North" on my map

 

[lauradis]

Okay, but OP is from NYC, she & coworker live in Philly, and this was all about a trip to Jersey Shore iirc. That's all "North" on my map

I didn't say all, but I really have noticed a difference.

Its also ok if we disagree.

still think husband is being prideful and needs to get over it or usta it.

 

[ronandannette]

Okay, but OP is from NYC, she & coworker live in Philly, and this was all about a trip to Jersey Shore iirc. That's all "North" on my map

LOL - Nope...still south of here!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I will go ahead and add my .02 cents.
Two separate comments....

1. I do think, based on the update, that this has a lot to do with the husband's male pride. Unless there are other underlying issues, then I just can't see ANY other reason something like this, a $300.00 exchange between sisters would be an issue. Seriously....

Take everything else out of the equation... and you would still be left control issues if he has a problem with his wife accepting things from friends and family.

2. So now that I have thrown out a generalization based on gender, I will add to the regional thing. I am from the South... My husband is from the North.

I have seen very, very, real differences....
In the south, most of the time, a gift is a nice gesture, and one does not look a gift horse in the mouth. With many I have noticed from the north, it is very different. Everything has strings attached, and there seems to be an unspoken (but also very verbal) like judgment, and assessment of who has more, makes more.

My husband, the one from the north, even sees this very much now. He is like, yep, lot's of people up there are like that.... It has sometimes been like a running joke. We actually laugh....

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I didn't say all, but I really have noticed a difference.

Its also ok if we disagree.

still think husband is being prideful and needs to get over it or usta it.

I just think it's funny that PP says "I'm from up North where we don't do that" in a thread started by someone up North


I really don't know if it's more common to one region or another, but the comment was 180 degrees opposite from how OP lives "up North" and I found that ironic. Really wasn't so much arguing the point

With ya on the husband. Were it me, I'd probably be a little miffed at my wife for saying that to her sister. But, my wife & I grew up way different in regards to talking about money. It was always a very private thing for me growing up. If we bought a new car, my mom would ask if we were enjoying it. My MIL would ask what we paid

 

[declansdad]

I think all of you questioning the post with the "north" reference are missing something.

Pride or not, the husband has the right to be offended.

 

[Cantw8]

I totally get the husband's response. I would not be offended, if I can do something for my sister I will and if she can do something for me, she does. That's what sisters do when they can. Sometimes you are in the position to help and sometimes you need the help. But I understand the husband feeling offended

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I totally get the husband's response. I would not be offended, if I can do something for my sister I will and if she can do something for me, she does. That's what sisters do when they can. Sometimes you are in the position to help and sometimes you need the help. But I understand the husband feeling offended

My sister would be bothered if I gave her money for something she said she could not do for monetary reasons. She would prefer to be offered and being given the courtesy to decline.

Not everyone is okay with handouts and prefer to pay their own way.

Hardships are treated differently and delicately if they come up.

Not being able to go to the beach for the weekend is not a hardship. So the financial rescue would put me off.

 

[Chuckers]

Why on earth lie? Do you make up untruths about the Christmas and birthday gifts you give too?

No, I wouldn't lie when the gift is expected.. however, I know some people who wouldn't accept a gift out of the blue. By saying it's something I won and can't use, makes the receiver think there are no ties to the gift or an underlying reason.

For example, I had a friend that I would go visit. On several occasions, I would bring the makings for ice cream sundaes with the excuse "I feel like having ice cream tonight." For him, money was tight and extras were kept to a minimum. I wanted to do something special for him. I really didn't feel like sundaes, but it made him happy. I never heard 'you don't have to do that' and he never felt the need to do something for me.

 

[LBIJim]

Okay, but OP is from NYC, she & coworker live in Philly, and this was all about a trip to Jersey Shore iirc. That's all "North" on my map

NYC
Philly
Jersey Shore

That's the answer why this was a touchy situation and why the husband was peeved. What the co-worker's sister did often IS an intentional slam in these parts. The sister may have done so innocently, but then she's kind of clueless. Better to offer the money and have the person accept rather than sending it unsolicited under the guise of "helping."

Sounds like something a "Real Housewife of NJ" might do.