Another wedding what 'would you do'?

[klacey1]

I would send a decline RSVP, just so she can do her tables, etc.
But in my book-- no attendence, no card/gift required. I wouldn't want my distant cousins to not attend and then feel obliged to send money. If you think she is grabbing for a gift...well then she certainly doesn't deserve a card.
Out of curiousity, is your husband's name anything CLOSE to Ryan?

 

[rie'smom]

R.S.V.P. and then send a nice card. My friend got her thank you notes mixed up and sent the notes to the wrong people! Stuff happens.

 

[merryweather20]

I'm not (and neither is DH) honestly. We just thought it was funny. I hadn't considered an empty card might be a message in itself, so I'm glad that it was mentioned. If DH (his family, his decision) ends up wanting to send a card, I'll bring that to his attention and see where he wants to go from there. We'll be RSVPing that we're not attending at the very least, I know how much it sucks when you can't get people to give you a straight yes or no when you're planning a wedding and you're trying to get a head count.

You sound ticked... Why the charade(card, no card, gift, "message")? Just let them know they sent Ryan's invite to your address.

This sounds like a simple mistake. Let them know so they can check this Ryan gets his invite. No big deal

 

[Linzybrooke]

I guess I don't see why you are ticked

It sounds like a simple mistake. You can triple and quintuple heck everything, but sometimes Murphy's law takes over. It wasn't a slight against your family.

I would have crossed out the name and address and returned it to the Postman. I understand you don't get on well now, but is it really bad enough that you wouldn't let her know this Mr. Smith might not have gotten his invite?

Now that you've opened it I'd drop her a line and let her know of her mistake, and apologize for opening it, you just saw her return address and didn't check the addressee.

I'm completely in agreement with this post. When we got married 5 years ago I know we accidently switched some addresses, with me and my bridesmaids doing the addressing we just made a couple of mistakes. Luckily it wasn't a big deal, the people knew each other and just switched invites. It is very likely that Ryan Smith has an invitation that is addressed to you and your husband.

I do not agree that sending a card without anything in it but a congratulations is sending a nasty message. We recieved cards with nothing in them, and were not offended in the least. There were people our parents wanted us to invite that we didn't know, or weren't close to. I never expected to recieve anything from them, and was certainly not offended to recieve their sentiments without a monetary token.

 

[Scurvy]

How is a card without a gift a message? It IS a message - someone took the trouble to send them a card wishing them well. Not all well wishes have to come in the form a gift. A nice card that wishes a couple well but doesn't happen to include money is not "empty."

I agree with this. There's nothing wrong with sending a card without a gift or money. It's a nice gesture.

I agree with the previous posters who suggested RSVP-ing to decline. If you want to send a card then you should - I think I would, but it wouldn't be wrong to not send a card, either. I definitely would not send a gift, nor would I attend the wedding.

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

We received a wedding invite from DH's cousin. The thing is it's not addressed to us as a family or even DH for that matter. It's addressed to Ryan Smith. DH's name isn't Ryan, nor are any of his siblings. In fact no one in his family is named Ryan and he spent the majority of his summers growing up on his grandparents farm with said cousin so she should be well aware of his name. We think it's funny and since this is her 4th engagement in as many years and DH and cousin haven't spoken in a decade we don't have any plans to attend the wedding. It's also out of state and we'd most likely not be able to get the time off anyway, so it's a moot point on that front.

Here's where the opinions differ. I think we should send a card, DH wants to just pretend we didn't get an invitation (technically we didn't according to him), but his mom wants us to either send a $$ present or attend. This cousin didn't attend or even acknowledge our wedding or any of DH's siblings so we both feel the invitation is more hunting for presents (cousin is an only child and is the prime example of 'snowflake'). This won't cause a big family feud no matter what happens, we live too far away to be involved in drama. I'm sure that the wrong name was just jitters and it doesn't mean anything. I'm just curious what other folks would do.

The cousin's behavior has nothing to do with the fact that he is an only child. There is an awful lot of uncalled for bashing of only children on the disboards.

I don't like the suggestion of pretending that you didn't receive an invitation. That is rude, IMHO. If you don't want to go, just send a card, wish the couple well and say that you are sorry you are unable to attend. Take the high road.

 

[ksjayhawks]

I voted OTHER.

Send back the rsvp card to decline.
Don't send a card. If mil pushes the issue, tell dh should tell her you are not going to do that and will not discuss it again.
Forget about it.

 

[shortbun]

You could send your MIL a small check and tell her to include yours in hers, listing your names however she wished, lol!

Seriously, I'd send a card with a personal-short note saying congrats and good luck!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd send back the response card with our correct name on it and probably a little note that says "Unfortunately we won't be able to attend. Just so you know, our invitation was addressed to Ryan Smith, so you may have a little mix-up in your list if you know a Ryan Smith, because he probably got our invitation".

I wouldn't be sending a gift. I might send a card. I don't consider a card with no gift a "message" of anything other than "Congratulaitons on your wedding".

Chances are, with 4 engagements in 4 years, this one probably won't make it to the altar either!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm not (and neither is DH) honestly. We just thought it was funny. I hadn't considered an empty card might be a message in itself, so I'm glad that it was mentioned. If DH (his family, his decision) ends up wanting to send a card, I'll bring that to his attention and see where he wants to go from there. We'll be RSVPing that we're not attending at the very least, I know how much it sucks when you can't get people to give you a straight yes or no when you're planning a wedding and you're trying to get a head count.

If you are RSVPing that you are not attending then you are done in my book. I would probably do that as well even though I would want to throw it away as I said previously.

 

[Took]

my guess is that someone else addressed the invites - someone either hired to do so, or just a friend helping out. I had a friend address mine that was great at calligraphy, so she wouldn't have had a clue if ryan smith really should have been robert smith!

In any event, i agree it's rude not to reply, but i'd just rsvp that no, sorry, you won't be attending. If you're not close then no card is necessary at all.

mte

 

[MariDisney]

It's possible that someone else was doing the addressing of the invitations and mixed a first and last name up by looking at the list too quickly. SO, maybe instead of "DH Smith and family" you got "Ryan Smith". Ryan Jones might have gotten "DH Jones and family"

I voted other. I'd just send the reply card back with the correct name and decline. I tend not to be revengeful and give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[tomthebarncat]

I would stick a post it on it stating that I received this invitation in error and then wish them all the best! why on earth should you or would you send a gift or money? you have not been invited to anything, you received someone else's mail by mistake.

 

[blana]

I'm snotty, so I'd probably send a card, put your DH's name on and under put "AKA Ryan Smith"

Okay, at least I'm not the only one to think this way.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's possible that someone else was doing the addressing of the invitations and mixed a first and last name up by looking at the list too quickly. SO, maybe instead of "DH Smith and family" you got "Ryan Smith". Ryan Jones might have gotten "DH Jones and family"

I voted other. I'd just send the reply card back with the correct name and decline. I tend not to be revengeful and give people the benefit of the doubt.

I'm sure the names and addresses were just mixed up. We didn't do our invitations ourselves, so the person who did them could've made a mistake. Send a card.

 

[Minnesota!]

I hate to admit this - but I did this, too. For my wedding, and for Christmas cards.

I put someone's name and someone else's address. It happens. You are filling out 100's of them and there is bound to be an error somewhere. I am sure she didn't forget your DH's name. She probably started writing out Ryan's and looking at her address list, put your address.

I wouldn't attend since its far away, but I would send a card with a check or something.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I agree with the PP that said if its so important to mom that a gift is sent, have her write the check


I had a friend write out my invites as a favor/weddig gift to DH & I, she managed to mix up two names (transposed the first name & last name of two people next to each other on the list)... it was kinda funny since one of them was my mother's boyfriend It all turned out fine and we joke about it on occassion

 

[Carly_Roach]

OOoh, I love these, thank you!


I would send a card and sign it, "Ryan Smith."

I kind of agree with Handbag Lady.

Personally, we wouldn't even acknowledge the junk mail with the wrong name on it. But if my MIL was saying we had to, then I'd get a cheap Congratulations card from Walmart or the Dollar Store, have DH sign "Ryan Smith" at the bottom, and then send it back without a return address. A 44-cent gift is about right for an invitation like that.

If the bride hasn't spoken to your DH in years, she probably won't say anything about not getting a card from him anyway. If she does say anything, he can then say he DID send a card.

After reading all the other posts, I still stand by my opinion that this invite can be considered junk mail. OP said there was no one in the family named Ryan Smith - not even close.

IMO, there's no reason for not getting a family member's name right. If you're outsourcing the tasks that you should be doing yourself, then be prepared for the same results that normally come from outsourcing. If the wedding is so large that you need several people who don't want to double-check the addresses (or don't feel the need to double-check) to do the addressing, then you won't miss the one or two (or ten) who don't respond to the mass-marketing blast.

 

[mjkacmom]

After reading all the other posts, I still stand by my opinion that this invite can be considered junk mail. OP said there was no one in the family named Ryan Smith - not even close.

IMO, there's no reason for not getting a family member's name right. If you're outsourcing the tasks that you should be doing yourself, then be prepared for the same results that normally come from outsourcing. If the wedding is so large that you need several people who don't want to double-check the addresses (or don't feel the need to double-check) to do the addressing, then you won't miss the one or two (or ten) who don't respond to the mass-marketing blast.

How do you know that Ryan Smith is a family member? It's a wedding, involving TWO families (there might be a Ryan on the other side), friends, co-workers, friends of the parents...

I honestly don't know of anyone who sent out their own wedding invitations here - you hire someone, and give them the information. Do people really address their own wedding invitations?

 

[Jazzybell]

We addressed our own invitations. That was 25 years ago, though, and we had a small wedding - about 100 or so guests.

To the OP - I would send regrets via the RSVP, and a card if you feel so inclined.