Another wedding gift thank you problem

[Chris2597]

My dd got married last Fall. The wedding was fairly large and the happy couple received loads of wonderful gifts. She had her Thank You's mailed within 3 months. They are both in school and working so it took a bit of time to get it all done. The problem is there are 3 people that came to the wedding but we dont have a gift written down for them...not that any of us expect a gift but I know 2 of these people well enough to know they would not go to a sit down dinner/dance without a gift. The other twist is that there is a gift on her register that shows as purchased but they did not receive it. Do they call the 3 guests to inquire?
She had a bridesmaid write down the gifts/giver when they opened them. I could have sworn that I heard the name of one of the people that shows no gifts given as they were opening gift cards, but there is no card or record on the list that bridesmaid did for this person.
I dont want know what to advise them to do. Any comments?

 

[happygirl]

My dd got married last Fall. The wedding was fairly large and the happy couple received loads of wonderful gifts. She had her Thank You's mailed within 3 months. They are both in school and working so it took a bit of time to get it all done. The problem is there are 3 people that came to the wedding but we dont have a gift written down for them...not that any of us expect a gift but I know 2 of these people well enough to know they would not go to a sit down dinner/dance without a gift. The other twist is that there is a gift on her register that shows as purchased but they did not receive it. Do they call the 3 guests to inquire?
She had a bridesmaid write down the gifts/giver when they opened them. I could have sworn that I heard the name of one of the people that shows no gifts given as they were opening gift cards, but there is no card or record on the list that bridesmaid did for this person.
I dont want know what to advise them to do. Any comments?

No, I would never call to see if anyone brought a gift or not.

 

[Ohiodislover]

How close are the friends? If you feel comfortable, you could call and explain that a mix up occurred, and some gifts were never received. I'm sure the gifters would understand. If I sent a gift from the registry that wasn't rec'd, I would like to know.


We had something like this happen at my niece's wedding. Several cards were stolen from her hotel room (approx $5000 in cash, checks, and gift cards) We had to do some serious scrambling, and many many phone calls to be able to give an accurate amount to the police/insurance company.

 

[Brit17]

I don't think I would call them either, unless I was really, really close to them and had that kind of relationship that I could ask them anything and they wouldn't feel offended/embarrassed, etc., ... however, I would still send them a Thank You note, not gift specific (i.e. thank you for the vase), but just a generic one saying "Thank you for sharing our day with us" ... it is not uncommon for gifts to get unintentionally misplaced, lost, or even stolen from large affairs ... and being that these weren't the kind of people to not bring a gift, I would definitely send a Thank You no matter what ...

 

[Handbag Lady]

It is perfectly acceptible for the mother of the bride (or any bridesmaid) to call and ask. Mention that one item was shown as purchased and not received and say that the company will not divuldge the purchaser's info and that you wish to send a thank you and then get cracking on why the gift was never received.

You want to find out who purchased the missing gift in order to send a thank you, not find out who didn't send a gift, which much be made clear.

 

[krcit]

I don't think I would call them either, unless I was really, really close to them and had that kind of relationship that I could ask them anything and they wouldn't feel offended/embarrassed, etc., ... however, I would still send them a Thank You note, not gift specific (i.e. thank you for the vase), but just a generic one saying "Thank you for sharing our day with us" ... it is not uncommon for gifts to get unintentionally misplaced, lost, or even stolen from large affairs ... and being that these weren't the kind of people to not bring a gift, I would definitely send a Thank You no matter what ...

I agree with this. I know that I would feel terrible if I gave a gift at a wedding and it was never received. I would rather not know

 

[phragmipedium]

I had this happen with one person at my wedding. I just sent a more general thank you anyway thanking them for sharing our day with us. I don't know for sure that they brought a gift, but I think (from knowing this person) that they would have and it was probably a card that got lost in the shuffle. I wouldn't (and didn't) directly ask about it, wouldn't want them to replace it or feel bad or awkward if there was no gift, and didn't really remember it until now. All that really mattered to me was that they came and enjoyed our day with us, anyway. No big deal.

 

[BCV513]

Send those three people a non-specific thank you. Instead of "thanks for the blender" you can say "thank you for sharing in our special day."

 

[DVCisME]

I agree, I would just send a general thank you. We had someone come to our wedding and their check bounced. We just said, thank you for sharing in our special day it means a lot to us!

 

[RF536]

Is there anyone who was at the wedding, that might know whether or not these people brought and gift and maybe even what they brought? This happened at my wedding, when Dsis wrote down a couple of names twice, and we were left trying to figure out who brought what. Of course we had quite a laugh about it, she was stressed out finishing up nursing school and was doing her best. She also wrote down that we received a set of crystal salad bowels from a neighbor.

 

[Chris2597]

Thank you for the responses. It is a very awkward situation. I think sending a generic thank you might work well. The trend today seems to be that alot of couples don't send thank you's for wedding gifts and I dont want these 3 people to think that my dd and her new hubby adhere to this trend.

I had this happen at my oldest dd's wedding 7 yrs earlier, with one couple...We had a gift that did not have a card on it and 2 guests that there was no gift from....one was from a single co worker of my DH and this other couple. I assumed, incorrectly that the bachelor didnt bring a gift, which was fine...and said to the wife a few months later to please excuse my dd's tardiness in sending a thank you but we had just figured out who the gift was from....she looked at me with a shocked face and her hubby said...."you did finally send a gift, didnt you?"....she said well, I ordered it but I dont know if they got it.....It was obvious that she hadnt...I was so embarrassed. The gift never did arrive. Their dd got married the following yr and of course I sent a place setting from her registry....and never got a thank you note...surprise suprise...Anyhow, dd quickly sent the other guest a thank you....So this time around I was a little apprehensive about looking into the gifts in question.