Another question - unpleasant topic.. Cremation..

[C.Ann]

Who here has used these services for a loved one?

Since the untimely death of my sister's DH last week, her middle son has remained right on top of things and is helping her along with the financial aspects tremendously.. (No - she didn't choose cremation..)

Anyhow - in a phone conversation with him yesterday he was concerned that I don't have my "ducks in a row" - so to speak.. My DH & I have definitely decided on cremation, but I never really checked into the costs, etc.

I made a few phone calls today to local funeral homes and requested their packets of information, but I was wondering if anyone here has actually gone that route..

Also, is pre-paying a good idea?

By the time we leave this house, I want ALL of our financial affairs taken care of - including ultimate burials; transfer of our lake house (which I realize I should see an elder law attorney about); etc..

I figure there's no sense in "handling" all of these papers twice if I don't need to.. I want everything settled and easily accessible to my DD & her DH (considering my BIL's death was so sudden) and that's why I'm in a mind-set to try to get my act together now..

Any info - or personal experiences - would be greatly appreciated..

 

[Rajah]

We had my dad cremated, and that's what my mom wants as well. Personally, I think it's a lot easier on the survivors to have a simple memorial service (no viewing -- I never have understood or liked viewings) and have the body cremated.

I think they tend to cost about $1200-1500? You really should call around (or have someone else call for you) and price it out. We had to go somewhere almost an hour's drive away, but it saved us $400 to do so.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

<font color=navy>My kids know that I want to be cremated, but I haven't gone as far as taking care of the details.

 

[nativetxn]

My mother has prepaid her funeral and wants to be cremated. I don't know how wise her decision is because (thank goodness) we haven't had to use the plan she has prepaid.

 

[browneyes]

My mom used to say she wanted to be cremated all the time, but I think my dad talked her out of it.

I'm not sure if you heard about the Tri-State Crematory fiasco in NW Georgia or not. I work about 10 minutes from there. That place really makes me glad my mom doesn't talk about wanting to be cremated anymore.

 

[PamOKW]

It sounds like your nephew has an idea of what needs to be done. I think I've mentioned before to you that with your husband's health situation and now your own, you need to get advice from someone who knows the particulars of how things work in your state and your financial situation. Pre-paying funeral expenses is sometimes part of this financial planning. States have different limits on how much of a person's assests can be put toward funeral costs if they find they may need Medicaid assistance. With nursing home costs running at about $10,000 per month and home health care also very expensive a person's assests can disappear quickly. If you are on Medicaid you are not permitted to have life insurance above a certain bare minimum (usually $1,000) so pre-paying to the limit gives your family a start on providing a regular funeral. I'd ask your nephew if he can help set up a plan for you or suggest someone in your area who can give you advice. I wouldn't just pre-pay a contract unless it was part of thinking out the whole financial outlook.

In my area, from what I can gather, cremation runs about $2,000. The costs for a wake and funeral are additional. My guess is that $3,000-$5,000 would cover a wake, funeral and burial with cremation. (Cemetery costs additional.) A regular funeral runs more in the $10,000 and up range.

All the financial planning has to be done years in advance of ever needing assistance so it's worth investigating now. When the need arises, it's usually too late. The same with purchasing long-term care insurance, you need to balance out the time of need with the cost. Sometimes if you wait too long, you already have a condition that makes the insurance unavailable or too expensive.

 

[MerryPoppins]

When my dad was cremated, we had the choice of paying for a regular coffin, pine box or sending him in what sounded like heavy cardboard. The price was very different for each choice. Just something else to keep in mind.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by MerryPoppins
When my dad was cremated, we had the choice of paying for a regular coffin, pine box or sending him in what sounded like heavy cardboard. The price was very different for each choice. Just something else to keep in mind.

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Just a little light-hearted comment in regards to that.. A friend of my DD had her father cremated in another state and due to healt reasons couldn't go to pick up his remains.. They were sent to her in a CARDBOARD BOX in a ZIP-LOCK type bag!!!!

I told my DD I am NOT to go through the mail (unless it's "Priority Mail" - with Delivery Confirmation) and if they have to "throw" me in something for shipping, then I would at least appreciate a Folger's coffee can!!!
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About that crematory nightmare someone else mentioned? Luckily we actually KNOW the person who would be doing the cremation in the crematory of our choice.. It's my DH's sister's BIL..

 

[ByTheSea]

My parents both decided they wanted to be cremated but didn't pre-pay or pre-plan. They did have funds set aside though. When my Dad died he was cremated and also buried.

A good funeral home will assist in handling all the arrangements. We "rented" a coffin for the funeral service itself, and you still need to buy a box or urn for burial if you choose that option.

I would guess cremation saved a few thousand dollars in funeral expenses, but the costs of the burial boxes/urns can range from a few hundred to a several thousands of dollars. The actual burial was about a week after the funeral service.

 

[DMRick]

transfer of our lake house (which I realize I should see an elder law attorney about); etc..

Be sure you take the advice to see a lawyer and DON'T transfer without the medicaid plannint. We are helping our ward with that now. Just transferring could end up with a lot of taxes. The planner will fix it so your life insurance (if you have any) will pay for the funeral, and so many other things you prob never even thought of, etc.

Good place for cremation (price wise) is on Rt 155..you prob know where I'm talking about.

 

[MosMom]

When my dad was cremated, we had the choice of paying for a regular coffin, pine box or sending him in what sounded like heavy cardboard. The price was very different for each choice. Just something else to keep in mind

We weren't given that option with my FIL - We were told our only option was a coffin. The coffin (cheapest) alone was $1,000. My MIL wasn't in the state of mind to "shop around" since my FIL's death was so very sudden. It makes good sense to look into these things BEFORE you need them. My FIL had a very basic funeral and it was $4,000. The obituary alone was nearly $300 but that is an entirely different rant.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by DMRick
Be sure you take the advice to see a lawyer and DON'T transfer without the medicaid plannint. We are helping our ward with that now. Just transferring could end up with a lot of taxes. The planner will fix it so your life insurance (if you have any) will pay for the funeral, and so many other things you prob never even thought of, etc.

Good place for cremation (price wise) is on Rt 155..you prob know where I'm talking about.

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Yup - will definitely take it to a proper attorney.. Don't want any "surprises" later on down the road..

If you're talking NewComer, the packet is on the way..

Was also very happy to learn that we could do the cremation and STILL have the military burial for my DH at the veterans cemetery up north and the other half of the plot will be reserved for me.. Prior to that I was thinking of having the kids throw us in the campfire or something.. LOL

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by PamOKW
It sounds like your nephew has an idea of what needs to be done.

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He's actually making up a step-by-step list for me as he goes along.. My sister's situation is a bit more complicated than mine, but at least I'll have some sort of guideline to follow this way.. He's a gem - the sweetest, kindest soul ever..

 

[janette]

Had a conversion with a co-worker a couple of weeks ago, she lost her mother and handled most of the final arrangements. She was very glad her parents had pre-arranged everything. They had pre-paid it years ago so did get a bargain, there were very few decisions to be made and it saved her and & Dad from doing all the work then.

Also have a friend that now works at a furneral home and have talked with her a little this week with FIL being so sick. She said that cremation her offers the box type coffin mentioned, viewing is still an option and you can use a rented casket. Vets have a space for themselves & spouse with an urn & nameplate in a military cemetary at no charge.

 

[off2disney]

When my mom died in 1988, she was cremated and her ashes were scattered in the waters of San Francisco (she and my dad lived in Oakland and loved to fish in San Francisco bay). After she died, my dad moved back here to Mississippi in 1989 to live with me. He got here on a Friday, and died on Monday. His wishes were to be cremated and have his ashes scattered in San Francisco bay so they could be together, so that's what we did. The cost back then for the cremation was about $1,000 - we just had a memorial service at our church, since he didn't know anybody back here. The funeral, casket, wake, etc, was going to run well over $5000 and the funeral home kept pushing for that, but we knew what his wishes were.

 

[goofy4tink]

When my mom died last fall, she was cremated. The total cost for the whole shebang was around $6000. That covered calling hours, viewing, cremation, box for remains. We did have to buy a casket for the cremation. It wasn't cheap, around $1500. But, my mom had an insurance policy for just this reason. Now she sits in my living room.

 

[Lanshark]

My step mother was cremated, as per her wishes. Another thing to consider is the burial plot. You can put more than one urn in a burial plot because they are so small. My dad also wishes to be cremated but wants us to spread his ashes. We had no problems at all.

Upon death they will ask if you are to be embalmed. We did have a wake with a closed casket but her kids wanted a private viewing so we choose embalming. The casket is basically a "rental" used only for the wake. The cost was minimal

After the wake the she was cremated. The ashes were delivered to the cemetary, by the funeral director, at a prearranged time. They were in a "box" about the size of a shoe box. Our only mess up is the person that was to open the grave didn't arrive until after the ashes were delivered so we stood in cold windy weather while the guy opened the grave. This was a very old graveyard with only a couple hundred graves in the middle of a cornfield in Indiana. It's where her mother was buried.

 

[Cindy B]

It is wise to prepay. When my MIL died suddenly, my DH and his brothers had to deal with funeral costs.

The obituaries alone was over $900.

If she had decided on cremation, it would be less. The funeral total cost (not including headstone) was about $12K

 

[Poohbear123]

In 1996, she was creamted for about 800.00 She had already talked to my Brother about her last wishes, and we went ahead with that. She had no Urn, and was given to us in a cardboard box in a ziplock bag. We had to keep her ashes in my Brothers closet, as we were waiting for my other Brother to arrive from Idaho, 9 days later. We than took her ashes to a local park that she loved, and spread them there. When I had my recent Surgery, I told DH if anything BAD happened, I also wanted to be creamted, and my ashes spread thru-out WDW.

 

[Bob NC]

For cremation costs you really need to check locally. There are so many different laws/regulations in different states and localities that the only way to get an accurate number is to call and check. Some places require embalming prior to cremation, some do not. It can go from being somewhat inexpensive to fairly expensive depending upon where you are.

If you don't choose an urn they will use a heavy cardboard box. For my Dad I purchased a steel container for about $200 if I remember correctly.

If your brother in law is eligible for a militery funeral, you will incur no cost. We had my Dad interred at Arlington National Cemetery last spring...Caisson, full military band, riders on horseback, bugler for taps. It was awesome and very fitting for the respect due a retired military man.