Another ? for parents of adult children (vacation)

[AndreaDM]

Do you take your adult children on vacation? If so, who pays for what? What about if they are young adults and in college but do have a job? At what age do you stop taking them along or start making them pay? I know this can vary greatly depending on where the trip is, if airfare is involved, etc. My two oldest daughters are 18 and 21, we also have a DD7. So far we've pretty much paid for everything except last summer when we went to Puerto Rico. My oldest (20 at the time) paid for her own flight, but we paid for the vacation home, all the food and excusions. They both bought their own souveniers. Middle DD was only 17 at the time and still in high school. We are leaving Saturday for a week at a beach in NC and of course asked both of them to come. We are driving so no airfare and we're paying the rental home, all food, etc. Now if they want to go off on their own and go to the movies or something like that, they're on their own, just like at home. I don't think DD21 is going though (can't leave her bf for a week ) so DD18 is bringing a friend who we'll treat just like one of our own.

Anyway, sorry to get so long winded, just curious how other people handle this. I'm discovering while they want to be adults in the sense that they think they can make all their own decisions, they don't want to take on adult responsibilities!

 

[brockash]

My mom is great and she actually pays for my sister's and I and herself to go to Disney about once a year. She pays for the airfare and rooms/tickets. We pay for our own food/souv. ect. I've occasionally given her money towards the trip a few times when I could, and so has 1 of my dsis. We also take a vacation every few years with my dad's side of the family and my grandma has been paying for the rental house (we go to the outerbanks.) We pay for our airfare ect.
I plan to do the same with my kids when they're young adults, as long as I'm able (which I plan to be.) I think it's hard for young adults just starting out to be able to take vacations, and honestly if we had to pay for them, we'd only be able to go every few years to one side of the family most likely. My mom wants all of us to be at Disney with her, and my Grandma on the other side wants all 30 ppl. or so to spend a week at the beach with her. When I get older, I'm going to want my kids/grandkids to be able to take vacations (most likely to Disney) with me, so I'll happily pay their way.
I agree, I think it totally depends on the family and everything, but I'm very grateful that mine are able and do help out so much when it comes to vacations.

 

[minkydog]

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. They want all the perks of adulthood, but not the expenses.

After DS23 turned 18 we took him on two major family vacations and paid everything. The last one was a dream trip to WDW where we stayed at the Poly(concierge). DS complained most of the time, didn't want to hang out with us, wanted to stay up all night and sleep all day, and generally just was not much fun. In fact, after going around with him for the first 2 days, DD17 BEGGED to go with Christian, DH & me.

Last year we decided to plan a WDW trip. DS23 decided he wanted to go. We said, that will be fine. Here is your portion of the cost. He really took offense! John was aaaaaaallll for going on vacation as long as we were footing the whole bill. In the end it didn't matter. Our basement flooded during the Georgia floods last fall and we had about $15,000 worth of damage, so that pretty much shut everything down.

I don't know how much longer we will be taking the adult kids on vacation. DD17 is pretty easy to take. She's a very "go with the flow" type person, whereas DS23 is an "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!" type. Taking DD is fulfilling and pleasant. Taking DS...not so much.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

DD22, DS19 (both in college) paid for their airfares and souvenirs last year to WDW. We paid for everything else. This year, we vacationed in our state and picked up the tab. They paid for their souvenirs.

I figure after they graduate and get better paying jobs, they can pay more of a portion if they want to vacation with us.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I would say if they live with you then you see if they watn to go and you, as parents pay. We asked our DS's for most of our trips starting in 2001, but they didn't want to go. They stayed home and pet sat and partied .

Our in-laws have taken us on 2 disney trips. They paid for the house/rental/condo and most meals. We paid for our traveling and some meals.

 

[Nancyg56]

When we have all traveled to Disney together my adult children have paid their share of teh package adn their airfare. Now they are all 30 and over. Once we are there, DH has paid for all the extra meals, cocktails at dinner and usually all of the additional tip.

 

[AndreaDM]

DS complained most of the time, didn't want to hang out with us, wanted to stay up all night and sleep all day, and generally just was not much fun.

This is my DD18 to a T! It's all about ME!! At least with her friend there she probably won't be as much of a whiner as usual. We did make it clear we expected her to watch DD7 at least one evening so DH and I could go out to a nice dinner alone. DD21 is very easy going and I like going on vacations with her, she's very low maintanance so I am bummed she's not going and would rather sit in her boyfriend's mom's basement watching tv and playing video games.

We just came back from WDW July 1 having taken just DD7 and it was such a joy! No teen angst or drama, just lots of fun and laughs.

 

[luvsJack]

I have never taken my older ds on vacation after he became an adult, he married at 19.

When my younger ds was still living at home he went with us to Disney twice. The first time he was 18 and we paid for everything, the second time he was 21 and he paid for some of it. Now he has a little one of his own so I imagine the next time he goes with us, we will pay for her to go and he and his wife will have to pay their way.

 

[Kimberly]

I actually am going to Disney with my Aunt's family this August for 10 days. They don't expect me to pay, but I definitely am going to treat them out to eat. I also am 26, and have a source of income to allow me to do that... When I went on vacation with my parents while I was in college, they expected me to fund my way to get there, but usually staying there was on their bill. Food was always a mix of ways we'd do it.

 

[DawnCt1]

If they are in college, have limited incomes and we want them to come and invite them, we pay. We all went 3 years ago and DS#3 joked that he couldn't imagine that at 25 he would be sitting in the back of a mini van and "Dad would be driving". We enjoyed that vacation a lot. They love to trek through the parks with us and someday we will do it again. Those that are working at their full time/career jobs will pay their own way.

 

[Brian Noble]

Once I went to college, that was the end of family vacations for me. If the rest of them went somewhere, they went somewhere, but I was either at school or working some internship, and not living at home. If I had wanted to come along, I probably could have, but living on the other side of the country most of the time made me out of sight out of mind. Plus, my deal was that mom & dad had saved up for tuition, and would pay my rent, but I was responsible for day-to-day expenses (including food) and any discretionary spending. Vacations were discretionary.

I expect to do something similar with my kids, though because we timeshare, I will probably offer them lodging.

 

[DMickey28]

We went on a family vacation to Myrtle Beach last April 2009. DH, DS and I lived in Florida and drove, my parents in MA and drove down. We rented a 3 bedroom condo. I honestly do not remember if I gave my parents 1/2 the rent or not. It was cheap, something like $800 for the whole week. We both cooked for the week before we left and brought it with us in coolers. We took turn buying things we needed for the week.

Not much entertainment costs but we either would have paid for ourselves or one family bought one time and the other another time.

 

[olwyngdh]

We took our adult daughter (25) to Disney last year, along with my Father and Mother-in-law. The in-laws got us a condo through their vacation club, and we covered everything else except 2 meals and a few souviners. We had a great deal though--Last years salute to the soldiers was fantastic, and my DH had just returned from Iraq. Next trip (May 2011), our older daughter is covering some of her own expenses, but we are picking up most of it as the trip covers both her and her little sister's birthdays.

 

[TheZue]

If they are in college, have limited incomes and we want them to come and invite them, we pay. We all went 3 years ago and DS#3 joked that he couldn't imagine that at 25 he would be sitting in the back of a mini van and "Dad would be driving". We enjoyed that vacation a lot. They love to trek through the parks with us and someday we will do it again. Those that are working at their full time/career jobs will pay their own way.

My kids are young but this is how we'll handle it too. Also if we're paying for one we'll be paying for the other, they are only five years apart so really it would only impact two or three vacations since we don't go on huge ones every year. I also plan on making it VERY clear when it's the last vacation we'll be paying for. I will also expect for them to do things with the family within reason; of course they'll be able to go do their own thing a bit but generally if we are travelling it's to spend time together.

 

[BEloveDisney]

My inlaws are DVC members so that's paid for by them. We pay for airfare, dining plan (or other food), and other miscellaneous expenses.

 

[disfan07]

My parents pay for us still....to an extent.

We are going to Disney in dec. And they are paying for everyone including me (21), my brother (24) AND my brothers fiancé (20).

With this trip though, since it includes free dining, all 3 of us are responsible for any food expenses outside of the dining credits.
We are each getting 12CS meals plus 12 snacks and we are really only going to be there 5 days so we will have more than enough for meals and snacks in addition to the one T S we are doing

 

[TimeforMe]

Because of their schedules (both are full-time college students), and me working at a school, we have not been able to coordinate a family vacation for about 3-4 years. This year I was able to take a vacation when I wanted (12-month employee now) so the 4 of us went to WDW in May. We paid for everything. Honestly, with them both being college students and having limited income, it wouldn't even occur to me to ask them for money. I was just so happy to have them along, that alone was worth it. We had a blast and it was worth every penny.

 

[focusondisney]

We took our kids a few years ago & paid for everything. DS was out of college & working, but we knew he could not afford a vacation. DD was entering her last year of college. I really wanted one more family vacation, so Dh & I paid.

DD & DSIL are going with us this year. They are paying their airfare, tickets & free dining package. We are upgrading to a deluxe resort for the last half of our trip & are paying for their room on those nights. But that is an anniversary/ birthday gift.

We invited DS & would have paid for him, but he can't come this time.

We have great kids, hard workers who appreciate what we do for them. Luckily DH & I have great jobs & can afford to help them out. And we love spending the time together.

We are getting closer to retirement, so I know we'll have to stop spending so much on them soon. But for now, I still like to do what I can. And I will want to take any grandkids when we have them!!

 

[disykat]

If they are in college and we want them/they're able to come, we'll pay. However, I would assume they will be busy working during their off times from school and vacations won't really be a possibility.

My parents did vacations by themselves while my siblings and I were in college. They did pay for all of us to attend a family reunion during that time though. We had to move heaven and earth to get all of us off work to go.

The reality is, vacations won't be our priority during college years for financial reasons and WE won't be vacationing much either.

The only vacations we might pay for once they are totally on their own might be taking them to visit family. The exception will be that we plan on taking our entire family every 10 years to WDW for our anniversary trip. I could also see inviting them to join us and share our accomodations if we rented a cabin somewhere or something.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

If I (25) am available (no school or work) my parents will invite me to go with them. The same is true for my brother (19). I don't expect them to plan vacations around my school and work breaks but if they are going away and I am available they will always offer the invitation.