Another dating/relationship hypothetical

[Gumbo4x4]

My wife brings in roughly 20% of our income. If I made what she made, then no I could not be with someone who made a lot less than me - we'd be far too broke. As is, it's fine.

Could I be with someone who makes a lot MORE than me? Sure, assuming it's not an issue for them that is.

 

[pryncess527]

Finding a good mate is too hard to put arbitrary rules on it. I'd never exclude someone from consideration due to bank account

 

[amberpi]

Finding a good mate is too hard to put arbitrary rules on it. I'd never exclude someone from consideration due to bank account

Personally, I've dated and even been married to vastly different circumstances. Takes a bit of feeling around at first.

 

[J'aime Paris]

When DH and I married in our early 20s, neither of us made much money. Wasn't an issue for our relationship.

Honestly...If I were to date at this age, mid 40s, money would be an issue. DH and I worked crazy hard for a very comfortable life, and there is no way I would forfeit financial stability.

ETA: Morals, goals, personality, etc. need to be compatible too! I wouldn't date a jerk for any amount of security.

 

[katie01]

Yes, I would date the person in either scenario (making more or less money), as long as they had the personal qualities that mattered...ie if they were rich but arrogant and tried to use their money as power over other people, I would find them unattrative and undateable, likewise if they were poor because they were extremely lazy with poor money management skills, or squandered money due to gambling or other addiction problems, that would also be a no

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

Like some previous posters, I'd be much more concerned with their personal ambition/goals/passion than their bank account. If he's driven and has dreams, I think that's enough for me.

 

[Disney Doll]

Depends on why they do or don't have money.

Rich guy who says family has money so he's a prima donna who never had to work...wouldn't fly. Hard working guy who has done well...would work fine.

Not rich guy who's lazy and doesn't like to work...definitely a no go. NOt rich guy who Works hard at a job he loves that doesn't pay a 6 figure income would be fine.

I'm not too high maintenance. As long as I get to go to Disney, I'm OK.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

NOt rich guy who Works hard at a job he loves that doesn't pay a 6 figure income would be fine.

Is it necessary he love his job? I really don't know many men who love what they do LOL

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

When you fall in love you don't do it based on swapping bank account info. I've always found that people who have real money and do really well in their jobs don't need to constantly try to sell themselves and convince others of how cool they are. How obnoxious can a person be who talks about how much money they make? It sounds desperate and untrue. There's always one in the crowd who tries to convince and wow others of their wealth, education, job and overall amazingness.

 

[ronandannette]

My wife brings in roughly 20% of our income. If I made what she made, then no I could not be with someone who made a lot less than me - we'd be far too broke. As is, it's fine.

Could I be with someone who makes a lot MORE than me? Sure, assuming it's not an issue for them that is.

Never say never, I guess, but when I was single I wasn't looking for a man who made less than I did because I eventually wanted to be able to focus on homemaking and caring for children. That worked out great for a dozen or so years but we're in a very different season of life now. There's a bit of an age difference between DH and I - my career (and earning power) is peaking while his is winding down. I now make quite a bit more than he does. I wish it were different but only because I'd like our combined income to be higher overall - not because I feel like he's letting us down.

We've always kept all our assets in joint accounts and will continue to do so. I couldn't be married to anybody who wasn't willing to do the same. If being with somebody who made a lot more money meant that person would want to keep things separate and felt like he'd need to protect his own interests - NO. Now I understand that dating and marriage are not the same thing - TBH I'm not sure at what point people just getting to know each other are even aware of their relative incomes.

 

[mombrontrent]

My husband has always made way more than I do. We share an account and all of our shared expenses and wants are payed out of it. It's never caused an issue for us. He doesn't hang things over my head and I don't have to ask buy things that are over any amount I've deposited.

Then again we're not talking crazy money either.

This is exactly like me and my Dh. We've lived together since we were young and very broke, I was just 17 when we got our first dive of an apartment together. He now makes over 4 times what I do but I have always been the one doing most of the child rearing and housework. All our accounts are shared and I we buy what we want within reason.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Would you date/get into a relationship with someone who made much, much more money or much, much less than you do?

Personal note: I'm not even dating until I decide where I want to be, but I'm seeing some interesting situations arise around me and love the varying positions of the Dis.

Yep. BTDT

 

[E&Cmom]

My husband has always made more than I do. I was working when we met but was a SAHM for many years when we had the girls. I went back to work just over a year ago. He earns more than me but my benefit plan is slightly better

 

[Pooh2]

We've been married for 33 years. When you are working as a team, it does not seem to be an issue.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Hard to say because I've never really been in that situation and now in a
long-term marriage.

However, my feeling is that the income is not as important as sharing the same financial values. How you spend and save, what are priorities in your life with regard to money, i.e. budgeting, household expenses, lifestyle including things like travel and entertainment, long-term security/retirement planning, family and health issues, charitable donations, etc.

And of course you need to have compatible personalities. For example, someone who likes to research and shop around for the best deal before making a major purchase, might have conflicts with someone who is often compelled to make spontaneous purchases.

 

[low-key]

If they make a lot more money Im good with it, if they make a lot less, " its me not you "

 

[disneychrista]

Yes, I would date someone who made less / more than I do. I am not dating their bank account.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Never say never, I guess, but when I was single I wasn't looking for a man who made less than I did because I eventually wanted to be able to focus on homemaking and caring for children. That worked out great for a dozen or so years but we're in a very different season of life now. There's a bit of an age difference between DH and I - my career (and earning power) is peaking while his is winding down. I now make quite a bit more than he does. I wish it were different but only because I'd like our combined income to be higher overall - not because I feel like he's letting us down.

We've always kept all our assets in joint accounts and will continue to do so. I couldn't be married to anybody who wasn't willing to do the same. If being with somebody who made a lot more money meant that person would want to keep things separate and felt like he'd need to protect his own interests - NO. Now I understand that dating and marriage are not the same thing - TBH I'm not sure at what point people just getting to know each other are even aware of their relative incomes.

What I'm saying is if our household income were my wife's salary plus a second, much smaller salary, we would quite literally be in poverty. Her salary ONLY works in conjunction with a larger one. And she only took that job (a substantial cut from her previous salary) because we had another, larger salary to help.

 

[ronandannette]

What I'm saying is if our household income were my wife's salary plus a second, much smaller salary, we would quite literally be in poverty. Her salary ONLY works in conjunction with a larger one. And she only took that job (a substantial cut from her previous salary) because we had another, larger salary to help.

I knew what you were saying. My reference was in light of the fact that a one-income family wouldn't have been easy if that income wasn't reasonably large.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I would only date someone with a steady job and good income. Sorry, it's the truth. Money can buy happiness.