Another Coworker Vent

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Ihave mentioned on here the issues I have had with a certain coworker of mine. We'll call him Mr. A. I recently had a para resign from my room, and last week she was replaced by another para. We'll call her Ms. B. I was on the lookout for similar issues with Mr. A we had had the last time, but had not seen any. On Friday, Ms. B comes up to me and says we need to talk about Mr. A. Apparently he is making the same nasty comments to her that he did to the last para, just not in my earshot this time. She also told me that he wasted no time in telling her exactly how stupid he thinks I am and everything I do is.

That more than anything hurt. I do feel like I'm in over my head with this class, but I'm trying so hard. To have my suspicions that he is trash talking me to everybody confirmed doesn't really help the confidence. Particularly because we agreed as a staff at the beginning of the year that we would not gossip, if there was a problem take it to the principal or counselor. I did not tell her any of the issues with Mr. A out of respect, instead letting her make up her own mind. It is frustrating that he is not showing me the same respect. She also noticed many of the things I am saying about the cell phone, randomly leaving, etc.

I thought about venting this past weekend but figured I was just having a bad day. Then today happened. I find out he is telling tales on me to the principal- flat out lying! We have a baked goods raffle on Friday to benefit the PTA, and I thought since it was a half day and the kids would be in and out all day we could cook something for the raffle. I mentiond it to several adults in the building and they thought it was a great idea (cooking is part of my classroom curriculum.) I mentioned it to the principal today and she said we couldn't sell what the kids cook. Okay, no big deal. I find out later that after I talked to her, he went up to the principal and told her how I was going to sell what the kids cooked- and that he told me we couldn't and I wouldn't listen to him! He never said a blasted word to me about it! It's one thing to be a tattletale and try to get people in trouble, it's quite another to make up stories. He lied to somebody else about something I said today, thankfully they came and asked me and didn't just take his word for it.

I'm fed up. I told my boyfriend this weekend that I'm seriously considering transferring out of that school. Either going to a middle school or to another district, maybe in the city I live in. I love my kids and I really hate to give htem a new teacher two years in a row when they are used to having the same teacher, but I don't know that I can do this another semester, much less another year. Frankly, it has undermined my confidence as a teacher in general and I spend a lot of time wondering if I made the right decision. Thankfully both of the other paras I've had recognized right away the issues and have sort of been allies for me. After this week we have a break, and I think I'll feel a lot better after I've had time to recharge.

Sorry it got so long, I just needed to vent.

 

[Tink888]

I haven't read all of your posts but have followed some of them about this guy. He sounded like a colassal jerk before and now sounds even worse with the added trait of ambitious back-stabber.

DO NOT let this guy undermine your confidence. There are people like him at every workplace. They do as little as possible and lie and undermine everything you do in order to get ahead. DO NOT let him drive you away from a job that you enjoy. You sound like a wonderful person and teacher and I'm sure that your superiors realize that but I have to say, if you haven't already gone to your superiors about him, start doing so now.

I hope everything works out. Hang in there. Vent away. Fight back! The guy is a creep.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Please don't let this guy drive you out of your job and away from your students! That wouldn't be fair to any of you. Qualified special ed teachers are hard to find and I can't imagine your district would want to lose you in favor of that creep! If you're fed up to the point of leaving, it's time to have a serious discussion with your principal and special ed director. Tell them that you've been trying for months but you honestly cannot work with the guy. Explain the reasons and the chain of events. Tell them you've been trying your hardest for several months to make it work but you just can't deal with his lies, back-stabbing and poor work ethic. If they brush you off, at least you'll know where you stand.

If they seem sympathetic, ask what specifically can be done - perhaps a written performance improvement plan supervised by the principal? Maybe there's an opening in another classroom and he can be transferred? Would they be willing to give you a 3rd aide and give him a written list of his duties. There was an aide in another classroom at my school last year. She was awful with the kids and was doing more harm than good in some ways. The special ed director agreed to assign a 3rd aide to the class and let the teacher assign duties. The questionable aide was assigned cutting, laminating and making copies. She was instructed only to intervene with the kids if there was an emergency.

I hope you can get this situation straightened out. There's nothing worse than dreading work each day!

 

[manning]

Do you have a union? Talk to them to determine if a grievance should be filed.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You are giving him too much power. Put him on mental Ignore and move on with your life. His own actions will eventually be his undoing.

 

[Kteacher]

I agree with the above poster who said talk to your union. Most teacher contracts have codes of ethics. Sorry this is happening to you

 

[golfgal]

I would document everything that comes to you about this guy. Since you have an agreement to talk to the principal about any issues I would speak to the Principal about this guy letting him/her know that you are worried about your position in the school since he seems to be spinning tales about you. I would also contact the union (although the para's typically aren't union) but just let them know what is going on. The problem is that he is a bully and just like the playground bully until someone speaks up and lets the principal know what is going on, they can't do anything about it.

 

[agnes!]

Unfortunately, you will run into people like this at almost every workplace. You could get transferred and have someone just like him or..((shudder)) even *worse*!... at your new school. People like this are so twisted that they are only satisfied when they are causing others distress & heartache. They verbally harass, they undermine, they're vindictive...and ALL of that disgusting behavior for no real reason. In my experience sometimes they're like that towards nice/decent people because they are just *not*. Nice people set off their thuggish/bratty/bullying radar...it's like throwing red meat in front of a starving dog.

You need to come up with a way to deal with Mr. Jerk. Some way - heck, *any* way to empower yourself, I KNOW you CAN do it . What sometimes helps me is to think "I'm glad I'm not that unhappy" and (yeah, this will sound corny) to pray for the person or perhaps laughingly say to myself "I pity the fool" (<<-seriously). Either of those can help lift the burden off my shoulders and I can go on with what I need to do (and those children *do* need you), rather than getting mired in the "A's" of this world's childish power trips and games. To me Mr. Jerk sounds more like a bratty teenaged-girl or a toddler throwing the world's longest tantrum rather than an adult.

Your new para sounds like a jewel. If you're savvy about it all, she can be your BEST ally. She did the right thing, came to *you* when Mr. Jerk started in on his diseased behavior. Keep a record of everything, document, document, document.
If you feel comfortable doing something along these lines, maybe ask the new para to somewhat keep track of her entire classroom experience in your room, maybe keep a daily digest of anything she thinks is important. She'll write down what's going on with you and (more importantly for *your* purposes but don't tell *her* that) with Mr. Jerk. Tell her you're trying to improve the class for everybody and you'd like to get her feedback. So, when Mr. Jerk runs to the principal and says "XYZ", you can calmly say "ABC" and ask the new para "Oh, did you write down anything in your daily digest about that?". Trust me on this...the principal is getting MIGHTY tired of Mr. Jerk. Let him hoist himself on his own petard - it's only a matter of time. You CAN outlast him, after all, it's YOUR classroom.

Hey EB, you could always just unleash the DIS Posse on him...we'd straighten his "A" out alright...heheheheheh.

agnes!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Thanks! I was just really feeling frustrated and needed to vent. I was observing a new student today and had a chance to talk to my process coordinator. (sort of like my boss). I kind of mentioned to her what's been going on. Thankfully, she said that when he comes to her she always asks if he has talked to me (no) and warns the principal. She tells him it's my classroom. I think tomorrow I will tell him that if he ever has a concern or a suggestion, he is welcome to tell me. I will always take things into consideration and am always willing to try something new. She did indicate she will try to move him next year! I don't think she or the principal are happy with him etiher based on their comments.

 

[MM27]

As others have said, you find this type of pettiness a lot in the workplace. We have some of those people in my school too. There is one lady that does anything to make herself look better. She will step all over anyone that's in her way. I learned to limit my contact with her and it really makes the day much more pleasant. Not so easy when the person is in your classroom with you.

Can you talk to the principal about this person and perhaps the three of you can sit down and discuss roles and responsibilities? Sounds like this guy wants to be in charge.