Sammie,
I am actually not an unhappy person, though the last few days would not reflect that to some people. I do know that I am blessed in many ways. Like anyone, there are things that just really really eat me to the core: dishonesty, disloyalty, and people who question my integrity. I have been burned way too many times by being a team player, but at the core I care very much about other people and the organizations to which I have made a personal or professional commitment. I really get upset when people make assumptions about me or my abilities or my attitudes (and that is a statement that is unrelated to any discussions that have recently taken place on this board). The people who know me understand that I bring two seemingly incongruous things to the table--I try to always see the good in people and look for their redeeming qualities, while also being somewhat pessimistic about getting things to work out in difficult situations (i.e., I have low expectations but work toward what I want to happen and then am pleased when my expectations are exceeded). I think most of the people on these boards who have had the chance to know me in person do not find me to be unpleasant, angry, or spiteful (thank goodness!
) So, I am generally able to keep things in pretty good perspective, but I will get angry when certain buttons are pushed and my basic being is challenged. I don't know if you can relate to this, but one of the frustrations in my work is that I get a lot of politically sensitive and emotionally charged work to do that puts me in the hot seat and in the newspapers (often being portrayed in an unflattering light). In fact one of my clients personally questioned my competence and abilities in a major newspaper just a couple of weeks ago. Obviously, the public affairs people at the university were concerned but my boss backed me up (because I always keep my superiors informed when I do this politically charged work so that when stories appear they are not taken by surprise) and I explained why I thought I was correct and was going to stand by my work. The one thing, I know it may be hard to believe from these boards, that I don't generally do is fight these battles publicly or in the trenches. Ultimately, this paid off in this situation and not only did I not end up being tarred and feathered, but the university's reputation actually was enhanced (some reporters and citizens basically checked our/my references and previous engagements and found that we are honest and careful, but also not afraid to go out on a limb in doing useful analysis). So what's the point? The point is that I am used to being attacked and on the spot, and I cannot survive in my line of work without having some semblance of a thick skin. But when something threatens (or I perceive threatens) what is truly important in my life--my family, my relationship and the time I am able to spend with my family, my health, or my ability to provide for my family I am certainly less rational and less patient. Thanks for giving me the chance to respond and thanks, also, for what I know is genuine concern.
The other thing that people will probably find hard to believe is that I really don't take myself very seriously, am able to see humor in almost any situation, and I am always able to laugh at myself. Helps me get through the day, LOL!
