Annual Family Vent Thread!

[scottishduffy]

I invite everyone to join in and share your crazy family member stories! We can laugh, commisserate, and make each other feel a bit better. The Crazy SIL complaing about the GC's inspired this thread.

I suppose I will start: My Darling Brother is almost famous around here by now... i ahve had some great threads about the guy. This year this is actually minimal drama with the holidays. The are not doing holidays with family which is actually probably best as it prevents hurt feelings on both sides. We flew to visit them several times during the year.

Instead DB and SIL will be out of the country for a month, while Dnephew stays with my parents for a month (including christmas day... little guy gets dropped off early next week).

While Dnephew stays for a month my DB has complained about the following:

1. Dephew will spend one week in daycare. My mom *only* took 3 weeks off work to care for the child. DN attends daycare at home normally 5 days a week, but DB doesn't want him in it here.That one week of daycare will also be out-of-pocket for my parents as DB is not giving any money to keep the child for a month. He is dragging his feet on filling out necessary paperwork.

2. My parents have not bought DN new long pants, or sweaters. DB and SIL did not want to have to pack a lot of clothes for him and wanted my parents to buy him clothes to have down in FL (once again, not contributing any $$). Also tells mom Dnephew needs a new coat, she had already got him one as a christmas gift and will use that. Mom is just

3. Angry that my parents will not take off work to drive to drive 2 hours, and that i will not drive 4 hours the morning after graduating from graduate school, to pick his butt up the airport in Orlando and drive him several hours south to my parents home.

4. Angry about having to rent a car for 2 days, until He can get my parents car. Also equally miffed my parents will need the car back at a certain time and angry at me that I will not give him either mine or my DH car to use for a few days (once again, I would have to drive it 2 hours to him)

5. DH move to Orlando this weekend. I am 13 weeks pregnant. We move, get our stuff there, and them come back to Miami for my Graduation on the 13th and stay until the 27. DB is miffed I will not allow him to stay in my new apartment for free (with no bed and boxes everywhere?!?!), with me there the day after graduation, to show them around Orlando. Over 5 weeks ago I gave them a list of all hotels local to me with differing price ranges.

6. Miffed I won't pick them back up from the Miami airport on the 10th of January.... a 4 hour drive from Orlando... to then drive them to Parents home to pick up Nephew and then to Orlando to fly back home the next day.

Last year when Dnephew stayed for 9 days DB didn't pack any toys, diapers, or even a car seat for kiddo. All stuff my parents went out and bought out of pocket for the kiddo. He has been told for months about needing to rent a car and needing a hotel for part of his lay-over her in Florida.

Mind you, DB and SIL make well over 6 figures together. They are both very well employed engineers. I fully acknowledge my brother is the leader of this crazy-train and am not sure how SIL puts up with it. My mother and I have have been very blunt with DB about what we can and cannot do while he is here. Yet he still throws a fit. Mom and I just laugh it off and maintain our stances. Though mom did flip out once and tell him off for his cheapness and ungratefulness.

On the up-side I will be hanging with Bro and SIL and Nephew for 3 days before they leave for out of the country. He may bother me but I still like me DB and want to maintain that relationship. I will also be giving my parents a break from having a 2.5 yr old for a month and take him for a couple weekends here and there. They are keeping your toddler for 4 weeks, including Christmas day with no contributions of any kind from the parents. Lovely. I love the guy cause he is my brother but I just don't GET him.

So people, share your stories and help me laugh and feel better.

 

[rachdd]

OKAY, sooo I have to ask... do you call your DB out for any of his actions??? Like HEY, don't you think you might need to give mom and dad some money to help while your kid is there!!???!!! I have a younger DB and sometimes he has been know to need a reality check... OH, and I let him know!!

 

[kirstenb1]

Wow, your brother doesn't want to spend Christmas with his own toddler son? No words, just speechless. The rest about no carseat, diapers, etc. I can guarantee you my mom would hand him his butt. If she didn't, I would!

 

[okeydokey]

It sounds like specifics are in order. Dear son, please send me a check for 200 so i can buy your child what he needs while he is here. I will need this check one week in advance of his visit. I will not be able to take him without this check.

 

[scottishduffy]

Oh yes, mom has handed him his butt.

When DB suggested using my car and staying at my new place only 4 days after we move in I told him " absolutely no way." he has been told and reinforced multiple time about the need to rent a car. My mother told him to have all required paperwork by Friday and told bro to buy the required clothing before nephew arrived. Otherwise they may need to take nephew with them.

It is more just venting at his audacity! But yes, he has been called out on the cheapness several times.

My parents are well off and not requesting the financial contribution, but we are all just a little disgusted over the fact he is taking it for granted. I can't imagine leaving a kid for more than a few days without offering some cash to whoever is caring for them.

My brother is stubborn as a mule. In general a decent fellow but the past 5 years or so he has gotten a bit nutty.

 

[usnuzuloose]

So why is she still enabling them by keeping the grandchild and not making them responsible for any of their sons needs? I feel sorry for this little boy. I hope people dont just keep laughing at the situation as it will only get worse.

 

[EllaM]

Ah family... the bane of every occasion. I feel bad for DN too. I wonder what will happen next year when he's older and more aware of what the holiday is all about. Will he be wishing Santa brought him his parents for Christmas?

My crazy relative is a SIL with a biting tongue and streak of perverse jealousy. She's happy with any family idea or occasion unless it somehow involves me... like it was my idea or I extended the invitation. The woman is jealous of my relationship with my own father (a widower and someone I spend a lot of time with and caring for). She singlehandedly started a family feud one year in the preamble to Christmas by researching things I'd talked about with online friends while planning a trip to Disney for the family. My frustrations and foibles trying to work out a multiple family gathering. Took snippets of what I'd said (much a sarcastic joke) and reconstructed it as a long angry diatribe against my family (siblings and in-laws and kids). Then e-mailed all that to my family while demanding I apologize and my father pass judgment on his hellish daughter's true thoughts. Privately she wrote to me detailing what she truly thought of me and my apparent evil ways. The family didn't speak for a month with everyone suspicious of everyone else's motives and true feelings. I don't think I've ever been more blindsided or hurt.

I treat her with kit gloves now. She still has the power to push my buttons but I try better to avoid her. And eventually the rest of my family realized which of us was the troublemaker.

 

[jaminmd]

I invite everyone to join in and share your crazy family member stories! We can laugh, commisserate, and make each other feel a bit better. The Crazy SIL complaing about the GC's inspired this thread.

I suppose I will start: My Darling Brother is almost famous around here by now... i ahve had some great threads about the guy. This year this is actually minimal drama with the holidays. The are not doing holidays with family which is actually probably best as it prevents hurt feelings on both sides. We flew to visit them several times during the year.

Instead DB and SIL will be out of the country for a month, while Dnephew stays with my parents for a month (including christmas day... little guy gets dropped off early next week).

While Dnephew stays for a month my DB has complained about the following:

1. Dephew will spend one week in daycare. My mom *only* took 3 weeks off work to care for the child. DN attends daycare at home normally 5 days a week, but DB doesn't want him in it here.That one week of daycare will also be out-of-pocket for my parents as DB is not giving any money to keep the child for a month. He is dragging his feet on filling out necessary paperwork.

2. My parents have not bought DN new long pants, or sweaters. DB and SIL did not want to have to pack a lot of clothes for him and wanted my parents to buy him clothes to have down in FL (once again, not contributing any $$). Also tells mom Dnephew needs a new coat, she had already got him one as a christmas gift and will use that. Mom is just

3. Angry that my parents will not take off work to drive to drive 2 hours, and that i will not drive 4 hours the morning after graduating from graduate school, to pick his butt up the airport in Orlando and drive him several hours south to my parents home.

4. Angry about having to rent a car for 2 days, until He can get my parents car. Also equally miffed my parents will need the car back at a certain time and angry at me that I will not give him either mine or my DH car to use for a few days (once again, I would have to drive it 2 hours to him)

5. DH move to Orlando this weekend. I am 13 weeks pregnant. We move, get our stuff there, and them come back to Miami for my Graduation on the 13th and stay until the 27. DB is miffed I will not allow him to stay in my new apartment for free (with no bed and boxes everywhere?!?!), with me there the day after graduation, to show them around Orlando. Over 5 weeks ago I gave them a list of all hotels local to me with differing price ranges.

6. Miffed I won't pick them back up from the Miami airport on the 10th of January.... a 4 hour drive from Orlando... to then drive them to Parents home to pick up Nephew and then to Orlando to fly back home the next day.

Last year when Dnephew stayed for 9 days DB didn't pack any toys, diapers, or even a car seat for kiddo. All stuff my parents went out and bought out of pocket for the kiddo. He has been told for months about needing to rent a car and needing a hotel for part of his lay-over her in Florida.

Mind you, DB and SIL make well over 6 figures together. They are both very well employed engineers. I fully acknowledge my brother is the leader of this crazy-train and am not sure how SIL puts up with it. My mother and I have have been very blunt with DB about what we can and cannot do while he is here. Yet he still throws a fit. Mom and I just laugh it off and maintain our stances. Though mom did flip out once and tell him off for his cheapness and ungratefulness.

On the up-side I will be hanging with Bro and SIL and Nephew for 3 days before they leave for out of the country. He may bother me but I still like me DB and want to maintain that relationship. I will also be giving my parents a break from having a 2.5 yr old for a month and take him for a couple weekends here and there. They are keeping your toddler for 4 weeks, including Christmas day with no contributions of any kind from the parents. Lovely. I love the guy cause he is my brother but I just don't GET him.

So people, share your stories and help me laugh and feel better.

I just can not reconcile how parents are leaving their toddler for an entire month?? At Christmas or any other time?? I won't even comment on how he acts...

 

[arminnie]

My brother and his wife came for Christmas at my parents' home one year with their three children - all under 10. They did not bring a single present for the kids.

My family exchanges a lot of small presents so each person gets a lot of presents. There was NO way I was going to have those poor kids sit there and watch all of us open presents for an hour or two while they had next to nothing. Yes we did have presents for them - but not as many as we finally bought. We honestly thought their parents would have gotten them something!

Their excuse was that they were going to celebrate Christmas when they got home. Which I am sure they did. But you just can't let kids sit there with no presents while everyone else in the room is in an opening frenzy.

I went out to the store and bought and bought for them. I even bought them stockings so they would have them too. I didn't resent doing this - it was fun as I don't have kids. My mother was very ill with cancer or she would have helped me.

They are really good kids, and I am sure would not have uttered a peep about being left out - but I know they would have just been so hurt.

 

[merrily]

Is this the same brother and sister in law that left the child home alone as an infant while they went out somewhere? Or am I thinking of a different poster? If they are the same it does not appear that their parenting skills have improved in the last few years!

 

[golfgal]

We got an email from DH's brother telling the rest of the family that we had decided we didn't want to host the annual family get together-it was news to us too-he said he talked to DH, which was a lie-DH was just as surprised as I was. He then decided that DH's other brother should host-news to them too. The grandkids were all making plans for activities at our house at Thanksgiving and we were talking about other 'stuff' then as well. Oh well, life goes on and he is just like he always is, a dork.

 

[FINFAN]

I'm on the s*** list because I am remaining open on whether or not we go to DH parents house ( always by 9 a.m. Christmas morning)
My dad passed away last year on Christms Day and quite frankly I have no idea if my family is going to all be together, if I want to be just us, I would just relaly like to keep it open. I had to move my mom up here form Fl so that is in the mix as well and she cannot travel very far and would not work ofr her to go with to the In-Laws. They are including her, but with her ailments it does not work out for her to spend the mornig/day there. I am catching grief since we didn't attend last year ...I was a little busy saying goodbye to my dad. I feel bad enough without the guilt trip of "could be our last Christmas too".

 

[hereyago]

Why would the OP's Mom enable the DB to keep their toddler for a month? And if I had told my DF about how dismayed I was about this or that while he was watching my DD, he would still put me in my place as an adult.

It is a shame that the people who enable think they are helping, but truth is, when these people get around people who won't enable them it is twice as hard on the unenablers because these people expect to get things their way. SO STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hereyago]

We got an email from DH's brother telling the rest of the family that we had decided we didn't want to host the annual family get together-it was news to us too-he said he talked to DH, which was a lie-DH was just as surprised as I was. He then decided that DH's other brother should host-news to them too. The grandkids were all making plans for activities at our house at Thanksgiving and we were talking about other 'stuff' then as well. Oh well, life goes on and he is just like he always is, a dork.

Why not email the family and say that the brother that is a dork has decided HE will be hosting

 

[golfgal]

Why not email the family and say that the brother that is a dork has decided HE will be hosting

Because no one likes to do family gatherings at their house-it's cool and noisy there (too open, too much concrete, not enough sound absorption-think warehouse style house). Dh and just shake our heads and go on with our lives.

 

[Maridw]

ScottishDuffy - your DB & SIL sound like my Sister & her DH. He makes over 6 figures and she has a quilting business. But ask them to spend money on something and it is out of the question.

Thankfully the only drama we have this year is our usual. I had talked to my Dsis at the beginning of the year to not exchange gifts this year. Next thing she goes to visit my mom and takes our gifts there (since we are spending Christmas with my mom). What part of "No Gift Exchange" do you not understand?!?!?!? So went and found them a joint gift. It doesn't matter what I buy either as a joint gift or individual gifts, she never likes it. So I don't put a lot of thought into it anymore.

The rest of us will have a great holiday without her in CA. My folks get to see their new great-grandbaby.

 

[pilesoflaundry]

I'm lucky there is very little drama at Christmas. That could be becaues we live far away, don't exchange with any of the adults and it's just us on Christmas.

It's always fun seeing the weird stuff my mom sends (a week late too :lol: ) She has this odd superstition about odd numbers and even numbers in her checking account so one year I got an $11 check and then a gift card with the remainder for the kids on it so it wouldn't leave a weird amount in her bank account. She's a little fruit loops for cocoa puffs.

 

[dicar123]

Minor drama here...one of my brothers (who almost never buys gifts for my son) has decided to do so this year. And he mentioned liking something from where I work. So, now I have to reciprocate with a gift for his girlfriend's child, who I don't know. If I also send brother the thing from work, I'll have to send a gift to our other brother (who never buys for us either).

It's supposed to be snow shower-y here from Saturday thru all of next week, and we're going out of town on the 17th, returning on the 22nd. I don't have time for this!

 

[hereyago]

Minor drama here...one of my brothers (who almost never buys gifts for my son) has decided to do so this year. And he mentioned liking something from where I work. So, now I have to reciprocate with a gift for his girlfriend's child, who I don't know. If I also send brother the thing from work, I'll have to send a gift to our other brother (who never buys for us either).

Well as Dana Carvey's character Church Lady would say" well isn't that convienant" to the brother who now wants to give your kid something but also adds what he would like as well. Why not be a smart alleck and say, well you like such and such, you know the address at my work right? well, it's this amount of dollars i am sure you will enjoy your purchase.

So for the gift he would be giving your son, you would feel a need to get him the thing he wants from your store as well as his gf kid and then another gift for your other brother? you would be getting the shaft as well as kind of being fake because you really don't want to give them anything. DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!!

 

[Jennasis]

My only vent is about my MIL. She is the sole caretaker of her aging father who is paralyzed on his entire right side and completely speechless (had a stroke a few years ago). She is just awful to that poor man. She claims everything is his fault....her own ailing health, her lack of a social life, and on and on. She blamed our lousy Thanksgiving dinner (at Golden Corral) on him. She actually said if it weren't for him, we could've gone someplace nice, but who wants to drag him in his wheelchair someplace nice?

I was floored!

Now I have to deal with her again on Christmas eve and Christmas Day. She cooks terribly, but won't allow me and DH to cook or host the day at our house (she'd have to "lug" her dad out to our farm). She refuses to turn lights on in the house, so it's essentially the 4 of us squinting in her dark hovel of a home with her one lamp (on a dimmer) to see each other. And this year she's decided...NO TREE.

Fun.