Annoyed with my MIL!

[koima]

To preface this: We feed our kids a primarily vegetarian diet, with dairy, eggs, and occasional fish. They are very healthy and are not picky eaters. DS (3 years old) has eaten meat a few times but he always feels bad afterward, with tummy aches, diarrhea, etc. MIL knows that we don't give him meat and has never made negative comments about it, she has commented on what a healthy eater he is. Our family is overweight, and I've been working hard to lose weight and be an example of healthy eating; I've lost 40 lb in the past year. MIL is obese and so far has not made efforts to change that.

Well, MIL had DS overnight for a visit and they came back just a little bit ago, and he has a McDonald's happy meal toy in his hand. I asked him where he got it and he said Grandma gave it to him, and she gave him a cheeseburger. I asked her why he'd eaten a cheeseburger and she said she had driven around looking for fast food he could eat and he didn't want Taco Bell (her standard special grandma treat lunch) so she got him a Happy Meal. She said he was asking for vegetables but she didn't know where to get them. (WHAT?)

I asked what he ate for breakfast and he'd had donuts. I asked if he'd had any fruits or vegetables today and she said, "they were apple donuts!" He had ice cream for dinner last night apparently, as a treat because it was Grandma's house.

My poor little boy threw up not 10 minutes after getting home. He fell asleep on the sofa crying because his stomach hurts. I'm so annoyed that MIL would give him food that she knows will make him sick, especially when he was specifically asking for vegetables!

I have no problem with treats at Grandma's - ice cream for dinner one night won't hurt him - specifically giving him food she knows we object to and which makes him sick is very annoying!

 

[Christine]

I understand your frustration but it sounds as if your MIL wouldn't know how to feed him properly. You admit that she is obese and makes no attempts to curb it. While healthy eaters can be obese, that's not the norm. Your MIL is the way she is for a reason--she does not know how or want to make good choices. She obviously doesn't even want to prepare food.

That's the one thing about sending your kids out elsewhere to stay--you cannot hold them hostage to your eating values. I doubt you can change her. In the future, I would explain again to her that your son has a very sensitive stomach, he is not used to processed foods, and with that you should send over some containers with a premade lunch and dinner if necessary.

 

[koima]

She has watched him for years and fed him food that I've provided, so she knows the kind of food he regularly eats just because she's seen it in the packages I've made! He has his staples of veggie burgers, peanut butter and jelly, bean burritos, hummus and pita, California rolls, eggs and toast, and always a fruit or vegetable on the side. she knows all that. She wanted to "treat" him.

I also offered to pack dinner for him last night but she said she had it covered. I just didn't expect it to be ice cream. She often takes him to Taco Bell for bean burritos as a special treat, which is what I expected.

 

[ginna74]

To preface this: We feed our kids a primarily vegetarian diet, with dairy, eggs, and occasional fish. They are very healthy and are not picky eaters. DS (3 years old) has eaten meat a few times but he always feels bad afterward, with tummy aches, diarrhea, etc. MIL knows that we don't give him meat and has never made negative comments about it, she has commented on what a healthy eater he is. Our family is overweight, and I've been working hard to lose weight and be an example of healthy eating; I've lost 40 lb in the past year. MIL is obese and so far has not made efforts to change that.

Well, MIL had DS overnight for a visit and they came back just a little bit ago, and he has a McDonald's happy meal toy in his hand. I asked him where he got it and he said Grandma gave it to him, and she gave him a cheeseburger. I asked her why he'd eaten a cheeseburger and she said she had driven around looking for fast food he could eat and he didn't want Taco Bell (her standard special grandma treat lunch) so she got him a Happy Meal. She said he was asking for vegetables but she didn't know where to get them. (WHAT?)

I asked what he ate for breakfast and he'd had donuts. I asked if he'd had any fruits or vegetables today and she said, "they were apple donuts!" He had ice cream for dinner last night apparently, as a treat because it was Grandma's house.

My poor little boy threw up not 10 minutes after getting home. He fell asleep on the sofa crying because his stomach hurts. I'm so annoyed that MIL would give him food that she knows will make him sick, especially when he was specifically asking for vegetables!

I have no problem with treats at Grandma's - ice cream for dinner one night won't hurt him - specifically giving him food she knows we object to and which makes him sick is very annoying!

my opinion and my opinion only is to give her a talking to and tell her this WILL not happen again! a treat is ok every now and then but all day treats hurts him and MIL knows it!!! If it does happen you will take it as she is intentionally trying to hurt him and as a mom you are here to protect him from things and people that are out to hurt him. Heck, he was THROWING UP after her visit!!!! If that isn't abuse??? But that is my opinion.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

That stinks and I would be pissed because my child was not feeling well. Maybe MIL thinks that she is showing her love by giving him all these "treats" and doesn't really know another way? I know you sent all the food but maybe she wanted to do something she thought would be so fun with her grandchild? I would still be upset that my child was ill from it though. I hope he feels better soon.

 

[koima]

my opinion and my opinion only is to give her a talking to and tell her this WILL not happen again! a treat is ok every now and then but all day treats hurts him and MIL knows it!!! If it does happen you will take it as she is intentionally trying to hurt him and as a mom you are here to protect him from things and people that are out to hurt him. Heck, he was THROWING UP after her visit!!!! If that isn't abuse??? But that is my opinion.

I did tell her that one treat meal would be fine last night. I didn't expect it to be 24 hours of sugar and grease.

I don't think she meant to hurt him in any way - she clearly loves him - but she wasn't thinking that his body, not used to so much junk, would rebel!

He is whining in his sleep on the sofa. I'm having DH bring home Tums for him.

 

[ginna74]

well knowing what you feed him from all these years, and choosing just not to do it, I hope she learns from this and I hope he is feeling well too

 

[My2Cinderellas]

karma wasn't working well for him - karma would have been if he'd puked in her car or on her shoes or something. a lot of people don't realize that meat can make you sick if you aren't used to eating it.

and even mcdonalds can be done vegetarian. cheeseburger - hold the burger - my cousin gets these. or the yogurt/fruit cup, apple dippers, side salad, even the fries if you're not too picky.

if sending a lunch isn't practical, and there are times it isn't - maybe you can make a few suggestions ahead of time. It will be easier when your child gets a bit older and can be more insistent on what he wants.

(hugs) to your son, i hope he is feeling better.

 

[Feralpeg]

Op, sorry to hear your son got sick. Please don't take this wrong. I am not questioning the way you feed your son. I'm just curious. Did his sensitivity to meat happen so you started the vegetarian diet or is it because he is not used to eating those types of foods now that causes him to get ill?

The reason I asked is because my daughter has talked about becoming a vegetarian. She just thinks it would be better for her health in the long run. She has a lot of digestive issues now. She does, however, like to eat meat and I'm sure she would continue to do so occasionally. Would eating meat on rare occasions cause her problems? I guess I'm asking if it would cause her to develop an intolerance toward it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I did tell her that one treat meal would be fine last night. I didn't expect it to be 24 hours of sugar and grease.

I don't think she meant to hurt him in any way - she clearly loves him - but she wasn't thinking that his body, not used to so much junk, would rebel!

He is whining in his sleep on the sofa. I'm having DH bring home Tums for him.

That is how alot of us eat & think nothing of it.

Honestly, if you handed a 3yo kid to me and said feed him a vegetarian diet, I would be clueless.

If you want him to have fun spending the night with Gram, I suggest preparing meals for him.

Once he gets older he can speak up and help Gram out. However in the meantime I would take some initiative and send your son prepared.

 

[koima]

Op, sorry to hear your son got sick. Please don't take this wrong. I am not questioning the way you feed your son. I'm just curious. Did his sensitivity to meat happen so you started the vegetarian diet or is it because he is not used to eating those types of foods now that causes him to get ill?

He has always eaten a vegetarian diet. I was a vegetarian for many years and feel that it is a healthy way to eat; I now eat fish and very rarely eat poultry (like, on Thanksgiving.) I don't get sick when I eat those. I do get sick when I have red meat, though. The other day I ate a piece of a dumpling that was supposed to be vegetarian but had pork or something in it, and it went right through me.

I didn't grow up vegetarian (my parents are meat-and-potatoes eaters and question my sanity for raising DS veggie!), so the sensitivity has developed over time. For DS, since he's never eaten a lot of meat, the sensitivity is just always been there for him. If your daughter continued to eat meat occasionally, she'd likely not have that same intolerance, but I don't know for sure. There are some great books on the subject so she can be informed about how to meet her dietary needs with a vegetarian lifestyle.

Honestly, if you handed a 3yo kid to me and said feed him a vegetarian diet, I would be clueless.

This makes sense, for sure! Before I started eating veggie I wouldn't have known how to feed a kid a healthy veggie menu, either. But MIL is aware of the foods he regularly eats, and she frequently eats with us, so I wasn't asking her to create a whole menu from scratch. We've also talked about things it's okay to get him at restaurants, like grilled cheese with veggies or bean burritos or California rolls. She went to Fresh Choice with us the other night and saw his plate - a slice of cheese pizza, lots of veggies, fresh fruit, and a little cup of ice cream for dessert.

She knows that he'll always eat any of his staples that I mentioned above, and they require little to no prep time. Hummus and pita with baby carrots is a favorite, and all you have to do is open packages. It's not like she has no idea how to feed him; she just wanted to give him a "special treat" and ignored it.

 

[Scurvy]

She has watched him for years and fed him food that I've provided, so she knows the kind of food he regularly eats just because she's seen it in the packages I've made! He has his staples of veggie burgers, peanut butter and jelly, bean burritos, hummus and pita, California rolls, eggs and toast, and always a fruit or vegetable on the side. she knows all that. She wanted to "treat" him.

I also offered to pack dinner for him last night but she said she had it covered. I just didn't expect it to be ice cream. She often takes him to Taco Bell for bean burritos as a special treat, which is what I expected.

I read the bolded part as "peanut butter and jelly bean burritos" and I was thinking that was one of the weirdest meals I had ever heard of!

Since you don't think she meant to hurt him, I think you should talk to her today and let her know how sick he is feeling. Hopefully it will make her feel bad enough that she will be more careful in the future about choosing foods that he can eat. I think you should also explain that more than one treat per day (or week or whatever is acceptable to you) is too much for his system. It's not much of a treat if it makes you feel sick, and if you son ends up sick when he spends time with her then eventually he probably won't want to spend time with her any longer.

 

[bumbershoot]

koima, this sort of thing is exactly why DS was never alone with MIL until he was probably 4.5 and could tell her exactly what he would and would not eat. He's never spent the night with her b/c she's sneaky...she tries to sneak meat to me and my husband (who was vegetarian before he and I met, but she likes to think I "made" him be vegetarian), I can't even imagine what she'd try to say to DS even now.

She has watched him for years and fed him food that I've provided, so she knows the kind of food he regularly eats just because she's seen it in the packages I've made! He has his staples of veggie burgers, peanut butter and jelly, bean burritos, hummus and pita, California rolls, eggs and toast, and always a fruit or vegetable on the side. she knows all that. She wanted to "treat" him.

He eats a diet most parents would consider to be excellent, but she wanted to "treat" him with McD's. Gag. Congrats to you!

and even mcdonalds can be done vegetarian. cheeseburger - hold the burger - my cousin gets these. or the yogurt/fruit cup, apple dippers, side salad, even the fries if you're not too picky.

McD's fries are not at all vegetarian...prepared in the manufacturing facilies with beef fat, not veggie. Just in case you didn't know.

And I looked up the fruit/yogurt parfaits...the yogurt has "kosher gelatin". Which could mean a veggie based gelatin, but most likely means fish bones/skin. I do not mean to be "that" sort of veggie about this, but info is King. I *hate* finding out that things I thought were veggie are not. There are occasions when I will have fish, but I need to KNOW I'm having fish...and if it's something from animals that I would not kill and prepare (that's how I let myself eat fish every so often), I am very upset when I find out. Info is necessary.

I guess I'm asking if it would cause her to develop an intolerance toward it.

It's possible. It's the physical reason I went veggie. I had some other reasons too but I won't get into all that. I spent a summer taking some prereqs for chiro school, in a private, dormitory, 2 year college in SC, where their idea of meat was fried ham (which I didn't eat even while otherwise omnivorous) and chunks of ham (see last parenthesis). So I ate no meat during the weekdays. Then weekends the food service was closed, I didn't have a fridge or a car, so I'd bike to the Piggly Wiggly, get some chocolate, rice crackers, PB& a small jar of jam, and live off of that for the weekends.

By the end of the summer, I had a strong feeling that I wouldn't feel very well if I ate meat again. Because of the other reasons, and despite a RABID brand new vegan I met (she thought she was creating vegetarians but I think her efforts killed more than a few cows that summer, LOL, she was the type of veggie I never want to be), I just never went back to meat.

OH wait, I did once, because I *wanted* to hurt myself after yet another stupid breakup...ate some processed turkey thing on an airplane, and it did indeed hurt my stomach!

How your daughter will react, you don't know. I'd let her, making sure that she's being healthy about it. Not just salads. My first full year of vegetarianism post-summer, I did that, and started having dreams of eating huge hams. I happened to work with a long-time vegan, and I told her, and she mentioned that I shold eat more than salads, and should put some salt in my foods (I wasn't eating any with salads and oil/vinegar dressing). I did so, I got healthier, and the nightmares went away. Especially now with the internet, it's easy to find great recipes. Good luck for both of you!

 

[ma2jr]

Try not to be upset... I'm sure her intentions were good.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I also wouldn't know what to feed a 3 year-old vegetarian.


Since she's like me and doesn't cook much, is there a list of fast-food places that has vegetarian options you can create for her? This way, she can treat your son, he can feel spoiled by grandma, but then have no lasting effects from it. We all know the fun in getting a Happy Meal is the toy!

I didn't even think of the bean burrito option for Taco Bell. That would work. Also, I know that El Pollo Loco (do you have those) has some great vegetarian options.

Have you called grammy and let her know how bad his tummy is? She probably didn't think she'd do much damage.

And I love that you've all agree that ice cream for dinner is okay at granny's!

 

[karebear1]

Maybe explaining AGAIN how DS reacts when he eats these foods and giving her a list of foods she can buy for him at fast food places (other then taco bell) would help. If it's the toy she was after for him, she can get that at Target!

 

[java]

Well she tried to feed him Taco bell but he opted out. Perhaps you should mention Chinese take out- if she doesn't like to cook. They can Steam veggies and brown rice. If that's what he is into eating.

Him throwing up could be a variety of things- like being upset seeing you upset.

But I would be hurt if your MIL clearly knows you are VEGETARIAN and chose to ignore that. The way you worded "primarily a vegetarian" made me think maybe her witnessing some of the Non- primarily times she thought it was ok.

I would mention to her that he vomited when he got home. And in the future you would prefer she avoid meat while he is with her. Plus if you are eating fish- why not a Filet o'fish? She could eat the happy meal to get the toy for him.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Maybe explaining AGAIN how DS reacts when he eats these foods and giving her a list of foods she can buy for him at fast food places (other then taco bell) would help. If it's the toy she was after for him, she can get that at Target!

Happy Meal toys are special. You can't get that same "prize" feeling that you get in getting a toy at Target. It can be the exact same toy, but it isn't the same. I wonder if at 3 years, he knows the different yet, though.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Happy Meal toys can be purchased seperately, usually for about a dollar. I like the suggestion of making a list of the different fast food places and acceptable options to send with him when he goes to Grandma's. He could have had a salad and the apple dippers and bought the toy seperately.

I am overweight and NOT a healthy eater but all that in one day would make me sick!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This makes sense, for sure! Before I started eating veggie I wouldn't have known how to feed a kid a healthy veggie menu, either. But MIL is aware of the foods he regularly eats, and she frequently eats with us, so I wasn't asking her to create a whole menu from scratch. We've also talked about things it's okay to get him at restaurants, like grilled cheese with veggies or bean burritos or California rolls. She went to Fresh Choice with us the other night and saw his plate - a slice of cheese pizza, lots of veggies, fresh fruit, and a little cup of ice cream for dessert.

She knows that he'll always eat any of his staples that I mentioned above, and they require little to no prep time. Hummus and pita with baby carrots is a favorite, and all you have to do is open packages. It's not like she has no idea how to feed him; she just wanted to give him a "special treat" and ignored it.

It is one thing to know and to watch but a whole other ballgame to sit down and prepare it. Your son is 3. Prepare meals for him when he stays with Gram. That is what you need to do.