Annoyed with my ex..Child support related (long)

[need2cruise]

So in other words, if her ex-husbands parents give him the money to pay the back support, CharityLynn shouldn't take it because it isn't coming directly from her ex right? And the courts shouldn't count it either. The point is, her children are getting the support they need from her, if her dh has decided he wants to help her with that, it's their business, as the money is there. Just as if the ex's parents decide to bail him out, that's their business, and I'm sure CharityLynn..and the courts..could care less where the money comes from (legally..lol) as long as it's there.

I was making a point. Everyone is being very black and white--he's ordered by the court so he has to pay. So I'm making a point to those statements that she's equally orderd by the court, but she isn't working to hold up her end.

 

[pipersmom]

How would someone who lives in a different household know how hard anyone was looking for work?

When you live with someone long enough, it doesn't take much to know their patterns, not to mention from what OP has said, it sounds as though they're at least cordial with each other. I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt, maybe because my ex pulled the same thing. When he's calling my daughter at all hours of the day, and when she would call to be told (by his mother) that he hadn't gotten up for the day at 2pm, it's a pretty good assumption he wasn't looking too hard to find work, and my ex lives out of state. I would think it would be even easier when your ex lives closer. And I will freely admit to keeping tabs on him, my daughter has medical issues that require me to be at home with her, and his not paying his support was killing us financially.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep2]

I have to agree with Carly here. I can't believe you allowed the child support to be raised (yes you have a say in this) when he hasn't been able to pay the lowered amount. Do you think the money will just magically appear?
It is an unfortunate situation all around but the big issue I have here is if he isn't a bad guy and sees his son on a regular basis do you really want to take that away? Think of your son, not just how mad you are at his dad.

The things you are struggling to pay for your son are all things that everyone needs to pay for. If you are struggling while you are remarried imagine what it must be like for a single person who is unemployed. Maybe I'm just a softie at this time of the year but I can't imagine actively going after someone who seems like they are trying the best they can and just not getting any breaks. We are not talking about some guy who doesn't care about his kid here.

I'm also going to agree with this. You say you and your husband are struggling. And you have jobs? Cars? Your ex does not so imagine how hard it has to be for him. Now it would be one thing if you said he was blowing all his money on drinking, drugs and women.. but it sounds like he is trying to be a good dad. Cut the guy a break.

What would you do if your roles were reversed?

 

[pipersmom]

I was making a point. Everyone is being very black and white--he's ordered by the court so he has to pay. So I'm making a point to those statements that she's equally orderd by the court, but she isn't working to hold up her end.

But her end is being held up without her working, that's the difference..his end is not.

 

[need2cruise]

The op made it clear that he does work at least some. He works for cash under the table which then the courts cant trace.

As for the pp that mentioned she has financial responsibility. Apparently she is holding up that end of the bargain.. she feeds him , clothes him, keeps a roof over his head etc etc etc.. all without help from the ex right now. She isnt asking the ex to pay for every single thing, just to help.
How on earth is not upholding her responsibility?

She isn't holding up that end-her husband is holding up that end. So since she isn't working to support her child--should she look at jailtime too?

I'm going to go ahead and put this out there. I work for an attorney. Child support varies state to state, some states don't even look at the custodial parent's new spouse when figuring child support. Michigan was once one of those states that didn't (not sure if that has changed in the past 3 years). When the support order was originally done, minimum wage was lower, it wasn't until the past 1.5 years that minimum wage has went up. So therefore, if their original support order was done at minimum wage of 5.25 and now it's 7.25 since it was federally raised, then of course-his child support is going to go up. Not because there are circumstances the judge is privy to and the ex is capable of working and hiding stuff, it's simply because they go based on minimum wage levels for both and minimum wage has gone up. Example--at $210 a week for both parents--the average child support would be $28 (this is also dependent on if there is insurance costs, and how Michigan would factor in visitation credits). Now that minimum wage is now $290 a week, child support would go up to about $35 a week. Some states also do a minimum per week of something like $40-$50. Also, if the mom has had subsequent children, then sometimes that will raise the non-custodial parent's child support (or lower it if they have had additional children) because there is an additional child they have to support.

 

[need2cruise]

But her end is being held up without her working, that's the difference..his end is not.

He's not because he is unable to not because he doesn't WANT to. He was when he was working.

 

[need2cruise]

I should probably go on record and state--NO parent should avoid their responsibility to their children, whether it be financially or mentally. They need both their parents playing an active role in their lives.

But I will state, the way child support works MOST of the time it is seriously lacking in the intentions it was meant for. I don't agree that since 2 parents are divorced that a child should automatically get their college paid for. Sorry, it wouldn't have happened if the parents were together, it shouldn't happen if they aren't. Took someone with real brains to come up with that one...

I've seen both sides of the fence at work and in my personal life with friends, family and in our situation. But noone would like to hear my solution to it help end the whole "child support war".

 

[pipersmom]

He's not because he is unable to not because he doesn't WANT to. He was when he was working.

In my eyes, if he really wanted to, he would be working harder to find a job. I'm not in his house, I don't know if OP is right about how much effort he's putting into it, but if she is, it obviously doesn't matter to him too much. I freely admit, this issue is a peeve of mine because of my own personal experiences. To me if a man (or a woman) for that matter, really cares about their children and their responsibilities, they will make the effort needed to be able to provide that support. I don't equate money with love, don't get me wrong, but if I knew my child isn't living as well as they could because of me and my lack of initiative, I would feel like ****.

 

[need2cruise]

In my eyes, if he really wanted to, he would be working harder to find a job. I'm not in his house, I don't know if OP is right about how much effort he's putting into it, but if she is, it obviously doesn't matter to him too much. I freely admit, this issue is a peeve of mine because of my own personal experiences. To me if a man (or a woman) for that matter, really cares about their children and their responsibilities, they will make the effort needed to be able to provide that support. I don't equate money with love, don't get me wrong, but if I knew my child isn't living as well as they could because of me and my lack of initiative, I would feel like ****.

I just started reading your trip report--gotta say--your dd has one heck of a beautiful smile!

And yes, a parent should do everything in their power to make their childs life better. But sometimes-other things just hold people back and make them feel beat down. I had a BFF kill himself because of a divorced situation he was going through and not being able to provide the best for his kids. It's awful and sometimes a child definately can do without having a lot just to have their parent around. I see 3 little kids suffer because their dad just couldn't pull himself out of what he was going through and battle the courts. On the outside he looked perfectly normal, no one had a clue how bad the depression had gotten on the inside! Enough of that though! That's clearly not this situation, just something you said had me thinking that sometimes, someone just doesn't have that fight left in them!

 

[ilovejack02]

He's not because he is unable to not because he doesn't WANT to. He was when he was working.

He works for cash under the table.. this has been stated several times. SO he really does make some money. .maybe not much but it is some.

If he just put a little towards helping , I think OP would be happy .

My husbands ex was a stay at home mom. We were happy that she was able to do it and appreciative of the fact that her hubby was able to make it happen. We still paid child support happily and never once thought she needed to go to work . We were pleased that DSS wasn't in daycare as a young child and then had supervision at home as a teenager.
The thought that she should work to me is just silly.

 

[ilovejack02]

But I will state, the way child support works MOST of the time it is seriously lacking in the intentions it was meant for. I don't agree that since 2 parents are divorced that a child should automatically get their college paid for. Sorry, it wouldn't have happened if the parents were together, it shouldn't happen if they aren't. Took someone with real brains to come up with that one...

Whew thank goodness it doesnt happen that way in Louisiana!!

 

[need2cruise]

Whew thank goodness it doesnt happen that way in Louisiana!!

Be glad! I know of several states in the mid-west that it does!

I have a friend in OH whose uncle had to pay support and alimony. He made good $$ but by the time he brought a check home at the end of the pay period, he had $70 left. THAT is crazy to me!

As for him working under the table--wonder how much he made doing that. If it's like $20 for mowing a lawn, making $20 stretch can be really hard when thats the only $20 you may see for a month! However, if it's like $5k, then yes, I feel very differently about the matter!

 

[pipersmom]

I just started reading your trip report--gotta say--your dd has one heck of a beautiful smile!

And yes, a parent should do everything in their power to make their childs life better. But sometimes-other things just hold people back and make them feel beat down. I had a BFF kill himself because of a divorced situation he was going through and not being able to provide the best for his kids. It's awful and sometimes a child definately can do without having a lot just to have their parent around. I see 3 little kids suffer because their dad just couldn't pull himself out of what he was going through and battle the courts. On the outside he looked perfectly normal, no one had a clue how bad the depression had gotten on the inside! Enough of that though! That's clearly not this situation, just something you said had me thinking that sometimes, someone just doesn't have that fight left in them!

Thank you..she really is a sweetheart. As I said, this issue is just a hot button for me, I prob should have never jumped into the fray, lol.

Medical depression is a different ballgame, to me anyway. It's when someone is able and doesn't that ticks me off. I agree with you that the court system could use some changes, btw. I've been nailed so many times it isn't funny though. Anyway, I'm prob going to avoid the thread now...I know I'm not objective on this topic, and most people don't change their opinions at any rate! Just glad you were someone calm enough to be logical, seems there have been some err..not so logical responses too, lol.

 

[need2cruise]

Thank you..she really is a sweetheart. As I said, this issue is just a hot button for me, I prob should have never jumped into the fray, lol.

Medical depression is a different ballgame, to me anyway. It's when someone is able and doesn't that ticks me off. I agree with you that the court system could use some changes, btw. I've been nailed so many times it isn't funny though. Anyway, I'm prob going to avoid the thread now...I know I'm not objective on this topic, and most people don't change their opinions at any rate! Just glad you were someone calm enough to be logical, seems there have been some err..not so logical responses too, lol.

I'm lucky to be on both sides, my dh pays support and I don't get any support from my ex. I have friends on both sides and I see it at work. Emotions run high-but that is also because of situations we all have been in that make it that way! Everyone reacts largely in part because of what we have dealt with in life!

And I agree, the people who can and don't and won't........whew, that burns me to no end. I don't think a child should ever have to feel like they are a burden to care for.

I hope you and your dd have a Merry Christmas!! It always amazes me how a child can still smile when they don't get the best hand dealt to them. We can certainly learn a lot from them can't we?!!