Annoyed at and hurt by my inlaws

[lvs_eeyore]

I am having a really hard time understanding and dealing with how uncaring my inlaws really are. They live down here part of the year but spend hurricane season up north. We got hit hard with Wilma here in Broward. It took them three days to call and see if everything was okay.....okay so they emailed us but DUH 98 percent of Broward County was without power! When they knew they were coming back did they bother to ask us if we needed them to bring us anything? The very easily could have gotten some of the things we need where they are that we cant get here as there is still 272K people without power here....us being on of them. Have they called us since they got home yesterday?? Nooooo. We are still without power and will be for weeks to come as we have to wait for the electrician to come and fix the stack on the house before they can even begin to think about turning us back on. Our division is still mostly without power anyway. We are running on generator but not all night because we dont want our neighbors to be driven crazy with the noise. We could have used a couple of battery operated lanterns and batteries for night time. We are currently using candles until we go to bed and then flashlights if we have to get anywhere in the house in the middle of the night.

Im not accustomed to family being this uncaring as my parents were very caring people. Our church family was more caring than they were and all of them were going through the same thing!! We all did what we could for each other. They checked on us more than my inlaws did!! My inlaws have power at their condo so I guess thats all that matters to them. I will be civil to them because of my kids but they have hurt dh and I pretty badly by their actions and inactions. Im trying to be christian and forgive but Im having a hard time with it.

 

[C.Ann]

Gosh - that's not very nice! Total strangers often respond better than that.. I'd be annoyed too.. If they don't care about you and your DH, you would think they would at least have some concern for the children.. Sheesh!

 

[MsDisney23]

I know just how you feel. I used to be so forgiving, not anymore! My feeling like yours have been hurt. So just give them a taste of their own medicine when the time comes!

Do not expect anything from them! Actions speak louder than words! My Gosh I laid in the hospital and not even a phone call from any of my in-laws! Not a card or a phone call. but they are the first to call when they need something. no more!

They can kiss my Country Style Butt!

 

[Boston Tea Party]

They can kiss my Country Style Butt!

Sorry they are so uncaring. I can relate.


I hope that things get sorted out soon for y'all.

 

[mommaU4]

I'm sorry for everything you went through with the hurricane and now this. It's almost like adding insult to injury.

But maybe your in-laws are just not aware of how their actions are coming across. People can be pretty oblivious sometimes! What you need to do is talk to them, calmy and matter-of-factly and explain to them how you feel. It's the only way they'll ever know and maybe they can explain themselves. At the very least you'll feel better knowing you said something.

BTW, wait until you are calm to do this so it doesn't get ugly. And don't be accusing just very matter-of-fact, like this is what happened and I just wanted to let you know how I feel. Good luck!

 

[Marseeya]

I'm sorry. They sound so selfish. We must have the same in-laws, because my MIL is the same way. Seems like they lost their maternal instinct somewhere along the way.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

(edited--my DD clicked a button and I wasn't finished and it posted )

My in-laws live in Florida. The one that lives out called us within a few days of a hurricane last year. The ones instate...I don't know--we kind of all touch base. The second hurricane my hubby and daughter was with them--so no phone calls to make.

But I agree--that isn't very nice of what they did or didn't do.

We needed help with our fence last year. Our family's response might has well have included a "is that all?" b/c they were very quick to say they would NOT be helping with that.

 

[punkin]

I don't really speak to my MIL anymore. If she calls to speak to DH (never to the kids) I am civil and hand off the phone. Of course this only happens about once or twice a year, so that's OK. My DH calls her every week and she never asks about me or the children. It's as if we don't exist. My DH says she has always been uncaring, but having been raised by the BEST MOTHER in the world, I am constantly amazed at her selfishness.

 

[lvs_eeyore]

MsDisney23 I am so sorry for all you have been through. I read your post yesterday about the transplant team and all that is going on. Im sorry your inlaws have been so uncaring.

I think if they call I will let dh talk to them. Im much too emotional about it right now. I would probably go off on them which I dont want to do for the childrens sake. I think right now if they tried to explain their actions and inactions it would actually make it worse. There really is no excuse for how they have acted

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I know just how you feel. I used to be so forgiving, not anymore! My feeling like yours have been hurt. So just give them a taste of their own medicine when the time comes!

Do not expect anything from them! Actions speak louder than words! My Gosh I laid in the hospital and not even a phone call from any of my in-laws! Not a card or a phone call. but they are the first to call when they need something. no more!

They can kiss my Country Style Butt!

oh man!!!

I had knee surgery last week. It was 4-days before my own father said anything. That was only after I sent him an "I'm angry" e-mail.

And the clincher--we are/were training for a marathon. So he did make sure to update me on his training when I can't even run for 3 weeks. Talk about adding insult to injury! Whadda nice guy!

 

[dis ms.]

I'm sorry for everything you went through with the hurricane and now this. It's almost like adding insult to injury.

But maybe your in-laws are just not aware of how their actions are coming across. People can be pretty oblivious sometimes! What you need to do is talk to them, calmy and matter-of-factly and explain to them how you feel. It's the only way they'll ever know and maybe they can explain themselves. At the very least you'll feel better knowing you said something.

BTW, wait until you are calm to do this so it doesn't get ugly. And don't be accusing just very matter-of-fact, like this is what happened and I just wanted to let you know how I feel. Good luck!

ITA. As crazy (and selfish) as it seems, maybe they just don't think about what your family needs unless you flat out ask for it. Your in-laws sound like people that need to be hit over the head with something to notice what's going on. (I bet you wouldn't mind doing that, huh? )

When you're ready, give a lot of thought to what you want to say before you approach them. You certainly don't want to strain the relationship further.

I hope it works out for you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

From your post it seems as if YOU need to be the one to call and ask. I used to be hardheaded that way. I have to remember that people do not have ESP and I have to be vocal with my needs.
I would attempt to change YOUR actions as it sounds as if you need them now. Try it. Now if they turn you away when you ask for help that is different. Then you can come here and rant and rave and I would not blame you.

 

[C.Ann]

I have to remember that people do not have ESP and I have to be vocal with my needs.
.

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Kind of hard for them to miss that a major hurricane blew through town.. Anyone with an ounce of sense would at least call and say, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

It's not like this was an isolated event that the rest of the country wasn't aware of..

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

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Kind of hard for them to miss that a major hurricane blew through town.. Anyone with an ounce of sense would at least call and say, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

It's not like this was an isolated event that the rest of the country wasn't aware of..

I agree with this.

One should not require ESP when a significant event occurs to be considerate to at least ask how things are going.

Typically--we here from DISers in hurricane zones all the time with relatives calling to make sure they are okay--even though their geography is a bit off. .

If a major weather event hit a place where one of your loved ones lived....you should be checking on them...and not waiting for the personal invitation to be concerned. This is called common courtesy and common sense.

 

[Disney Doll]

Some people are selfish & self-centered. I too would be amazed at that behavior form either my late in-laws or my parents. DH & I were/are very fortunate that both sets of perants were very family-oriented and would probably give up their right arm for their children if need be. His parents are both gone now, but mine are still alive and they are constantly offering helping, picking up this & that "because i had a coupon" etc.

I woouldn't be too quick to rush over there when they need something.

 

[disneymouse]

I live is south broward also with inlaws very similar to yours. mine have a long history of being petty and narcissitic so by them not calling after a hurricane is just consistant to their character. they like to play games like that for drama but i'm on to them and don't fall for it. we are christians as well so i have other christian friends who have become like family to us.
it is hard i know and hurtful. i wish things could be different. but i have placed the whole thing into God's hands.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I'm really sorry that this is what you live with. That's the problem when you get stuck with an unreasonable family member - you can drop a "friend" to take care of yourself, but family is forever. Does it help at all to realize that when your husband had a chance to vote with his feet, he chose your way instead of theirs?

Maybe it would also help to remind yourself (as much as it takes) that these are people who have had these personalities their whole lives, and their connection with you is not going to change them - they aren't responding to you, they just are. When you're a giving person, it's hard to force yourself to build a wall against (some) people and think defensively, but since your relationship with them will be forever, that's what you may have to do (worked for me). When you need something specific from them, don't ever expect they will think to help you - just ask politely and directly, concentrating on the fact that you will then have the thing you need and that will have to be enough - you'll never get the feeling of being loved and cared for. It's much easier to deal with people like that when you stop spending energy hoping they will change, and put that energy into the people you love and who will reciprocate. (Unfortunately I learned all this the hard way.)

Good luck!!! And all the best to you as you get back on your feet in Broward.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What I am saying is that she knows that these inlaws are uncaring. It sounds as if she needs their help so I was suggesting changing her ways and start bugging them
Maybe they need a kick in the pants to get them going.
KWIM?

 

[C.Ann]

Maybe they need a kick in the pants to get them going.
KWIM?

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Now that I can agree with!

 

[Marseeya]

What I am saying is that she knows that these inlaws are uncaring. It sounds as if she needs their help so I was suggesting changing her ways and start bugging them
Maybe they need a kick in the pants to get them going.
KWIM?

I think they need a kick in the pants to get them going... out of their lives!

Life is too short to allow people in our lives to walk all over us, family or not.