Angry Mom Vent!

[Biscuitsmom31]

I hope you don't mind my asking, but have you had these children since birth? The reason why I'm asking is this kind of power struggle usually isn't going on at 8 yrs old with children that have been in your home all their lives. It sounds so much more like a home where the children are still trying to determine their place in the family structure (dh has a couple of siblings that have taken in foster children and one of them has had some similar issues come up).

Funny you should ask this. One of the girls is my daughter since birth, the other is my step-daughter. I have have been her step-mother since she was a baby but several years ago her mother moved to Ohio (we live in Oklahoma) and we only have her over the summers and Christmas break. This kind of behavior only occurs when my step-daughter is with us. It's not her fault. It's just a big adjustment for all of us. I think she does harbor resentment about having to leave what she sees as her home and her friends to come and stay with us. This undoubtedly plays into the passive aggressive behavior.

It is very frustrating because we love her dearly and want her to enjoy her time with us but this kind of behavior makes it miserable for everyone. My own daughter loves her sister very much and often follows along in the bad behavior. I feel even more angry at her for following along when she knows better.

We still have her with us for the next 4 weeks (including our trip to Disney). How can I get through to them so we can enjoy what time we have left?

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Here was my initial thought. Are you 100 percent SURE they both peed in the bed? Is it possible they spilled a drink or liquid they should not had in their room? Or could one of them peed in their bed on accident and one is covering for the other for some reason? I don't think one 8-year-old wetting the bed necessarily makes it a punishable offense. I know a girl who wet the bed until she was 9, mainly if she drank soda before bed.

I'm 100% sure. They told me. They would certainly have no motivation to lie to get themselves in trouble.

 

[sameyeyam]

Sounds like the kids were bored. Maybe they are getting too much sleep and really don't need to go to bed that early. How about providing them with some quiet nighttime activities that aren't destructive. Let them know if they aren't sleep, here are books, games, etc. that you can do instead of getting into trouble.

My kids now go to bed whenever they want - BUT there is one rule. If you don't wake up right away in the morning or you are grumpy to me in the morning you will go to bed at 8:30pm the next night. If it continues, you will go to bed 30 minutes earlier each night that it happens.

I have given my kids control over their bedtime. They are now 14 & 8, sometimes they stay up late, sometimes they go to bed early. Overall they get plenty of sleep. I am trying to teach them how to make good decisions early on. So far it has worked. It is amazing how when given the opportunities most children can make good choices.