Angry Mom Vent!

[minkydog]

but then i'm a 'mean mom' (or so the kids sometimes tell me)-my son (then age 8) started smart mouthing me such at one point that i asked him 'would you talk to your teacher that way'-he said 'no', so i told him i was temporarily resigning my position as 'mom' and reclassifying myself as 'teacher'-made him call me 'mrs. x' and would'nt answer to mom, made him raise his hand to ask questions, had to have permission to go to the bathroom...it actualy worked out pretty well.

This is hilarious

 

[NMAmy]

:

but then i'm a 'mean mom' (or so the kids sometimes tell me)-my son (then age 8) started smart mouthing me such at one point that i asked him 'would you talk to your teacher that way'-he said 'no', so i told him i was temporarily resigning my position as 'mom' and reclassifying myself as 'teacher'-made him call me 'mrs. x' and would'nt answer to mom, made him raise his hand to ask questions, had to have permission to go to the bathroom...it actualy worked out pretty well.

I wish I'd thought of this when dd was little! That's hysterical.

 

[luvdzne]

YIKES! I thought my dd came up with some dooseys. I would do as some others suggested by making them sleep on the floor. You don't need to take the beds out completely, either take the mattresses out of the room or just don't make the beds up and tell them that they are sleeping on the floor.

Also, bedtime power struggles can often be taken care of by just telling the kids they can stay up as late as they want as long as they stay in their room and are quiet. They will learn the natural consequences of not going to sleep at a reasonable time by being so tired the next day. It may take a few times but they will eventually get the idea.

 

[LynnTH]

I know you're probably still fuming right now (as I would be) but this would be a good one to write down so you can remember years from now - I'm sure this will be good for a laugh once they are older.

 

[kimmikayb]

They have a day bed with a roll out trundle. They both peed on the day bed. I agree that it's a power-struggle. I made them clean it up and my DH promised them they would be working all day today. I also like the idea of taking the bed away and making them sleep in the floor but we don't really have anywhere to put the bed...

And take their privlages away because if they aren't potty trained they can't do those things.

I'm with ya.....I bet you're beside yourself!

 

[figment52]

Oh My Gosh! I don't know what you should do with them.

I think I would take the bed out of the room and make them sleep in sleeping bags on the floor and tell them if they dont value things that are given to them any more than that then they don't need them. It really is a hard one!

And have them strip every bed in the house and wash the sheets and remake the beds daily if you want until school starts. They will learn to respect what they have been taking for granted. Harsh, probably, but they shoud know better at age 8.

GO read the "Alligator Rule" post. This qualifies.

 

[eeyore45]

Its really sad.

There definately is a power struggle going on. and no one wins in a power struggle. I dont like Dr Phil, but he does have some good advice on families, and how someone has to "be the hero"

I think you have to talk to them "like adults" and ask them about respect. This was disrespectful to you, your family, to themselves. They need to come up with some solutions, I think I would have a meeting and get some paper pens, and markers and start making a plan, so it doesnt happen again.

You have to be willing to listen to them, and they have to be willing to listen to you. Dont ask "why" ask, what next? They can say they are sorry, but if they are sorry, they have to change. If you are sorry the situation happened, you have to "change" too -

I know its not easy, but how you handle "the little things' (is this "little???) will help you in the future - ie those teenage years! You need to start paving the way to communication - its not going to be easy. Its so scary when you cant control everything, or ANYTHING!! I hate I cant make dd do anything!! I can get her to voice her frustration, and then we sit and try to compromise, but a lot of the time the answer is "NO"...

and also be mindful, in life there are ALWAYS consequences to your behavior. But do let them have a way to "save face" and be loved, even when they make mistakes.

 

[hentob]

To be honest with you, I am wondering if they dared each other to do it? Not that it makes any difference, because it is still bizarre behavior for any child to do in defiance.

I don't know how I would react. I would probably make them scrub the sheets/mattress like everyone else said, and then I would take their bed out of the room and make them sleep on the floor (with a pillow and some blankets--A sleeping bag may make it seem like fun) for a week. It won't kill them and it will show them you are very serious about how wrong it was to urinate in the place that they sleep.

Tell them that they must "earn" the bed back.

 

[Keli]

I hope you don't mind my asking, but have you had these children since birth? The reason why I'm asking is this kind of power struggle usually isn't going on at 8 yrs old with children that have been in your home all their lives. It sounds so much more like a home where the children are still trying to determine their place in the family structure (dh has a couple of siblings that have taken in foster children and one of them has had some similar issues come up).

Either way I think your punishment does need to have impact. Those girls have to walk away from that epidsode thinking "I'm never gonna do that again". It's not something to minimize or you will face much bigger things soon because power struggles just escalate if not dealt with swifty and firmly.

 

[DVC Sadie]

That type of behavior is not only a power struggle but "passive aggresive". For an 8 year old to exhibit that kind of behavior is troublesome. Do you have any other problems with your 8 year olds or is this the only incident?

I can see why you would be angry.

 

[barkley]

I hope you don't mind my asking, but have you had these children since birth? The reason why I'm asking is this kind of power struggle usually isn't going on at 8 yrs old with children that have been in your home all their lives. It sounds so much more like a home where the children are still trying to determine their place in the family structure (dh has a couple of siblings that have taken in foster children and one of them has had some similar issues come up).

Either way I think your punishment does need to have impact. Those girls have to walk away from that epidsode thinking "I'm never gonna do that again". It's not something to minimize or you will face much bigger things soon because power struggles just escalate if not dealt with swifty and firmly.

both my kids have been with me since birth (and i have the stretch marks to prove it) and at age 9 and just shy of 12 they still engage in power struggles.

my current 'power struggle' with ds 9 1/2 is if he is 'put to bed' at a reasonable hour but can't get to sleep and as a result ends up flip-flopping his sleeping pattern (up until 6 am, sleeps until 4 pm)-does the 'only mom/dad can microwave food rule' extend to waking mom/dad up at 2 a.m. for 'dinner' if i have to endure another night of being shaken awake with a request for 'nachos-cheese, refried beans, olives only' i'm gonna die!!!! (note-if you look at alot of my posts this summer they are in the middle of the night-cuz despite refusing to run an 'all nite diner'-once the kid wakes me up i can't get back to sleep!).

 

[JVL1018]

but then i'm a 'mean mom' (or so the kids sometimes tell me)-my son (then age 8) started smart mouthing me such at one point that i asked him 'would you talk to your teacher that way'-he said 'no', so i told him i was temporarily resigning my position as 'mom' and reclassifying myself as 'teacher'-made him call me 'mrs. x' and would'nt answer to mom, made him raise his hand to ask questions, had to have permission to go to the bathroom...it actualy worked out pretty well.

Oh I LOVE this!!
Don't think I won't be stealing this idea!

 

[barkley]

I wish I'd thought of this when dd was little! That's hysterical.

i must say-the kids are still young enuf that they believe that i went to 'mommy training school' and took extensive training in 'mean mommy techniques' what was truly pathetic during this episode was that ds picked up the phone and when a family member asked to speak to 'mom' he wailed 'she does'nt live here anymore-if you want to talk to 'mrs. x' you can-but i would'nt reccommend it"

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!! Barkley, TOOOO funny!!!!



edited to add: I was commenting on your earlier post... now I see the post right before this one. Hahahahah!!!! Chalk up one big point for your son. He is QUICK!!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

both my kids have been with me since birth (and i have the stretch marks to prove it) and at age 9 and just shy of 12 they still engage in power struggles.

my current 'power struggle' with ds 9 1/2 is if he is 'put to bed' at a reasonable hour but can't get to sleep and as a result ends up flip-flopping his sleeping pattern (up until 6 am, sleeps until 4 pm)-does the 'only mom/dad can microwave food rule' extend to waking mom/dad up at 2 a.m. for 'dinner' if i have to endure another night of being shaken awake with a request for 'nachos-cheese, refried beans, olives only' i'm gonna die!!!! (note-if you look at alot of my posts this summer they are in the middle of the night-cuz despite refusing to run an 'all nite diner'-once the kid wakes me up i can't get back to sleep!).

Wow.....
This passive-aggressive control thing is really beginning to sound disturbing.

I reiterate my earlier post about how the parents might want to look at how their attitudes/actions are contributing to the issues.

 

[barkley]

Wow.....
This passive-aggressive control thing is really beginning to sound disturbing.

I reiterate my earlier post about how the parents might want to look at how their attitudes/actions are contributing to the issues.

i have to agree about parental attitude-i saw kids (when i taught) behave so much differently with their parents then with their teachers/non related adults so i thought as a parent i would set clear and attainable expectations such that my children would 'listen and obey' in an appropriate manner.

well, the realities of living with someone vs. having them in your 'non home environment' became pretty clear pretty quickly. my kids know my buttons and i know theirs-and at times their manual dexterity (i blame those darn video games) enables them to push mine to the limits-so if reclassifying myself as an ' non related authority figure" in their minds manages to get them to appreciate what i offer as 'mom' i am not going to worry that it will marr them for life.

 

[RNMOM]

Wow, good suggestions here.

I have another to add. I agree with sleeping on the floor for a week, new found respect for a mattress can't hurt. I might also have the girls organize all the items in their room, toss or donate things they don't need (take them to the drop off center too so they can see it is meaningful) and perhaps wash the walls and maybe clean the carpet if needed.

Then..I would reorganize the room in a way that gives them areas to do quiet activities. I would then set a reasonable bedtime with instructions that quiet activities like reading/drawing/board games are acceptable but no TV or video games. I never let my kids have computers or tv in their rooms but if you do...I would rethink it. I would then have a lights out time. Give them time to unwind, talk together, be alone/whatever they need. If they have to use the bathroom I would require them to ask permission to leave the room. Basically start with a clean slate for all of you.

When my boys were maybe 5 and 7 or a little older, my DH was traveling all winter one year. It was awful. I was going to take them to a movie and dinner one night. I picked them up from the sitter and they were maniacs. They trashed my van tossing stuff all over while waiting for me while I was speaking with the sitter. I was furious and knew there was no one to take over for me. I got in the van, drove home, went in the house. I did not speak at all or make eye contact. I put the peanut butter, bread and jelly on the table and poured milk. I went into my bedroom and closed the door. Two hours later I went out, ran a bath then back in my room. I could hear them but did not respond to them. I could hear them talking quietly and they made themselves sandwiches, did their homework and layed it on the table. They cleaned up after themselves. The played very quietly in their rooms, took their bath and went to bed. The older son read to the younger even. The next morning I saw they had even packed their lunches. I acted back to normal in the morning and never had a problem with them again. I was amazed that my giving myself a timeout that I needed to avoid murdering them was just what we all needed.

Good luck.

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

Here was my initial thought. Are you 100 percent SURE they both peed in the bed? Is it possible they spilled a drink or liquid they should not had in their room? Or could one of them peed in their bed on accident and one is covering for the other for some reason? I don't think one 8-year-old wetting the bed necessarily makes it a punishable offense. I know a girl who wet the bed until she was 9, mainly if she drank soda before bed.

 

[malificentsman]

Rub their face in it, it worked to get my dog to quit peeing in the house!

 

[momrek06]

Rub their face in it, it worked to get my dog to quit peeing in the house!

That is not a suggestion I would consider if they were my kids...

That to me, is kinda borderline abusive.

I think Biscuit will consider many of the thoughts and ideas Posted here on her Thread..but this idea here to me is scary...crossing the line!