Angelrose's Journey

[minnie56]

Hugs to you today Angelrose...you have become so much stronger as time has moved on..you will always have your darling Ron with you.He's a thought and a dream away..

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56. I can use all the hugs I can get today.

 

[Scurvy]

I've been thinking of you today, Angelrose. Though I haven't been posting, I've been following your thread for the past year. Reading about your visit from your sweet Ron brought tears to my eyes. We lost my father last month and as I've been thinking about how we can get my mother through this, I always remember you and how far you've come this year. You have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Scurvy. I really appreciate everyone's support here. It makes things easier for me.

My condolences on the loss of your father. Ron didn't visit me for quite a while. I guess he was getting the rest he so richly deserved. In time I'm sure you dad will visit your mom and you also.

 

[minnie56]

All the hugs you need Angelrose

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Mary, I know this was not the happiest birthday without your dear Ron, but do hope you had a lovely day yesterday with Chuck, Karen and your darling Jesse.

Happy Birthday, dear Mary.

 

[Angelrose]

Thanks Christine. Last year at this time I still had hope that he would come back to me. Saturday was hard for me, but being with the kids and Jesse sure did help.

They took me to Red Robin for dinner. I love that place. Jesse was so good and ate his pizza. We all enjoyed our meal and then Karen told me I had to have dessert because it was my birthday. So I picked out something called a mile high mud pie that she promised to help me with. When the servers came with it they all clapped their hands and sang happy birthday to me. It was so funny and I wanted to crawl under the table.

As we were finishing up, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and say Happy Birthday to me. It was my dear friend Pat. She and her husband knew I would be there and hoped they would run into me. That made it more special. We talked for a while and then they went to eat and we left.

We got to the kids house and we talked and laughed and Jesse played with his cars until his bedtime. He gave me a big hug and said Happy Birthday to me again and Good Night. It was time for me to head home so the kids could get some rest too.

I'm glad I had something to look forward to and it was a wonderful day.

 

[snapppyd]

Happy Birthday Angerose, sorry to be late!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you snappyd. I did have a wonderful day. I hope Ron saw my evening with the kids. He would have loved it.

 

[minnie56]

Oh dear and later still... Belated Happy Birthday Angelrose!!!!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56. I had a wonderful day with the kids.

I started putting the chemicals in the pool today. I still have a ways to go. But the water temp is up to 80. Tomorrow Chuck is bringing me a vacuum hose and take a look at the leak in the ac. I'm hoping that it is just a problem with the drain again.

I hope to get in and vacuum tomorrow afternoon. I can't wait to get all that nastiness out of the pool. Chuck will also help me get the solar cover on.

Then all that is left is to wait for the pool man to come on Monday to change over one of the hoses. I can't wait to start swimming. Ron and I used to love swimming all summer. How we would laugh.

I remember one time when he was trying to fix a leak in the old liner. He would take a deep breath with the gluey patch and I would have to actually SIT on his back so he would stay down to attach the patch. He would always tell me that when the bubbles stopped it was time to let him up. I was usually laughing so hard it was hard to sit on his back.

I would try and sneak up on him. He would kind of paddle around with his eyes close. I would try to catch him to tickle him. He would always let me get very close and then he would open his eyes. EVERY time! How did he know??? He said it was because it was too quiet! Whenever it was that quiet, he knew I was up to something. I guess he knew me too well.

Every once in a while I would grab his butt as he was swimming by and tell him it was either a shark attack or a yak attack. Shark attacks get so boring after a while, I thought a yak would be a change of pace.

Ron put up with a lot. LOL

 

[snapppyd]

A Yak Attack! I love that!

 

[Angelrose]

And Ron ALWAYS believed me. It wasn't meeeeeeeee It was those darn sneaky yaks!

 

[Angelrose]

I have been enjoying the pool for a few days now. It seems so strange not to have Ron in there with me. He loved swimming in our pool. I miss him so much.

Sometimes it seems like I am doing really well. Other times something will happen and it brings it all back to me. Or I'll see something on tv and turn to talk to him about it and he isn't there.

Next Wednesday it will be one year. I still can't believe it.

Don't mind me, I just kind of weepy today.

 

[minnie56]

Oh Angelrose, after all the years you had Ron, what's a year? Remember how fast the first year you were married went by? It wasn't such a long time was it? Neither is this...still early days and life is all changed from what it had been for the better part of life I am sure.

Weepy days are to be expected here and there...it's how we cope. Allow the hurt to come out..missing is really normal to feel. You are doing so well overall I am amazed.

Think of you so often...enjoy the pretty days....and know the love you had you still have. It stays with you no matter what..

 

[snapppyd]

Oh Angelrose, after all the years you had Ron, what's a year? Remember how fast the first year you were married went by? It wasn't such a long time was it? Neither is this...still early days and life is all changed from what it had been for the better part of life I am sure.

Weepy days are to be expected here and there...it's how we cope. Allow the hurt to come out..missing is really normal to feel. You are doing so well overall I am amazed.

Think of you so often...enjoy the pretty days....and know the love you had you still have. It stays with you no matter what..

This was put so perfectly I just want to quote it, I could not say it better.

Hugs to you today!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minnie56 and snappyd. I try and be upbeat. It's just now that it's close to the anniversary I remember all the bad memories. How he looked in the hospital, how the kids had to tell me that he wasn't coming back, those first awful moments at the funeral parlor. I try and stop them by remembering the good times.

We had such fun all the time. There are so many wonderful memories. I know he is close by me and always will be.

 

[minnie56]

It's hard to realize those times are no more..that's why when we are living them we make the most of it and make those times count, because we are making memories, and they are what we draw on when we are at the low points in our life...we can close our eyes and see them and hear their voice as if it were yesterday. I can still hear my Mum and I know she's with me always. I can think of something we did or something she said and smile and even laugh and I can just as easily feel my heart break and the tears fall when I realize how much I miss her. Not having them near anymore is pure anguish some times. We just have to believe they are in a peaceful place and feel us with them as we feel them with us. As the first Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and so on were so hard without your love, coming to this 1st Anniversary will be also..it's okay to shed some tears and tell him how much you miss him. Tomorrow is another day..and they will get a little better...meanwhile, we are never far when you are feeling blue..

 

[Angelrose]

You always make me feel better minnie56. Thank you!

 

[minnie56]

Well that makes me happy...
Don't expect so much of yourself..you are doing amazingly well. You need to let out the heartache sometimes..this is a different life now and sometimes, it's hard going it alone..