Angelrose's Journey

[Angelrose]

I did it. It was POURING early this morning, but thankfully it slowed down and I was able to go to the hospital. I finally found someone who could tell me where to go. A nurse in the nursery was taking an infant down to get an MRI, poor little thing, and took me to the volunteer's office. The manager was a very nice lady and gave me some idea what would happen. She gave me a questionair to fill out and one page needs my doctor to fill out saying that I don't have the raunchy rot or am a nut case. OK an EXTREME nut case. After they check my references and do a background check they will ask me to come in and get a TB test and a MMR shot. Then I will have a 2 hour orientation on how to do things. Then I will get my own picture ID and a smock to wear over my own clothes. Oh and they call people who hold the babies "Cuddlers". Isn't that cute? Well, that was my morning. I feel better now. The worst part is over. Tomorrow afternoon I will go to my doctor and see if they can fit me in for 5 minutes. That's all it will take for him to fill it out. Then I can just drop it off at the hospital. So we'll see what happens next.

 

[Angelrose]

Not a good day today. The bug man came and sprayed and then I showed him the wasp nest on the porch ceiling. He got his big ladder at and then climbed back down. It wasn't dormant. So he got his power sprayer and really gave it a good spray. He came back inside and told me he couldn't remove the nest because the power spraying made the steps too slippery for him to climb up the ladder. He's coming back on Monday to do it. But that just brought everything back. I cried just remembering everything that happened that day. Finally I filled out the volunteer form and took it to my dr. I got there a little before one. The nurse said that he would fill it out without seeing me. And she could fit me at 1:45. So I waited. Around 2 she took me in the office. She weighed me and took my blood pressure. Then she asked me what was wrong. I started to really cry then as I told her about Ron. She was so sympathetic and hugged me. The dr came in and asked what was wrong and I cried more as I told me what happened. He hugged me too and we talked for a few minutes and I told him about wanting to volunteer to hold the newborns. Just then he had a small emergency and I had to go back out in the office while he took care of it. I finally got back in and he showed me pictures of his son and daughter and grandson who is just about Jesse's age. I showed him pictures of Chuck and Karen and Jesse. He filled out the form and wrote that he highly recommended me. I thought that was nice. As I went out the nurse came out and hugged me again and said I was very strong for wanting to volunteer. It made me feel better. I got out of there a little after 3. I just made a quick dash to the hospital to drop off the form and came home close to 4. I was exhausted. Chuck called to tell me to meet him at his house around 11:30 tomorrow and he will drive me to get the car inspected.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Angelrose, how are you today? Sounds like you had a couple of rough days... Being with those babies will probably bring a mix of emotions, but mostly think you will feel such a gift being with them and you will be gift to them. God really does come through for us just when it seems most difficult.

chell ~ we haven't heard from you since the procedure. You've been in my thoughts everyday...do hope you are doing well and the procedure was not bad.

My friends, know we are thinking of you...I hold your cares & joys in my heart and prayer each day.

 

[chell]

Hey Ladies. Sorry I haven't been around to update you. Today is the first day I've gotten on the computer since my procedure. I need to try to find a way to update you from my phone if I have to have something done again.

Thankfully they didn't find any ulcers! I honestly thought I would have some. But they did take some biopsies. Just before the procedure was the first time I met my Gastro doctor and I told her about a spot in my throat where pills get stuck. She decided to dilate my esophagus to take a better look at it. I guess she found the place because she also took a biopsy of that as well. So I haven't felt too well from a really sore throat. The first two days I really couldn't eat much of anything. But I'm doing better now. My throat still hurts, but not as bad. I go back to her on Oct. 22.

Angelrose I'm so sorry that the bug man caused you to have such a rough day by bringing back those memories. Sadly there will be occasions that will do that. I am glad that you were able to get your paperwork filled out that afternoon. It sounds like the visit to the doctor's office that afternoon was just what you needed. It is going to be so exciting when you get in there with the little ones. There will be some heartbreaking cases but you will fill all of their lives with so much love. Cuddler, I think that is a great name! It sounds so much like you too. It sounds perfect!

 

[Angelrose]

I'm glad you're doing better chell. I hate sore throats. Hope yours is better soon. I'm glad they didn't find any ulcers. That has to make you feel better.

Today was a better day. I decided to do my grocery shopping today because tomorrow it's supposed to be rainy. On my way to get gas, I passed Smithville where I take my walks. There was a sign that said they were having a jewelry show today. So after I got the groceries put away, I went back to Smithville. The show consisted of about 6 stalls. LOL Most had the usual beads or molded glass, but one stall had sterling silver jewelry. I stopped and the first thing I saw was a marquisite ring with red enamel. It fit my pinkie perfectly. It came home with me. Then I stopped in a store that sells Pandora charms. She was still opening up so I went and sat down and people watched for a few minutes. Another store owner came up to me and asked how I was doing. You know, I didn't know her! But she said that they had been wondering how I was making out all summer. She gave me her condolences and a hug. She said she was glad that I was getting out and doing what we used to do together. I told her it was hard, but I had to do it. I feel so strange walking there without Ron. I keep expecting him to walk up to me. Oh well, I talked with her for a few more minutes and then I saw the store was open for business. I looked at the Pandora charms and came home with a hot pink Murano glass with hearts charm and a little elf. I SHOULDN'T have bought anything. I will really have to be good from now until our trip. But I do love my new charms.

 

[minniecarousel]

aaawwww....our Angelrose is gonna be a "Cuddler"! That is a very descriptive, and cute, name for what you'll be doing. You are taking such big steps and making great progress. Congratulations.

And, chell, glad your procedure went OK. I hate sore throats. I hope all the biopsies turn out negative.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Angelrose - I just wanted to let you know what a great inspiration you are! I've been reading this thread since the first day although I haven't really posted much. Do you realize what a great thing your doing just by posting about your good days and bad days? It's showing the rest of us that it is possible to get through the tough times.

I think its wonderful that your going to volunteer at the hospital, I know you'll be such a comfort to those little ones!

I'll go back to lurking now but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sure I'm not the only one lurking here that is hoping that you have more and more good days!

 

[chell]

Thank you AngelRose & Julie.

AngelRose it sounds like you had a great day yesterday. I'm glad. Glad you found some great items to buy too. They sound lovely! Are you spending time with the family today?

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you minniecarousel and BriarfoxinWA. It is such a comfort to me to be able to cry on everyone's shoulder here when I'm having a bad day. It really does help.

chell, I stayed home and was very lazy today. I watched a couple of old movies on my vcr. Sister Act and The Naked Jungle with Charleton Heston. He was so young in this movie. Very sexy. Then I watched a couple of shows I had recorded on my dvr. The kids are going to be very busy until the holidays. So I won't get to see them every Sunday for a while. I will see Karen on Thursday night when I go out to dinner with her, her grandmom, aunt and cousin. Then I will see Chuck on Friday or Saturday when he is going to help me clean a window. It has black mold in between the two panes of glass. I have to get rid of that quickly. I just won't be able to see my Jesse as often.

I'm hoping to hear from the hospital some time this week. Then I can get started on the shots and the orientation. I think I'm getting kind of excited about being a cuddler.

Only 74 more days until our Disney vacation.

 

[Minniemama350]

Keep us posted. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[LOVEDISNEYLAND]

sending love, light and prayers your way!

 

[chell]

Lazy days are the best. We all need them every now and then. It sounds like you had a wonderful day. Since you said you did your grocery shopping yesterday because of the rain I was wondering if you were going to see them today. Sorry you won't get to see Jesse every weekend. If you want I can pack up my nephews and send them to you.

Are you excited about your dinner with Karen and all this week? She really is a great daughter-in-law. But like I've said before, she has one amazing mother-in-law.

You only have 74 more days until your trip? That isn't long at all. It will be here before you know it! Halloween will be here soon, then Thanksgiving, then your trip! I so wish I was still going to be there when you were. I really want to meet you. We are going to have to schedule a trip up your way so I can come give you a huge hug in person.

I'll be crossing my fingers that you do hear back from the hospital this week. Did you say that the tuberculosis is the only test you have to have? But that you have to have the MMR shot? Do they offer the Hepatitis B shot to you? If they do offer it at no cost to you I would get that series. I'm not saying you would be exposed to it by the children, but it is nice to be covered from exposure elsewhere. I had that series when I first worked in a nursing home as a dish washer/cook's aide.

We can't wait to hear about you being a Cuddler. It just sounds like that made that title up with you in mind.

 

[Angelrose]

No they don't offer the hepatitus B shot. Just the tb test and the MMR shot. My dr wanted me to have a flu shot but I didn't want that. I'll just keep up with my vit c.

Karen will have a Halloween dinner so I will definitely see Jesse then. Hopefully I will see him before that. I am blessed to have Karen as my DIL. She is the best! I would love to meet you in person! That would be so wonderful. I'd love to meet you all!

 

[chell]

I hope you had a good day today. It is windy here today and really feels like fall.

I hope you get to see Jesse before the Halloween dinner too.

 

[Angelrose]

The gyno appointment went well. I really like him. Although he is a big meanie. He told me if I don't get my exam next year, he will tell Karen on me. He also talked me into getting a mammogram and bone density test. And somehow it seems I am going to get both flu shots as well. sighhhhhhhh

I got home around noon and the bug man came soon after. He got rid of that big wasp nest on the roof of my porch. Glad that is gone.

So I had a pretty good day today.

 

[Angelrose]

Today was a very hard day. It was nice and cool this morning so I went for a walk at Smithville. I saw the custodian and he asked where Ron was. So I had to tell him about Ron's passing. The tears came out. He was very nice and gave his condolences. Then a little while later I saw his wife and she came over and hugged me and said how shocked she was and how sorry. Right when I was about to leave, I saw the maintenance man and he had heard about Ron from the custodian. He felt so bad and gave his condolences. I cried again. This afternoon it was still cool so I went for another walk. I went into the angel shop because I needed a cheer up. The girl there didn't know about Ron either. She was so shocked. She just started to cry and gave me a big hug. She felt so bad. We were among her first customers when she first started. I gave her one of my crystal angels and it has hung in her window ever since. she talked to me and although I cried and it was very hard, I did feel better. She is a very spiritual person and told me she knew that Ron was beside me taking our walks together. I really hope that is so. Well now, everyone at Smithville knows about Ron. Maybe I can have my walks and not cry. Maybe someday I can talk about Ron and NOT cry. I don't think that will happen for a very long time.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Angelrose,



TC

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Oh, Angelrose...I am so sorry you had a difficult day. Try to rememebr that tears bring us a kind of comfort and I think these things happen to us when we are in need of a good cry. Some people say tears are healing - but we do not heal when a loved one leaves us too soon..and it is always too soon. In time, a long time, the pain will get softer...tears will not be just under the surface, but even after many years, a thought, a memory, will bring tears again.

This happened to me just today...I was thinking about our December trip to Disney...then I remembered our first family trip when Mia & Toby were 7 & 8....as I walked down memory lane, the tears came. I wanted to cry out how much I miss Toby....but it passed quickly and I was fine in a couple of minutes.

It takes time for our hearts to begin to mend...never completely, but I promise, it will get easier. Let the tears come....Ron is with you every moment if each day and he will help you get through one day at a time...some days one moment at a time.

Thank you so much for trusting us with this unexpected journey. We love you, Angelrose, and hold you ever so near in our hearts, thoughts and prayer everyday.

 

[sunnyday123]

to you....

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Tuffcookie, Minnie&Nana and sunnyday123. Today was a better day. I got a call this morning from the Christmas store in Smithville that my Jim Shore figurine, Nana from Peter Pan was in. I was so happy. It has been retired and not easy to find. Her rep looked through the whole warehouse to see if they had any. They had two on a back shelf. I got one and the Christmas store has the other. I stopped in the beanie store and talked to my other friend for a bit. By the time I got home I was so tired. But it felt good.