An update on my DH

[freddog]

Thanks to everyone. We are probably going to file for unemployment and we are discussing social security disabilty. Of course, it would be nice, if he magically were just able to find a job right away (that he can handle), then we wouldn't have to worry about it!

 

[Cindy B]

Thanks to everyone. We are probably going to file for unemployment and we are discussing social security disabilty. Of course, it would be nice, if he magically were just able to find a job right away (that he can handle), then we wouldn't have to worry about it!

I would urge you to apply now online for Social Security Disability. The waiting period and pending approval may take a long time. You can apply online (FOR FREE) and then get all the necessary paperwork. You may need to hire an attorney and the maximum attorney fee is $6000/ or 25% of the past due benefits. I've seen lawyer fees as low as $390 and as high as the maximum. I've seen disability cases that have no attorney fees and I have seen some that have used legal aid associations so there was no cost to anyone. There are also non attorney representation firms but realize that the non attorney firms can and will still collect fees.

I don't know much about the hearing offices and the time period, but I would strongly urge you to do so now. The date of onset could be the day he went into the hospital or the day he had the extreme attack.

Apply as soon as possible. Disability rates differ than regular social security rates and in some cases the dib rates is higher than retirement soc. sec. rates.

What is the worst that can happen? The dib claim is denied.-- remember that you can ask for a reconsideration or a hearing as well. But first you need to apply.

 

[minkydog]

Well, for those of you who followed my thread a week and half or so ago when DH was in hospital for major depression and suicidal thoughts, here's a bit of an update.

DH ended up spending 7 days in. He seemed more encouraged when he got out. We did decide that he could not continue at his job, so he did put in 2 weeks notice. He just finished his first week of that notice and it has been terribly hard for him. He back to having difficulty sleeeping and begins shaking as soon as morning rolls around and he starts getting ready to leave.

I keep telling him to remind himself that it is for a limited time, but he is so anxious and stressed about it that it is hard.

Course, I'm having trouble sleeping now, too, with my worrying about being the sole provider till he can find something, wondering if/when he WILL find something, and worrying about switching our health insurance, wondering if he will even be able to tolerate any job at this point, trying to refigure our budget and see where we can make cuts.

All this while trying not to let him see how worried and such I am because he is already feeling guilt and it isn't his fault.

And, I know this seems so minor and trivial, but I am just a teensy bummed about our cancelled trip to Disney. I KNOW it is so minor when I could have lost my husband to a bottle of pills and an empty field, but we've waited five years to go and the loss of that on top of everything else that has happened in the past two weeks just seems like the icing on the cake.

Anyway, I'm dealing. He's dealing. But, it's a bit harder now that he is out the hospital where he felt safe and back out in the real world.

Hugs for both of you. We went through this last year and it was terribly hard. I had a major breakdown and spent 8 WEEKS in the hospital, couldn't go back to work at all. I was out of work for a year. DH is on disability and I had some long-term disability, so that's what we lived on. And it was tough, too. But not as tough as when I was working, stressed to the point of suicide, that's for sure.

I totally understand your grief. I think it's probably all tangled up together--your husband's illness, the job loss, changes in your marriage, and now you lose the vacation! Completely understandable. We lost our WDW vacation last fall after the GA floods. We didn't have too much damage, as compared to a lot of other people, but we couldn't afford to repair it so we had to cancel the trip. And I was mad as heck about it!

WDW will still be there when you're ready. Sometimes things happen. We don't know why. I know that last year there was NO WAY I could have gone to WDW in the midst of my depression. Go ahead and have yourself a good cry. And think about finding yourself a good therapist, too. when one person in the family is struggling, its not unusual for others to struggle, especially when the illness changes the dynamics of the family. I talk to my therapist about my husbands disability as well as my own, and all the changes that have been forced upon us because of our limitations. That way I have a neutral third party to whom I can cry and vent without hurting my husbands feelings. He already feels bad enough that he can't work.

Here's hoping that things will get better in the next weeks and months. Try to keep the faith. One day at a time...

 

[minkydog]

Thanks to everyone. We are probably going to file for unemployment and we are discussing social security disabilty. Of course, it would be nice, if he magically were just able to find a job right away (that he can handle), then we wouldn't have to worry about it!

Does he have short or long term disability coverage at work? If so, he needs to apply IMMEDIATELY, before he leaves his job. You can work on SSDI later. I don't know how hard it is to get SSDI for mental health disorders, but I know for other things it can take a very long time. It took my husband 3 years to get SSDI for a severe heart/lung disorder and he was on oxygen!

 

[HOGFAN]

take it from me, get him out of there NOW!! I am currently out on sick leave myself because of deep depression and suicidal thoughts. I almost checked myself into the hospital twice last week. short story for me: I have a serious underlying health issue that is aggravated by stress. I took on an ill advised job promotion(that had almost killed my predecessor too) that made my condition MUCH worse. I had a meltdown at work last week that almost cost me my job and my life. I have been relieved of the managerial position(thank God) and back to being a grunt. I am taking a few weeks off and getting help. Dont let your DH get to the point where I was. I didnt care how my death would affect my family and friends, only that I was in so much pain that I wanted 'out'.

 

[minkydog]

take it from me, get him out of there NOW!! I am currently out on sick leave myself because of deep depression and suicidal thoughts. I almost checked myself into the hospital twice last week. short story for me: I have a serious underlying health issue that is aggravated by stress. I took on an ill advised job promotion(that had almost killed my predecessor too) that made my condition MUCH worse. I had a meltdown at work last week that almost cost me my job and my life. I have been relieved of the managerial position(thank God) and back to being a grunt. I am taking a few weeks off and getting help. Dont let your DH get to the point where I was. I didnt care how my death would affect my family and friends, only that I was in so much pain that I wanted 'out'.

I have been in your shoes and I heartily agree. No job is worth losing your sanity and your life. I was out of work for a year and yes, it was hard financially. But the pay off has been that I'm in a much better place now having gotten treatment and taken the time off to regain my equilibrium. My DH would tell you in a heartbeat he'd rather have the new me than have our bills paid off. We're getting it done, little by little. But taking the time to really get better, not just "sorta better" has made the difference between life and death.Don't be afraid to reach out. If you're still having suicidal thoughts the best place for you to be is at a psychiatric hospital. It's not "one flew over the cuckoo's nest." I will tell anyone who asks that they saved my life. I was in such a deep hole I could never have gotten myself out. It was just a matter of hours and they saved me from myself. My best regards to you and I wish you better times.