An Adultery Poll

[Kat77]

As for the question, sure. Each situation is different. Sometimes you love your spouse but something is missing.

Yes! Cheating in this situation is never first indicator something is wrong in the marriage. The cheater has often spent years begging for changes and being ignored. (Not that the cheating is justified... just not suprising!)

Sometimes you love your spouse but still want some on the side for no good reason.

Yuck! Bad news- serial cheater!

Sometimes you don't love your spouse but out of convenience or because you don't want to lose half of your stuff you stay in the marriage.

This is sadder to me than serial cheaters. Staying for the TV?!

 

[FireDancer]

This is sadder to me than serial cheaters. Staying for the TV?!

For half of all your savings, assets, property, ect? I don't defend it but I understand.

 

[ilovemk76]

Yes - You can still love your spouse but love yourself more or you are looking for a void in your marriage or...... So many possiblities.

 

[NY Disney fan]

You may be right, but somehow I think it was more than just him wanting to save face. From the way she spoke in the interview, the way she said he was so guilt-stricken, I give them the benefit of the doubt that he really loved his wife and didn't want to lose her because of a one-night stand. She also said alcohol was involved, which can make people do things they'd swear they'd never do.

I guess there is an exception to every rule.

 

[Kat77]

For half of all your savings, assets, property, ect? I don't defend it but I understand.

Oh no! Property is replacable! Love/happiness is not.

Maybe all my toys just suck...

 

[Aisling]

Ok, I'm going to share a personal story.

My grandfather cheated on my grandmother several times when he was away on business. She found out because an associate of his told her. Before he got home, she packed up all his things and put them on the porch. When he got home, he was shocked, begged her to forgive him, told her he loved her, but that he just got caught up with the strip club dinners his company people went to in the evenings. He slept on the porch every night, went in to shower every morning when left for work, lost his job because he was too distraught to go into work. After a month, she agreed to to to a marriage counselor because she knew she loved him even though she wanted to kill him. He went into a bad depression.

I don't know the details of what the counselor did with them, but my grandpa was a different man after that. And so was my grandma. She's very tender with him now, and she wasn't like that before. She won't talk about it to us, but after 16 months they're the most loving couple I have ever seen. But to this day I see he's quieter and I get the feeling that he hasn't fully forgiven himself, and I wish he would, because she has. They truly love each other.

 

[aprilgail2]

For me it is the ulitmate betrayal, and instant dealbreaker.

Actions speak louder than words, so the action of cheating would tell me that they no longer loved their spouse to hurt them so deeply, they can say the words I love you all the want, they just would not indicate to me that this was valid

I agree with this. I truly believe that once a cheater always a cheater- and karma can come back and bite you in the butt too because my friends husband cheated on her and ended up marrying the one he cheated with--well 3 years into that marriage of course he cheated on his new wife and now they are getting a divorce!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I answered maybe.

My answer: I don't know.

 

[ccgirl]

Yes, I think you can still love your spouse, but to go out and have an affair does say that something within the marriage/relationship is missing or not right, IMO.

This.
I'll give you an example. Post partum depression is a very powerful thing. If not taken care of, this can take quite a toll. The DH could still love the DW but maybe he needs companionship? He could still love the wife all the while.

To some sex is a contact sport; rather than an expression of love.

So, I say love yes. However, respect is another story.

 

[ccgirl]

I agree with this. I truly believe that once a cheater always a cheater- and karma can come back and bite you in the butt too because my friends husband cheated on her and ended up marrying the one he cheated with--well 3 years into that marriage of course he cheated on his new wife and now they are getting a divorce!

Just wanted to say that I have seen otherwise. The key is to fix what was missing in the relationship so it doesn't happen again. Do some men/women cheat again? Absolutely, but no all.

 

[Freyja]

Love? - Yes!
Respect? - No!

 

[castleview]

I voted no, though I believe the cheater can have some lover (more like "need") for whom they cheated on. I would think I just couldn't trust someone again if they cheated.

 

[aprilgail2]

Just wanted to say that I have seen otherwise. The key is to fix what was missing in the relationship so it doesn't happen again. Do some men/women cheat again? Absolutely, but no all.

or they just get better at it so they don't get caught the next time!

 

[Mkrop]

This.
I'll give you an example. Post partum depression is a very powerful thing. If not taken care of, this can take quite a toll. The DH could still love the DW but maybe he needs companionship? He could still love the wife all the while.

To some sex is a contact sport; rather than an expression of love.

So, I say love yes. However, respect is another story.

I never understood this argument. For me, we took a vow of for better for worse, in sickness and in health...PPD would fall under that category. You dont cheat in a marriage bc of someone being sick and not being able to perform.

So it is ok if a husband goes out for "companionship" if his wife is too sick to have sex bc of chemo treatments, or a car accident etc.

I just have never understood why if someone in the relationship was sick why this would be ok to stray...


And if the sexual component is that important to you that you cant stay faithful to a spouse who is sick than maybe you need to reevaluate and get out of the marriage, unless somehow your spouse is ok with you getting those needs fulfilled elsewhere.

 

[3boymthr]

I a close relative in an open marriage. So they both cheat. And yes they still love each other. They call it being sexually adventurous.

 

[Freyja]

I a close relative in an open marriage. So they both cheat. And yes they still love each other. They call it being sexually adventurous.

Why do you call it cheating if they´re being totally open and honest about it?

 

[cm8]

I voted no, Love is not meant to be broken.Period.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


If you really loved your spouse, you would do them no harm.

Cheating breaks the bonds of marriage and it can never be repaired back to what it was. Forgiveness also plays a part of it. I'll forgive but I won't stick around to see you do the same over and over. If you were thinking about your spouse prior to doing what you did to dishonor your marriage, you would have chosen to stay faithful.

 

[Mkrop]

Why do you call it cheating if they´re being totally open and honest about it?

That is not cheating...they are swingers!

Cheating to me indicates a sneakiness, not an openness about it.

If both partners are ok with it, and the partners they sleep with are ok with it and everyone is a consenting adult then go for it.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Property is replacable! Love/happiness is not.

Luckily for all of us who have ever had our hearts broken, I believe love and happiness IS replacable!

Just wanted to say that I have seen otherwise. The key is to fix what was missing in the relationship so it doesn't happen again. Do some men/women cheat again? Absolutely, but no all.

Me too.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I voted no, Love is not meant to be broken.Period.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


If you really loved your spouse, you would do them no harm.

Cheating breaks the bonds of marriage and it can never be repaired back to what it was. Forgiveness also plays a part of it. I'll forgive but I won't stick around to see you do the same over and over. If you were thinking about your spouse prior to doing what you did to dishonor your marriage, you would have chosen to stay faithful.