Amy's New Start : Comments Welcome!

[lovinaz]

I'd like to take my ovaries and uterus and blow them up in my front yard right now!

OMG, I could not stop laughing when I read this! I am right there with you, we could have a female reproductive organ destruction party. T-shirts and everything!

I know you are feeling down right now, that has to be really hard, especially given those horrible memories you had growing up. Sounds like this has really triggered some emotional scars that never healed.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Maybe you can get past some of those issues better that way? Or can you have a private meeting with your favorite WW leader?

And maybe you aren't eating enough, it happens on Biggest Loser too.

HANG IN THERE, we are all here for you, we've all been down in the dumps during this process too. You will get past it, the key is to stop comparing yourself to others (which is not easy, I know!), because everyone is different.

Enjoy your night out and get to feeling better about things!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you so much Amy and eyor44.

The thing is, I love my friend. Meeting her was sort of my final step in recovering from the loss of my mom. I was about 90% there with feeling like myself again, and then she and I hooked up through our sons and hit it off and suddenly it was like I really was me again. I just have really strong issues around feeling like I can't do anything as well as other people. So when I hit this plateau around the time she started, it did sort of trigger me. But I have to just get over it and realize that just because I've never been able to feel successful or positive about doing WW with somebody else before, doesn't mean this time will be that way. This whole thing needs to be about the overall process, not each individual result on the scale.

To cap off my whole day, I ran into two friends from high school at the rec center. Seeing women from yesteryear, when I am in a bathing suit and they are not (they were there to watch thier kids swim, not swim themselves) is not something I'd pick to have happen! But by that point, the day was so crappy already, what's one more thing?

Friend and I walked 30 minutes and biked for 20 then did a few water exercises and sat in the hot tub. The kids all swam so it was good. Their last day of Spring Break. Tonight, ds is sleeping over at his friend's house, dd has a church thing to go to and dh and I are going to eat Tokyo Joes.

I am feeling better, and thus far, my ovaries and utereous are still where they should be and not smouldering on my front lawn. But the day ain't over yet!

Amy, I actually did a counseling group session years back for women with weight issues. It really helped and today I could hear that leader saying "don't let one little thing take away all the good things you have going". I would love to find a group like that again, I may check into it. Or I may just set my female organs on fire and see how that works!

Eyor44: Thank you for visiting my journal and the kind words. I am not normally this crazy and long winded!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I ate Chipotle tonight instead of Tokyo Joes. I did the Burrito Bol with extra lettuce and no rice. But I had some chips and three light beers. Not the best night.

I can't sleep and for grins and giggles I found my old journal. Three years ago, I was doing very well with weight loss (proceeded to gain all that weight back as you all know) and I notice something interesting. Back then, I always ate a salad for lunch. A big sald with either grilled chicken or turkey. I am starting to think the high carbs and salt of my daily Lean Cuisines (eat those most days mon-fri) isn't doing me any favors.

I think I need to switch back to salads.

I let myself get way too hungry tonight. For food today pre Chipotle, I had a protein bar and a Slim Fast and a couple of apple slices. When will I ever learn that when I skip food, its as bad as overeating since that is what it leads to?

Okay, I am going to take a hot bath and hopefully get some sleep.

 

[toystoryduo]

I am feeling better, and thus far, my ovaries and utereous are still where they should be and not smouldering on my front lawn. But the day ain't over yet!

Amy, you are too funny! Thanks for the laugh today.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing some frustration right now. When you read your previous journal, did you notice how much progress that you have made over the years? You are an amazing woman and a great friend, Amy. Please don't let the scale get you down. You CAN and you WILL meet your goals! I know you CAN do it!!!

I hope you were able to get some quality sleep in last night. Have a great weekend and keep on keeping on, my friend!

 

[lovinaz]

I think it would definitely be worthwhile to check into a group like you went to before.

I also try to eat a salad every day for lunch. It's a great way to get your veggies in, and if you choose a low fat dressing, it's easy to fill up with very little calories. And with a little work on Sunday (or whatever day works best for you), you can chop up all your veggies for the week so there are no excuses - just grab them, throw them together, add meat and dressing and you're all set.

And I totally agree about not letting yourself get too hungry. It just sets you up for disaster later in the day. I'm glad you looked at your old journal, so you can change things that you know will help you succeed.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy and Tracy. I got 9.5 hours of sleep last night. I never sleep more than 7 hours so it felt really good and I think it was just what I needed. I woke up feeling more optimistic and less down on myself. Dh has had a bad cough lately and I doped him up with some nighttime cough medicine so he got some much needed sleep too. And he's taking a nap which he never does. I think we are all run down except for ds who is over at a friend's house probably high on Mountain Dew and 14 year old boy energy.

Tonight we have dinner out. My friend picked the place and she picked Mexican. I have very little success at a Mexican place to speak of, maybe tonight I can at least hold my own with food. I do intend to have a couple of rum and diets but I can figure those points in.

I am skipping working out today, instead I am deep cleaning the house. I've let it go this week and when my house is messy, I feel out of sorts. So this will give me an active way to sort things out and stay off the couch. Its cold, windy and snowing and I am determined to use this indoor day as a day to get some things done. I already cleaned out the basement. Ds and his friend have been hanging out down there and I found a lot of food wrappers, a half eaten pop tart and all of ds' missing socks. Why we don't have mice is beyond me.

Tracy: Thanks for being such a good and understanding friend as always. What made me sad about my April 2006 entries is that I was actually much healthier then with food. As I read through that year of 2006 and 2007 I sort of went downhill as my mom entered that last phase of her illness and life. I don't think I have completely gotten back on track but I do feel like I am really close.

Amy: I got an idea, maybe I will contact my church and see if we can start some sort of support group there. I really don't have the money for counseling but I know there are all sorts of Christian weight loss programs. They always say if you have an idea for a small group tell them so maybe I will. I know I am not alone with this struggle, and I bet others would be interested.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

 

[lovinaz]

What a wonderful idea to start a support group at church! I think that might be just what you need right now.

I was a cleaning fool on Saturday. Baseboards and everything! It really does make a difference when you have a nice, clean house doesn't it?

Glad you got some good sleep.

How was your dinner out? Hopefully you were able to enjoy yourself within reason.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy. I always find that a clean house makes me feel better. Got that straight from my Mama who used to clean her woes away!

I had fun on Saturday night. Dh and I split an order of arroz con pollo which was good and we even brought some home. Sadly, I drank way too much. I capped the night off by betting my friend something (I can't remember what) she lost the bet and had to do a shot so I decided to be supportive and do one too. Real smart. I also apparently started peeling off the congealed cheese layer off the dead pizza sitting out in the kitchen from when the kids ate that while we were at the Mexican place. Dh told me about that the next day. So much for controlling myself. Sheesh, I hate it when I eat points and can't even remember it the next day. He also informed me I was singing along with Kid Rock at the top of my lungs. I am so done with drinking for awhile.

Yesteray I was perfect with food. And today I worked out hard for an hour and then went out for a healthy lunch with my friend to a salad place. Unfortuantely for dinner I had two pieces of french bread and some moose munch. Dh's family always sends Harry and David at Easter. I hate that stuff because I love it! I did resist the truffles. One little truffle has 110 calories and like 8 grams of fat. So I sent those to dh's office where they will sit for weeks since he doesn't like chocolate. Go figure.

So I came in okay on points but didn't eat a wise dinner. Luckily I got all my veggies in at lunch so at least I had one decent meal. Tomorrow will have to be better.

So I guess another weekend that could have been much better but I guess could have been worse too. At least this weekend I had just one bad day as opposed to two! Friday night wasn't perfect but I stayed within points and Saturday was fine until I started eating cold pizza toppings. I swear, the weekends are hard and I just never seem to stay on track as much as I should!

 

[toystoryduo]

You and Kid Rock, huh? I never knew!

I hear you about the weekends. No worries on last weekend though. You did well 2/3 days. Be proud of what you accomplished!!!

I hope you have a great day ahead!

 

[lovinaz]

There must have been something in the air on Saturday for all the Amy M's of the world! We were in the same boat, sista! Except I wish my worst moment was eating cheese off old pizza...

Great job getting right back on track with your food. At least you are staying within your points and getting veggies in. I send so much stuff to work with DH, but he works in a flight hangar so there is no way anything lasts more than a couple hours in that environment! Get rid of the goodies, you will thank yourself later.

 

[DisDee]

Amy, I had to chuckle about your escapade on Sat. night. Too bad your hubby told you what happened. You're smart to send those goodies to DH's office. Of course, I am the recipient of a lot of those treats at work, which are very hard to resist.

Good for you to get right back on track cause that's always difficult and that is why so many people have trouble with their weight loss plans. You seem to have conquered the challenge, so hat's off to you!!!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy, Denise and Tracy. Yeah, as long as I don't think about the trashy ,lyrics, the Kid and Pam Anderson thing and nobody has a recording device, I do occasionally like to sing along with Kid Rock!

I had a very good day yesterday. Food was spot on, got all my veggies, fruits, plenty of protein, worked out a total of two hours and yet the scale today shows me up a pound. I am so sick of this. I think the constant stress and overweighing of myself is causing me to just work against my own best efforts. I am already dreading Friday's weigh in. I mean, I feel so good. Yesterday I realized that if I keep this up, eventually the weight will have to come off. I remembered how in October I couldn't physically climbe the stairs at Blizzard Beach to ride Teamboat Springs (had to take the chairlift after my first ride since the stairs literally almost killed me). Back in the fall, I probably weighed close to what I weigh now but I was basically not working out at all. I think it will be a good guage to see how much easier I get around the parks in June. So its all good in a sense. I guess.

I am wondering if I am maybe working out too much. I mean yesterday I aquasized for one hour, I water walked against the lazy river current (that river isn't lazy when you walk the opposiste way) and then I walked a fast 30 minute pace with Dan later in the day. I didn't take my activity points, I seldom do because I know its easy to forget a little this or that when I track my points and also to help make up for my weekends. I just don't know what to think. I feel like my weekends aren't the best, and yet last weekend was one meal with a few drinks and the rest of the weekend I was behaving. So why should the scale have me up a pound today? No idea. Stupid scale. Stupid me for weighing and letting it get to me.

I am going to WW this Friday at my old time spot. I am hopeful my friend won't want to do that. I may just word it "I need to do this at the time that works for me and frankly, I need to do alone, its too stressful for me to weigh when friends are there and just know its nothing against you, just a weird little quirk with me" and see what she says. She says I motivate her and bring her luck on the scale, too bad the exact opposite is true for me! I don't want to change leaders but if I have to just say, I'm not doing it anymore and then go to a different center, I guess I will. Bear in mind, my other friend and her daughter are at that same meeting I am now going to with my workout friend. That's now three people saying to me each week "how'd you do". Last week everybody lost over three pounds but me. I mean, on one hand I think I am being a bit immature, on the other hand, its embarrassing and if the end result is this is screwing with my mind, who cares what I do or think to change it back to what I need?

I can see me getting to that fork in the road. If the scale doesn't start to move the right way, I can totally see me just throwing in the towel. Frankly, I can't blame me! I haven't had a loss on the scale (other than last week's measley .4) in four weeks. Its really discouraging. At this point, even if I do lose this week, I'll only get back to close to what I was one month ago. An entire month with nothing to show. Stinks.

I am heading to the gym. I am going late because I want to work out alone today and then I am heading over to clean a house. So that should give me some more actiivity. And then I told Dan he can either skip or walk alone. I'll be too tired to walk with him. I am really sore today from that water walking yesterday, I could tell I worked out a whole different bunch of muscles. My back is also sore from slipping on some ice on Monday so I need to do something a bit less strenuous today.

Thanks for reading, I'll get to journals when I get home.

 

[eyor44]

Amy
I felt the same as you last Friday. I was really bummed and then thought about all the walking I had done. This is what I had realized.

You are working your muscle tone and gaining muscles. Muscles weigh more than fat does. All of the walking you are doing is really working your leg muscles. My pants are not as snug so I know something is going in the right direction.
Lisa

 

[lovinaz]

Great job on a perfect day!

I don't think you are working out too much, I think you might be eating too little. I think you need to be more diligent about taking your activity points and eating (healthy, of course) what you should be eating. Remember, even on BL sometimes they don't eat enough and they hardly lose anything.

As for WW, I say stick to your favorite leader. I think if you explain to your friend exactly what you said here, she will understand. You guys can still work out together, but just let her know that you prefer to go to the meetings by yourself and that you'd rather not compare your stats.

DO NOT throw in the towel! Take the other fork!!! I have had a whole YEAR with no results, and I have managed to lose about 8 lbs since last summer. It takes time. You know you can lose the weight, look at how you started the year. And DH always tells me that I stress out about it too much, and I think you do too. It's always in the front of your mind, there has to be something you can do to get it in the back of your mind. Can you have a one-on-one with your WW leader? I bet she can give you the pep talk you need.

Keep it up with those workouts, I know you will be in much better shape when you are at the parks this summer!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
10 lb's in 3 months is great
i've lost 10 lb's in 10 months!!!!

saturday night at past midnight i ate 1 croissant with butter & a choc bar!!! drink eh!?!

you are doing great with all the different exercise your doing - maybe inches are coming off or your gaining muscle?? use the frustration to make you stronger - ''i will beat that darn scale'' kinda attitude?
you are doing a fine job

 

[Amy&Dan]

Well, as I was walking into the gym, my friend was coming out. We chatted and I just casually mentioned that I was going to go back to my original meeting. And that she should stick with the one she likes. She seemed okay with it, she asked me if I had weighed this week and I lied and told her no. From now on, nobody but my Wish sisters and my WW leader will know my weight. At this point, I have too many people who know what the scale is doing and even though its sort of crazy, its making me more crazy! She's such a great friend, hurting her is the last thing I want to do but she seemed fine with it. She's really on a roll and who knows, she may feel a lot like I do and will like it better when she just goes alone. In any case, we still will hopeufully be able to work out together which I think is the better way to have a weight loss partner anyway.

I did the bike for 20 and then walked for 10. So just 30 minutes. Then I went and cleaned like a fiend for three hours. So I feel like I got enough acitivity in today. Now I intend to get a few things done until its time to pick up the kids and another day is done!

Food today:
Slim Fast: 3
Yogurt: 2
Lunch: Burrito: 8
Snack: Sandwich made with diet bread and low fat ham and cheese: 4
Dinner: Lasagne and salad: 10
Total: 27

I need to get a 2 point snack in someplace and then I'll be perfect

Amy: Its the same leader at both meetings, I just like the later meeting because its much smaller and nobody I know but me goes to it! I think you're right, I need to track points very carefully and then take those activity points. As hard as I am working out, I probably need them.

Lisa: You are so right, toning is as much an issue as the scale. And my clothes do feel better.

Tracey: Croissant and chocolate, now that sounds good!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Amy,

Please don't throw in the towel. You have been doing such a great job! Just look at how well you did with your food choices and workouts yesterday. You are doing an amazing job, my friend!I know the scale is being a pain right now. Are you taking measurements in addition to weigh-ins? I bet you're shedding lots of inches!

Keep on keeping on, WISH sis! I hope you have a great evening!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Tracy. I promise not to throw in the towel, I want to be healthy too much and have worked to hard to quit now.

Dinner ended up being Tokyo Joes instead of lasagne. I was just too beat to cook, but I did make a healthy choice at last. White meat chicken bowl with veggies and rice for a total of 10 points. Earlier I had some crackers for that other two points. So I came in right on target.

 

[eyor44]

Attitude Up!
and points in check!

You go girl!

 

[goldcupmom]

"I'd like to take my ovaries and uterus and blow them up in my front yard right now! "

"OMG, I could not stop laughing when I read this! I am right there with you, we could have a female reproductive organ destruction party. T-shirts and everything!"

You two Amy's need to let me join you!! I would so join this party!!!

You're really doing quite well, Amy, but I know you are frustrated. I'm glad you are going to WW alone....sometimes it's very helpful!

Food looks good & exercise looks GREAT!

Hang in there & have a wonderful Easter Weekend! Stay away from the chocolate!!!!!