Amy's New Start : Comments Welcome!

[Amy&Dan]

Ugh, what a day.

It was cold and rainy all morning and I can't wait for this time change because I am sick of getting up when its pitch black outside!

Got in the car to take dd to school and the garage door was jammed. Again. I couldn't get it up enough to get the car out, so had to call my friend to come over and get dd, then Dan came home, got it so at least he could get it up enough to get my car out and I placed a call to a repair place but they have not called me back.

So I waited all day for the flood restoration guy to come by, take some measurements and tell me nothing new. Waited all day for the garage door place who hasn't bothered to call me back and spent the time eating halloween candy and feeling sorry for myself.

I should also add we had decided to go back to WDW over the kids' spring break, but at the last minute changed gears to go to Washington DC to see Dan's aunt and cousin instead. His aunt is getting up in years and we haven't been to see them in over three years. I want to get excited and I am, but a trip to WDW would excite me much more! I also will have to make sure this trip sticks to some sort of budget. Our airfare was high (typical, we can never get good airfare to DC) and last trip we spent a fortune eating out. I think his cousin is just not used to eating out with four people, two of whom are kids. My favorite (or rather not so favorite) was the place we ate at our last trip out that didn't have a kids menu but said "oh the chef will make your daughter some mac and cheese. It was $25 and it was covered in gorgonzola and of course she didn't eat it! To be honest, I guess I am selfish, I only like to spend buckets of money at Disney eating out, no place else! I am hopeful the cherry blossoms will be blooming when we are there, I have never seen them. It will be nice to go, see family and see and do all the things there.

Dan and I are also waffling on where to stay for our Disneyland trip. I was all set to save money and go with an offsite choice, but now as it draws closer I am realizing I like to be onsite and being at the same hotel with my brother and his family will be nice. We currently have two reservations, one at the Howard Johnson's across the street and one at the Grand Californian. I plan to keep both and see how things go. Between floods and debit card fraud, I am paranoid! I just want to have fun and feel the magic and honestly, I have a hard time doing that at Disney when I stay offsite. I so wish Disneyland had moderates and values but that's not possible given the fact its inside a city rather than having a city situatated around it!

Planning on getting back on track tomorrow with food and exercise. I should also mention I got bit by chiggers in WDW. I guess that's what they were. I mean tons of these small, very itchy, painful bites on my feet and ankles. They swelled up so much, I could only wear flip flops the last 6 or 7 days we were there because everything else gave me blisters due to being too tight. I am hoping by tomorrow I can get my walking shoes back on. If not, I guess I will just aquasize. I always get these bites in WDW and in Texas but this was by far the worst case ever. I think it happened when we were waiting for the Main Street Electical Parade our first Saturday night. We were sitting on a planter box and I could feel something biting me but couldn't see any bugs. Now my feet look like I have either foot acne or chicken pox!

 

[toystoryduo]

Welcome Back, Amy! We missed you around here! I can't wait to hear about your trip!

I'm glad the TA in Hong Kong refunded your money. It's scary how people can get access to our personal information so easily these days!

I'm sorry to hear about the garage door this morning. I hope the repair person came out and fixed it for you! It's a shame that contractors can't give a window of time when they'll arrive and stick to it.

That's cool that you'll get to go to DC again! Did you say $25 for mac and cheese?!?!?

Sending some for your Disneyland trip. That's good that you have two reservations. I hope it works out so that you can stay at the Grand Californian!

I hope your feet and ankles are feeling better soon! It sounds like they hurt right now.

Hope you have a nice evening!

 

[eyor44]

Welcome back Amy! I hope today was better for you. Yesterday was Monday for you also I see.

Does Garden Grocer have an email contact? I would just send them an FYI. Hey, this has happened twice when we have used your service. Just to let them know, they may need to beef up their web site security a bit.

I am so glad the TA cooperated. I hope they find who did it and handle it. Why do people want what isn't theirs? I will never understand.

YAY for DC. We have stopped a couple of times while traveling to New York and love it. The Natural History museum is my favorite. Yeah, we had a chef offer once to make "a grilled cheese or something" for DD and politely declined and went somewhere's else.

I hope you get to stay at the GC if that is what you want. Someone offered me a condo in Orlando "right outside the maingate" for $300 for a week. They just don't understand about staying onsite. They even scoffed at the magic. To me being onsite is the difference between a great trip and an absolutely wonderful trip. And I am grateful as long as I am able to. I tried to tell him that I don't pay rack rate, but he just didn't understand. He needs a little magic right now.

Anyway, I'm glad you are back and I really hope today went better for you.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Lisa and Tracy. I missed you ladies!

I am excited about DC, its one of my favorite cities and we may just luck out and see the cherry blossom. I just hope we don't disappoint Dan's aunt and cousin by not wanting to go to the ballet, some play and expensive restaurants. I think they think Dan and I don't expose our kids to enough culture and they always want to give them a crash course with that stuff but we just aren't intellectuals. And Dan is adamant he is not doing that stuff. We really love the museums, the historical places like Mount Vernon and the memorials. I don't want to disappoint them but I also don't want to spend time and money doing a bunch of stuff we don't enjoy. I sometimes don't know how my husband is the way he is. He is so 180 degrees different than pretty much all of his family members. The man HATES live theater and the one time we saw a ballet he was so bored he fell asleep. His dad was like that, guess the two of them were born under a different star!


I went to the gym today. I only did 30 minutes, I didn't want to push my feet too much and also dd was home sick today and I wanted to get back home to check on her. But it was a start.

I had bible study today which was good except my jeans were so tight I thought I might explode. Time to get back on track!

I am also experiencing the typical post trip blues. We had so much fun and all four of us are having a hard time getting back into the real world. I so want to go back sooner than next October but don't see how we can. I love Disneyland but its not the same.

The Grand Californian is a gorgeous hotel (think GF and WL wrapped up into one hotel) but I have the Hojo reservation as back up if for no other reason than if my sister in law's mother is near her end (she is not doing well at all) they of course will not go and sil has to be there to get us the discount. Rack rate would be so high I am not sure even I could justify that. So even though the plan is to defnitely do GCH, we need that Hojo as back up just in case. Its really been a sad and awful nightmare for my brother and his wife. Its been three and half months since her mother had the brain bleed, cancer and the brain radiation and she just keeps getting worse. I am so sad for them all. Life is scary, one minute you are enjoying dinner with your daughter and her family and an instant later life as you know it is over.

Their life is so on hold right now, I even wonder if they'll make it here Christmas and if they'll make it to Disneyland. Dan and I are not even sure we will go to DL without them, the point of the trip was to spend time with them. So I am holding off on purchasing any park tickets until the last possible second. The sad thing is, this is exactly what happened three years ago when we had a DL trip planned with them for the exact same time frame (my nieces' birthday), except then it was my mom. She died four days before we were set to leave and we went ahead and went and while it was good to go and we all knew that was what my mom would have wanted, I will hate it if this happens again to my family members. Its a tough situation with no happy outcome I am afraid.

 

[eyor44]

You have a lot to think about right now. I really feel for your DB and DSIL. That waiting game is horrible.

Glad you got back to the gym, smart to not push your feet. How are they doing? Is the swelling and bites going down? Take care of the footsies, you only get one pair. Have you tried benedryl with pain cream? That is what I use at night and then put on socks. Of course the socks come off during the night, but it helps me sleep.

How is DD? So much is going around the schools here. Even kids not in school are getting sick. I hope she is better soon.

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Amy,

I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your DB's MIL. That must be so hard on their entire family. We'll be praying.....

Great job getting back to the gym! How are you feeling today?

I hope you have a nice weekend ahead!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Lisa and Tracy.

Dd is feeling better, there is a really bad bug going around, she never did actually throw up but she sure felt awful all day on Wednesday. Then yesterday it started up again, but she stuck out school (again never actually got sick) and came home and slept for two hours and then seemed fine. So who knows. Hopefully nobody else will get it .

I have the carpet guy coming out today with samples. I am very hopeful they will get this installed next week. I also have to say, I am so angry at dh and myself for working our insurance to have this $1000 deductible. Two years in a row we have had to pay that. It always seems like a good idea at the time to have a high deductible then when you have to make a claim its not such a great thing! I meant to change it last year after the tornado damage but forgot. This time I need to get it reduced, we seem to be on a losing streak lately! At least the work will be done well in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas when we have family staying down there.

Dan wanted me to look into changing our DC airfare to arrive into Baltimore instead of DC. He found out its generally much cheaper to fly into that airport, and he was right. I was able to change our airfare and get a $600 credit on Southwest. I wish I had just booked it this way orignially but at least its Southwest and they do give the credits. We'll have a nice amount sitting in there to use towards our airfare to Orlando next trip. Its going to be a bit more to get us from Baltimore to Arlington (about $50-70 total) but well worth it to save that much money. To go towards Disney which is what I am always all about!

I am off to Zumba today. I don't feel like going, I am just out of my groove with that, I haven't even been in four weeks. I hope I haven't forgotten the moves and have to start all over!

We have a busy weekend of getting the basement all packed up so they can lay the carpet. They'll move the furniture but we have a ton of Disney collectibles down there in cabinets and other things that we have to box up. Fun, fun. I also may try to do some more Christmas shopping. I would really like to be done with all of that by Thanksgiving. Its supposed to be warm this weekend and dry, so maybe Dan and I can get out and take a walk.

Lisa: The bites are better, way better. They are all scabbed up now, not really itching hardly at all anymore. I got that benadryl cream and it worked wonders at night. I didn't even have to apply it last night.

Tracy: Thank you for the prayers. The waiting game is horrible for them. I hope it all works out for them to come here and to DL, for my own selfish reasons but also because they need a break desparately. So prayers are needed and so appreciated!

Have a great Friday everyone.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Another week flying by with nothing new in the way of me getting back to a routine with food and exercise. I am really in a rut yet again.

Found out we have a new problem in the basement with a potentially bad mold problem that may not be covered by insurance. I am sure its part of the recent flood so who knows. The pricetag on this latest thing about put me over today. I drowned out my sorrow with Taco Bell, missed Bible Study to come back home (was in the church parking lot when I got the call and they were supposed to come back with more equipment but never did) and just have no energy to deal with much of anything. I did at least make the kids a healthy dinner, I was too full from Taco Bell and now I have to go teach 15 first grade girls at church and can't even begin to remember what the lesson is and can't find it to refresh my mind! I am having one of those weeks.

Really hoping to get back on track (I wonder how many times I have typed that in the past five years on this board).

Tomorrow I am taking my stepdad to the airport which now requires taking him right to the gate and then hopefully I can get to the gym.

 

[goldcupmom]

Oh, Amy! I am so sorry about all the restoration garbage you are going thru. As you know, I totally get it! As I type, I'm waiting for the tile guy, and for the restoration people to call me. Tile guy is disconnecting hot water today to tile, & not sure if restoration people can get wall patched, painted & hot water hooked back up tomorrow. They think Monday or Tuesday!!!!

Great job with southwest! Make sure you go to zoo in DC. The museums are wonderful, but my fav is the zoo......and free!

Praying about your DB & SIL's situation & that all works out for your joint trip.

Hang in there! This has to get better......right???

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi sweetie,

I am sending a gentle your way. You have been through a lot in a very short period time. Please be gentle with yourself right now. You will get back on program..... I know you CAN do it!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

 

[toystoryduo]

How are you doing, my friend? I hope things are starting to look up for you!

Hope you have a nice evening!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you Tracy and Julie, I really appreicate your support!

Thankfully the basement is nearing its end (dare I type that). The carpet guy is here as I type and then they should put the finishing touches on the walls and get the furniture put back in tomorrow. I get a new humidistat as well, we need it, they took the big fans out yesterday and it already smells musty down there. I worry mold will develop again, we had snow last night and its damp and cold today.

I am missing Bible Study again. I swear, I think I have missed more than I have made. My friend is irritated with me, I suggested we do this together and with all that has been going on I have missed three or four classes now. I can't help it but I do feel bad. I just had to stay here to let the carpet guy in and he was late so that capped that.

I went to Zumba last Friday and haven't been to the gym since. Its aggravating, I wait around all day for these workmen to make an appearance, I do have a lockbox that the flood guys (but not the rest of them) can access but Daisy complicates that. If I am here when they arrive and then I leave she's fine, but if somebody just comes in, she freaks. Thankfully this is almost over. If Spoiled Rotten Miss Daisy would go in a kennel, life would be easier through all of this. And of course we've been very cold so can't leave her out. I am ready to have my house back to normal and so is Daisy!

I decided to weigh on the Wii in front of Dan. I am burned out and tired of Weight Watchers for now. I spend $40 a month for no results (my fault, not WW's) but I do think the accountablity of weighing in front of somebody else is what keeps me going back. So I decided Dan would be my accountablity. In 19 years he's never had any idea of what I weighed. I remember when I was in the ER having a gall bladder attack many years ago, (Matthew was four weeks old at the time) they asked what I weighed before they took me to surgery and I made him leave the room before I'd tell the doctor! Its not like he hasn't figured it out probably to within a few pounds but for some reason I just couldn't tell him. So on Sunday I let it all go and stepped on the scale in front of him. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. It also apparently had no affect, I weighed again today in front of him and was up .4.

Went to my sister's on Sunday, her new place looks really nice. I can tell she's just delighted with our relationship since she's losing weight and I am as usual a big fat non loser. It would be nice to have one of those sisters that has your back to protect instead of to stab. If she knew what I weighed she'd be thrilled.

Watched Biggest Loser today while I cut out 9 dozen sugar cookies (its my first grade class party tonight and the girls are decorating cookies for their craft) and cried when one of the contestants had to really come face to face with the lack of support she gets from her family. I get it from Dan and now dd, but it brought back a lot of painful memories of how in my family, even my beloved mom never could accept that I do try to lose weight and that my worth is not solely based on the scale. So the carpet guy comes in to a deranged woman baking Christmas cookies with mascara all over my face and my Christmas tree up (I like to put my tree up early as does Dan, we are a bit nutty lol) and probably thought he had just stumbled onto some wacko.

Next week should be easier as far as getting to the gym. Of course its Thanksgiving but even so, if all goes well, the basement should be done. At the very least, I will enjoy not being in my house with strangers half the time! I have been very blue for sure, but I think its the basement, the cost and hassle of that and not having a WDW trip planned yet. Even a Disneyland trip in two months is not quite enough to have my happy face all the way on! We just need to evaluate money once this basement is settled and complete and figure things out. I must say, I regret like hell this DC trip. It will most likely be the last time we go out there for who knows how long if ever. The next time I go back to the East Coast it will be North and South Carolina and New England. I want ocean not museums!

 

[DisDee]

Amy, I'm sorry to hear your having such a hassle with all the basement stuff, but hopefully the end is in sight. Just think, you'll have a brand new room for the holidays.

I can't remember when your trip to DC is happening. If you're going before Christmas, you could go to the Gaylord National for "Ice".The hotel is in Maryland, right on the Potomac-a beautiful location! This year it has a Dr. Suess theme. Gary and I went last year and it was terrific!!!!

Hang in there kiddo-things will get better!

 

[eyor44]

Oh Amy, I do hope the workmen are almost done in your house. What you have been going through. I wish I had some really great words of wisdom or something profound to say, but all I can say is, we are here for you with more support than you could ever want. We love you for who you are and just want you to be healthy and happy.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you Lisa and Denise.

The carpet is in, the baseboards are back on and painted and the guys are coming today to put the furniture back down there. Gosh, I'll miss having a mattress and box spring in my dining room!

I should also add that what is really stressing me is some things going on with my son. Please keep him in your prayers and pray that life gets a bit easier for him and we find some resolution. I know all you moms know that when your kid is hurting and in a bad spot, all of life feels overwhelming. The basement was just the frosting on the cake I guess, but its easier to focus on that hurt and not the bigger, more important issue that isn't so easily fixed.

I feel pretty isolated with this stuff, I don't like to talk to my "real world" friends, because its one of those things that I don't want people who know ds to know about this sort of thing. I do have my brother but his plate is pretty full right now too. My sister and dh's family all have an inablity to just be loving and supportive. I think with this basement off my plate, I'll start feeling a lot more positive.

I forgot to add I was down 1.5 this morning. I really like weighing on the Wii, its very precise unlike my $9 crappy scale from Wal Mart! I am hoping that next week, even with Thanksgiving, I can get to my rec center back to normal since the only people left to come in here have the lockbox combo. The last outside contractor came today so that right there makes life easier.

 

[toystoryduo]

Oh Amy,

I so wish we lived closer to each other, my friend. I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Know that your WISH sisters love you and are praying for you! If you need anything at all, please let us know.

Please be sure and take some time just for you this weekend. Love ya!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Tracy, Thank you so much for your pm and support. It means a lot and makes things feel less overwhelming when you have friends that are there for you.

Today was much better, Dan took the day off because he had so much comp time coming and we got some Christmas shopping done which felt good. I really like to have it done by the end of November, not happening this year but I did get a really good start.

The only downside is that my brother called and my niece is having to have emergency surgery to remove her appendix. She's been sick all week with what they thought was stomach flu, but the doctor finally got concerned and sent them over for an ultrasound. I know its routine but its always scary and to me there is no such thing as routine surgery when its someone you love! So prayers and good thoughts for my nice "C" would be much appreciated. I hope she feels better soon, she was so dehydrated, they gave her an IV which helped but then she got sick again.

I hope everyone is having a great Friday, I cannot believe Thanksgiving is in less than one week!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Wow Thanksgiving is here, where did 2010 go? Great news is that my niece did great after her surgery and went home Saturday night, she's been home getting better and resting up. I am so thankful they caught it before it ruptured.

My heart is heavy today. Heavy for a friend I care about who is going through the worst hell there can be, heavy for my own son who has always had so many obstacles to overcome, heavy for my friend who was over this morning and her unemployment is running out and her husband's is too. Why does life have to be so hard for people who deserve it not to be? God has a plan for us all, but its hard to figure out sometimes.

I am getting in that mode where I hate the way I look and feel so much its tough to even go out the door. I did make myself go to church on Sunday, it was tough but I needed to go for my soul and my mind. I hadn't been in over a month except to teach my Wed. class. My clothes are tight and of course when I lost my 15 pounds last winter/spring, I gave away the jeans that were too big. I need them now but refuse to rebuy that size. I have exactly one pair of pants(jeans) that fit right now and they are snug. I generally am wearing my sweats now, I do my hair and makeup but then wear sweats and look like a slob from the neck down. On one hand I don't care how I look, on the other its all I think about. I love teaching my class but like all things in my life, the good is layered with my weight woes. All teachers were given special tee shirts at the beginning of the year with our logo on it, I am the only one who does not wear one. They didn't order one in a size big enough to fit me. We had a group photo taken, out of 30+ volunteers, I am the only one not in a gold tee shirt. How embarrassing is that.

I am ashamed of myself. Ashamed for obsessing about this when there are people, people I know and care about hurting right now with personal tragedies and loss and here I sit worrying about how fat I am but not doing anything about it. It is truly the biggest act of selfishness I act upon. I keep hearing all these people on Biggest Loser who say "for the first time I am thinking about me" and I want to laugh. I feel like all I do as a fat person is think about me! What I eat, why I am fat, why I don't work harder, how I am the biggest person in the Zumba class. Me, me, me. Very unattractive.

I woke up today at about 5:00 and lay there and thought, is this the rock bottom I have been needing to hit? I hope so. I'll be 46 years old in a month, and I have had a weight problem since I was 9 years old. For many years it was a 10 pound weight problem, now its a 100 pound weight problem.

This is my second journal on WISH, I can't help but wonder if a third one (as in third time's the charm) might be in order.

In the meantime, I have leftover carrot cake, four bags of candy (stepdad and his girlfriend were here tonight and she always bring candy heaven love her and heaven help me) and Thanksgiving in two days.

My friend did ask me recently if I ever just thought about giving up and being happy with my current weight. That is not an option. Because in spite of a long and very winding road that feels anything but successful, I do not consider myself a quitter. I just need to find out the formula to make myself successful. Its out there, and its probably not even that complicated!


Thanks to my WISH sisters who always inspire me, always support me and always read my journal and stick with me. I am lucky in more ways than I am not and I need to remember that!

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Amy!

Praise the Lord that your niece is doing well after her surgery! Sending prayers for her continued healing....

My heart has been heavy lately too, Amy. So many people I know are going through so much right now. Praying for God's peace and strength for all who need a special touch from Him....

Please don't be ashamed of yourself, Amy. You are an AMAZING woman who I am so blessed to call my friend. I know that there are things you would like to change right now. I am right there with you. With God's help, we can make those lasting changes. We can heal.

Sending a gentle and another PM your way....Love ya!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Tracy, thank you so much, I responded to your journal but never came back to my own!

I am doing much better. Food is much more under control and I made it to the gym yesterday which felt good. Today I had a church potluck for my Bible Study Christmas party so I didn't get in. I did pretty well at the potluck considering the amount of delicious and high fat food that was there. I sampled a few things I really wanted and mostly filled my plate with salad and fresh veggies. Then tonight I had dinner with two friends, we had been trying to do this since last summer so it was nice to finally meet up. Only thing was that my friend who has designated herself my food police cut me off as I ordered and ask the waitress to bring me lowfat salad dressing. WTH? Did I ask for help with my ordering? I asked for regular ranch on the side so I could dip my fork in it and I also a bowl of lowfat chicken soup. So I was doing pretty well, it was just weird. She left me this tough love voice mail about me needing to get serious about losing weight and frankly,if she's trying to be helpful she's not!

In all, this week has so far been very good. I was really feeling off kilter with my moods, my food and just life in general. When TOM showed up for the first time in 18 months, it all began to make sense. It was short lived and I hope it was isolated because I was actually very happy and content with the whole menopause thing!

Tomorrow I am taking a friend to lunch, she was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago, she's only 40 and she has two little girls that are very young. I am anxious to see her and see how she's doing. My plan is to go to the gym in the morning and hold my own with food at lunch.