Am I Wrong?

[becka]

I know everyone LOVES these types of questions! I do realize that I probably am wrong and have an obligation but just in case I am being too sensitive I thought I would ask the DIS.

My younger sister is graduating from law school this May. She has been in law school part-time for many years while working full-time and I do know it has been a struggle for her at times. We have never really gotten along (in fact we are barely on speaking terms) but I am still proud of what she has accomplished. She is after all part of my family even if we do not get along.

The graduation is in Little Rock which is a 7-8 hour drive from here so we would have to leave on Friday after work and get to Little Rock LATE (DH can't get off work that day) and then come back on Sunday. Plus, my best friends' little boy is having his 4th birthday party on that Saturday and that cannot be moved. My DS and her DS have already been talking about and looking forward to each other's parties (DS's 4th birthday party will be the Saturday before). Plus Sesame Street Live was going to be in town that weekend and we were really looking forward to taking the kids to one of the Sunday show.

I mentioned to my Mom a few days ago that I just didn't think it would work well for us. Even if we all go down there I am not going to drag my kids to the graduation and reception. It is not really the place for little kids and I don't want to worry about them being too loud, etc.. DH would end up staying at my parents house with the kids by himself for most of that Saturday. I knew my parents were not too thrilled and I certainly felt the expectation to be there from them but especially with our limited sisterly relationship I didn't think it would be that big of a deal for her. I did plan to acknowledge what a big accomplishment this is with a card and a gift, etc.. I was not going to ignore it.

My Mom talked to my sister earlier this evening and I guess she got very emotional and almost started to cry when my Mom told her I would not be there. My sister is not a very emotional person so this even suprised my Mom. I guess she feels it is very important for her to have her whole family there for her big day and the graduation - including me. Well of course that makes me feel pretty bad and then my Mom even offered to pay for a plane ticket for me to come down and just to leave the kids here with DH. I really feel now that I have no choice but to go to the graduation.

I really just don't know now. I really would rather spend that weekend here doing the birthday party and the Sesame Street show with my kids but I just really feel that I would be in the wrong by making that decision. If I go DH will probably go to his parents house about 2 hours away that Friday night and then take DS to the party on Saturday afternoon and let my MIL watch DD. They would come back Sunday so DH would have plenty of help and DS would not miss his friends' party.

Would I be a complete and total you-know-what if I didn't go?

 

[MouseWorshipin]

No, I don't think you'd be a big, fat anything.

But if I have to get sucked into this kind of crap for the sake of family harmony , so do you!!!

So, go!

 

[DeLaMer]

If your mom's willing to pay airfare, I say go. Graduating law school IS a big accomplishment, and going may afford you the opportunity to mend some bridges instead of burning them.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Honestly (and you did ask) I think you should go. Especially since it is really important for your sister. Kids will always have birthday parties and you can go see Sesame Street another time. Your sister will only be graduating once.

Even though you don't get along, maybe her wanting you to be there is her way of offering you the olive branch so to speak. I think if you don't go, you're going to regret it, and then your relationship with your sister might be forever irreparable. Friends are great, but family is forever. That's just MHO.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Hi Becka,

I really understand where you are coming from, however, I would say that in my opinion is that you should go to your sister's graduation. It is very important to her, and just because your relationship isn't really good right now doesn't mean that it can't improve in the future. (I have first-hand experience w/my own brother)

Luckily, you do have a dh who can take your ds to his friend's birthday party, so even though it may inconvenience you it is doable.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

If your mom's willing to pay airfare, I say go. Graduating law school IS a big accomplishment, and going may afford you the opportunity to mend some bridges instead of burning them.

I agree with this. There will be more birthday parties for your children, but your sister is only graduating law school once.

 

[Saphire]

I agree with the others here. I would go because these events don't come along very often in life. I would go alone to avoid the problems you stated, and your kids could have an enjoyable weekend. You just may have a nice time with your family, while supporting your sister in her acheivement. Best wishes.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I missed my sisters graduation due to finances. She was a brat in childhood--but she's a nice sister in adulthood. the past had nothing to do with it and she understood.

However in her 2nd wedding--they opted for a location wedding in Hawaii. Well of course that meant noone could go. I was the only possibility--but it was just too hard. However--she understood..but you could really really tell it was important for her to have at least one person there (all guests were friends of the groom). So hubby agreed that we could go and they let us stay in the condo with them. Not wanting to be in the same lcoation as they were on their wedding night--we gifted them points for the Hilton for their wedding night.

My sister and her fiance were willing to work with us so that I could be there. It was a barebones trip and very short for me--but the best gift I could give her.


Now---your family should understand where you are coming from and how much of a hardship it is. If it was that important--perhaps they'd offer just an iddy biddy bit of help.

I would do everything in your power to go. If anything--it could lead to a better future.

 

[fivefordisney]

Go.

I would.

It may the action that fixes your relationship with your sister.

JMHO...

 

[becka]

Thanks for the opinions. I already knew the answer and every bone in my body was telling me that I needed to be at that graduation. I just wanted to make sure that I was not just too close to the situation to see straight.

I guess I need to book the airfare....

 

[Kimmumum]

Show your sister your support, go to the graduation and tell her how proud of her you are.

Have your husband take the kids to Seasame (sp) Street and the birthday party. They can bond and maybe appreciate you a little in your absence (I'm not saying they don't---dad's need a reality check every so often though).

Go, enjoy yourself and you won't regret it

 

[LoveWDW]

Go. It is a big deal, and it will impress upon your youngsters the importance of education. It will impress your sister and the family, also. And you will know you did the right thing.

The only time we took our kids out of school was to attend my sister's doctorate ceremony. She was amazed and pleased, and the message the kids got was that it was an important ocassion.

 

[raammartin]

I say take your Mom up on her offer and fly down to your sisters graduation. Your kids won't notice your absence as much as your sister will.

 

[HeatherH]

Becka, you are ABSOLUTELY making the right decision to go. You won't regret it.

And hopefully this will be the beginning of a better relationship between you and your sister. I'm sure she will be thrilled to have you there to share in her big day.

 

[disneymac]

You may get a benefit from this trip if you go. This could be the catalyst to a new and improved relationship with your sister. My sister and I didn't get along for a long time and after some family stuff we had a "meeting of the minds" and we get along better now than we ever did. We've become good friends. It's a great feeling. Best of luck in your decision.

 

[momrek06]

OH, you definitely need to go. I think that this could be the steps to healing whatever the differences are between you and your sis.

You could so easily patch everything up in the months following the graduation and then you will be saying most likely to yourself how glad you were to have been there to see her get her degree.

And go yourself. Leave DH to take DS to the birthday party! This little trip alone w/o your immediate family could ultimately lead to future fun weekend trips with your sis.

Good luck to you and whatever decision you make. Keep us posted!

for all of you!

 

[THE HAT]

Thanks for the opinions. I already knew the answer and every bone in my body was telling me that I needed to be at that graduation. I just wanted to make sure that I was not just too close to the situation to see straight.

I guess I need to book the airfare....

when i read your first post i could tell you knew what you had to do but, sometimes having others who are not personally involved tell you it, makes that voice in your head get a bit clearer.
just dealing with that whole good cop, bad cop on your shoulders deal.
we have all had some situation that is similiar to yours, and we all knew what we had to do but......well it just might not be what we want to do. though most times you get back from it, and are very glad you went, and realize you had a nice time.
i hope that you come home with that same feeling.
keep us posted.

 

[Feralpeg]

You should go. This one act of kindness toward your sister could make up for a lifetime of disagreements. If it means so much to her to have you there, she must really love you.

 

[figment52]

If your mom's willing to pay airfare, I say go. Graduating law school IS a big accomplishment, and going may afford you the opportunity to mend some bridges instead of burning them.

While I don't mean to slight time with your kids, there will be other birthday aties and other Live performances to share with them, law school graduation IS a once in a lifetime. Apparentl, this is a very special day to your sister. Take mom up on the offer and let your sister know you are proud of her. It may be a life changing experience for your relationship.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think you are making the right decision to go. It is never the wrong decision to show support of a family member. I think you will be glad you went.

I understand your dilemma though, but I think thisis too big a deal to miss.