Am I totally off base or just cautious?

[Nancyg56]

I don't think anyone has a problem with communal showering. It's expected at camp, on teams, at school, etc. The problems here are (1) the age gap between the boys (2) the mother's discomfort with the situation and the grandmother's response to the mom when she stated her discomfort.

I have to agree with you. This really is not about whether or not we would allow the showers between children a few years apart. It is that the grandma's reaction to her DD;'s request.

I am a Nana and have one DGD. I don't see that I will be in this situation but I do know that if my DD asked me not to do something with her child I would respect that request.

I do not always see eye to eye with DD on everything but she has the last word with her child. If she is uncomfortable that is enough for me.

When we were kids we got tossed in the bath together, I would sometimes have my nephew jump in with my son. My oldest would never have been comfortable so he bathed alone. 30 years later I think I might rethink that if I was caring for children, even if the age difference was less than 4 years. I don't usually see issues that are not there but I probably would just have them all take their own showers. Times change

 

[surfergirl602]

my girls are 6 and 8 and still shower together when we need to be quick, but they do like to do it by themselves now more than together.

 

[floydfamily4]

Its a big deal because it is a big deal to you. You are their mom and your comfort matters. Do you what you think is best. Wouldn't bother me but I am not their mom - you are. Be ok with your decision and your mommy gut!

 

[virginiamama]

Its a big deal because it is a big deal to you. You are their mom and your comfort matters. Do you what you think is best. Wouldn't bother me but I am not their mom - you are. Be ok with your decision and your mommy gut!

I wholeheartedly agree. You asked for opinions and you got them, but the only opinion that really matters is yours. I think the saying "pick your battles" applies here. This is important to you because it made you uncomfortable. You've expressed your feelings to your mom and if she can't respect that, then she shouldn't watch your kids when she has other kids in the house. It might be a good idea to remind your kids that Mommy's rules still apply even when in Grandma's care, and one of those rules is that they are to take showers alone or not at all.

 

[C.Ann]

The only way I would have an issue with it is if the kids did not want to do it but were made to anyway.

I agree.. If they were not given a choice, then yes - I would be upset..

 

[LuvBaloo]

This is an interesting thread. There's such a delicate balance between teaching children to be comfortable with their bodies and keep them safe.

For the OP's situation, I think 10 and 6yo boys is a big gap to stick together if they don't know each other well. If the kids didn't care, then not a problem. The 2 girls doesn't seem as a big a deal. I think telling your mom it makes you uncomfortable was very reasonable. I don't think the 10yo and 6yo boys told to shower together in small bathroom unsupervised is the same thing as group showers as camp or gym class. In those situations they all have their own showerhead, they wouldn't be trying to manuver around each other in underneath one shower.
For the PP with the 7yo girl who was told to bathe together at a sleepover, its one thing, if she didn't care, but group nudity shouldn't be forced onto a child. They have to be able to say no when it comes to their own bodies.

 

[brekin67]

I do not think it is appropriate to bathe together past 3 years old. A 10 year old should not be bathing with siblings, cousins, friends. If one of the kids had accused the older one of touching inappropriately, your mother could be in trouble for failure to protect. I work for DHS and these things do happen amongst siblings. No one is more shocked than the parents when this happens. I am glad you spoke to your mother and asked her not to do this in the future. We want our kids to be cautious with their nudity and so much is learned at a young age. Some posters mentioned that it is done for convenience and it is easier. That would not be the response accepted by the Judge when something horrible happens. A lot of times parents I see in court did not even realize that what they were allowing is neglect, permitting sexual abuse, incestous, and failure to protect. I hope your mother respects your request in the future.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

they are your kids and you have every right to be upset when something happens to make you uncomfortable. I would feel the same way in the situation you presented and you did right by speaking to your mom in a calm manner from the start instead of it brewing and turning into a fight.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

For the PP with the 7yo girl who was told to bathe together at a sleepover, its one thing, if she didn't care, but group nudity shouldn't be forced onto a child. They have to be able to say no when it comes to their own bodies.

well said!

 

[emma'smom]

Just wanted to add that we had gang showers in high school gym class and in our college dorms in the early 90's. No one really thought much about it. Also, my dd7 is on the swim team and when practice is over--they all run to the showers and are in and out of them together.

I wouldn't force kids to do this, but if they aren't bothered....what's the big deal.

Now the issue we ran into this year was the male cousins (ages 7 and 10) walking into the bathroom to use the bathroom while the girls (sisters) were in the tub or shower. I ended that one fast!

 

[kevschickee]

Just wanted to add that we had gang showers in high school gym class and in our college dorms in the early 90's. No one really thought much about it. Also, my dd7 is on the swim team and when practice is over--they all run to the showers and are in and out of them together.

I wouldn't force kids to do this, but if they aren't bothered....what's the big deal.

Now the issue we ran into this year was the male cousins (ages 7 and 10) walking into the bathroom to use the bathroom while the girls (sisters) were in the tub or shower. I ended that one fast!

Oh heck yeah I would end that. That is a horse of a different color.

 

[aliceindisneyland]

Your mom must be very innocent not to think twice about this. Surprised the older boy agreed; my nephews (different families) 9 & 10 freak out that my DS5 wears his underwear around the house! No harm done it seems, but I think it's the age difference more than anything that makes me uncomfortable--I have less of an issue w/the girls 2 yrs apart than the boys 4 yrs apart as the older kids are middle school age. Also, I don't think gender matters. I do think the close relationship of the kids makes a difference too. I allow (w/my sis' permission) DS5 and his cousins 6 and 3 to take baths together as they are like siblings, but this is probably the last yr for that as they are getting a bit too old to want to anyway--and too big for the tub!
The future locker room showering argument did pop into my head when I first read this post, but that is a different space issue--closer quarters in a private in-home shower.

 

[jodifla]

No big deal. As several people mentioned before, group showering is ROUTINE once you hit junior high school.

 

[Ava]

As others have said, OP's mother should respect her wishes when it comes to her kids. If the kids weren't uncomfortable with it I don't think any harm has been done, but in the future grandma should have the kids shower seperately. I can also understand why grandma got defensive though; she didn't think she'd done anything wrong and was probably surprised when OP told her she had.

I was bathed with my sister who is 4 years younger than me until I was about 7 or 8, then I started prefering a shower so I did so alone. I also used to shower with my cousin (same age) until we were about 10, but that was our choice.