Am I totally off base or just cautious?

[disneymomofmyca]

Was this a relative or just at a friend's house? If it was at a friend's house I would be po'd that they bathed my child. The end. If it was a relative I wouldn't think much of it.

This was at a friends house where she had only stayed one time before. And she(DD) was very uncomfortable with it.

 

[kevschickee]

This was at a friends house where she had only stayed one time before. And she(DD) was very uncomfortable with it.

That would make me mad and I would have issues with that. If the child is uncomfy with it then by all means fight that fight.

 

[disneymomofmyca]

I will be in the minority here.

First off, I don't think anyone could say that you OVER reacted. All you did was calmly ask your mom not to do it that way next time because you were uncomfortable with it.

I think at their ages (esp the boys) most kids would want their privacy. It's hard to teach kids that their body is their own and private if they are asked to shower with "strangers". If they were kids that spent a lot of time together, I doubt it would bother me much, but given that you said they are kids that see each other maybe once a year? I would do exactly what you did.

I'm sure it didn't scar the kids, but I'm with you as well that 10 is pretty border line to be in the shower with a 6 year old. I guess maybe I'm weird just like you

I agree with you. And I am a bit surprised with all the folks that think this is no big deal. I have my DH sitting here and he thinks it is absolutely not alright for a 10 year old to shower with a 6 year old when they barely know each other. And I agree that OP didn't over react because all she did was calmly explain that she doesn't think it should happen again. Hmmmmm...this is truly an interesting thread.I really thought I would come back and read all the support for the OP. Bottom line...if you are uncomfortable with something as a parent that is your decision so the OPs mother should not be upset about it.She should simply not let it happen again.

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

IDK...I have mixed feelings. I have 2 sons (4and3) and they shower together EVERYTIME, and they also shower with their cousin if he's around at bath time, even though he is 2yrs younger than my oldest. I personally don't see a big deal about this.

Now, if my sons had cousins that they barely knew, then that might be a different story. I think the issue is probably also that you weren't around to make the decision. Maybe your son and his 10yr old cousin were hitting it off and if you were there you might not have reacted so strongly? Just another perspective...

 

[disneymomofmyca]

That would make me mad and I would have issues with that. If the child is uncomfy with it then by all means fight that fight.

Thank you! I am glad you agree. They are just at that age where they are aware of their bodies. I just feel sad as a parent that my DD was put in a very uncomortable postion at a home she wasn't used to. I still really like this mother and she works at the school and is very good with kids...but I think when my DD said she didn't want to take a bath with the other two girls the mom could have said that was fine. Then when she asked to get out a few times I think she should have been able to get out. This just happened a couple weeks ago so maybe that is why I am so passionate about the subject.

 

[princessmom29]

I don't see a problem with bathing the kids together, as long as the kids are not uncomfortable with it. At that point they should be allowed to do what makes them feel comfortable.

 

[stella27]

Thank you! I am glad you agree. They are just at that age where they are aware of their bodies. I just feel sad as a parent that my DD was put in a very uncomortable postion at a home she wasn't used to. I still really like this mother and she works at the school and is very good with kids...but I think when my DD said she didn't want to take a bath with the other two girls the mom could have said that was fine. Then when she asked to get out a few times I think she should have been able to get out. This just happened a couple weeks ago so maybe that is why I am so passionate about the subject.

Unless they have been rolling in the mud, I cannot imagine why this parent forced the issue. I would never pressure another child to bathe at our house. This kind of bothers me.

 

[GRUMPY D]

people if it bothers you that your kid dosent have a privet shower then you better pull them out of school and never send them to camp or let them join a sport team , school locker rooms and school swiming pool room all have open showers and changing rooms and at are middle school grades 6-7-8 you must take a shower after gym

 

[disneynewbee]

The only way I would have an issue with it is if the kids did not want to do it but were made to anyway. My dd is 6 and when my nieces are over (ages 8 and 9) they get in the bath or shower together.

 

[ScotsMinnie]

Thank you! I am glad you agree. They are just at that age where they are aware of their bodies. I just feel sad as a parent that my DD was put in a very uncomortable postion at a home she wasn't used to. I still really like this mother and she works at the school and is very good with kids...but I think when my DD said she didn't want to take a bath with the other two girls the mom could have said that was fine. Then when she asked to get out a few times I think she should have been able to get out. This just happened a couple weeks ago so maybe that is why I am so passionate about the subject.

I think your situation is different from the OP. In your situation I would be upset that my child had been made to have a bath with friends at someone elses house when she didn't want to. Also to not let her out is unacceptable.

But the Op was at her Granny's with her cousins kids and the child had no problem with it.

Very different

 

[chewysmom]

I will be in the minority here.

First off, I don't think anyone could say that you OVER reacted. All you did was calmly ask your mom not to do it that way next time because you were uncomfortable with it.

I think at their ages (esp the boys) most kids would want their privacy. It's hard to teach kids that their body is their own and private if they are asked to shower with "strangers". If they were kids that spent a lot of time together, I doubt it would bother me much, but given that you said they are kids that see each other maybe once a year? I would do exactly what you did.

I'm sure it didn't scar the kids, but I'm with you as well that 10 is pretty border line to be in the shower with a 6 year old. I guess maybe I'm weird just like you

ITA! I don't think you overreacted at all. My dd will be 9 tomorrow and there's no way she'd be comfortable showering w/ someone else.

 

[Zeebs]

Would it bother me NO, but it bothered you and I think you handled it well. I wouldn't fight on it, you have made your point and I would hope your Mum would comply with your wishes.

As a mother it wouldn't even occur to me it would be a problem not to bath kids together (thinking in regards to the 7 year old girls) my child has bath each night and if they were all there for a slumber party I would just chuck them all in together. HOWEVER, if one of them made noises that they didn't want to I wouldn't force the issue, they could either sit in the bathroom with the girls or somewhere else in the house.

Kirsten

 

[worm761]

OP- I would have been upset too. I think you handled it calmly. 6 and 10 are big age gaps. It sounds like only 4 years but there is a lot of difference there.

And for those of you that think it's ok, would you allow your 6 year old to shower with some 10 year old boy he didn't know? Because that is what happened. These may be cousins but they only see each other once a year. They are strangers. I know I would not have let that situation happen with my son. My sisters and I took baths together all the time growing up. And I can remember doing so with my cousins also. But these are people I grew up with, not someone I barely knew. I think that is the difference here. She may not have had a problem had the boys been closer in age and known each other.

 

[kevschickee]

Yes I would. There is only a 4 year difference and they have the same parts. I am teaching my children to not be ashamed of their bodies. I am also teaching them the correct names for their parts and the difference between good and bad touching. When they start middle school they will be changing and showering in front of others.

 

[stella27]

people if it bothers you that your kid dosent have a privet shower then you better pull them out of school and never send them to camp or let them join a sport team , school locker rooms and school swiming pool room all have open showers and changing rooms and at are middle school grades 6-7-8 you must take a shower after gym

I don't think anyone has a problem with communal showering. It's expected at camp, on teams, at school, etc. The problems here are (1) the age gap between the boys (2) the mother's discomfort with the situation and the grandmother's response to the mom when she stated her discomfort.

Parents of little kids are concerned with keeping little ones safe and we teach things like "privacy" and "good touch, bad touch" to empower the little ones to know when nakedness is fine and not fine. To be tossed into a naked situation with a much-older boy contradicts what mom has probably been trying to teach her son in terms of bathroom rules and behavior.

Nobody here has stated an objection to group showering. This situation is something different.

 

[sskem96]

Maybe Grandma didn't feel comfortable letting the 6 year old shower alone, but didn't feel comfortable helping him either, so figured the 10 year old could shower with him in case he needed any help? That probably would have been my thinking. I only have girls and I wouldn't want to look at any parts on a 6 year old boy, let alone make sure he cleaned them properly! The grandma obviously didn't know til after the fact that one of the boys' moms would have a problem with it.

My girls are 9 and 12. They still shower together once in a while at home, and they usually shower with their friends when someone spends the night. We also shower after swimming, and there's females from toddler to elderly all showering together there, so we just don't think much of it. The only thing that bothers me is when someone brings a little boy in there. I don't care how young he is, I don't want to see that thing flopping around while he runs around the locker room! There's family changing rooms for that!

 

[disneynewbee]

worm761-would you allow your 6 year old to shower with some 10 year old boy he didn't know? Because that is what happened.

I don't understand this part of your post. The boy and girl did not shower together 2 boys showered together and 2 girls showered together. I would feel different if a boy and girl showered together for obvious reasons whether they knew each other or not.

 

[Pirate1+Princess4]

I don't really have a problem with what OP stated, although the 10 year old is very close to needing/asking for privacy and should have been permitted if he asked. Grandma isn't used to having 4 kids around for an entire week and I'm sure she just wanted to get the baths done and get them to bed. Honestly, from my experience, the worst part of shared baths/showers is when the water starts flying. Otherwise, it's really not a big deal with similar age cousins who know each other IMO. BUT, every household is different and feelings of modesty are different and I think those feeling should respected.

My girls share baths/showers. They just turned 7. Maybe it's different with siblings very close in age. We do it to speed things up, as we have 5 kids to get bathed. When they start expressing an interest in privacy, then we'll allow them to shower separately. My DH actually supervises bath time, so he's in the room with them. Although we have them wash their own parts and get help with hair and rinsing.

My DS (almost 9) showers with assistance from either DH or me. He still runs around naked sometimes, but we remind him to cover up. He's beginning to want more privacy and I expect it will be come soon where he'll demand it.

I would have a HUGE problem with what other poster said. My kid doesn't need a bath for a one night sleepover, unless they were out playing in the mud.

 

[mjkacmom]

Maybe Grandma didn't feel comfortable letting the 6 year old shower alone, but didn't feel comfortable helping him either, so figured the 10 year old could shower with him in case he needed any help? That probably would have been my thinking. I only have girls and I wouldn't want to look at any parts on a 6 year old boy, let alone make sure he cleaned them properly! The grandma obviously didn't know til after the fact that one of the boys' moms would have a problem with it.

My girls are 9 and 12. They still shower together once in a while at home, and they usually shower with their friends when someone spends the night. We also shower after swimming, and there's females from toddler to elderly all showering together there, so we just don't think much of it. The only thing that bothers me is when someone brings a little boy in there. I don't care how young he is, I don't want to see that thing flopping around while he runs around the locker room! There's family changing rooms for that!

I wouldn't bring ds6 into the female showers (and I sometimes actually let him into the mens room), but I can't understand why an adult woman would be offended by a 6 year old's ***** (and, BTW, they look the same throughout childhood, so it's not much different than a baby boy's *****). It's a child's body part.

 

[smylie1]

I have been a foster parent for many years. I can tell you from experience that even other children and relatives can and do perpetrate on children they are related to. It really doesn’t matter if you are related or not. In fact being a relative usually gives a perp easier access to victims. I am not saying that anything "bad" happened to the OP child by taking an innocent shower with his cousin. However it is not a safe thought that because it's a relative they are incapable of hurting your child. I have seen it with personal experience with a child as young as 8 (being the perpetrator). It is sad and hopefully rare, but it does happen.

Having been repeatedly molested at the age of 6 by a neighbor who was 11 when it started. I know for a fact it happens. Again like PP said, not saying anything like that happened with OP's child, saying just that it sends a message that it's ok for certain people to ask you to do certain things.

I wish the OP's mother had not gotten upset, but it's a small price to for her to try to keep her children safe from all possibilities of all bad things.