Am I totally off base or just cautious?

[jeepgirl30]

My mom had my two children at her house for the week so they could attend bible school. She also had my cousin's 2.

when the kids came home they told me mom let the boys shower together and the girls shower together. My DS is 6, the other boy is 10. My DD is 9 and the other girl is 7.

I called my mom and said very calmly, "mom, I am not angry or upset but for the future I really feel strongly the kids all need private showers". Mom got all mad and said i was being completly ridiculous and asked what wild stories my kids said about it. I said they didn't, just mentioned casually but I felt uncomfortable with it and wanted to address it for future.

I am usually a laid back parent but I feel situations like this are ones to stay away from completely. There is no need for shared showers.

Would you think this is not right?

 

[disneymomofmyca]

I totally agree! I was horrified to learn that my DD who is almost 7 had to take a bath with two other little girls(same age) during a sleep over. i think they are WAY too old to be bathing or showering together. My DD said she didn't want to (and she had just showered at home! ) take a bath but was told to anyway. She said she kept asking to get out but was told to just stay in a bit longer. I was very upset and called my best friend whos daughter is also the same age. She said she would have been very upset too if her DD had to bathe with other kids like that. So I am in total agreeance(sp) with you.

 

[kevschickee]

So the girls took a shower then the boys(they didn't all shower together right?)? I don't see a big deal. They have the same parts I think you over reacted

 

[Hannathy]

Like the PP I don't see the big deal either, especially since they are cousins. I used to take baths with my cousin all the time and when I was little with my male cousin.

 

[tartemis]

If everyone is willing (unlike the prior pp who said that her daughter did not want to take the bath with the other ones), I also see nothing wrong with it. I used to take baths with my cousins all the time as well. We actually have an adorable picture of the 3 of us in a tub together. I also have an adorable picture of my mom, my brother and I all in a tub together.

 

[susykt4]

I see nothing wrong unless any of the kids had a problem. My kids are 9 and 6 AND a girl and a boy and still shower one after the other or sometimes share a few minutes of shower time with me. It's so much quicker and easier. No big deal at our house.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think it was a big deal. They are cousins, not strangers. Personally I think you acted a bit over the top about it. If the kids didn't care why make a big deal about it?

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Since they are cousins (and it seems they know eachother), I don't see the big deal. However, I could see the older kids getting to an age where they may not be comfortable, but if they still are, why not? I think that we sometimes get upset over little things with kids, when to them it's just getting clean so they can move on to the next fun thing.

 

[jeepgirl30]

OP back, I wanted to explain I do not have an issue with siblings bathing together or parents/children. However, the kids I am talking about are my cousins children, we see them maybe once a year. The boys are 4 years apart, i just feel at 10 it is a bit questionable showering with a 6 year old.

Again, I am not angry. I just would prefer it not happen again.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I totally agree! I was horrified to learn that my DD who is almost 7 had to take a bath with two other little girls(same age) during a sleep over. i think they are WAY too old to be bathing or showering together. My DD said she didn't want to (and she had just showered at home! ) take a bath but was told to anyway. She said she kept asking to get out but was told to just stay in a bit longer. I was very upset and called my best friend whos daughter is also the same age. She said she would have been very upset too if her DD had to bathe with other kids like that. So I am in total agreeance(sp) with you.

Was this a relative or just at a friend's house? If it was at a friend's house I would be po'd that they bathed my child. The end. If it was a relative I wouldn't think much of it.

 

[kevschickee]

OP back, I wanted to explain I do not have an issue with siblings bathing together or parents/children. However, the kids I am talking about are my cousins children, we see them maybe once a year. The boys are 4 years apart, i just feel at 10 it is a bit questionable showering with a 6 year old.

Again, I am not angry. I just would prefer it not happen again.

Its only 4 years and I don't blame your mom for getting deffensive. This is a battle I wouldn't fight.

 

[ms_missy66]

I think my feelings would be based on how the kids felt. if they were begging to shower together, I would be okay with it. If I didn't get the feeling from my little ones that they wanted to shower with their cousins, I would have reacted the same way you did. Besides, as their mom, you have the absolute right to express that preference. And you definitely handled it the right way. "Mom, I'm not mad, just in the future I would prefer..." Perfect!

 

[ScotsMinnie]

I would not have minded that to be honest. I think as a society we are getting far too uptight over things like this when really there is no good reason too.

 

[ma2jr]

I agree they maybe a little to old to shower together... but I agree I don't think I would fight it

 

[pyrxtc]

I don't think it' a big deal. My boys still shower together sometimes, the only reason they don't mre is not theri ages, it is the water they splash outside the tub !

 

[cuppycake]

I will be in the minority here.

First off, I don't think anyone could say that you OVER reacted. All you did was calmly ask your mom not to do it that way next time because you were uncomfortable with it.

I think at their ages (esp the boys) most kids would want their privacy. It's hard to teach kids that their body is their own and private if they are asked to shower with "strangers". If they were kids that spent a lot of time together, I doubt it would bother me much, but given that you said they are kids that see each other maybe once a year? I would do exactly what you did.

I'm sure it didn't scar the kids, but I'm with you as well that 10 is pretty border line to be in the shower with a 6 year old. I guess maybe I'm weird just like you

 

[Erica09M]

As long as the children involved didn't object, I don't think it's a big deal. I remember showering with my friends (not family members) when we were in elementary school. We'd go swimming, then jump in the shower to clean up before going somwhere else. It wasn't a big deal.

If your children didn't mind, I wouldn't let them see you upset over this. They'll wonder why it's so taboo for them to see someone of the same gender nude. They could think something was wrong and become ashamed of their bodies and could lead to self esteem issues down the road.

 

[smylie1]

I wouldn't have approved of it one bit. If we were talking 3 and 4 years old, no big deal, but at these ages, there is absolutely no reason they need to be showering together. If your mother could not afford the water for 4 showers, then she shouldn't have agreed to take them all for a whole week. I'm sorry if most people think it's ok, but I just don't.

 

[tjbaggott]

I wouldn't have approved of it one bit. If we were talking 3 and 4 years old, no big deal, but at these ages, there is absolutely no reason they need to be showering together. If your mother could not afford the water for 4 showers, then she shouldn't have agreed to take them all for a whole week. I'm sorry if most people think it's ok, but I just don't.

I agree! If they were all under 5 I would have no problem with it myself. My SIL and I have given a bath all at once for her DD, my DD both 2 at the time AND my DS who was 8 months. That was a bath and fun water play for them at those ages, along with the need for an adult to remain present for safety issues. I have an 11 year old who at the age of 10 wouldn NOT want to have had to take a shower with his little brother but did when needed such as when we were camping. Not being comfortable with the 10 and 6 year old showering together is not over reacting, and asking for it to not be done in future is not going to scar the kids or make them feel ashamed. If anything it's teaching them that there are times when privacy is needed by everyone and that needs to be respected.
If a parent is fine with this situation then fine, but if a parent is not comfortable with it, THAT too needs to be respected.

 

[adoptionmomma4]

OP back, I wanted to explain I do not have an issue with siblings bathing together or parents/children. However, the kids I am talking about are my cousins children, we see them maybe once a year. The boys are 4 years apart, i just feel at 10 it is a bit questionable showering with a 6 year old.

Again, I am not angry. I just would prefer it not happen again.

I also would have been upset about this. I think like you, I would have just asked that it not happen again. There seemed to be no harm done and making a scene would make an innocent situation worse. I think you handled it just fine. If you asked that this not happen again it should not happen. There was no need for your mom to get upset with you. I would not make it a big deal in front of the kids. I would however reinforce whatever rules you have for keeping there bodies private and safe.

I have a 10 year old DS and there is no way he would want to shower with a 6 year old or any other aged child for that matter. I think it sends a very mixed message to tell my kids they need to keep their bodies private "unless it is another child" or "unless grandma/grandpa etc. say it is ok".

Was this a relative or just at a friend's house? If it was at a friend's house I would be po'd that they bathed my child. The end. If it was a relative I wouldn't think much of it.

I have been a foster parent for many years. I can tell you from experience that even other children and relatives can and do perpetrate on children they are related to. It really doesn’t matter if you are related or not. In fact being a relative usually gives a perp easier access to victims. I am not saying that anything "bad" happened to the OP child by taking an innocent shower with his cousin. However it is not a safe thought that because it's a relative they are incapable of hurting your child. I have seen it with personal experience with a child as young as 8 (being the perpetrator). It is sad and hopefully rare, but it does happen.