Am I paranoid? Boss and workplace woes.

[WaDiWo]

hi all!

something's been bothering me for two weeks, and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid. don't know who to talk to about this, maybe it's nothing ... so if you oblige me, may I vent to you Disers?

Two weeks ago my boss took the office out as a kind of celebration for finishing a project.

Three of us (under our boss) were honored at the dinner as it was "our" project. We three are at the same level, have been with the company for the same number of years. Two of our senior executives gave short congratulatory speeches for us, and we three "underlings" gave each gave a short thank you talk.

Now, here's the weird part. Our boss came with two wrapped gifts and gave one to each of the other honorees. Not secretly, but not really publicly either. I waited, yes, expecting mine, because I was one of the three being honored. (if i sound too cocky here, I apologize). but I didn't get a gift. The other two thought it was weird. Now the whole time our boss didn't mention anything about it to me, just talked casually etc.

So half jokingly I asked him if there was anything I did to disappoint him. : it took him a while to realize that he didn't get me a gift, but just said, "oh, I must've forgot." he didn't apologize or anything.

*****Now please please please please before any flaming please know that I could care less about getting a gift or being praised or honored or anything and that he is under no obligation to get me a gift. But I (and others at my table) just thought it was weird that a dinner to honor three people at an equal level our boss "forgot" one person. *****

was it something I did?? am i reading too much into this? maybe he did forget, but there were only three of us! yes we were the same level and yes I believe we contributed equally to the project. and no there was no animosity between my boss and myself before then, and since!

i don't know. please help me figure this out. sorry if this is a "little thing," and if i'm expecting too much. again, I don't care about the gift. I care about the thought!

 

[LadyZolt]

That is weird -- are all three of you the same gender?

 

[Philagoofy]

That is strange. And for him not to even apologize or seem embarrassed. I know how you must feel, not about the gift but about being forgotten or not thought about. That's a shame it's been bothering you for so long. When something's on your mind & you can't figure out why it happened, it can be annoying & hurtful.

Did either of the other two say anything to you? I wouldn't bring it up to them, just try to put it behind you at this point.

Congratulations on your completed project!

 

[chell]

If it makes you feel any better I would be worrying about it too. Hopefully your boss really did just forget and there is nothing more to it.

Congratulations on finishing the project!

 

[WaDiWo]

That is weird -- are all three of you the same gender?

Interesting question. No we're not, but that's not the pattern. I'm male, but the other two are a man and a woman. All three of us are married with children. Our boss is a married man with children. in case you were wondering.

Did either of the other two say anything to you? I wouldn't bring it up to them, just try to put it behind you at this point.

Congratulations on your completed project!

Yes, the other two were there when i asked my boss about it, they actually encouraged me to ask him since I was shy at first. Then they both told me that it was weird.

But thanks!! yes, glad to be done. But now, onto the next project.

 

[OceanAnnie]

That is strange. And for him not to even apologize or seem embarrassed. I know how you must feel, not about the gift but about being forgotten or not thought about. That's a shame it's been bothering you for so long. When something's on your mind & you can't figure out why it happened, it can be annoying & hurtful.

Did either of the other two say anything to you? I wouldn't bring it up to them, just try to put it behind you at this point.

Congratulations on your completed project!

I was thinking along the same lines. I'm sure it was a weird experience, like an elephant in the room and no one acknowledges it. Has your boss ever done anything like this before to you or anyone else? It is strange. Even stranger that he didn't apologize. I think I'd have a keener eye on him.

I'd try to put it behind me too, but I would probably try to be more attuned in general to things at the office.

 

[sunnyday123]

I was thinking along the same lines. I'm sure it was a weird experience, like an elephant in the room and no one acknowledges it. Has your boss ever done anything like this before to you or anyone else? It is strange. Even stranger that he didn't apologize. I think I'd have a keener eye on him.

I'd try to put it behind me too, but I would probably try to be more attuned in general to things at the office.

something is definitely amiss.

 

[ajk912]

That would really bother me, too. I don't think you are being paranoid at all. In fact, I would probably be brushing up my resume in my spare time. NOT that you should think you are getting fired over this, but I, personally, would have a bit of a seed of doubt about my job security after that.

 

[OceanAnnie]

That would really bother me, too. I don't think you are being paranoid at all. In fact, I would probably be brushing up my resume in my spare time. NOT that you should think you are getting fired over this, but I, personally, would have a bit of a seed of doubt about my job security after that.

Me too. It wouldn't hurt to have your resume fresh, JIC.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

that would really bother me, too. I don't think you are being paranoid at all. In fact, i would probably be brushing up my resume in my spare time. Not that you should think you are getting fired over this, but i, personally, would have a bit of a seed of doubt about my job security after that.

ita

 

[denisenh]

depends on what the "gift" was...... it may be good that you didn't get one.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

At the very least it is a red flag. So while paranoid may be overkill at this point, you are certainly right in taking notice and becoming observant.

 

[kathie859]

OP---I'd be reflecting on this lack of equality, too, AND the fact that no attempt at reparation was made after the "error" was discovered rather publically.

You have to wonder about your perceived place in the workplace. I think I would amp up my observations about my value and contributions--just as a reality check and so you are not blindsided by another public snub.

Good luck.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I agree with other posters that you're not paranoid. That was a very odd snub, and the fact that it was public is especially disturbing.

 

[Tina]

I would be concerned as well. Not only was it odd, but I find it to be humiliating. What was he thinking? You don't go to a special dinner to honor 3 staff members and only buy 2 gifts. Something is not right.

 

[Carys]

Maybe the other two are going to be let go soon and he felt bad. Not getting a gift at work isn't necessarily always a bad thing... Either way, there's nothing that you can do to "fix" what happened so I agree with others who say to keep the resume fresh, head down into work, and antennae up to watch what's happening in the office.

 

[Kathymcbain]

Does your boss typically forget or overlook things? Does your boss have an assistant who may have been put in charge of getting the gifts who may have made an error? Does your boss typically talk to employees if he is concerned or has an issue with their performance?

I agree it was a little strange and was in bad taste - but it could have been an oversight, especially if someone else was put in charge of getting the gifts...I saw things like that happen a lot when a woman I worked for had an assistant.

 

[debf]

I wouldn't say you are being paranoid. If it was a dinner to honor the three of you, then there should of been three gifts. I'm sure the other two felt very uncomfortable too. Maybe should should meet with your boss next week and just ask if there is something you need to be worried about. What did your DW say about this? I know if my DH came home from a dinner to honor him and two co-workers and he told me this happened to him I would be very worried.

 

[LadyZolt]

I'm the one who asked if you were all the same gender and you replied that you're a man and the other two are a man and a woman -- I was thinking if the other two were women, then that's why they got gifts, especially if the boss is a man 'cause he might think women "need" outward rewards more than men do (not that I agree with this -- LOL!). But since that's not the case, then I have to agree with the replies that said you're not paranoid and your boss definitely made a faux pas here. I'd be concerned, too, and I would also have spoken up. I think his reply was lame. What was the gift, by the way? Did you find out?

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[Disney Doll]

Weird. Keep your eyes and ears open at work and make sure Boss knows what you contribute. Freshen up your resume and make sure you are working your network.