Am I overreacting?

[mhsjax]

Get used to it. Kids at this age make plans and forget to clue parents in on the logistics. Actually, they don't even plan the logistics of getting home half the time. Their pea brains are only concerned with getting to a party...not getting home.

I can't tell you how many times we've gotten a phone call after the fact asking if we could provide a ride home. There has been more than one occasion when I've been tempted to tell them to figure it out for themselves....but I restrain myself. Maybe the other mom felt the same way.

It's tough to be the beck n call taxi service.

I guess in my opinion, if they aren't responsible enough to get a ride home and get the details worked out, then they aren't responsible enough to go to the party.

 

[mhsjax]

Maybe it's different around here too, but yes, I always talk to the other parents. When my kids are driving age (not almost driving age) that might change a bit. But, even when they are driving age, you still have to check up on them. I'm not saying completely keep them under your thumb, but you can't just give them free reign either - in college yes, high school, no.

I agree,
In my neighborhood, we are a true "village" The parents here will actually ask you to rat out their kids if you see them doing something stupid. We all parent each others kids, funny thing is, none of ours get into any real trouble and most are athletes and honor roll students, independent kids. Hum,, guess we aren't doing too bad are we? lol

 

[MELSMICE]

And that conversation would be fine. I don't get the opinion that it is somehoagain, the mom said to find your way home. Not acceptable on the parents part.

I don't find it acceptable either, but I wouldn't confront the other parent about it.

Heck, even the best laid plans go awry. The rest of my conversation could go like this (via text now):

DD: Ali's parents are going home after but a bunch of kids are going to John & Mary's, can we go?

Me: How are you getting there?

DD: Ali's parents.

Me: I thought they are going home?

DD: Yeah, but they'll drop us off on the way.

Me: How are you getting home?

DD: Casey's mom said she'd bring us home.

Me: OK, but if she can't then call me & I'll come get you.

DD: OK

Me: Make sure you'll be @ John & Mary's because if you're not you know I'll find out whether it's because I come to check up on you or someone else tells me.

DD: We know mom, we will be at John & Mary's.

Me: OK, luv you! Be careful!!!

DD: Luv you too!

I wouldn't call the parent unless there was an issue I was concerned about & I would trust that my kids were telling me the truth about what was going on.

 

[Ohiodislover]

I agree with what most of you are saying. I don't always speak with parents, and rely on what the girls are telling me without problems

HOWEVER....THIS time I actually did speak with the other parent-face to face, and she told me that she would transport since DH and I had errands to do, that were about 45 minutes from home.

THAT is why I was ticked.

DD and I spoke about it. She was upset also, since the adult (the other parent) she had counted on let her down. She knew to contact me, and that is all that matters.

 

[gina2000]

I agree,
In my neighborhood, we are a true "village" The parents here will actually ask you to rat out their kids if you see them doing something stupid. We all parent each others kids, funny thing is, none of ours get into any real trouble and most are athletes and honor roll students, independent kids. Hum,, guess we aren't doing too bad are we? lol

Once kids hit 15 on their way to 16, situations become much more free wheeling. They meet kids outside of their neighborhoods, hang with kids from other high schools, go out with kids whose parents you don't know. It's a whole different ballgame. And as a parent, you begin to give them more freedom. And they screw up. And then you talk. And they get back that freedom. They'll get one thing right and then screw up something else. It's part of growing up.

 

[mhsjax]

I don't find it acceptable either, but I wouldn't confront the other parent about it.

Heck, even the best laid plans go awry. The rest of my conversation could go like this (via text now):

DD: Ali's parents are going home after but a bunch of kids are going to John & Mary's, can we go?

Me: How are you getting there?

DD: Ali's parents.

Me: I thought they are going home?

DD: Yeah, but they'll drop us off on the way.

Me: How are you getting home?

DD: Casey's mom said she'd bring us home.

Me: OK, but if she can't then call me & I'll come get you.

DD: OK

Me: Make sure you'll be @ John & Mary's because if you're not you know I'll find out whether it's because I come to check up on you or someone else tells me.

DD: We know mom, we will be at John & Mary's.

Me: OK, luv you! Be careful!!!

DD: Luv you too!

I wouldn't call the parent unless there was an issue I was concerned about & I would trust that my kids were telling me the truth about what was going on.

WE agree, perfect conversation. I don't want to call and set up every detail. Like when my DD goes to cheerleading, her friend is home alone and she calls us to see if we can pick her up on the way, her mom doesn't set it up and they are only 11. But we know each other, we live in the same neighborhood. To me this other parent (at least the way it was written) just doesn't really give a flip about how the kids get home. I know parents like that.

We had a friend where we used to live, they both took off and locked the doors, forgetting to pick up son from practice and when he got a ride home, he had to sit outside for 2 hours. He finally came to our house for a drink and the bathroom and to use our phone. My problem is that there are a lot of parents out there like this, and I don't want my kid stranded because of them and yes I might say something, maybe not chew her out, (well in my head) but I would probably say some smart #$% comment to her.

 

[mhsjax]

Once kids hit 15 on their way to 16, situations become much more free wheeling. They meet kids outside of their neighborhoods, hang with kids from other high schools, go out with kids whose parents you don't know. It's a whole different ballgame. And as a parent, you begin to give them more freedom. And they screw up. And then you talk. And they get back that freedom. They'll get one thing right and then screw up something else. It's part of growing up.

Sure they have to make mistakes, but I won't give a 15 year old the freedom to go somewhere without knowing how he or she will get home. Now if it is a party in my neighborhood sure in fact walk home. some mistakes can be too dangerous to make. What if they couldn't get a ride home, what if every parent was like this. I don't want my DD walking home at 10:00 pm or later on the road. I am sure most don't but some of the attitudes here are like oh well they will survive. All they need to do is make sure they have a way home before they leave the house. And according to the post form the OP, sounds like the other mother just decided she didn't want to deal with it.

 

[gina2000]

Sure they have to make mistakes, but I won't give a 15 year old the freedom to go somewhere without knowing how he or she will get home. Now if it is a party in my neighborhood sure in fact walk home. some mistakes can be too dangerous to make. What if they couldn't get a ride home, what if every parent was like this. I don't want my DD walking home at 10:00 pm or later on the road. I am sure most don't but some of the attitudes here are like oh well they will survive. All they need to do is make sure they have a way home before they leave the house. And according to the post form the OP, sounds like the other mother just decided she didn't want to deal with it.

LOL, you'll be told how he or she is getting home when he/she leaves the house. You'll get the phone call after the plan is in action...who misunderstood, who changed plans, who thought his/her parents could drive home but can't, who needs a ride and figured one parent could bring him/her home, who can carpool....

I don't really know what happened with the OP's situation....but there was a misunderstanding - either deliberate or otherwise. Usually the end result is a culmination of a set of behind the scene events....we just see the result and wonder how in the world things could go so awry. But I digress....

 

[mhsjax]

LOL, you'll be told how he or she is getting home when he/she leaves the house. You'll get the phone call after the plan is in action...who misunderstood, who changed plans, who thought his/her parents could drive home but can't, who needs a ride and figured one parent could bring him/her home, who can carpool....

I don't really know what happened with the OP's situation....but there was a misunderstanding - either deliberate or otherwise. Usually the end result is a culmination of a set of behind the scene events....we just see the result and wonder how in the world things could go so awry. But I digress....

Yes, but at least they had a plan. And yes they can always call me. All I was trying to get across is that it was irresponsible for the parent to just drop them off and tell them to find a way home.

I could never do that, and I could never think it was ok for a parent to do that. Plans do change and if for some reason she couldn't pick them up then she should have said, Can you find another way home, can you call your parents? If not call me and I will come and get you. don't leave them to find a way home, when she was the way home.

 

[Tink888]

I'm a 16 year old and my friends and I have been coordinating our own transportation for, oh, maybe 3 years now? "Hey mom, can you take us to the mall? Megan's mom will pick us up there when we're done."

The teens are the ones to be annoyed with when there's a miscommunication like this, not the parents. They (we) should be able to handle it.

My boys do the same among their friends too.

Get used to it. Kids at this age make plans and forget to clue parents in on the logistics. Actually, they don't even plan the logistics of getting home half the time. Their pea brains are only concerned with getting to a party...not getting home.

I can't tell you how many times we've gotten a phone call after the fact asking if we could provide a ride home. There has been more than one occasion when I've been tempted to tell them to figure it out for themselves....but I restrain myself. Maybe the other mom felt the same way.

It's tough to be the beck n call taxi service.

And this sometimes happens too, which is why if I want to be absolutely sure, I'll confirm with the other parent, even with teenagers.

 

[disneymarie]

I'd be annoyed, but it isn't worth a confrontation of any kind over. Just mark this mom as "unreliable" in your book.

I agree, confrontation would make the girls uncomforatable, BUT I would talk to dd about how non traditional mother' s that are unrealiable are when kids that are not as resourceful or bright as your dd are put in harms way.

Kuddo's to her from you, make a big deal out of how you appreciate it, and the importance her and friends safety is that a plan is in place prior, with a consideration of plan B.
SHe is terrific