Am I overreacting?

[cm8]

I agree too. I have learned over the years though to make arrangements with the parent and not to rely on what the kids say. Most of the time that will insure that everything will be done as planned.

 

[golfgal]

due to the fact that the other girl *forgot* about the party and they went ahead and picked up your dd an hour late, I am gonig to assume the other Mom was not completely informed of this party and was not expecting to drive both ways. BTDT... I now make sure my girls ask who is driving and who is picking up before they leave the house.

Same here-at 15 they should be making all of their plans and asking the appropriate people if they can drive, etc. If our kids have plans the first thing I ask is "who's driving". If they don't have an answer they don't go until they do.

 

[scrapbookworm]

Dropping off 15 yo girls at a party and telling them to find their own way home is seriously asking for trouble. I'm shocked that a mother (the other mom) could care so little about the safety of her child and her friend. Kudos to your dd for calling you.

I would rip that mom a new one. Well, in my head at the very least- I have trouble with confrontation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

When my dd called to tell me AN HOUR LATER that her friend "forgot" about the party, I would have told her she could not go.

Yea I am mean.

 

[MerMom60_94]

Since I am mom to a 15 year old and, even moreso, because I once was a 15 year old, I am guessing this Mom didn't even know she was driving until the last minute. Not so much based on my DD, but based on me as a teen, here is what I envision. The two teens want to go to the party but are afraid the parents will shoot them down. They talk that mom into driving them to and tell her they are set for a ride home and promise she won't have to go back out. They then call you and say they are already there and stuck for a ride knowing you can't just leave them there. Something along those lines. Actually, as a mom to this age I would have insisted on doing the dropping off myself so I could make sure there were parents on the premises.

I am not saying this is exactly what happened, but I am saying it is possible something got lost in the translation and the other mother may not have had any idea she was supposed to be driving at all, much less both ways.

 

[MELSMICE]

My DH's favorite thing to say while our DD's were in high school (& even now sometimes) is "the plan is.......there is no plan!"

That's pretty much the way teens are. They make plans that change and/or there really isn't a plan & are pretty much winging it along the way trying to figure out the best avenue to do what they want!

 

[mickeysgal]

My DH's favorite thing to say while our DD's were in high school (& even now sometimes) is "the plan is.......there is no plan!"
That's pretty much the way teens are. They make plans that change and/or there really isn't a plan & are pretty much winging it along the way trying to figure out the best avenue to do what they want!

Very, very true.

And communication isn't always their strong suit. I wouldn't hang the other mom out to dry. I think it's a lack of communication thing.

And the most important question out of this thread...
what in the world does the +1, +2 mean?

 

[Hannathy]

My DH's favorite thing to say while our DD's were in high school (& even now sometimes) is "the plan is.......there is no plan!"

That's pretty much the way teens are. They make plans that change and/or there really isn't a plan & are pretty much winging it along the way trying to figure out the best avenue to do what they want!

True so true! And as I was saying the older they get -start driving, the less plans get made or cemented ahead of time. That is just how they do things and you can either get used to it or get bent out of shape for the whole time the live at home.

Just get to know the group of kids they are hanging with and if you trust them, trust them to make good choices.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm confused - dd14 and her friends are usually trying to find rides to and from places 5 minutes before they need them. Some parents drop off, others pick up. Who forgot about the party? Did the other girl forget about the party? As a parent of a teen, my child makes her plans, and I just drive when I'm told. I make sure to have my cell around, and when it rings (between 10 and 10:30), know to be on call to drive home.

 

[mjkacmom]

Reading some of these responses, I'm really confused. It is very rare for a parent to drop off, and then pick up. Heck, us parents are thrilled when our teens actually get their acts together, and ask parents to pick up and drop off a bunch of kids. It's so annoying when we all show up with one kid, and see other moms drop off one kid, when we all live within a few blocks of each other. Last night dd14 went to a football game with her gf's. One mom dropped her off, I asked how she was getting home (I was out), she said she'd get a ride. She texted me that she was going to Starbucks, and I assume she got a ride home from there (I was out late, she's still sleeping, I told her we were not available for pick up).

These are teenagers, not 3 year olds. Why should the mom who dropped off be responsible for picking up? It's up to the girls to set up their transportation, not the moms. The mom who dropped off assumed her leg was taken care of.

 

[MELSMICE]

And the most important question out of this thread...what in the world does the +1, +2 mean?

I took as "I agree" (with the post quoted)

Just get to know the group of kids they are hanging with and if you trust them, trust them to make good choices.

Agree.

I did always want to know before hand though who was taking & who was bringing home. I didn't care if it was us, but I wanted some sort of concrete plan before they left the house.

 

[shortbun]

I'd be annoyed, but it isn't worth a confrontation of any kind over. Just mark this mom as "unreliable" in your book.

Yeah this. Next time this mother 'volunteers' to drive, call and verify all the details. If she asks why, just tell her someone dropped your daughter off at a party a while ago and informed her she did not have a ride home.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yeah this. Next time this mother 'volunteers' to drive, call and verify all the details. If she asks why, just tell her someone dropped your daughter off at a party a while ago and informed her she did not have a ride home.

At this age, it is not up to the driving mother to arrange a ride home, it's up to the kids. I'd be annoyed with my dd, not with the mom who was nice enough to drive them there (and have been annoyed with my dd in the past).

 

[Hannathy]

Yeah this. Next time this mother 'volunteers' to drive, call and verify all the details. If she asks why, just tell her someone dropped your daughter off at a party a while ago and informed her she did not have a ride home.

uh these kids are 15! they will be driving in a few months. Mommy's don't arrange play dates.I'm sure her DD would be mortified if her Mom called another kids Mom, that would create quite the reputation for her DD. Now she could tell her DD she wants the plans firmed up for sure before she leaves but you don't go calling other Moms at this age.

 

[Gigi22]

Sounds like a case for carrying what we used to call "mad money"--enough cab fare to get home safely.

 

[disykat]

I agree, but, I've learned with my teen that just because a parent drops off, I can't assume that they are picking up too. When DS asked to go somehwere with another parent driving, I always confirmed ahead of time exactly how he was getting home. Most of the time it workout that one parent dropped off and the other picked up. I think that's more than fair.

This is what I thought. If the kid "forgot" about the party, maybe she never told her mom and her mom never agreed to drive both ways? OP who told you the mom was driving both ways? You're also assuming the mom knew you weren't home. Even if you weren't home when she picked up dd, how would she know you wouldn't be home in time to do the pickup?

Usually with my teens one kid's parent would drive and the other would pick up. I think that's fair.

I would just tell dd you like things to be arranged in advance definitely, and she needs to be certain of the plans.

I vote for this one. You will find as they get older you don't know what the other parents are doing (other than where the party is) and the teens don't always communicate well. There is also a lot of assuming between kids.

ALSO as the kids start driving and it is a mix between those still needing rides and those driving often kids will get a ride there and FIND a ride home. WE did it a lot in my DD's group. Why should I go out at midnight if it turns out J is there and he lives 2 streets away and can bring her home?
They don't pre-arrange everything like you do when they are 13.
Usually the standard is call if there is no one there to bring you home.

I certainly wouldn't call the other Mom not with a 15 yr old!!!!

My DH's favorite thing to say while our DD's were in high school (& even now sometimes) is "the plan is.......there is no plan!"

That's pretty much the way teens are. They make plans that change and/or there really isn't a plan & are pretty much winging it along the way trying to figure out the best avenue to do what they want!

I'm confused - dd14 and her friends are usually trying to find rides to and from places 5 minutes before they need them. Some parents drop off, others pick up. Who forgot about the party? Did the other girl forget about the party? As a parent of a teen, my child makes her plans, and I just drive when I'm told. I make sure to have my cell around, and when it rings (between 10 and 10:30), know to be on call to drive home.

I agree with these. I don't see any reason to be mad UNLESS your dd was spending the night at the house of the girl whose mom dropped them off. In that case, I'd expect those parents to be in charge of the transportation and I'd be dropping her off the 'parents I trust' list.

I have two teens and there have been many times friends and I have found our teens arranging and rearranging plans to the point of great confusion. Ultimately, the confusion is generally the teen's fault and when it's not, they're old enough to figure out a solution. You were dd's solution, and that's a good thing! I wouldn't assume the other mom was the problem without further proof though.

In general, always being wary of a teen's plans and available for rescue is key.

 

[dimimi]

Add me to this group..........+5

I agree. Also, get used to it! Our son is 16...it will happen all the time. Just wait until your child gets rides from other kids or begins driving themselves...it only gets more stressful!

Our family always plans things out, who is driving, what time, where are you going, who will be there, etc. A lot of parents think I'm crazy.

 

[Tink888]

I would let it roll. Annoying yes, but not worth a confrontation.

Communication among teens is horrible. The other mom may have just found out about the party 5 minutes before she was asked to drive there.

Best way to confirm plans, rides, etc is to talk to the other parent directly beforehand.

 

[Ohiodislover]

OP back. Thanks for talking me down. And yes I am sure this is only the beginning. As I said before, I'm just glad my DD had the sense to text me as soon as she knew she would need a ride, which gave me time to change plans, and stay closer to home.

To answer a few points brought up. The mom did know bout the party. My DD was invited to it earlier this week, with me, my DH, and the other mother all sitting there. Her mom said she would transport, since DH and I had errands to do. We usually do share the driving duties, but this time that was not the case. When DH dropped the other girl off, her mother was surprised to see him, since she still thought we were going to be out. She truly had no idea how her DD was getting home. Her daughter doesn't have a cell phone, so I guess the girls are lucky that my DD had hers.

 

[Cinderella94]

Best way to confirm plans, rides, etc is to talk to the other parent directly beforehand.

I'm a 16 year old and my friends and I have been coordinating our own transportation for, oh, maybe 3 years now? "Hey mom, can you take us to the mall? Megan's mom will pick us up there when we're done."

The teens are the ones to be annoyed with when there's a miscommunication like this, not the parents. They (we) should be able to handle it.