Am I overreacting?

[horseshowmom]

OP - how is your DS this morning? Everything OK?

 

[5DisneyNuts]

I hope everything worked out for your son. I do have a couple of questions though to see how the camp could get away with what they did.

I am a bit confused about the circumstances. Did you mention in one of the posts that you received an email on the location change, but it was too late when you read it? Even so, legally the camp should have had new consents signed or would not be able to switch location. Could it be the release you signed did mention that the location was weather dependent; for example, we are planning on spot A but if it rains, spot B?

Also, you did not sign the permission form to administer medication (or get a Dr. sig). Without that the counselors will not administer medication of any kind - even over the counter.

Aside from that, it sounds like your son was not ready for an experience like this. Depending on strangers to teach him how to rock climb and kayak is not something I would have considered given what you have written. I have an 11yr old who is sensitive to new situations. This would NOT be the camp for him. I also have a 16 and 17 yr old that would have loved it. It all depends on individual personalities.

 

[C.Ann]

When I was young, I was terrified to spend the night away from home. I would stay at grandparents' houses, but if I was there too many nights I'd get homesick (one set lived 1/8 mile down the road even!). I had the same best friend all through elementary school, visited her house very often, knew her whole family, NEVER spent the night there. I'd chicken out at bed time.

I eventually outgrew this... around high school. But I still never stayed at many friend's, they'd come to my house instead.

And to this day, I can recall the fear of staying somewhere. It was real.
So I don't think making a child spend the night somewhere is the answer. In the OP's situation, she may have been left with no choice considering the other factors (weather/distance/unknown location). But for those saying he needs to at his age, I cringe. He's a kid. He may not know why he's scared, and it is truly tramatic to go through. Eventually he will outgrow this. The OP didn't say he had any problems socially, JUST w/ the overnight thing. He's just not ready. And that's okay.
to OP and son

You and I sound quite a bit alike.. I tried several times to sleep away from home when I was a kid (mostly at relatives homes) and I just couldn't do it.. Actually got physically ill (vomiting) because I was so scared and upset.. I'm not sure why, but the point being the bolded part of your post - this is much more than just a kid not wanting to be away from mommy.. Unless you are that kid, you can't possibly judge why it's a factor and more importantly, when the child should feel comfortable doing overnights.. For me, it wasn't until I was 13 years old.. From that point on it was no big deal - and now, going on 60 - I've yet to call anyone crying for them to "bring me home"..

No one knows this child better than the OP and if the OP feels as though certain situations are causing her child to be stressed out or fearful, I don't see how anyone here can decide that it's in his best interest - and hers - to "toughen him up".. Believe me, he'll toughen up on his own - when he is ready - and not before..

To the OP: I hope everything worked out okay and you gave the camp and the school a stern lecture on all of the various things that were so blatantly wrong with this overnight trip..

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

No need for the "mommy" and "whines" snarkiness. Obviously the poster is worried about her son. You don't know him, his abilities, or his personality.

No I know nothing about this kid, but if there were underlying issues then the kid shouldn't be there, he wouldn't even stay at his own grandmothers for a night. Why would he stay at this camp? If my kid had a personality like that (which he does not) he surely wouldn't have went to an overnight camp. Get him used to staying at familar places then ship him off somewhere.

Then there would have been no need to be worried.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm a little confused ... does your DS know any of the adults that are with him tonight or are they all strangers to him? ... if they are all strangers, I would want to come home too ...

I would be upset also if the camp changed locations without notifying me first ... I also would be very uncomfortable if I didn't personally know all the adults who were chaperoning the camp tonight ... and I would already be on the road on my way to pick him up right now ... but that's just me ...

None of them are adults I have met. He has met each of them several times but has not been with them on a consistent basis.

 

[DVCLiz]

So, how did it go last night?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

you let a very young high school student tell you NO to sending benadryl???
this is what worries me most about this situation.

(about the counselor...... NOT the OP)

I work in a public school. In my school it would be illegal for me to dispense medication without a letter from the child's doctor. I would be instantly fired. The camp is on the other side of a state line from me, so I asked her in case the law was different, but when they told me the law was the same in that state I didn't push the issue.

 

[DVCLiz]

None of them are adults I have met. He has met each of them several times but has not been with them on a consistent basis.

I work in a public school. In my school it would be illegal for me to dispense medication without a letter from the child's doctor. I would be instantly fired. The camp is on the other side of a state line from me, so I asked her in case the law was different, but when they told me the law was the same in that state I didn't push the issue.

Hey, you ARE the OP, aren't you? Why aren't you giving us an update? Not trying to be mean, but it seems odd you gave so much personal information last night and now you are responding to specific questions or making small notes about the situation - but not letting anyone know how your son is today, whether he made it all night OK, etc. I'm sure everyone is curious - I know I am!!!!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My mom picked him up at 4 when they got back to the school and he's with her. I'm just about to leave work to go get him, but wanted to update this quickly first.

I did call back last night and basically demanded that a counselor check on him. At first she was incredulous and refused, but I was pretty insistent and eventually she did so. She told me he was asleep. When I called him this afternoon he told me he slept a few hours and then was up the rest of the night, sitting in the tent alone. I felt really horrible.

As far as my son and his anxiety. The difficulties with separation are an isolated thing with him. In general he's a pretty adventurous kid, loves to go to friends houses, enjoys a wide range of activities like riding the scary roller coasters, and kayaking, and almost never cries. If he was a "whiny kid" or a "cry baby" then I'd probably feel differently about rescueing him, but he's usually so easy going that I know he feels strongly about this. He has spent nights away from me, but not in a large variety of locations. When he was young he had medical issues that made it impossible, as he needed special care that noone else could provide, but since about 7 he's been delighted to go to friends houses and sleep there, but only those he knows really well. He's also slept at my mom's house, but only because I made him when I had to go on a business trip, for some reason he doesn't like it there. He's also flown on a plane "unaccompanied minor" to another state to go on a ski trip with my brother. The birthday party he came home from was at a house he'd never been at before, his best friend wasn't invited, and they watched some R rated movie (I think Terminator) which slightly freaked him out. When he called me from there he was in tears and I came quickly, because he never cries, I knew the tears were genuine. The incident with Grandma was different. He had been the one to ask. She was babysitting that afternoon/evening so I could attend a work function and he told me "maybe I'd like to sleep there" so we set it up. At dinner time I called just to say goodnight and he told me that he'd changed his mind so I stopped by on my way home from work -- there were no tears, and if I'd told him he needed to stay he would have stayed without complaint.

I just sent off a long email to the directors of both the camp and the school, explaining what happened and asking them to make sure they email parents (at a bare minimum) when they change locations. I also sent an email to the individual counselor I spoke to about some specific concerns that I had. We'll see what response I get.

Thanks for confirming that I wasn't crazy!

 

[Maridw]

After reading all the posts on this and the final outcome, I am glad that he is fine, but sad that he had to be awake alone in the tent.

Also I am glad that you are following up on the change of location without notification. The Organization should have notified all parents about the change of location, it should not have been left up to the high school. You signed a release to go to a specific location. I am sure that there are all sorts of legal issues with that, that could be brought up. I work at a dance school and we go to convention every year and we always have the location on the release. If we are going somewhere else, we make sure all the parents know of the location change.

I would find out who was in charge of all the counselors especially the one that talked to you on the phone and file a complaint against her. She does not sound like a people person and is not someone that I would want to leave my child with. I agree that she probably would not have called you back even if he was hysterical.

He sounds like a normal kid to me. Mine did alot of the same things that yours has done from an early age. Was traveling across country to see my mom at the age of 10 by herself. No problems. Did a girl scout day camp with a sleep over on the last night, thankfully only 30 minutes away. She did good until it was time to go to bed, and she decided she did not want to stay. So I went and picked her up. She did lots of sleep overs even with some friends that she hardly knew with no problem.

Shoot, I got homesick at 16 when I went to Cheerleading camp, and then we didn't have cell phones, no way to call home. I had to suck it up.

You did the right thing and I would be furious , like you, if my child had been taken to a location that I had not given them permission for.

to you.