Am I mean?

[jcpuppy.com]

DH and I were very equal partners in our choice to adopt and who we chose to adopt.

I do appreciate your thoughts, but there are no serious undertones here. Just 2 people with a different opinion working on coming to a common ground

I agree that he will have the "breadwinner" and providing for everyone mentality. It is why I respect his opinion even when I disagree. Some folks here have felt it was controlling on his part, but it really isn't so much controlling as him making sure money needs are met. He is a saver and I am a spender..been like that for 12 years. It is why we have learned to negotiate things so both people can feel happy or at least not unhapy.

I think the one person was the most right(after talking to him last night) the biggest problem of communication was his perception of how many trips a year and my perception. Mine is however many trips my points will allow, where as his was a one week trip a year.
Thanks again for your thoughts

 

[vwlvette]

My first reaction was, I think you are raising 4 children!! lol, But after reading ALL of the thread I do understand both points of view.

I have a step son with a brain tumor, I would never stand in the way of DW & DS spending quality time together, just like DW would never stand in the way of My quality time with either boy (12 & 10) or our daughter (8 months).

If hubby main issue is money, Maybe it is time to talk with a financial planner, or even among yourselves so that both of you fully understand what your hubby is trying to accomplish financially.

With all of that said, If it doesn't present a financial burdon on the family, you should go on this trip with DS.

Seems like early on in this thread your hubby was kinda missrepresented, at least that is my take on all of this.

Best wishes to you and yours!

 

[maraki527]

Luigi...I agree with you..I would do the family vacation...By the way how old are your other two children? dont you think they would feel bad? why not try to comprimise..maybe stay at the akv and then go to boma and somewhere where he would want to go and eat too. or even split the vacation between two resorts.

 

[fishermouse]

OK since you asked! IMO you should skip the trip until you and DH work out the issues that cause you to ask perfect strangers to make this decision. From what I see in the OP there are deeper issues and taking off for a week can only maker them deeper.

 

[lisaviolet]

Hi,

I just want to be clear that in no way I was inferring that you think he's a jerk for not being okay with the trip. I simply used words in reference to him reading this thread and the poll in general. The way it might come across to him I meant. Because if he reads this thread, with some (certainly not all) of our responses, I just thought that it might bring on more issues. As I've already stated, in my opinion only, that would be difficult for anyone to read.

Lisa

 

[bobbiwoz]

I'm sure you and your DH can figure out what's the best for you.

Bobbi

 

[Amy5000]

I went back and forth on this one, b/c I am sympathetic to the idea of family vacations especially for Disney. But from what you described I think it would be really great to do something with your older DS.

I have to ask...would your husband complain as loudly if you came up with some other alternative (we'll go to "surf camp" in San Diego or water skiing in Miami)? Is it really b/c it's Disney or b/c he'll be jealous of you getting the fun with older DS?

Anyway, when I read your first post, I was concerned what your DS' siblings would think. I'm assuming they will be ok and will understand that they will get special time with mommy in the future too.

Frankly, your DH sounds like a third SN child. Inflexible and needs time with mommy. (My DH is pretty good about not guilting me, but he also would have a hard time left alone with my family, even tho' he likes them. He just feels better when I'm around).

Please go and enjoy bonding time with your DS. Maybe your DH would be more amendable if you suggested that he could have a bonding trip with DS somewhere too.

Good luck. Amy

 

[WDWorld2003]

I say go on the trip with your son and enjoy your time with him. I've gone twice with my teen daughter and her friend and loved it. My husband had to work and other daughter was in college. They have both moaned about our trips but my husband took a trip skiing and college daughter went to France so they had their fun.

I really missed them when I was at some of our favorite WDW spots but was also glad to spend time with my other DD.

Maybe your husband could go on a trip he's wanted to go on without you while you stay with the kids or he could take your son somewhere special. I like taking some time separately with a child and wish I had done it sooner.

 

[mwehttam]

Take the trip with your son. With two special needs children and the attention and time the need, I wouldn't be surprised if you son occasionally feels "neglected." I put that in quotes since I know that is not true, but what he might feel. A trip with just the two of you will be a memory he will have for the rest of his life. You DH should understand and want that. My 2 cents.

-Matt

 

[sharond150]

There's a lot to be said for what your oldest son may be feeling in that a lot of the adults' time and attention goes toward his younger siblings. I work in the field of special education and I think the oldest DS getting your undivided attention for a period of time will do BOTH of you a world of good! Go for it!!!!!

 

[sharond150]

There's a lot to be said for what your oldest son may be feeling in that a lot of the adults' time and attention goes toward his younger siblings. I work in the field of special education and I think the oldest DS getting your undivided attention for a period of time will do BOTH of you a world of good! Go for it!!!!!

 

[mikesmom]

I say go with DS and have a special time just for the 2 of you. I feel family time is VERY, very important. But that being said, individual time is important, too. Everyone has to have individual time and development. I suspect DH wouldn't want to go along if you decided to take a quilting class, nor are you all going to go with DS to college. I would feel differently if this was an "either or" where you never got to get a family trip in. Each of your children needs some special attention from you in order to feel that they are important as a person, not a piece of a larger group.

 

[castleri]

You mentioned that money being saved for more practical items is one of his concerns. Is there any way you can do some creative saving ( using coupons and putting the money you save aside, selling something on ebay, or a yard sale) that would help pay for this trip. The trip would be more important to me than any "practical" thing you could buy but only you and your DH can decide if that is your case. I have taken two cruises and a couple of Christmas trips to WDW because I want to be able to say "Didn't we have a good time and I'm so glad we did those things" not "I wish I had----" years from now. Even if you end up doing a family trip only I would definitely make plans for time with your older son doing the things you didn't do the last time and not let anything or or anyone change them. By the way - I don't buy the he doesn't want to sleep in the bed at home without you thing- it's okay for you to do that but not him? He wants someone home to "take care of him and the kids" and he wants the same on vacation - couldn't spend a couple of hours with the other two children and his and your parents while you had some time with your son. Sorry if this sounds harsh and if I am wrong I apologize but having been married to a person with many of the same statements I may see things a little differently than you do. I believed them at the time but as they say hindsight is always 20-20. He went his way and I went mine ( I am not suggesting this to you) and I am now married to a man who is truly interested in what is best for each member of the family not just him. I still say find a way to take that trip this time and then work on an agreement for future years.

 

[rugrats2001]

Take your son! It will be something he will keep in his heart for the rest of his life! A family is not just a single unit - it is the love and interrelationship between each of the members with each of the others, and these relationships are independent of the relationships between any two of the others. When my son was in Cub Scouts, he & I would go for weekend camping trips with the troop, while the rest of the family stayed home. These are some of our fondest memories!

 

[SLM]

What if you and your son traveled a day or so early and the rest of the family joined you after you had some time alone? We used to sign our daughter up for one of the day-long programs-it was nice for her and gave us some time together as a couple. I'm sure you'll do what works best for your family!

 

[DisDaydreamer]

I'd hate to leave my husband behind. That said, he's going in Jan for the marathon, but our son just started high school this week. So Will and I will stay home so his school work doesn't get messed up. Bill's going with his running buddy and they will stay at OKW in a studio for four nights. There is supposed to be a special medal for the 15th marathon, so that's why it's important for him to go.

We'll all go in June.

Let's go for the 15th marathon... Damn.. I'm rooting for Bill... I am right there with you... cancer watch.... We need everyone's prayer. Truly, I don't know what else to do.......... Please God... let MB be ok... (my wife).