Am I just cruel???

[mickeyfan2]

Invite all your kids and let them decide what they want to do.

 

[livie1205]

go and have fun...i remember being a teen and if she dont want to go dont make her...also i have a blended family his, mine and ours ds10 dss10 and dd 1 ...we go on a least one family trip a year but wdw is not the only family trip in our family...sometimes we go without kids at all. we can not plan EVERYTHING around the other kids visits..they are both on dif. schedules and we are not going to not take our daughter on a trip with us just because her brothers are with their other parents, they go on trips and other things with them,my daughter only goes with us..if you dont have a blended family this is hard to understand...also because of my dh work schedule we dont have just any days to chose from.If we do go somewhere and one or both of the boys is not with us then we always bring them a gift and never lie to them about going somewhere.they understand because they do so many things when they are not here without their sister.also we have always taken each kid ALONE at least one time to wdw so they can have all the attention at least one time.things can not be always 100% even when you have a family like this.

 

[NU2WDW]

I have a family of 5. DD13, DD11, DS6 and DW(I AM NOT SUICIDAL to give out the age). Been thinking about taking my wife and just my son to Disney during Xmas for a while now, but hesitant. Reason is that I feel guilty not taking the 2 girls. I Know for a fact that I wouldnt be able to pull my DD11 (from previous marriage - ex won't allow it during school and her holidays) and my 13 is at an age where hanging with parent is no longer fun or coooooollll! Last trip she really did not look like she had fun, although her mother said otherwise! But I feel guilty not taking her. Must be a girl thing. My son, well... just can't miss the expression on the face!

Sooooo, Am I cruel to want to take just my boy? While he is still glued to my hip....

I have a StepDD13 and we are in Disney World right now. The reason we are here right now (in the stinkin' heat of June battling the heavier crowds) is because she did not want to miss two weeks of school at the end of April, when we originally wanted to go. So DH and I and our three girls (5, 4, almost 3) rearranged the plans. Why? Because she is DH's child too and this is a family trip. Simple as that.

That said, StepDD13 has shown very little excitement through the whole trip and done her typical teen aloof act. (However, she has called her mother most every night to fill her in on all the "cool stuff" she's done.) Bottom line, don't assume your 13 yr old doesn't want to go just because she doesn't play Daddy's Little Girl. Honestly, it sounds like your looking for a reason to leave her out -- I know it's no fun to deal with a surly 13 yr old girl but trust me, if you exclude her , she will be crushed. Esp. going at Christmas?!?!? As for your 11 yr old, if your ex won't change holidays for this "special occasion", I would rearrange the trip to a time she can go. Otherwise, you're just taking the easy way out by putting your ex in the deliberate position of being the meanie, since you know in advance she won't allow your daughter to go. Take the high ground and work around your dd's school schedule instead.

I guess for me it's a matter of fending off resentments/rivalry later. Blended families are hard enough; your daughters are at very touchy ages. Why turn this into a situation of "I'm included, you're not" when it really doesn't need to be?
JMHO

 

[Memaw2Wm]

Would you not take a child who lives with you all the time on vacation? I don't think so. Your children are your children all the time, not just on your days.

Okay, BTDT with my kids and my grandkids. For awhile DD lived with me, DS with his dad, stepmom and their kids. I took DD places that I didn't take DS ... didn't do it to hurt DS, but he was only at my house 2 weekends a month and one week in the summer. When he was with me I did special things with him.

DD and her three kids live with me, DS's son is a frequent visitor. Sometimes I take the big kids (13, 12 and 10) places together, sometimes I take just the boys (12 & 13), sometimes I take my grandaughter (10) and not the boys. Frequently it's just the 12 and 10 y.o. b/c they live with me and the 13 y.o. is at his mom's house (5 hours away). The baby is 22 months and gets left at home a lot, lol.

Life isn't fair ... sometimes things don't work out. And in blended families it's nearly impossible to make things equal b/c you've got two (or more) sets of families doing different things and going different places. Although I have done things with my ex's "new" family ... weddings, b'day parties for the grandkids, etc.

I feel badly that I'm taking DD and her kids to Disney again this summer and not Christian (13 y.o.), but he'll be back in school and can't afford to miss any days ... that's just life.

 

[AbbyPan]

With anyone who said that you should speak to the girls first- that's good advice.

Let them know you are planning the trip and you really want to include them. If they are absolutely against going and abhore the thought of stepping foot on Dis property (how can anyone feel that way?! haha...jk) then you can at least have the mental peace of knowing that you tried to include your girls and that you gave them the opportunity to make an important decision on their own.

Ya never though, they just might say: yes dad, we want to go.

Sometimes kids complain but they secretly love their parents
Keep us posted!

 

[cheapi86]

Life isn't fair ... sometimes things don't work out. And in blended families it's nearly impossible to make things equal b/c you've got two (or more) sets of families doing different things and going different places. Although I have done things with my ex's "new" family ... weddings, b'day parties for the grandkids, etc.
.

I understand that schedules can't always be worked around etc. And I didn't have a problem with things being unequal. I had a problem with:

Sooooo, Am I cruel to want to take just my boy? While he is still glued to my hip....

IMO, from reading the original post, I felt that the main reason kjasmin didn't want the girls to go is because he doesn't want to bother with the ex and because the 13 year old is acting...like a 13 year old.

Being divorce is hard. Sometimes you have to deal with uncomfortable situations, moody teenagers on your vacations, and working out a deal with the ex over visitation. But IMO you and your partner made the decision to put your child (and each other) in that situation. Be the adult and at the least ask them if they want to go.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Well.....I have a step dd that lives with her biological mother and her husband. My DH and I get her on weekends and in the summer. We have arranged our Disney trip around the school schedule as to include her, knowing her mother would never allow us to take her out of school. It is rough having children that don't live with you full time as well as children that live with you. Trust me, I know! And it is IMOSSIBLE to treat them all equally! And there are times when our daughters get to do things that our StepDD doesn't get to do depending on the weekend or times. But a family vacation? That is just to big of a deal not to include the WHOLE family in! Yes, it would be more convenient to go in October, save the money from what we'd pay on an adult admission for our StepDD and stay in a nicer hotel...but I couldn't put her through that! Imagine what it would feel like to those poor girls! Their parents would rather take just their brother to somewhere as special as WDW! It is not their fault that they are the product of divorced parents...there is no reason for them to feel punished because of it! If you want a vacation without them, then leave your DS at home with a sitter and have an adults only vacation! If you take one child, you need to take (or offer) to take them all! Hey, it might be more expensive, but think of the money you're saving compared to the years of therapy to get over the feeling of being un-loved.

 

[mdsouth]

I am wondering, has the OP ditched this thread? I am surprised that he has not replied to any of our opinions. I wonder if this is because the majority of the opinions are not what he wanted to hear?

 

[dementia412]

There is no way I would take just one kid (unless I had the ability to take another equal trip with the others alone). Just think back to when you were that age and imagine how you would feel if your dad took just your little brother to DW. I would never forgive my parents for doing something like that, and I'd probably have hated and mistreated the little brother because he was "the favorite". Just wait untill you can take them all, and the oldest girl will have plenty to do, just make sure she has some free time to be away from her family.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Yes, that is cruel. Maybe you need to step back and look at the issue from their perspectives instead of just your own.

From a kid's perspective...you just don't want to deal with the bother of including them, or you don't want them. It is either one or the other.

 

[trulygoofy]

I see nothing wrong with just going with your son, but I think it should be a boys only trip. Just you and your son go and your wife would have alone time the DD. Nothing is wrong with having one on one time with each kid, but I would make sure that the girls had their own special time too.