Am I just being an overprotective grandma?

[Tiggerlovinggrandma]

DD, DSIL and I were talking today about DGS when DDe tells me she and DSIL believe in just telling their child NO when it comes to him getting into things or doing things he shouldn't. They use no precautions or child proofing methods whatsoever.

For example
DD and her husband have a screen door and a regular one on the front and back of their house. They leave the larger door open when they are home during the day and just have the screen one covering. The screen door has no lock and all you have to do is touch it and its open. They live on an extremely busy street. She says its enough for them to tell their 17 mo old son NO when he nears the door. She says they never leave him alone when the door is open. All I have to say to this is

They also do not lock up nor put away such items as candles that are lit, medications or cleaners. She says they are teaching son not to touch, etc. And my responce to this is I know she is a young first time mother
(22) but I feel both she and SIL (27) are being foolish and naive as well.

I believe that teaching a child what he can and can't do is all well and good but I feel a 17 mo old is way too young to completely understand the concept of NO and the dangers that may be at hand. I believe some things need further precaution. Putting up medications, locking up cleansers and locking the front and back doors, installing gates on stairways. etc. I believe with parenthood comes responcilbility. I believe they are placing the sole responcibilty for their son's safety on him and not on her and her husband. They do not have to put up, lock up everything or chain hime to a chair but there needs to be some extra steps taken for his well being. She calls me old fashioned and overprotective. When I asked DSIL what he would think if DS was to get hurt, burned, etc and his answer was "He'll only do it once" WHAT!!!!
Now I know I have already said they were both being foolish and naive but did I also say HE was being stupid too, if not let me add it here. Don't get me wrong I love my DSIL but there are times when I would just like to... WELL that's a story for another day.

Have I completely loss it? Am I too protective? I know my DGS isTHEIR child and THEY need to make THEIR rules for him but I can't help feeling they are way off base here. What do you think? Have any other granparents on thgre board had the same issues with their children? I know every generation is different. I have told my DD that even though DH and I do not agreed with her and DSIL's thoughts on the subject we will respect them as parents but understand that at our house we will follow our rules and have a gate across the stairs, our front and back doors locked, medications up and cleansers locked away along with knives, matches, lighters, etc. We will happily teach DGS what the word NO means but take some precautions as well.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

I don't think you are being overprotective. It onlys take a few seconds with their back turned for a child to get into something they shouldn't. Even with child proofing you have to teach them to stay away from things. Most children can eventually learn to get around the locks and protectors. The child proofing will just slow them down and give the parent time to move them away.

That said, I've noticed you've posted on here a few times questioning your DD and DSIL's parenting practices. To be perfectly honest, it does seem as though they need some guidance. However, offering too much advice can backfire and cause them to get defensive. Tread lightly.

 

[drivencrazy]

I am not a grand parent... but I can see where you are coming from, I can also understand where they are coming from...

Our first child (now 13) was such a easy baby and toddler (still is!) all we would have to do was tell her "No" and she wouldn't do what ever it was again! At 17 months, yes, I would be able to have meds out and tell her not to touch and she would leave them alone!

Now for our 2nd child (now 10) we couldn't leave anything out with out her getting into it! Before she was 2 we had to call posion control a number of times! Before she could even walk, she went into our kitchen (I was in and out of the kitchen doing the laundry...) she climbed up onto the counter and opened a childproof bottle of cough med. and spilled it everywhere! -she was only 8 or 9 months at the time!

Each child is so different, yes it sounds like they are blessed with one that does listen for now!

The door would be what worries me the most, maybe you could give them a little latch or lock of some kind, just for the front door and tell them that you would like them to use that, just incase he see's something out there and runs!

I know it's hard watching a little one you love with out the rules you would wish for them, but what can you do?

At the sametime, they should be willing to take what you say and not just blow it all off. It's better to be safe then have to be sorry.

Good luck!

 

[VeroBeachGirl]

I don't think you are being overprotective, I think you are being wise.

 

[eh24fan]

It all depends on the kid. When I was little, my mom never went overboard on the childproofing, I was told NO and that was it. My brother...well he was very different kid. He was into EVERYTHING and even with childproofing he was still into it all.

With my kids, DS8 was pretty easy, was never into everything and listened. DS19months..into it all! We don't have gates on the stairway because they won't fit right. However, we do have on on the kitchn door b/c he loves opening adn closing the refrigerator.

 

[Ephany]

My friend and I actually had an argument about this when her DD was starting to walk. They lived in a house that had two sets of stairs and their reasoning was that they'd just tell the baby 'No' when she got near the stairs. Yeah, that worked until the first time they had to take the baby to the ER b/c she'd fallen down the stairs. Luckily the baby was fine and they installed baby gates when they got home.

I think every child is different, but there's just basic safety precautions that a parent should take. Babies are inquisitive creatures who can (and will) get into things that they shouldn't, even after you tell them no. We always felt it was best to remove as many of the temptations as possible, until we were certain that our DD would listen and comprehend our directions when we told her not to touch something.

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

I think it depends on the child. I never had to childproof my home with my two older kids, but the third one, we had to do the whole locking EVERYTHING up and put extra locks on the doors.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I think you are right on this subject, but I also think the parents will get defensive if you interfere too much. When I only had one, I read the parenting magazines all the time. I think I subscribed to 3 of them! (Now I am lucky to read the newspaper!) Anyway, would they be at all receptive if you got them a gift subscription, and then would they even read it? There are always safety articles.

In their defense, my first child was always watched by me. I probably wouldn't have needed to babyproof. My second was an easy toddler. (She's making up for it!) Now, my third, I could write many paragraphs about what he has gotten into! He could unlock the door by two!

 

[LauraP22]

I can see both sides I guess. My house has gates, outlet covers, cabinet latches, locked doors to the outside which give a warning beep when opened just in case. So we're pretty cautious. My mom, who is the best Nana in the world by the way, loves my kids to death. She is a worrier though. It comes to her naturally. When she visits she often worries that the kids will get hurt on the edges of the fireplace or by reaching up and getting a knife from a kitchen drawer.

DH and I feel that we've taken a lot of precautions and that you just can't prepare for every eventuality so we've declined to put tennis balls on the fireplace grate, reorganize the kitchen drawers, etc. We hate to worry her, but at the same time, we have to live in our home and cook in our kitchen so it's our decision.

I personally think that your daughter is a young mother and may have a bit of that "invincibility" that teens and young adults often feel. She may not know bad things can happen to her. I can understand your concern, especially about the front door. Unfortunately, you probably won't change her mind by pushing the issue. Maybe you should start finding news stories about people whose children got out the front door and were injured and share them with her to show her it really does happen.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Yep - but that's what Grandma's do

My MIL complained about the opposite of you: My BIL & SIL over-protected. And then when the kids went to other people's houses they TOUCHED everything they where not supposed to. They never watched because they never had to worry about it before!

Just be careful what you say - and how you say it. I just went on vacation with my in-laws and all they did was nag about DD. I was going to ask them to go to Disney next year with us, but I don't think so now!

You're a good Grandma for caring.

 

[bellebud]

I personally think they're being ridiculous about the front door. That's something that you cannot take back if he gets out. It only takes a second. If they don't want to lock their kitchen cabinets for the pots and pans, etc, fine, but to not lock medicines is also ridiculous. Again, something you cannot take back if something happens. Would they be like that if they had a swimming pool too? I can guarantee their pediatrician would very much disagree w/ them about not locking up medicines. They always asked me this at every visit (*are the meds locked up mommy?) Does your dd lie and say 'yes'?? (then when they get older, the docs ask the kids directly "do you wear your seatbelt? do you wear your bike helmet?")

My stepmom told me a story that her ds got into the meds once when he was 3 or 4, and the ER doc was MAD at her and told her (after he pumped her ds's stomach) he wishes he could pump the stomach of every parent that had to have their child's stomach pumped because of not locking up meds (so they could feel what it was like), and my stepmom is in her late 60's, so this was a long time ago.

My friend's ds was easy too - she never needed any childproof locks, etc. I hated bringing my dd over there, because she was into everything! So yes, kids are different. But meds and busy streets are not something anyone should ignore or take lightly.

I hope your dd and sil smarten up about the meds and door. And tell them if they don't want to listen to grandma, ask their pediatrician, or any other doc or nurse they happen to know. They will all certainly tell them the same thing.

Good luck! It must be very hard watching that, and not being able to do anything or even say much. You certainly don't want to alienate them. But this isn't about different parenting styles, this is about life or death safety situations.

 

[Jenvenza]

I do not think you are being overprotective at all. I think you are being a good grandparent. I am a parent - not grandparent - and agree with you 100%.

A 17 month old does not completely understand the word "no" and baby proofing needs to be done so there arent in accidents. Locking cabinets, putting away dangerous items, ect. I HATE it when people say - They will only do it once! - like that makes it okay.

Sure, let little Johnny touch the stove burner because he will learn his leason and only do it once! Be sure to tell the doctors at the ER at right before they call CPS on you.

 

[pooh4evr]

We don't have locks on our cabinets or drawers either and sometimes have candles out (not where the youngest can touch) , and we have gates for the stairs but don't really use them much - No has worked for us but the girls don't really have chances of alone time much to get into things either.

 

[Mike2023]

Its a touchy subject thats for sure.

I did not go as far as "baby proofing" my home, but I also did not leave meds and such places were my DD could get to them.

You need to remember that at some point your kids will learn how to unlock doors and baby proof items. So I felt that counting on them was not the best choice. I do feel that teaching them no is the way to go in this situation.

In the end, kids will be kids. They will fall, the will get hurt. We should teach them how to avoid getting hurt, not take everything that might hurt out of there lives.

Remember, there the parents, you don't have to agree with them, but if you care about your relationship with them, you should try and support them. Or at least let them learn on there own.

 

[2Kds2K9]

"He'll only do it once"

Yep, and he'll only die once too! As most others, I can see both sides of the issue. BUT, a child's safety is at stake here. This is where a parent needs to make the environment safe for the child and teach the child at the same time.

Some kids you can tell "no" and they will listen. Sometimes that same obidient child will not listen to "no" and try it on their own. AND that same child may not do it in the presence of the parent, but do it when the parent is out of sight.

The bottom line as I see it, is that the parents need to be asked what chances are they willing to take with the safety of their child.

Good luck.

 

[peemagg]

I don't think you are wrong. I personally don't have kids, but I have 2 young nieces (ages 3.5 and 21 months) and a nephew (age 21 months)(yes they are twins and all belong to one set of parents).

This past weekend we had a family gathering. My sister had my nephew and the older girl in the house with her and the other girl was with her father out by us. One of my cousins was starting to leave and I had just said good-bye to them in the drive. I looked back and here comes my cousin carrying my nephew to us. He must of came out the door after I went back to the rest of the guests. It scares us to think what might have happened if my cousin hadn't seen him. He was heading for the street.

He is the type of child that no matter what you tell him not to touch, he is going to do it anyway. If you move him from whatever he's not supposed to be into he goes and gets into something else. Non-stop. You can't take your eyes off him for a minute. His sisters are totally the opposite. They get told NO and they go the other way. Not that boy! He pushes you. Sometimes I would like to wring his little neck, but he's so darn cute!

I feel you have to do whatever you need to do to keep a child safe.

 

[Patti_C]

ok, no two kids are the same but why would you put the child in danger even if he does listen and not touch. It only takes one time for couriostiy to strike and you have your back to them, God gave us these babies to protect and love not be irresponsible. I have 3 GD and they are 5, 3 and 17 months, the baby laughs and runs when I tell her no, she thinks it is a game. So needless to say we need to work on that, everything is locked up and put away. this is my own opinion.

 

[bzzymom]

I call it being responsible. I worked in an emergency room for several years (as a nurse) and I have dealt with too many child injuries (and yes some deaths) from preventable burns/poisonings/drownings than I care to ever see.

People don't think it will ever happen to them, but still, it does happen, unfortunately. Things happen so fast.

DS is 11 and he feels that I am too overprotective in many ways, but I don't think so, I think that I am using common sense.

 

[perkinsrose]

When my two were little I did both. I didn't usually use the "no" word but used words like "hot" "dangerous" "hurt" "mommy only", etc.

BUT I always had the childproofing as a back up in case something happened in the few minutes i might look away to use the bathroom or grab something from the other room. Its not that expensive/hard to do basic baby-proofing--you can still teach safety at the same time. Why take the risk??

 

[ERMama]

I guess it would depend on the situation. I mean, where are the meds exactly and what kind are they? We routinely leave my sons meds on the counter so we dont forget.
Same goes with cleaners, where exactly and what? What kind of caps do they have? My bleach is up in a cabinet but our dishwasher soap for example isnt. I have a gate at the top of my stairs but not at the bottom.
As others have said, kids are different. Some toddlers just arent trouble makers believe it or not.
I would try to pick one or two things and approach them as "I know you are the parents but it really scares ME to think he could run out the door into the street because hes getting so fast (or something like that)". Do NOT ever say "you should do this....." or they just might not do it because you told them to. Some new moms are like that.
I am a more lenient parent when it comes to letting my kids do things that may get them a little hurt. I dont think Im a bad parent and I dont like it when they get bumps and bruises but I know its not the end of the world either. Those overprotective adults drive me crazy. I seriously wanted to whack my childless sil upside the head with her watching our son when he first started to walk. She was so scared of every toddle and sat there sighing, gasping, letting out little screeches. OMGoodness woman. Hes your nephew, I realize you love him. But dont watch him walk if its going to give you a heart attack!
Give them some credit. Yes accidents can happen (ER/trauma nurse here too). But obviously theyve been doing some okay parenting so far as it sounds hes yet to get hurt.