Am I being unreasonable?

[Disneyadore]

So...let's say the scenerio is the brother had a child when he was younger but didn't keep in touch with the child...and then the child came knocking on their doorstep. Maybe the BIL had a previous wife & child but didn't tell anyone, so was living a double life. We have no idea what the BIL did that was the core lie.

Are you saying the husband should now just cut his brother out of his life forever because the OP doesn't like the above scenerios? The thing is the OP isn't even happy with the generic answers of "she's fine" -- switch subject when the BIL directly asks. The only other way would be to avoid talking to the brother at all and without knowing what the secret is, that would be unfair to both the husband & brother.

As said we don't know what happened but I do know there are scenario's the only and best thing to do is just cut somebody out of your life. (If my Bil would show up at my funeral I would kill him and my husband agrees with me on this one)
As long as the OP doesn't return to tell us what is bugging here we can only guess and hope that all turns out well for the OP.

 

[justhat]

Given that your husband has difficulty expressing his feelings, I think it is really cruel to force him to not even give the vague "she's fine" answers to his brother. I am sure there are a lot of emotions he has about your cancer and to deny him the opportunity to even respond to questions from his brother is forcing him to keep everything pent up inside.

And while you hate what his brother did, he may not, so he shouldn't have to sever all ties simply because of your opinion on the guy. And I speak from experience, in that I have an uncle who was on drugs and committed crimes related to his drug addiction. I gave him several chances, more than my husband was willing to give the guy, but he never told me I was wrong or couldn't talk to him or whatever. Well, finally, after years of him not changing his behavior, being in and out of jail, etc., I have given up on him. For me, it is easier to pretend he's dead than to continue the cycle of hurt he causes. My mother, however, (said uncle's older sister) does not feel the same as I do. He stole from her, treated her terribly, has been nothing but a drain on her for years, but she loves him, he's her brother, and so she maintains a relationship with him. I totally disagree with her actions, but it's not my business, it's her brother, she is free to do as she wishes.