Am I being to selfish?

[beautybelle]

ok heres my problem. My mom always goes with us to Disney, and thats great, but this next trip she wants to bring along my nephew. This is where you all are going to think Im awful but my nephew (he's 7) is VERY rude and smart mouthed and has absolutly no respect for anybody. I was raised to never talk back to my mom and yet she lets "Blake" get by with it and I cant stand it. Im not sure I can spend over a week with him in close quarters and not warm his behind myself. Now my son (6) will be with us and I usually dont let him spend over a day or a day 1/2 at most because he starts to pick up on these things and then he has to be "reminded" that he dont do that. How can I tell my mom (who is VERY sensitive) that we really dont want him to come along. I know you think Im awful now but you just have to know this child to know just how obnoxious he is. I feel guilty for even writing this but I needed some advice from you all.

 

[*Fantasia*]

Your nephew which is your Mom's grandson...correct? Maybe your Mom and the other family can go down to Disney instead of you and your family with your Mom. Did I explain myself clear? Instead of your family coming along with your Mom, how about your other sibling's family and your Mom? This way your Mom will go twice to Disney!

 

[dandave]

beautybelle, I don't think you're awful, by any means. My mother is the same way- with my sons! When they do it, it's so cute. When I did it as a child, I was punished. I think that is the great part about being a grandparent. They can enjoy everything about the grandkids, then send them home to the parents to deal with!

I really don't know what to suggest, other than to suggest that your mother and nephew get their own room- then lose them in the parks!! LOL! Good luck to you!

 

[SnackyStacky]

This really isn't a time for you to be timid. You simply need to tell your mother, as gently as you can, your feelings on the issue. You're putting up too much money to be miserable for a week.

I see a couple of options:

1.) Tell your mom that you love your nephew, but you don't feel you're ready to handle his behavior.

2.) Tell your mom that he is more than welcome to come, but that you simply will not tolerate his attitude. If he crosses your boundries, you will do what you need to in order to bring him back into your boundries.

Feelings may temporarily be hurt, but honesty really is truly the only way to go. You WILL be miserable if you just bite your tongue and are not proactive in this situation.

And just for the record, I don't think you're awful. There's plenty of people I'd have issues with if they were somehow invited on my Disney trip!!

 

[mathboy]

You have got to tell your mom and make other arrangements. She may be upset at first, but I bet she will get over it. That's better than you being miserable from now until the trip is over. I wouldn't cancel the trip, or go without her, but I would definitely do something.

 

[DrKnow77]

I don't think you are awful at all! It amazes me how horrible some children act today.

I completely agree with SnackyStacky.

Unrulely children can really cause a disruption for other guests of WDW. I would stick your guns and try to be as gentle with mom as possible.

Good luck!

 

[webray]

I would have to look at this first, as who is paying for the trip...if you are..then it is your choice whether the nephew comes...if your mom is...then her choice, if you are each paying your own way...then the nephew can stay with your mother...and you can plan plenty of activities alone...getting together for meals, etc.

Good luck!

 

[pampam]

It's vital that we guard our childrens association and if you are certain your son will pick up bad habits from the nephew, then by all means speak up.

 

[MHopkins2]

ITA with SnackyStacky - he can either stay home or shape up. Talk to your mom, I'm sure she'll understand, particularly if you play the "he's harming my child" card - no grandparent can resist that one.

 

[Dalpal]

No, You are not a bad person to have a problem with this.

why dont you tell to your mom that this is a time that she spends exclusive with YOURE son, and it wont be the same if he has to share you with his couson.

You could then suggest that she take the couson some other time or to some other place to spend exclusive time with him.

I have nine grandchildren and I wouldnt be able to pay attention to most of them if I tried to do this all at once.

So I plan time for each alone so I can pay attention to each one.
The time she spends with youre son just happens to be a wdw.

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

beautybelle,

Originally posted by SnackyStacky
This really isn't a time for you to be timid. You simply need to tell your mother, as gently as you can, your feelings on the issue. You're putting up too much money to be miserable for a week.
I see a couple of options:
1.) Tell your mom that you love your nephew, but you don't feel you're ready to handle his behavior.
2.) Tell your mom that he is more than welcome to come, but that you simply will not tolerate his attitude. If he crosses your boundries, you will do what you need to in order to bring him back into your boundries.
Feelings may temporarily be hurt, but honesty really is truly the only way to go. You WILL be miserable if you just bite your tongue and are not proactive in this situation.
And just for the record, I don't think you're awful. There's plenty of people I'd have issues with if they were somehow invited on my Disney trip!!

I agree with everything SnackyStacky said except # 2 It isn't your place to try and correct 7 years of no discipline while on your vacation, he may say "I'll be good" but once your there you know what will happen. Talk with your Mother and explain to her you just want your vacation to be relaxing, and that your nephew should go to Disney with his parents, or that she should take him at another time for some one-on-one time.

 

[SnackyStacky]

Uh-oh..it seems I may have been misunderstood!

I agree with everything SnackyStacky said except # 2 It isn't your place to try and correct 7 years of no discipline while on your vacation, he may say "I'll be good" but once your there you know what will happen.

First, I put them in the order I did for a reason. Number 1 is the best way to go in my opinion.

BUT, should that not work, I'm saying that he WILL misbehave should he come, for whatever reason. I'm saying that you need to have authority to correct the behavior as needed.

I can't stress enough to go with #1. Should he come, when you have to discipline him, it will ruin it for everyone. Who wants to punish someone at Disney World, and who wants to WATCH someone being punished at Disney World?

 

[MAGICinMYHEART]

SnackyStacky

Sorry wasn't criticizing you or your answer, in most cases that may work. I have been at WDW with a 9year old boy at was out-of-control, even though I felt I had the authority to correct his behavior it didn't work, he still behaved badly. I felt like my entire vacation consisted of me calling him back to the group, correcting him, and apologizing for his behavior. We actually left early because of him.

So even though her Mother might agree to let her correct him, it may just not do any good.

It was the only trip to WDW I didn't love.

(How do you apologize to everyone for this child spiting honkers into the beautiful reflecting pool at Japan so the fish would swim over and eat them) We left the next day.

 

[beautybelle]

My mom is VERY sensitive and if I were to even remotely suggest that I didnt want him to come along she would take serious offense and it would be even worse than that should I indicate that he is harming my son by his behavior. Im playing with the idea of SnakyStackys and just telling him that he will abide by our rules if he goes with us. We are splitting the expense but that is not going to stop me from enforcing my rules. I absolutly do NOT believe a child should talk back and hit "expecially" his grandmother which is just some of the things he does. Do ya think the separate room thing will work? Oh goodness I just dont know. I just dont know if I would be able to even keep my mouth shut in the parks if he starts mouthing off. Somebody said it right its just too much money to spend to be miserable and we only get to go every 2 years. Oh and that isnt all somebody mentioned about him going to Disney with his own parents well get this......he IS. They're taking him in December so he will end up going two times. Have ya ever heard of being between a rock and a hard spot? That would be me.

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

Well, this is my opinion... if you simply CANNOT tell her that you would prefer he didn't come (for whatever reasons)- then I also don't think you should ruin your trip by disciplining him to reign in his behavior/attitude. I think you should just tell her that if he behaves in that way- you and your child will have to seperate yourselves from him (and her obviously)... If she agrees to that- then do just that. You may miss time with your mom- but atleast you and your son's vacation isn't ruined (any part of it).

You don't want to ruin you and your son's vacation either punishing him or just dealing with his behavior (especially when it's going to rub off on your child.. as it almost always does).

And personally I don't think you are awful to feel this way at all! I wouldn't want to spend a vacation with a child with behavior issues like this- and I wouldn't want to have my own child start behaving that way and have to deal with the changed child for awhile after coming home! (or during the trip either!)

The nephew is already going on another trip with his family soon- why does the mom want to bring him?

 

[CalGal]

Can you try to have a heart to heart with your mom about your concerns without, at least initially, suggesting a solution? I mean, just tell your mom that you want to talk about the trip and express that you are concerned about your son and your nephew spending too much time together. You don't have to imply that you don't think your nephew should come, but rather that you are looking for ideas for how to ensure that his the two boys don't overdose on each other. Even well behaved kids are likely to squabble a bit about what do to and when. Perhaps your mom will come to the conclusion on her own that the nephew shouldn't come this go round. If she doesn't propose anything herself, you might ask how she feels about separate rooms and periods that you experience the magic separately.
If you're like me, the hardest part is starting the conversation. But it sounds like it is very necessary that you talk, and the sooner the better. Good luck!

 

[SnackyStacky]

Originally posted by MAGICinMYHEART
SnackyStacky

Sorry wasn't criticizing you or your answer, in most cases that may work. I have been at WDW with a 9year old boy at was out-of-control, even though I felt I had the authority to correct his behavior it didn't work, he still behaved badly. I felt like my entire vacation consisted of me calling him back to the group, correcting him, and apologizing for his behavior. We actually left early because of him.

So even though her Mother might agree to let her correct him, it may just not do any good.

It was the only trip to WDW I didn't love.

(How do you apologize to everyone for this child spiting honkers into the beautiful reflecting pool at Japan so the fish would swim over and eat them) We left the next day.

Magic, I didn't take it as criticism. I just wanted to make sure I was clear!

Beauty, do what you have to do. It will all work out, I'm sure.

 

[Atotty]

I would tell your mom how your DS looks forward to spending this special time with her. Especially mention how he loves to have her undivided attention because she is such a special person to him. He loves having his grandma there and loves being with just her. You might mention that your son's feelings might be hurt to have to share her with someone else on this wonderful trip (or that he might be hurt because nephew is getting to go twice if fairness and numbers are important to your mom...you know which is more important to her).

Make sure you mention that nephew will not be slighted because he is getting his own WDW trip later in the year.

JMHO

 

[Kathy5]

Are you sure that you aren't one of my sisters, e-mailing about a certain one of my neices and my Mom? I am in COMPLETE sympathy with you. You make a plan, and then your Mom goes and throws in this glitch. You know that if you say something, your Mom will take it the wrong way and get mad/upset. But, if you don't say anything you will be chomping at the bit for your entire vacation. You will never win on the discipline issue, because your nephew will run to your Mom. Plus, if you say something to your Mom or discipline the nephew, this will get back to your sister (who I am assuming will not understand about this issue). I have a neice JUST LIKE THIS, and it drives me crazy. I, too, limit my daughter's time with her. This is my Mom, one of my sister's, and my neice, and let me say, I don't think there is any way you can win this one. You will be the wrong one. Don't want to be negative, but I have lived this one for decades. The only possible thing I can think of is saying to your Mom that you had really planned this to be a vacation for the three of you to bond, and that you and your son would like their mom/grandmom to yourselves for this vacation. Good luck.

 

[missypie]

First off, what is with these families that just "can't talk" about certain things...my DH is the same way and it just drives me nuts!

Second, a Disney vacation with relatives sounds like Hell...a Disney vacation staying in the same room with relatives sounds like...well, what is worse than Hell? You really really need 2 rooms...maybe that will make the trip not affordable and then "someone" will have to be left behind.